True Feelings

Dylan's POV

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I didn't know what to do. I didn't do something wrong, did I? No way. She wouldn't fear me like I'm sorta sex offender or something. Remembering her face made my heart sink. Everything was going well, too. What's more, it would be more than awkward to look her in the eye now...

Did I go too far by holding her by the shoulders? But maybe I did? Wait I never meant anything lecherous by grabbing her shoulders.

I looked at my hands, recalling how delicate she felt.

I wanna hold her again... wait what?

But I'm sure she hates me now...

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Sara's POV

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I'm sure he hates me now!!!

Why did I have to think that way??

I'm sure he didn't mean harm by suddenly grabbing me... Actually I slipped and he caught me, right? So why did I have to push him away? But I can't help it...

I hate being touched by men...

That doesn't justify pushing him down... Why am I always such a nuisance to everyone...

The rain had stopped. I noticed it was half past four. I ran over in the rain and didn't take a shower or anything so I felt really cold.

Wait.

That's when I realized I had forgotten my umbrella. I had to go back and get it, right?? But Dylan would have taken it right?? Which means... I had to go over and get it!!!

THATS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!

Suddenly I heard my bell ringing. Was it Mom???

I looked out of the window and it. Chills ran up my spine. I hated hoodies. I hated them since you wouldn't be able to make out what the person is thinking... why was a man at my front door.

Please go away...

He rang my bell again!!!

I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, waiting for him to knock down the front door.

But it didn't happen...

"Oi!!! Is anybody home?!!" I heard a familiar voice shout out. I looked out of the window to find Dylan.

Was it possible to be relieved and panic-ey at the same time?

I didn't know what to do so I just opened the door and went for it

"Aaaa... so you were here huh. What took you so long?" I didn't listen or respond to what he said even though I knew it was wrong. But I wasn't in shape to hold any kind of conversation with him.

I quickly grabbed the umbrella

"I'm so sorry!" I ran back.

"Hey! Wait!" I chose to close my ears to it.

"AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG!!!"

I couldn't. After all, it wasn't his fault that I'm afraid. I shut the door behind me and broke down, curling into a ball. How would I face him now? He would probably think I'm as rude as those popular girls.

It had started to rain once again. But he didn't have an umbrella! I had to get up, but the image of that gray hoodie drained the strength from my legs. I was remembering things I wasn't supposed to. I buried my head in my lap and let tears I was holding back, flow at will.

I wish I never made friends with him... at least then, I wouldn't have to hurt him like that..

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Dylan's POV

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Man what the hell was that? Was grabbing her by the shoulders that bad?

Girl's sure are confusing as fuck.

But it was a good idea to take a spare umbrella so yeah, Good call ig.

What the hell was her problem... Even after spoon-feeding me, hiding my umbrella, taking care of me when I was sick. I thought I was a friend. Not a fucking stranger who tried to molest you!

Goddamn I was in a bad mood.

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Next morning at school was well... I don't even know. She showed up late, forgot her assignments, forgot the teacher's name, tried to erase stuff with a sharpener.

A total mess. plus, her eyes were puffed. So either she was up all night doing god knows what. Definetly not what I do. My perfectly innocent image of her halted me from even imagining her doing that.

What about Christine though?

I had to punch myself to stop thinking about something as obscene as that and I was rewarded with confused and laughing faces.

But what if she WAS crying? Why would she cry?

most of all,

WHY WAS IT BUGGING ME SO MUCH!

"Hey I'm... sorry for yesterday" I heard her say, but I kept looking on to my notebook as if I was absorbed in learning.

"Umm... Economics was over last period." she pointed out.

But I guess she was smart enough to read me. I still didn't give a damn. If she wanted to act like that and think there wouldn't be consequences, she was wrong!

Eventually she looked away. I stole a glance because I felt guilty. Even though I shouldn't have. She looked indifferent but crestfallen, eyes still puffy.

I'm such a fucking asshole...

No I'm not.

Maybe I am.

Na I don't think so.

Today was supposed to be club day so I made way to the third years building. This meant I could see or maybe even talk to Christine. I was already in a bad mood. Maybe talking to her would help.

Just as I was making way for my clubroom, I heard someone say my name. I stopped and decided to listen in on the conversation. I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, just involuntarily picking up vibrations in the air while my body decided to stop and take a rest. That's right. I wasn't eavesdropping. No. You can't. I wasn't eavesdropping period.

"You interested in younger boys, Chris? I heard the club president say. This was gonna be juicy.

"What's making you say that?"

"Well, you've been pretty chill with this Dylan guy from 2nd year and people even say you both together on a weekend." I wanted to step in clear the misunderstanding but then.

"You're kidding me right? That shrimpy boy? We don't go well together. I'm not into guys that can't be more of a man. He's immature, throwing puns in the conversation every five seconds. He's an insensitive idiot who can't ever read the mood. And also hella virgin." They both laughed. Why was she doing that? All she had to say was that she liked my brother and not me. It's not like she had to go to such a lengths to waive the other person's suspicions. "Me and Dylan? Never gonna happen, trust me."

It's not like I didn't know that. It's not like she was wrong about everything she said. She was right. I was selfish, indecisive, unmanly, or whatever the fuck. So why was it biting me so much? I felt a lump forming in my throat. Why was everybody being a dick to me? I was angry at her, but more disappointed in myself knowing what she said was all right. But why wouldn't she say even one good thing about me? I'm not the incarnation of a devil or something.

"Don't you fucking feel bad about something you're used to" I whispered to myself. I was not gonna cry. Even though I was so close to crying, I didn't. I held back as hard as I could, even if it meant biting my lip. Because then I'd be proving her right even more. Immature

Was I angry? disappointed? sad? I didn't know. But thing I did know was Christine was telling the truth. So I couldn't even fully blame her. But I resented every word she said. There was a pause in their laughing. Of course that bitch would be thinking of something else to say. Most probably another reason for me being a total failure of a guy or something. I couldn't take this shit anymore, and turned and ran like the fucking coward I was. I wanted to find a toilet or an alley or run back home or somewhere to vent off. I wanted to cry at least without showing nobody else but me. But as I turned around a corridor, I ran into a girl. This was bad!

I looked up to find Sara. Why was she here? And I bumped into her just now, right? What was SHE gonna do know? What kind of bullshit was she gonna pull now that I made physical contact with her? I just wanted to run so I walked past without apologising and tried to get away, but something tugged at my blazer sleeve.

It was her fingers, wrapped on one tiny part of me, barely hanging on, trembling with fear and uncertainty.

Why was she shivering?? WHY ME??? WHAT'S SO FUCKING WRONG ABOUT ME????????

"Please. don't run away. It's hard for me to do this. But I still am, because I don't want to lose anyone I care about. Especially not the first friend I've made since I came here.

"Yeah but you're shivering as if I might assault you any moment. Stop it with the bullshit already." I said in my head. Because if I'd let my voice out right now I'd break down in tears.

"I... have a very severe fear of the opposite gender. It's plagued me my whole life. I've never been friends with a boy because of that. But you... you were different. I didn't feel the fear I did with you for a few hours.

But as I got closer to you, I was more aware of the fact that you were indeed a boy. But I didn't want that to stop me from being friends with you. And you even returned me my umbrella, even though I pushed you down. You didn't look at me with dirty eyes. You didn't take advantage of me. You even paced yourself according to me. you let your shoulder get wet just so I could stay under the umbrella... and..."

Why was she going so into detail and blushing even more. I couldn't help but giggle a bit. It all started connecting now. Her phobia was the reason. Not her, or me. It was merely a misunderstanding between us.

I was moved by the fact that she went to the lengths of staying so close to me under the umbrella, stopping me from running away, all because I was a friend. It was like whatever Christine said was washed away by this girl's pure silliness and effort.

I gave her a little knock on the forehead. "If you say that much, even I'm gonna feel embarrassed, you dummy." I replied, stopping her in her tracks

"Hey!" she pouted and lifted her hand to do something to me but she couldn't reach me. She let out a sigh of dissatisfaction of not being able to overcome her fear and touch me.

"It's alright Sara. We have all the time in the world. So I'm sure you'll be able to hit me one day. I'll help you get there as much as I can." couldn't have said better myself.

"Let's go get something. I call dibs on the last bun."

"So are we good now? You're not mad anymore?"

"Who knows? maybe if you buy me a sandwich that might change. hehe" she pouted and humphed again.

It's not like Sara's words magically made me happy again. Christine's words were still ringing in my head. But for Sara's sake, I decided to plaster my best smile and go along with it. After all, she was giving it all she had to overcome her problems and maintain our friendship.

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Christine's POV

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"Me and Dylan? Never gonna happen, trust me." I told her. Just then, I heard running in the hallway.

"But y'know what? He still is somewhat a good boy. He really does become mature when you least expect it, and tries to help you with stuff even though he doesn't like it. He is a loving guy inside. As a friend, I'd say Dylan is a really great guy. But I can never be too good to him."

"Why?"

"Because he's the type of boy to fall in love really quickly. So don't want to encourage him in anyway. what we have right now, I wanna treasure that. Because going beyond it will definetly destroy our relation."

But I also had another selfish reason. If we stopped being friends, it would be much harder for him, knowing that I have a crush on his brother.

Another thought came to mind.

"Hey Sumuki, what would you do for a junior who helped you out with your crush like, BIG TIME."

For a few moments she looked dumbfounded, but then her mouth twisted into an evil grin.

"You're such a fucking airhead." she said. What was she on about? Did I forget something?

"If I were you, I'd take hi--- sorry that person out to restaurant and treat him to something."

That's surprising. Oh well Tommorow was Saturday so it was perfect! I knew a place perfect for that idiot.

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