Chapter 11: Breaking The Chains

The first few days after my conversation with Kaito were strange. There was this undercurrent of change I couldn't quite shake, but it wasn't the kind of change that felt comfortable. It was unsettling, like standing on the edge of a cliff and knowing you should jump, but being terrified of the fall.

I had been walking around with my heart in my throat, feeling every little thing more intensely than usual. I wasn't used to letting people see me like this—vulnerable, uncertain, raw. I wasn't used to letting my walls crack, even a little.

But what had Kaito said? You don't have to have it all figured out right away. And that thought kept looping in my mind, like a soft mantra. Maybe I didn't have to fix everything. Maybe I didn't have to have all the answers.

———-~

By Monday, I had seen Haruka a few times in passing, but we hadn't really talked much. Every time I saw her, I was reminded of the conversation we'd had last week. The one where she had offered me a lifeline, and I had been too scared to reach out.

I felt guilty for it. Guilty for not being able to let go of the fear that had held me captive for so long.

But what if I let her down? What if I hurt her? What if I couldn't change?

I had spent the whole weekend trying to push those thoughts aside, to convince myself that things would get better. But it was hard. The fear was always there, lurking beneath the surface. And every time I thought about opening up, it felt like I was about to drown.

The bell rang for lunch, and I found myself walking out into the courtyard with Kaito. We didn't say much at first—just the usual banter about nothing. But as we approached our usual spot near the benches, I saw Haruka sitting by herself, reading a book.

For some reason, my chest tightened. My throat felt dry.

"Hey," Kaito said, nudging me with his elbow. "You gonna sit with her?"

I froze, unsure of what to say. It was the first time in a while I had felt this nervous around Haruka. The thought of facing her, of actually talking to her, made me want to turn and walk away.

But I couldn't. I knew I couldn't keep avoiding this.

"Yeah," I said, swallowing hard. "I'll sit with her."

Kaito nodded, giving me a small, encouraging smile before walking off to join Aki and Yuto.

I took a deep breath and made my way over to Haruka. As I approached, she glanced up from her book, her eyes meeting mine with that same quiet warmth. But there was something different in the way she looked at me now—something softer, more cautious, like she was waiting for me to make the first move.

I sat down next to her slowly, trying to keep my hands from shaking.

"Hey," I said, my voice sounding a little too hoarse.

"Hey," she replied, setting her book aside. "How've you been?"

I wanted to lie. I wanted to tell her everything was fine, that I was fine. But I couldn't do it anymore.

"I've been… thinking a lot," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "About what you said. About how I've been pushing everyone away."

Haruka didn't say anything right away. She just looked at me, like she was waiting for me to continue.

"I don't know how to stop doing that," I said, the words coming out faster now. "It's like… like I can't help it. Every time I try to let someone in, it feels like I'm giving them a part of me that's too broken to fix. And I don't want anyone to see it."

She reached over and placed a hand on mine. It was small, but it felt like a lifeline.

"You don't have to fix it, Kai," she said softly. "You don't have to be perfect. You just have to let people be there for you. You don't have to carry everything by yourself."

I felt a lump form in my throat at her words. I hadn't realized how much I had needed to hear that—how much I had needed her to tell me it was okay not to be okay.

"I don't know if I can," I whispered, feeling a heaviness in my chest that seemed to threaten to swallow me whole. "I'm scared."

Haruka's thumb gently brushed the back of my hand, grounding me in the moment. "I know. But you don't have to be scared. Not with me. Not with your friends. We're here. We've always been here."

Her words didn't make the fear go away, but they made it a little easier to breathe.