Chapter 3 - I'm not in Kansas anymore

It was becoming a bit of habit now, I thought to myself as I again awoke. I opened my eyes and just looked up at the ceiling. The image of that blurry face looking back at me, remembering the me I always remembered and then the face I saw staring back at me. I wanted to see more, in a mirror, not an instrument tray. I decided then, I wanted to get up, I had noticed at some point there was a bathroom in this room and as I thought of it more, there was another reason I needed to get up and that problem was growing urgent. I had the typical bed pan, however now I wanted very desperately to go. I turned my head and as expected there was the standard nurse station buzzer resting on the bedside table. Reaching over I went to take the buzzer, when for the first time I actually noticed my hand and arm stretched out before me. Bringing the buzzer over to me, I left it beside me and looked at my hands as I brought the other one up and held them together. My hands looked thin and, looking at my arms, they were thin as well. I guess it was to be expected if I have been out to everything for a long time, yet I noticed they seemed much lighter than I was used to. Normally I was quite tanned, being outdoors, conducting my research digs had a habit of getting an excess of sun but now they just appeared ever so pale. Thinking logically I would guess if I was inside for so long then my skin would grow pale, but in the back of my mind there was a voice, 'these are not your hands'. I shook my head to clear these thoughts and reached down to take the buzzer and depress the sole button there. After a few minutes I heard a noise at my door and looked over. There was a nurse walking in, it wasn't Alice, so I wasn't sure what to say seeing this stranger. Funny when I think only a short time ago Alice was a stranger to me as well.

"Hey, your buzzer went off at my station so I've come in to see if you need anything" the Nurse said. Smiling back at her, "thank-you, I actually need to go there", motioning at the bathroom door across the room. The Nurse looked over and smiled back "you have a bed pan so you don't need to get up yet, in fact the Doctors were most adamant that you stay in bed"

I groaned inside mentally, I had half expected such a response, but my having to go was two fold and so I decided to best try and convince this Nurse to allow this and help me. Looking at her, I nodded and putting my best please allow me face on, I replied back to her. "I understand, just being here in this bed and after so long, I just really want to do this simple thing. I feel less a man being unable to do something like this and more importantly, I really want to stand and be in control"

The Nurse shook her head and smiled ruefully, "well the Doctor did say if you were insistent then to let you get up, but I have to give you a hand over to the room. Just to make sure you don't have an accident on the way over. I will wait outside till you call me. So you think you are ready to take one step for mankind?"

Getting the reference I grinned back, " yep indeed, just do what you gotta do and I will lean on you if I feel the need", I remarked. The Nurse began to lower the bed side rail and pulled the sheets back. I could see I wore the standard hospital gown and looking further down I can see my legs, yet not my legs. The Nurse noticed my look and commented "you have been in bed for a while, we did what we could to exercise them but you were bound to lose muscle mass. I am sure when you get a bit of physio under you they will be as you remember", I absently nodded, knowing the Nurse mistook my look. Then she became all business. Raising the back of the bed so I was sitting higher and then helping me to swing my legs carefully out so they loosely dangled there. I could flex my feet as I swayed them, and I could feel the weakness in my legs. Looking up at the Nurse, "I think I will need that help after all, but let me try and stand a bit with you near. I didn't realise how weak they are so I guess you are the boss here." Smirking back at me,"damn straight" she chuckled, "ok, let's take it easy and gently slide yourself out of the bed but make sure you hold on to me as you get up. I will tell you now, it isn't as easy as you think it is going to be"

With that, I began to lower my feet to the floor, putting my hand on her shoulder to steady myself. I felt my feet touch the floor and thought to myself how cold the floor felt. My legs were shaking as I stood beside the bed, the Nurse looked at me, watching my performance, preparing to step in to save the day. I swayed slightly, still feeling uncertain if I could move and take a step. Is this how toddlers felt I thought bemusedly. Looking at the Nurse, I nodded, "let's get this show on the road" I grinned.

With my arm now resting on the Nurses shoulders we began the journey. I have to give it to her, she was patient and she watched me closely as I attempted to make my way over to the bathroom. Deciding to make some conservation with her, I asked "I expected to see Alice when you arrived", looking up at me, she answered "Alice had the midnight to morning shift, she has finished for the day, my shift started when she left. She had mentioned you had awoken and", looking sadly, "you seem to be suffering from amnesia. Anyways, you can call me Stacey, always saying Nurse this and Nurse that can be awkward when you want to feel relaxed a little", she replied.

"Thanks Stacey, I get what you mean and it is less awkward I agree", looking up from the floor I see we had arrived at the bathroom door. "Made it", I smiled, "that was definitely a marathon effort I reckon." Nodding, I could see she agreed, I would be pretty sure she has done this type of work many times before and was the true expert with these steps. Opening the door for me, Stacey carefully let me come in, I held the door frame as I entered and once inside she looked at me and said "do you think you will need a hand or you going to go solo". Laughing aloud, "I think I will go solo if you don't mind, it is a little embarrassing and I am sure you are very professional with this", she interjected, "well you were in a coma for a while so someone had to take care of you". I stopped and felt my face redden slightly, 'shit of course, she would have and yeh she would have, uhm, well she would have moved things around ' as I thought to myself. Knowing I realised she smiled broadly and slowly stepped away, "Ok you are on your own, you have plenty hand rails around so use them, don't try to be a hero, you will only hurt yourself in the end" Nodding back, she quietly closed the door and I was alone.

Thinking to myself, 'well I best take care of things first' and carefully grasped the rails as I turned to the toilet bowl. Carefully balancing on my shaky legs, I reached down and took aim. As I was focussing I suddenly thought and looked down. No one really looks at their junk but, uhh, somehow this was now looking definitely more impressive than what was there before. Finishing up, I flushed, after the traditional two shakes and slowly turned to the sink. This was the real reason I wanted to come over and with my head down as I turned I looked up and gazed at the face before me. I gasped once again, seeing clearly a face that was not mine, a face that was years younger than me. This person looked gaunt, and I could see he had sandy hair, the eyes were blue, which gave me a sense of relief as I was born with blue eyes, but there the similarity ended. I was never handsome, just ordinary I guess. Nothing to write home about, yet I imagined this face before me, more fleshed out would cover all those "handsome" bases. My head was beginning to throb somewhat, I wasn't going to faint but the reality was to much to take in. I had died, I had been reborn, 'maybe I am a body snatcher" I thought? But the reality and facts all led me to conclude I was alive years later and in a younger body. I needed to think more on this, but first time to get out. I called Stacey to come save me and she was promptly in the room lending me her support as I made my way back and into bed. 

Lying back in bed I thanked her for her help and letting me make a nuisance of myself as I was sure she had other work to do, to which she replied "all part of the job Peter, I better head back now so I will see you later, maybe at least before my shift ends." Thanking her again, she left the room and I was left to my thoughts. For a minute I just looked up at the ceiling and remembered the face that stared back, when I realised then that my name hadn't changed. I was still Peter and yet I still did not know any more than that.