Season 2 Chapter 15

[Trigger warning]

I wish…they had checked on me that day….the bedsheet was soaked with red, there I laid in the middle of the bed curled up on my right side, blood flowed out from the multiple cut marks on my left arm, the mirror beside my bed was broken, glass shattered around the room, I held a large piece of glass in my right palm squeezing on it tightly, before letting the bloodstain mirror piece fall on the floor, as it breaks into tiny pieces, laying on my back I put my right palm in front of my eyes, I let the warm blood, drop on my face, I blinked slowly admiring the beautiful colour. I opened my mouth, sticking out my tongue while licking my blood stained fingers and sucked on them letting the blood mix with saliva, the blood tasted metallic and salty, but my thirst increased, I felt like cutting through my flesh and drinking my own blood, the devil whispered sweet lies in my ear, I grabbed my throat tightly using both of my hands while staring at the ceiling blankly, there was lots of emotions entangled in my brain that made unbearable noises, it felt like I will lose my shit, and do something really bad, like a damn psychopath….but even though there was so many emotions that hurt my head, my expressions were numb, I stared for a long time but there was no focus….I wanted to stab, destroy and ruin everything, have I finally gone mad?..."Yes…You have….but it's fine….go crazy….let it out~" it was the sweet whispers in my ear that made me laugh. My body felt weak and cold, due to the overwhelming emotions, I felt like crying but there was no tears….it was the silent cries inside my brain…. Sometimes I wonder, why I can't cry? Why is it so difficult for me to relief my pain and sufferings? If only I could cry....just like Angela….I bite my lower lip, my rationality was gone….my brain wasn't working anymore, it hurts so much…my chest felt tight, invisible wounds make you suffer more than those which you see with naked eyes…my eyes were blurry, I could hear my phone ring, but my body was too tired to move.

I closed my eyes but the noises were still there….it felt like my brain was about to blast, the headache increased, the phone started ringing again, I opened my eyes feeling annoyed, I checked my phone, it was Victoria. I sighed rubbing my forehead in circular motion before picking up the call, keeping my tone normal.

Victoria (Voice): Hello? Are you busy? I am sorry for disturbing you. (She said in an apologetic tone)

Me: Ah…I am fine now…(her voice gave me unknown relief from that unbearable headache)

Victoria (Voice): How are you?...Jules stop disturbing jeez!...wait for your turn! (She said while grumbling)

Me: (I laughed softly feeling light inside my mind as the noises stopped disturbing me) I am good…how is Germany treating you?

Victoria (Voice): Everything is fine…. Except one concern. I am really embarrassed asking you for such favours when you are already busy…(there was hesitation in her voice)

Me: It's fine…shot whatever you want…I will try my best. (I said while sitting on the bed)

Victoria (Voice): Here…we have joined female football team in our School club, but things aren't going right…the team is internally divided, there are two captains, and total eight members, Julie is the real captain but Christina is trying to overthrow her by using politics, our Coach is a piece of s- (she was about to curse for the first time but controlled herself) she is useless…. Please help us Anne, I can't watch Julie crying and getting suppressed, she is a kind soul…she doesn't deserve all this. (Her voice was worried and agitated)

Me: Wait wait….that's too much information together….(my brain failed to process) Who is Julie? Who is Christina? Who are you? Who am I? (I blinked feeling confused)

Victoria (Voice): Anne…be serious, Julie is our captain. She needs your help. (She sighed feeling frustrated)

Me: (I facepalmed) Victoria, I don't have slightest idea regarding football, what type of help are you expecting?

Victoria (Voice): I….I don't know…but there is no one who can help us…that's why….you are good at judging people and helping them out, so I thought. (She said in a pleading manner)

Me: (I bite my lower lip, for some reason I couldn't reject her constant pleas) Alright….we will see to it, after I reach there, if it's within my capabilities. But don't expect me to join the team or something, I don't like playing that shitty game. (I said revealing my disgust)

Victoria (Voice) : Thank you so much Anne…I would be really grateful to you, I am sure that you will love Julie, she is a sweet girl. (She felt relief) Hope you are coming next week?

Me: Uhm…no. I will be there by first week of January. Though I have already taken admission, there are some procedures left to complete, I have already informed them regarding my late joining. Anyways, have a good day…and let Jules know, I will speak to her next time. Bye, take care. (I said before disconnecting the call) who is this Julie now?.... already giving me headache. (I sighed while rolling my eyes).

By now the blood on my skin have already started drying up, getting down from my bed, I looked at my reflection through the broken mirror. It was horrible…"I can't meet Angela like this…she will think I am a monster…." I thought while touching my cheek with my blood stained fingers, I can't describe my own reflection because it was horrifying, I was covered in blood…but that wasn't the main concern….I looked like I have committed a murder….a psychopath….a devil….or maybe someone who have sold their soul to devil? I don't know…all I know is that I need to clean this mess. I took out a cigarette from my drawer and lighted it to clear my mind before I could start working. Taking a long puff, I tried to relax myself. After few minutes, I changed my bedsheet, took a bath and freshened up, washed the clothes and made sure there was no evidence left, I bandaged up my wounds and wore long sleeve T-shirt and jeans, I noticed that my hair has grown longer, my wavy hair was falling all over my face as I tied them up in a ponytail using the bandana that Maria gave me years ago. The colour was fade now and the cloth looked old, but it was still a huge part of my life. My shoes looked worn-out and clothes were outgrown, it was then that I realised the dire need for self-care but I thought of keeping it for some other day, and choose to visit Angela instead.

To be continued...