Chapter 30

"How is she?"

"She hasn't spoken a word in days. She barely eats or drinks. You should come see her sir. She's depressed." Lily tells me. I press my eyes shut and sigh. I am not ready to face Olivia, not as Ashal or Asher. Either way, I won't be able to contain the pain or the shame. I killed my own baby! It's the most unforgivable sin.

That baby would have been mine and Olivia's. Having a baby together might have helped our relationship progress. I know it's selfish to think this way but I can't help it. Olivia will never forgive me as Ashal now. If she hated me once, she'll be murderous towards me now. For all she knows, she just lost Asher's baby. Even if she happens to find out later that the baby was mine, she'll want to kill me even more for the deception. I can't let her find out, ever.

"I'll come see her soon. Please take care of her." I hang up and toss my head back on the pilliow in anguish.

"How is she?" Ashton asks.

"Not good. I just ran, Ash. The moment she told me she lost our baby, I couldn't think or do anything else. I couldn't face her or myself. I ran away from there." I refrain from adding that I was tempted to walk into an oncoming vehicle and end it all. I don't want anyone's pity. I don't deserve it anymore than Olivia deserves to have a fucked up husband like me.

"Thank you." Ashton says, patting my shoulder. "For coming back home." I get his drift.

"I shouldn't have. I don't deserve to be here while my child…" The pain erupts in my gut. When Ashton tries to sympathize, I push him away. "No, I really don't deserve it. I could have stopped it all. I could have saved my poor child. Prior to the night I hit Olivia, I discovered something that made me mad at her."

I go ahead to recount how I discovered Olivia had messaged Demi.

"I tried to drink my pain away. I even consumed whiskey like you would. I hoped to forget her betrayal. The point is that I knew I was mad at her but I still went ahead to the penthouse knowing the risk. If I had stayed away from her for a week or two, my anger would have subsided and my baby would still be growing in her womb. I destroyed my future with Olivia."

Ashton's arms wrap around me, holding me in a tight embrace as tears wrack through my system. I don't know how long we stay like this but when I open my eyes, it's almost dusk and my phone is blaring in the dimness. I am all by myself. I grope for the phone just as the incoming call disconnects. When I check, it's from Lily. I gape in horror at the nine previous calls she has made to me while I was asleep. How did I sleep through the calls? Did Ashton pop a sleep-inducing pill along with my regular medication?

"Lily?" I call back.

She's out of breath and talking a mile in a minute. "Lily, calm down, what's wrong. I can't understand a word." Then my eyes boggle. "Olivia did what?" I leap out of my bed like it's on fire and bolt through the door. "Keep her sedated. I am on my way."

When the elevator won't open despite how many times I tap the control buttons, I sprint down the stairs, nearly bumping into Duncan.

"Sir, are you alright? You should be resting."

"I'm well rested, Duncan. Thank you." He regards me with suspicious eyes as I brush past him on bare feet to the garage. Thankfully, mom isn't around to stop me. However, I'm certain that everyone would soon come to know I left the house in a haste since Duncan knows. He's too loyal to my parents to cover for any of us.

I narrowly escape meeting with an accident twice on my way to the penthouse. While on my way, I have Lily on loudspeaker, reporting on Olivia's state of health. Olivia had attempted suicide but thankfully, Lily saved her.

When I get into the house and find Olivia looking impoverished, pale and sweaty on her bed, my heart breaks for her. She's has lost some weight.

"I have hidden all the knives and other sharp objects in the kitchen. I will also personally administer her drugs from now so she doesn't attempt to overdose."

"Thank you, Lily. I don't know what I would do without you."

"It's my job, sir. I'm happy to be of service."

My eyes narrow in anger. "What were you all doing?" I yell at the bodyguard by the door. "I PAY YOU TO PROTECT HER AND IF LILIY HADN'T BEEN HERE, MY WIFE WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW."

"We are very sorry sir. I have beefed up security. Nothing of the sort will ever happen again. You have my word." My chief security officer assures me.

"TELL THAT TO YOUR NEXT EMPLOYER. YOU'RE ALL RELIEVED OF YOUR DUTIES. GET OUT, NOW!!!"

He bows and leaves.

"I'll have a new security team report to duty by tomorrow morning." I assure Lily. She nods. I notice she is restless from the corner of my eye. She raises her head to stare at me and I imagine she has something to say but is afraid to say it.

"What is it? Just say it!" I snap impatiently at her.

Lily clears her throat. "Forgive me sir but I know it's not my place to tell on your wife." She is visibly shaking now. "I just don't think it is fair to keep you in the dark knowing what I know."

"What is it, Lily?" She tilts her head up courageously and holds my gaze.

"I'm sorry for your loss. However, while you brother was here, I did hear your wife tell him that the baby that died belonged to him and not you." Her eyes dip to the floor instanteniously, like she had used up her daily dose of courage. "I think they are having an affair behind your back."

It takes me a second to digest her words like a normal man would. Still, all I do is stare pitifully at Olivia. I have zero energy to play the shocked crazy husband card.

"You'll never utter a word of that rubbish to anyone, ever again." When my darkened eyes meet hers, she trembles in her small shoes. "Is that crystal clear?"

"Y-Yes sir."

Lily bows her head before leaving. I sit next to Olivia till the drugs start wearing off an hour and a half later and she stirs awake. Relief floods through me as tears shimmer in my eyes.

"You're awake."

"Asher?" She asks weakly. Her bloodshot eyes stare hopefully at me. My fingers freeze midair on their way to her cheeks to clean the tears flowing from her eyes. Ashal. It's Ashal, I want to scream but I know how that will go. Olivia takes my hand and plasters it on her wet cheeks. She rubs her face against it. "I knew you'd come back to me."

My heart and ego instantly go comatose as she clings to my hand as Asher. "Why did you leave me like that? You ran away and left me to deal with the pain all alone. How could you? Do I have to be at the brink of death to get your attention and presence? Was losing our baby not enough punishment?"

"I'm sorry baby. I'm truly sorry. I was in shock. In one breath, you told me you wanted a divorce from my brother knowing fully well that will amount to our separation. While I was still trying to process that, you informed me that we lost our baby." I cradle my head in my hands. "It was all too shocking and painful. I am sorry I didn't handle that well."

Olivia props herself up to a sitting position. "You doubt I was pregnant for you? Asher, you know I haven't let Ashal touch me for over seven months now. He and I are practically strangers. You are the only man I want and the only one I have been giving myself to."

"I trust you completely, Olivia."

"Then are you mad that I got pregnant for you?"

"No. Of course not, baby. I desperately want a baby with you or more if you wish. I am deeply saddened that we couldn't welcome our angel together. Please forgive me for not protecting you both." While I grab her hands and kiss her knuckles one faster the other, Olivia pulls away, her eyes glinting with surprise.

"Is something wrong?"

"You said you never want to have babies. You told me that the only reason you'll ever have a baby with a woman is if your father ordered you to or you needed one to achieve your goals." The color drains from my face. "That's why I didn't tell you. I was hoping to hide the pregnancy until it became too risky to abort. Now, you sit here and tell me you want to have babies with me? Who exactly are you?"

The switch from Ashal to Asher takes a nanosecond. "What exactly do women want, huh? What the fuck do you want from me Olivia? You make a fuss when a man only wants to have you in his bed without making a family with you and when he is prepared to give you the family you want, you accuse him of being dishonest." I make a show of being pissed off by lurching to my feet and pacing angrily across the room.

"This case is actually different. You know I can't tell you apart from your crazy brother."

I grit my teeth and strap down on the rage that bubbles hot inside me at the way she described me.

I am not crazy; I am sick, I say in my mind.

"Are you trying to tell me that there's a chance you might have accidentally fucked my brother thinking he was me?" My brows are furrowed with annoyance. Olivia takes the bait and quickly apologizes. When she tries to get up, the dizziness overtakes her and she almost crashes to the floor but for my quick reflexes.

"Be careful." I lift her and lay her back on the bed. I caress her cheeks. Our faces are inches apart. "I love you, Olivia. Believe me. I can't stand losing you. Please don't leave me. Don't divorce Ashal yet. I am not ready to become yours fully and I don't know how Ashal will take it when he finds out about us. I am making plans for us to ensure a smooth transition to the next phase of our love life. I'll try harder to make sure Ashal never hits you again. You just have to trust me and hold on a little longer. It will all be over soon."

Olivia smiles for the first time. "I trust you. I love you Asher." I kiss her tenderly. When she snakes her arms around my neck, I feel relieved that I have managed to salvage our relatinonship vicariously through Asher. It is not my brightest idea but my hands are literally tied and there's no other way to keep Olivia in my life.

"Ashal?"

The voice interrupts our kiss. I look up and stare in shock at the unannounced visitor and family member by the door. Olivia gapes at me in shock.

***

My room is full as the doctor flashes a tiny light in my eyes. I don't know what the fuck he is checking for.

"I told you all I am fine." I reiterate. My parents and brothers pay me no heed as they patiently wait for the doctor's conclusion.

"He's right. Everything seems to be okay. He just had a lot of emotional stress but aside from that, his health is just fine. I'll advise you avoid anything that could jolt your emotions, Mr. Ashal. Try to stay away from anything or anyone that could send you back into that spiral."

"Thank you, doctor." Father says. Ashley escorts the doctor out to receive last minute recommendations for my speedy recovery while the rest of my family stare at me like I am an experimental rat in a lab.

"I'll kill Duncan." I mutter under my breath.

"How could you just disappear?" Mom starts, tears glinting in her eyes. "How could you not even leave me a message knowing how worried I'd be if I couldn't find you?"

"I'm sorry, mom. I had to see my wife. She wasn't feeling too fine."

"You still could have said something to someone."

"Your wife?" Dad lets out a humorless chuckle. "You mean the same woman who put you in this state? I don't know why my sons are terrible at picking 'wives'." He sighs in frustration as he most certainly reflects on Demi's recent media incident. "I'll have to revisit you and Olivia's situation. It's high time you cut yourself loose from that unfortunate entanglement."

My eyebrows slash up at him. "My marriage is not unfortunate; I am. Don't blame Olivia. If she was your daughter, you wouldn't let her marry a man like me even if I was an heir to a fortune."

The fire in my eyes stun everyone to silence. Asher seems really surprised at the way I am standing up for Olivia.

"Calm down, Ash" He begins. "Dad definitely means well for you."

"I know exactly what he means and I won't allow it. My relationship with Olivia, despite how rocky, is one of the few things keeping me tethered to this world. You will not take that from me. If and when Olivia and I can no longer forge ahead with our relationship, I'll gladly let her go. For now, we are at a good place so please everyone, mind your business."

Father and mother regard me quietly with questions in their eyes.

"You better not eat your words later. If you screw up your secret marriage situation and it comes out to hunt this family, I'll make sure you spend a good amount of time in rehab or a mental asylum to get your head straight." He walks out. Mother plants a kiss on my palm.

"I love you, no matter what." I nod.

Ashton who has been quiet ruffles my hair.

"You try that again and I'll personally break your legs." I smile as he leaves.

I am not surprised Asher didn't trail after father. He has some questions for me due to the statements I just made.

"Hey Ash, you and Olivia are good? Like, you two are working it out?"

"Yes, we are. She still has reservations because of my condition but she's willing to give me a chance now. It's been going well for weeks."

Asher's expression is hard to read but if I had to guess, I'd say he isn't exactly thrilled that Olivia is moving on from him. Though he wasn't very accommodating of her feelings for him back at my penthouse, learning that she is giving me a chance must sting his pride.

"Good for you." He says dryly. I wait till he grabs my door knob.

"Asher?"

"What?"

I smile devilishly. "Don't ever try to contact my wife again. Lose her number this very night." His eyes dilate in shock. "I have cameras in my penthouse. I saw Olivia kiss you the last time you visited. I know she still has feelings for you." Asher's composure doesn't waver for a second. "I don't want her going back to her past. That's why I hope you'll understand and remove yourself from the picture."

Now, he smiles thinly. "Done."

After he leaves, I think about Olivia and how our kiss was interrupted. That was a close call. If I hadn't maintained my stance in playing Asher, Olivia would have come to know the truth. Everything would have been over. I whip out my phone to text my confidante.

[I know it's wrong. I am not proud of impersonating Asher to win my wife's love but this is sadly the only way a flawed man like me can get close to a happy ending. Please, give me some time to win Olivia as Ashal and I promise to come clean to her soon after. Don't tell anyone about this, especially Asher.]

The response comes a full thirty seconds later.

[As long as you keep your promise, I'll keep mine.]

[Thank you.]

[You're welcome.]