Love sick

I wake up with a slight headache, I was burning up. I sigh and get off the bed...it's Sunday. I walk up to my bathroom and spare 20 minutes looking myself in the mirror. I looked like I had a hangover or something...I was red. I turn on the faucet and splash a handful of water on my face, it was chilly and made me shiver a bit. I get a hold of my toothbrush and smear a pea sized paste on it...my hands were shaking like I had Parkinson's. I get my teeth done 6 minutes later and head out of the bathroom. My legs were shaky...I stay back in my room a little while, hoping to get a grip on myself as I didn't want anyone to know I'm sick. I so much hated hospitals and drugs and it all...I needed to be assured that I'm fine by myself before leaving this room. I was fucking cold but I didn't want to cover up as it's a first sign momma uses to know I'm I'll. The cold was getting wayy too much and unbearable for me as I was trembling like a leaf. I grab the baggy ash hoodie Cam got me on my birthday and put it on. I step out of the room couple of minutes later, busy on my phone while alighting the stairs. It's 8:52am.

The house was dead still and quiet, I didn't bother much as it's something I've always prayed and wished for. I take out the chips from the fridge, drain out the water and get frying, didn't waste much time frying as I used the air fryer. Whilst waiting for it to get done, I fix myself a cup of espresso.

I take out 3 spoonfuls of pepper paste dip and put it in a bowl, my chips beside the dip in the plate. I carry it up to my room. I get a call from Jed while eating.

"Hey". I say.

"Hey beautiful, good morning". He says from the other end.

" Good morning".

"Uh, I'm sorry if I woke you up, I didn't intend to". He says.

" No, I've been up for an hour plus now".

" Yeah okay. Um...Miguel says you attend Saint Peter's".He says.

" Yeah I do, I mean we both do".

" He said to ask if you're coming".

" Really ?"

" Yes...."

" Okay, yeah I am".

" Oh, wow... okay. I'll tell him just that". He says and I hang up.

I knew Miguel didn't tell him to ask me that, he just wanted to know if I'll come.

Right, that gave me butterflies. My crush was going to come to church, all the girls would envy me when I walk in with him by my side and they won't dare talk to him. Miguel, Cameron and I attend same church. That made me think. I called Cam to be sure he isn't coming.

He picks up.

"Hey babe. Good morning". I say.

"Good morning, sexy".

I blushed.

"Uh...are you gonna come?"

"No, I'm sorry, I'm attending another today". He says.

" Okay, it's fine. I'd just go with Miguel then". I say.

" Yeah okay".

I hear his mom calling him over the phone and he says bye before hanging up. I was having mixed feelings as usual. "Should I go? Isn't that more like cheating? Should I stay back?" I thought.

"It's a Sunday and I'm doing literally nothing at home, I've to be in church. But then I'll be lonely, most people know Cameron and I are in a relationship. No, it won't be so lonely, Miguel's there. Urrrggghh, just go already". I thought.

I walk over to the wardrobe after placing my food on the bedside table. I take out a black polka dot dress....a straight cut gown, off shoulder...stops at my knee. I take out another dress while contemplating on what to wear. It's a white and pink floral flay gown. I take out my black striped bow tie head tie and an entirely pink one too. I later settle for the polka dot dress...but then I rip the Hem of the dress to be shorter. I'm a fashion designer so I didn't have much stress getting the new hem in order, now it stopped above my knee...my lap. I fix my hair in some minutes and get dressed. Putting my head tie in order, it's a really small net head tie. I put on my slithery shimmery black stilettos and grab my striped silver and black purse along with me. I was looking gorgeous than ever. The house was still dead silent when I left. We left our house around 10:02am, arrived church by 10:16am. Our house isn't far from the church.

We walked into the church, everyone was seated.

Miguel and Jed stood beside me, Miguel by my left and Jed by my right.

All eyes were fixed on us, it looked like I out dressed everyone in this attire. Jed was putting on a black hoodie that had a huge white circle in the middle...with little black polka dots in it and the inscription "Nigga" smeared and dripping with black paint, it complimented my outfit and made us look like a couple.Jed's hoodie wasn't actually dripping, it just had this drip feel. Miguel was putting on an entirely black outfit. Black hoodie, black jean.

There were only two empty seats next to each other and another empty one behind us. I rush to get the seat at the front. They usher Jed to sit next to me while Miguel sat behind us.

I couldn't concentrate in the Sunday School as I kept blushing and feeling butterflies in my belly. I got all the stares...disgust, envy, hatred, jealousy, distaste, anger, awwn stares, wow, all of em. I also got death stares too but I didn't mind. Jed and I spoke during the Sunday School whilst holding hands and Miguel kept shushing us from behind but we didn't keep mute. Jed was saying something that cracked me up when Mr Lawson the Sunday school teacher demanded I stand up. I did, smoothening out my dress after standing, awaiting the next line of action.

"What was the last thing I said?" He asked.

"Uh...". I really didn't get the last thing he said and I wasn't ready to disgrace myself.

"Can't answer but you can laugh huh? What's funny? What did you learn from today's Sunday School?" He inquired further.

Luckily for me, I could still remember the topic as I went through the manual at home. I wasn't a good Bible student but I could try.

"We should learn to be kind to people and learn to forgive easily. It wasn't easy for Joseph to forgive his brothers but he had to. We should learn to forgive and forget". I say.

" You're lucky you got it. You interrupt my class again, you'll hate me, understood?"

" Yes Mr Lawson". I say and sit, I could hear Miguel chuckle behind me. My face flushed red, I was so embarrassed.

"Didn't know you read the Bible". Jed tilts his head towards my direction and says.

" I do. But I'm not so good at it". I mumble.

"That wasn't bad". He says.

" You think? "

" No, I know. You did very well back there. Congratulations Kelanie". Jed says slightly clapping his hands that they make little or no sounds at all.

The church service comes to an abrupt end couple of hours later. I was burning up real bad and found myself in Jed's arms. He kissed me on my forehead assuring me I'd be fine.

I smiled.

Natasha walked up to Jed.

"Hey". She says beaming with smiles all over her face.

"Hey". Jed replies still looking at me.

"Uh, I see you're new here". She says.

"Obviously".

"I'm Natasha".

" Okay".

" And you are? "

" Nobody".

" You can't be nobody". She chuckled.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing, I just felt it'll be nice to welcome you and I wanna be your friend. I didn't see Cameron, Stace".

" Yeah, he couldn't make it". I say while rolling my eyes at her.

She once tried to destroy my relationship with Cam because she was in love with him.

"Oh, okay. I heard he kissed Marina, don't you think he might be cheating? Oh, I forgot, you're both cheats. Pervert. What you doing on his laps?"

I got really angry but I was so sick to talk.

" I'm sorry about that, back to you stranger. You're welcome. Can we be friends? And yes, piece of advice, mind whom you hang out with. People like her are soo toxic, she'll seduce you and ruin you. The Bible preaches to flee from sexual immo..."

" Like you said, mind whom I hang out with right?" Jed interrupts.

" Yes".

" Good, now fuck off. You talk nonsense about her or her boyfriend next time , and you stalk me ever again or stare at me or even talk to me, I'll bring you to nothing. Get lost amphibian! I'm allergic to toxic amphibians of your kind". Jed says.

She felt so embarrassed, I saw her face flush red and her eye start to water right before she scampers away.

I laugh out loud seeing what happened.

"Hey, thanks". I say.

"It's fine, how some girls reason and behave is really pathetic". Jed says.

I agree with him and we get on talking till I sleep off on his laps.

I wake up to find myself home and Cam beside me on the bed, my head was on his laps and he was smoothening out my hair. The thought of Jed complimenting me and confessing his feelings to me after service popped up and I smiled.

"How do you feel?" Cam asks.

"Better". I say.

" Uh, good. We need to talk". Cam says looking away.

I sit up and stare at him for a while to tell if he's pissed like I usually do, but at the moment I really can't tell if he's pissed.

"Right now?" I ask.

"Is there a better time?"

'"Uh, I don't know. Well, if it's that serious...then okay". I say leaning against the headrest of the bed.

" Your mom gave you some painkillers. She'd probably take you to the hospital tomorrow". He says.

"Really? That's what's important?"

"No. I see the way you stare at Jed and...how you act when you're with him. It's almost like he's occupying my space, more like a competition. You didn't even persuade me to come to church because Jed was coming. The pieces are almost complete, my fears are true. Do you have any feelings for Jed?" He asks looking away.

" Babe? Competition? Taking your place? Hell no, I really can't date Jed while with you". I say.

" Oh, but you can date him when we're not together? Do you have any feelings for Jed?"

" That's when we're not together. You can't tell me whom to date when we ain't together and Jed isn't your competition. This isn't a game Cam!"

" You're not answering the question Stacey! Do you have any feelings for Jed?"

"Yes, okay? I do...".

" That's it. I'm done".

" Cameron!" I yell walking behind him. "I can explain". I say tailing behind him.

"Explain what? Fact you're dating me and you're in love with someone else? Look, I ain't even upset. Just do you". Cam says and enters his car and speeds off.

I stand there shattered watching everything I cared about leave. I blamed myself for everything, I hated myself. It was like life left me. I walked into the garden and sat down on the floor, sobbing.

i feel a hand on my shoulder and I sniff and wipe my tears.

"It's gonna be fine baby. Those feelings come and go, what will be will be. If it's Cam, he'd come back. If it's Jed, be sure he'd return. You don't have to stress yourself with this...you're too young. Remember the Filipino movie, Covenant? Remember what Leah's mom said? If they love you, they'll come back". Mom says patting my shoulder as I rest my head on her shoulder sobbing profusely.

"Does have to hurt?" I ask couple of minutes later.

"Yes hunie, relationship isn't all rosy rosy, there are storms, winds, ups and downs...tests, turbulent times. All you've to do is listen to your heart. It never lies...your guts don't lie too. Follow your heart".

I sit there silent for a while after she walks away. I think deep about whom I care about.

It was all hurting, my head was aching real bad now and I was burning up with fever. My legs were so feeble, I could barely move...night was fast approaching and I have to get back inside. I manage to walk myself to my room.

I take my phone from my bed to see if I got a call or text from him....but there wasn't any. There's barely never a text from him. I felt so alone, open and lost. It's like when he left, it all left and got replaced by pains.

I opened all my socials to see if I got a text or call....none. I texted him but he didn't reply. Call, he didn't answer. A call from Jed came in and I turned on my airplane mode.

I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, remembering all the happy moments we shared as tear drops escaped my eyes.

Thoughts of what happened in the church came in, I tried to fight them but they wouldn't go...I found myself smiling sheepishly at the memory of Jed confessing his feelings to me. In a couple of minutes, I had forgotten my sorrow.

Thought of Cam came in again...I cried. I'm the most confused human that's ever lived. I've no idea what I want and what I don't want. I just flow and get carried along with every single damn thing. I took some painkillers while crying. I lay back on the bed... tap open my message app and quickly type the words "I'm sorry. I love you". I paused, pondering on whether or not I should send the text. I didn't send it at the end and I didn't erase it from my keyboard either, didn't exit the app too...just turned off my phone. Staring at the ceiling, imagining Cam beside me as I cried myself to sleep.