Mournday

"I'm Stacey Khelanie Tribette and I uh...I want to talk to you about something".

It's Monday and I'm in school. Cameron and I crossed paths today but he acted like he doesn't know me. It hurt. It felt like a part of me had died. I decided to visit the G & C for counselling and...here I am.

"Okay, so uh...Stacey...what class are you in and how old are you?"

"Final year...19".

The counsellor gives me this judgy look of "you're so young, I'm pretty sure you're undecided about what to do after college and it's why you're here".

"What do you want to talk about?"

I look at her for a couple of minutes while she stares back at me in anticipation.

"Uh, it's actually nothing. Thanks for your time ma'am".

I exit the office.

Things weren't going so easy with me....felt like my world crumbled - I guess it actually did.

"So, you guys are no longer together?"

"Yeah, I mean I love her but she really isn't into me".

I was passing by science lab when I heard a portion of Cam's conversation with Marina. I felt like crying a river.

It's 11:30am and I'm in English class.

I bring out a black note book from my bag and flip the pages open till I get to a blank one and then I start to scribble.

Monday. 13/05/2013. 11:32am

Dear dairy,

I don't really know what to do. Ever since Cam and I split, it's been hard for me, I've been crying my eyes out, avoiding people, skipping some classes as it's hard to concentrate. I went to speak with a counsellor but I ended up not saying a thing....it felt like she was just gonna give me this "you should repent" lecture lol. I wasn't eavesdropping but I was lucky enough to hear a bit of Cameron's conversation with Marina. I don't get how he still tattles with Marina but doesn't with me. Jed's been hitting hard on me, giving me those looks and stares, it's frustrating and has now become a total turn off for me. I really do want to talk to Cameron but-

"She's writing about a guy!" Melvin grabs my book from the desk while I was writing causing it to tear and he starts reading the contents out to the class.

Hitting him on the head, I grab my book and storm out of the class.

I remember the calm before the storm, when Cam and I used to have beautiful moments, have our favorites in cafeterias and popular restaurants. Chocolate cookies in a tub of vanilla or strawberry ice cream, lame ass joke, laughter in the air, the sound of his voice in my ears and how he'd tease me... "babe, if you were a meal, I'd choose strawberry or vanilla ice cream alongside this chocolate I'm eating. Just like ice creams taste divine and are soothing, so are you. You're lovely. When I first saw you, two things came across my mind, I was like, did your momma get you from a doll shop or did she turn you from red roses to a human or from strawberry to a human? You've got a strawberry personality meaning I don't think anyone hates strawberry and I don't think anyone can ever hate you. Did your mom ever turn you from a rose to a human? You smell like red roses and your personality is loveable. Did your mom get you from a doll shop? You grace me with really enticing beauty...it's so outta this world yeah? The perfect description of beauty is only skin deep, you're charming inside out". It's a lengthy tease lol but it makes me demure and have pink cheeks.

Here I am in the school cafeteria, eating chocolate cookies in a tub of vanilla ice cream alone, listening to the all time famous sound of chattering in the cafeteria, like for once my ears could distinct every sound in the cafeteria like I'm paying keen attention to them, the sound of spoons and plates....the voices of girls and guys....the cooks.... everyone. Last time I ate alone in this type of peace was last year....ever since Cam came into the picture, I've never dined alone especially when it's chocolate cookies in a tub of ice cream.

I sat across him...two tables away from him and Marina, I watched him smile, laugh, talk and he even cracked her up, seeing him smile gave me a tiny bit of relief but seeing that he was making her laugh made me sick to my belly. He didn't even realize I was two tables away from them, and even if he did, he didn't care. It all felt one sided. The tears, the gloomy day and all, it felt like it was just me over reacting to a mere issue or just me giving two shits about it, he didn't even act like something happened. He didn't feel any different, it was as though I was never in the picture and it was just Marina all along...it was so easy for him to go through his day smiling while I went through mine crying, sulking, avoiding people, skipping classes, remembering him, writing my journal, visiting counsellors....it felt bad. The cookies and ice cream I once loved slowly turned to fries....my worst food. I felt sick to my belly just eating it alone and seeing him make her smile and act as though I didn't exist. I hurriedly grab my bag and run out of the cafeteria. I run into the bathroom, to the third cubicle and I lock it up, crying myself to stupor. This is it, the new begining....I'm done. I thought. But seeing him again after school hurt the most...he hung out with my other friends but decided to stay back when he heard I was coming. I felt bruised. I watched him sulk a bit from his window, when he saw me, he walked away from the window.

I stare at the building infront of me.

"Hey dear, Cameron's home....you can come right in". His mom says to me.

"Thanks màmà, I'll pass".

I walk out of the place to the car waiting for me.

"Kendra's place".

Kendra's place is where Devika stays.

"Come right in baby". She ushers me in shutting the door after me.

"You didn't come to school".

"Yeah, I had some stuffs to work on. Your face looks like a balloon, you look pumped like you've been crying. What's wrong?"

"No, it's nothing". I wipe a tear off my face.

"You're pretty bad at lying, your tears expose you. Is it Cam? What'd he say?"

"That's the thing babe, something. I wish he did though. He acts like I don't exist, it's killing". I sob.

"You should've known better when you were drooling ".

I give her this death stare. "Seriously?!"

I walk upstairs still sobbing.

"Okay fine, I'm sorry. Now's not the right time. Look, I'm sorry okay?"

I sit on the stairs sobbing and she walks up to me, giving me a light pat on the shoulder before leaning my head on her shoulder.

"It's okay baby girl. Forget about Cam okay? Why don't we do something else, something fun honey". She smoothens out my hair.

"I don't wanna do anything fun. I just wanna sit her all day crying. I'm a mess". I say amidst sobs.

"No...no. You're not gonna sit here all day and cry like the cry baby you are, you're gonna get that fat ass off the stairs and let's go do something fun. You can't be crying for a guy. Be strong màmà. Get up now, up, up, get up". She says helping me up.

_______________________________________________________

*Few hours later*

Devika helped me forget about my gloomy day, we had fun. Visited places, watched funny movies, had a whole lot of fun. I'm happy I'm finally able to get Cameron out of my mind.

"Feel any better?"

I smile and nod at her.

"See? That's how to do it girl, you don't go crying your ass out for a damn guy, even if you're hurt, always remember that a little fun is more than enough to make you okay".

"Yeah, thanks. So, what should I do about it?"

She gives me this smug look while smirking.