Chapter Two: “light”
What is this bright light? I can't open my eyes. The light after a heavy rain, that light that stabs the dark clouds to shine around everything, is a warm light that braces everyone for a new day. I was thinking, if this light will someday stab my dark soul, where is my light? I'm still waiting, and I know how hard it is to wait. It's the hospital room; my mom, the teacher that saved me and the doctor with the nurse were standing there. The doctor asked if I was okay, and I nodded with my head, still thinking about what happened that night. Its midnight, and I can't sleep. Just staring into that window, the moonlight lighting the room, it somehow was pretty to see. Looking around the room, I'm alone. The glass of water on the table grabbed my attention. I watched it for a while, and I drank it after it. I wonder why water has no color or shape. It has nothing special; does that mean water is useless? No, in fact, without water, we can't live. Does that mean that I'm worth it, that my empty soul is worth it for the world, for someone? I woke up to the voice of "Raza," my classmate; his name means hope. We have opposite names, but we share the same pain. Everyone in the class didn't talk to him just because he was different. He has a condition called "heterochromia," where his eyes have different colors; the left eye is green and the right eye is brown. His hair was blonde; he was totally different around other kids; he was seen as a monster; the kids were afraid of him. I was able to see the pain inside his chest. We never talked, but each one of us was able to understand the other without words, which is like having a silent relationship. I didn't expect that he would visit me. It is the first time that we have faced each other and had a real conversation.
"ARE YOU OKAY?" he asked. I nodded my head. He went silent, then he asked me a question that shocked my entire mind and body.
"ARE YOU LONELY?" I stared into his eyes; the light of the sun mixed with the colors of his eyes. I felt that he has all the colors of the world inside his eyes since they kept changing with the lightning in the room. I couldn't answer his question. I always wanted someone to ask me that, but I never realized how hard it was to answer it.
"OK, then I will come to visit you often." That's what he said before he left.
I waited for my mom to come that day, but she didn't. She never wanted me, so I understand her. I don't want to be here too. Then I remembered that night, some flashlight in my mind. A lot of questions are on my mind that I can't answer.
"Why me? Is it the law of life that people who suffer from pain must sink into an ocean of pain? That's not fair. Also, why was I screaming? Why did I feel that much pain just after that man's skin touched mine? Is that why I always avoid touching people? Does my body know that all the time before I even realize it? Why? Is there something wrong with me? My head hurt so much; the tears were falling on my cheeks for no reason, and then I told myself, "I know that man."