Chapter 15 - Carrow's Hogwarts

Hogwarts was indeed very, very different. All the happiness, colours and even magic, seemed to have been sucked away from the grounds and castle. Classes were quiet and the halls carried a sense of foreboding. Defense Against the Dark Arts had simply become the Dark Arts with Alecto Carrow enjoying the free torture sessions she could give.

For the most part, Blaise had tried to keep his head down and watch out for Magdalena as best as he could. There was nothing else he could do. There was no more Quidditch. Even Hogsmeade visits were so heavily guarded by Death Eaters, they might as well be cancelled too.

From the first day of term, the student body had begun a private protest. Obvious gaps were left between students in the Great Hall. Every gap representing a student and friend that had fled, had gone missing, or were confirmed to be dead. Their absence was deafening. Blaise couldn't help the feeling of guilt pass over him as the differences between the other houses and Slytherin were made starkly obvious this way. He had caught both Magdalena's and Luna's eyes the first morning and every morning since.

It was the easiest way to check up on them. The spark that had been in his sister's eyes had dimmed considerably, despite Luna's reports that she had settled in well in Ravenclaw House. It was true that most older students had spread protective wings over the first and seconds years. The Carrows especially didn't like that. Blaise was sure something was going to snap soon, and he resolved that whatever would happen, he would keep Magdalena safe, everything else be damned.

It had become clear too that Luna refused to be protected. He had tried but had quickly been rebuffed by her as well as Weasley and Longbottom. They were planning something. He could see it on their faces. And their protests were anything but subtle, openly recruiting DA members. If his classmates whispers were to be believed about Weasley and Luna, they stood up over for everything. He had himself been present when Longbottom flat out refused to perform the Cruciatus Curse on his classmate Seamus Finnegan. Both were the only two 7th year Gryffindor boys left. Potter was gone, Ron Weasley apparently had Spattergoit, and Dean Thomas had gone on the run, unable to prove his blood status, like so many families. It made Blaise feel sick.

The only time he felt some sort of peace was in the Room of Requirement where he met Luna. The space always appeared as a reflection of the Forbidden Forest clearing. Unfortunately there were no Thestrals to keep hem company.

When he entered that evening, Luna was already there. She rose to meet him and in the two steps it took to take her into his aching arms, he gave her a quick check up. This time there was a light bruise on her cheek, but no bleeding this time, thankfully. They didn't speak but merely let their bodies do the work. Wrapping his arms protectively around her, he deepened their kiss. He savoured the way her hands felt roaming his body. During their first meetings she has been more tentative with her touch. But there was no hesitation now. It felt amazing that she matched his own desperate need. It became harder and harder to keep any sense of control and not plunge deeper into their desire, because Merlin, he wanted to. His body would remember the feeling of her kisses and caresses on his body for days, fuelling him. Every new touch would be burned on to him mind.

When they came up for air, they had apparently landed on the floor, in between the magical ferns. He pushed himself half up and stared at her, softly reaching out to stroke the bruise on her cheek. She gave a near invisible flinch, but a flinch nonetheless. Rage build inside him. Oh the joy he would feel when her crucio'ed the living daylights out of the Death Eaters that did this to her. For what they did to all of them.

"What happened?" He asked softly and she shrugged nonchalantly as if it was an every day occurrence, which he supposed it was.

"I corrected Carrow's lecture on muggleborns. He kept insisting on saying mudbloods."

Blaise suppressed a sigh. He didn't mind her becoming more of a lioness everyday. But it did bother him that it resulted in bodily harm. He desperately tried to stick to his promise to her and switched topics.

"How is Magdalena?" A smile appeared on Luna's face.

"She's doing well. Such a bright little girl. She has made friends with the girls in her dorm. They've formed protective group. One of the girl's uncle's was murdered last week by Snatchers. Magdalena has been a great comfort to her."

"And her classes? She hasn't gotten hurt?"

"No, she has a good head in her shoulders. She keeps quiet. Said you taught her that."

"Well, I am glad she at least listened to that." Blaise said, letting the feeling of pride warm him.

Luna hummed softly as she let her hand trial over his chest. Bare chest. He eyed his tie on the floor some distance away. She had obviously worked a few buttons loose. Instantly his skin felt overheated. Her fingertips seared his skin and he couldn't stop the growl in his throat and saw her bemused smirk. She was starting to learn exactly how to distract him. Distract… He reached out and gripped her wrist to stop her. She blinked her large eyes. He sat up fully, still holding her.

"Tell me, what are you, Weasley and Longbottom planning?" Beneath his fingers, he felt her pulse quicken. "And don't lie, I can feel it." He warned when she started to protest. She stiffened now and eyed him wearily, seemingly trying to decide what to say.

"It's best you don't know." She said finally and Blaise was at least grateful she didn't deny anything.

"Merlin Lovegood… it's bad isn't it?" She smiled tightly.

"Depends who you ask."

"Yes, I figured that. I just…"

He stopped and groaned helplessly, trying to push his frustration and desperation away. This was supposed to be their time. The only place and time he could relax and feel light, and he didn't want to ruin it. She sensed his dilemma, and lightly kissed his temple as she snuggled next to him. He couldn't resist pulling her closer. Cradling her to him, even though he quite sure she was doing more of the comforting than he was at the moment.

They lay silently for a while, enjoying the closeness. Their heart rates slowed down and Blaise was able to center himself.

"Don't tell me then. But promise me you'll be as careful as you can be, if this is so important."

"I promise Blaise. And I know you don't like this, but it's for the greater good."

"You've become a target. And your dad's articles aren't helping. I overheard the Carrow's discussing it."

"I know." She said simply and he felt both pride and helplessness.

"Please keep watch over Magdalena as much as you can. But please don't drag her into whatever you're doing. I've made my own promises and trying to keep them."

"I promised I would Blaise, and I don't break my promises. I am just looking out for her, that's all."

"She adores you. You're all she talks about when I do get to speak to her." Blaise told her, faking a look of annoyance.

She looked up at him to grin and once again he felt overwhelmed by her brightness. She was the light in the darkness.

"Are you jealous?"

"I am her only brother. Not used to sharing such affection."

She laughed at that while laying back on his chest, right on his heart.

"I've always wanted a sibling. What's it like?"

"It's having someone in your life that you love unconditionally. They know things only you can because you were raised by the same person. They can annoy you endlessly too. There is an unspoken agreement that you can tease each other mercilessly but will stop anyone else from doing so."

"Hmm, that makes sense. It must be nice…"

"It is. But at times like these…"

"The more you love, the more you can lose."

His breath shook at her deadly accurate statement, cutting straight to his soul.

"Yes… yes exactly."

"Don't worry Blaise, I'll keep Magdalena out of trouble."

He rolled her further on top of him. The spark in her eyes travelled straight down his body.

"Thank you." He said and capture her lips once again. His hand weaving into her hair and pulling her closer. He never wanted to let her go.

The memory of their last embrace remained with him for the next nights and days and had kept him afloat, until he was dragged back under. The trio's plan had failed miserably and they awaited punishment. Sick with terror he had seen them shepherd out by Professor Snape, the Carrows grinning like fools, as they disappeared into the Forest.

His terror morphed into anger as the hours crawled passed. What the actual fuck had they been thinking, trying to steal the Sword of Gryffindor? What sort of stupid, ridiculous and frankly, suicidal plan had it been? Sure, they would get a round of applause from the student body, but also receive the wrath of the Death Eaters. What would be a repercussions for the rest of them after this outright sign of rebellion? It didn't help that he had heard from Nott that Carrow had decided to demonstrate a multitude of curses on a first years class. Thankfully not Magdalena's, but he knew it was only a matter of time.

This time he arrived early in the Room of Requirement and started pacing around, which only fuelled his anger. He felt like some caged animal that had been poked and prodded one time too many and was now ready to destroy anything in his path.

The door opened and she had the audacity to glide in, her pale hair dancing behind her. She even smiled. But it immediately fell when she saw his face. He couldn't move, frozen by all the conflicting emotions inside him.

"Blaise…" She started and he hated the pity he heard. Several more bruises now covered her face and neck, with a red gash on her temple. Her hand was bandaged. He looked at her eyes. She no longer had a dreamy expression that he had adored last year. No, it was very clear now, she had become a soldier in this war and nothing and no one could stop her.

"You don't care do you?" He stated coolly, nearly delighted by the fact she looked confused. For once he was a step ahead of her rather than the other way around.

"What do you mean? Of course I care."

He shook his head.

"No Luna, I don't mean about this fucking mess. I mean, you don't care to listen to pleas."

She didn't reply and he stepped closer towards her.

"Was it fun? Thrilling? Do you feel accomplished?" He asking mockingly, watching her carefully. "No? Hmm, then let me tell you what you've accomplished. I can't even describe the sheer amount of horror and panic I felt as you were marched into the Forest. I expected to see the Dark Mark in the sky at any moment. All while you had promised me to keep safe."

She met his gaze.

"It was fine, we were with Hagrid…" she calmly which made something inside him snap.

"God damn it Luna!" He had never raised his voice before but now couldn't seem to stop it. He felt himself shake.

"The only thing I saw were the Carrow's sickening grins. You tried to steal the fucking Sword of Gryffindor, from You-Know-Who's right hand man. What the fuck were you all thinking?"

It was perhaps even more infuriating at how calm she remained, because of course she did, he thought bitterly.

"Harry needs it." She said simply. And he saw red.

"And what the fuck is Potter going to do? He's disappeared while the Death Eaters are roaming the country, killing at will. Sniffing out any resistance while Potter does nothing!"

"He's on a mission."

"Oh, marvellous. Do you know where? Do you know why he needs some ancient artefact instead of his bloody wand?"

"I don't know where…"

"What a comfort it is to hear that not even his smartest friend knows where he is. Meanwhile we are all here being sacrificed!"

"That is exactly why I am fighting Blaise, so that no one should have to die. Harry is doing everything to win this war, and these killings won't stop until we make it stop. It is worth…"

"Every sacrifice, including yourself. And that is what I mean. You don't care that your loved ones don't want you to sacrifice yourself." Blaise bit back exasperated.

She froze at the same time he did as his words rang back through his own ears.

"You…. You love me?"

"I… I don't know… I just… you…" he ran a hand over head, now determined not to make eye contact with her. Then he repeated the motion and started to pace around in tight circles trying to keep the panic down. No, it could not be true. Not yet. It was far too early for such feelings. And what if he did? What then?

Blaise nearly jumped out of his skin when she lay a cool hand on his arm. He hadn't even realised she had closed the distance between them.

"Blaise… please, breathe. You're panicking. Breathe with me…"

He couldn't stop the snort from escaping. As if he could breathe without her… fuck.

She ignored him though and started to rub small and surprisingly circles on his arm and… chest? How close was she?

He focused on her. Yeah, she was close, very, very close. His breath hitched. She looked up at him with those eyes. Without any effort she could pull him into their depths. But she told him to breathe. And he wanted to breathe. And he couldn't breathe when she was this close. He forced himself to take a step back. The loss of contact hurt. He gave her a rye smile.

"I can't breathe properly if you're this close sweetheart."

Despite all the warring emotions swirling around them, he was satisfied to see a blush rise on her cheeks and the hint of humour glitter in her eyes.

"Pity, I seem to breathe beter close to you."

He couldn't stop the prideful grin. When did breathing because so…arousing?

Merlin! He took another step back. She smiled and he frowned.

"I am angry with you." He said and she gave an amused nod.

"Yes, I noticed."

"I don't feel you're taking it seriously." She schooled the smile from her face.

"I am. Your emotions are important to me. And I understand why you are angry."

"I don't like being angry with you."

"I know Blaise."

"I don't love you."

She gave a small flinch at those words but kept her face calm, her smile dimming but still remaining on her face.

"That's alright."

"I can't, not now."

"Maybe that's for the best."

"Why? Because you are on a suicide mission?"

"Not a suicide mission, but we are at war Blaise, I've accepted that."

They looked at each other, really looked. Unsaid feelings, unsaid fears, everything seemed to rise to the surface. He couldn't deal with this right now. The fear, the panic. The love. It seemed as if an Amortentia potion had crashed to the floor, and yet he desperately tried to pour the liquid back into the bottle and shove a cork on it, ignoring the leaking cracks. This was too much. She was right. It was war time. He needed to accept it and protect himself, even from her.

He kissed her. It wasn't frantic but a deep kiss, one to burn into his mind. One to savour when everything went to shit. One he could think about when a killing curse came his way. And the way she responded, he knew she was doing the same. Could he let her go? Would he survive? Hell, he doubted it, but he would remember this kiss forever.

His fingers tangled in her hair as hers gripped his sweater, pulling each other closer. Feeling her body against his. Her scent engulfed his senses. Something sweet. He dragged one hand along her back to her waist and a soft moan escaped her. His control was so close to snapping, so close to throwing every caution to the wind. Fuck it all. Pretend nothing mattered but them both, here, together.

But he couldn't. It was war. She had chosen a side. She was fighting on that side. And for better or worse he couldn't throw himself off that same cliff. He pulled back, their breathing rapid. He looked into her eyes before resting his forehead to hers.

They stood like this, eyes closed, simply breathing. Before she rose onto her toes and planted one final sweet kiss on his lips, and left.