First Kill

I close my eyes, waiting for it to be over. Sometimes it takes seconds, other times It's days. Rai's actions are always unpredictable. Sometimes, like before, it's just touching, other times it's pain. He used to enjoy watching my pain but slowly I grew tolerant. The protected princess slowly evolved into a grim faced young woman. He began to try to see how long it'd take me to succumb. But then he discovered something better. I will never forget that day, three years ago.

Most of the men in the facility, I suppose that's too nice a word for this place which is more a torture chamber or giant cell, are aware of me and know better than to touch one of the boss's experiments. But I was a young blossoming woman (then 14) and I'd more than once caught them stealing lecherous glances but in my haze of pain and confusion I'd never paid it any mind.

Until, it was acted upon. A younger newer member, clearly more lustful and daring, had reached out a hand towards my backside as I stood in front of him in the lunch line. The minute I felt his hand there I reacted without thinking. All the pain, anger, betrayal, and rage I'd built up over the two years I'd been stuck there and at Rai's whims burst out then towards that man. Coupled with the fact that Radius's presence in my soul enhanced my physical capabilities (strength, speed, and agility), I whirled around, my arm shot like a spring towards his neck, and with a snap, it broke in half.

I stood petrified, shocked by what I'd done. It was the first time I'd killed or even harmed anything. In my protected environment I'd never touched a fly. I wanted to turn my eyes away, to puke my guts out, something but Rai wouldn't let me. He'd been sleeping, in a semi awake state, bored of the monotony of my lunch, not bothering me because he knew humans need sustenance to live and he of course didn't want his toy to die that quickly.

But now, my raging emotions had woken him and he was thriving. Harming another human was by far worse than all the pain I'd suffered even if it was in self defense. There, at least I had someone else to blame but in harming others I'd betrayed the only one I'd thought I'd had: myself. I was losing that sweet innocent girl, excited to have a new sister and she wasn't ever coming back. I was drowning in a river of self loathing and the gasps and terrified, shocked stares surrounding me weren't helping. And in my mind resounded Rai's delighted laughter.

I don't know who spread it but the next day I was called to see the boss for the first time since they'd brought me there. I was given my first mission: the assassination of some official. Up until then they'd seen me as a vessel to store Rai but now they'd found a use for me. I was to be a killing machine and in the next two years I would make a very good one.

My eyes flicker back to reality as my victim makes one final bid for life. The old geezer parts his lips with great difficulty, as saliva dribbles out, trying very hard to make words form. I recognize the word but I don't react. I've long since gotten used to that word: 'monster'.

What can I say, he's telling the truth.

"You're taking awfully long today" Rai's gleeful voice, between a hiss and a scratch, sounds from in my head. I crinkle my eyebrows, what am I taking so long for? Nothing's going to change. Besides, the only one who gains from his prolonged death is Rai who feeds off of pain, both mine and the victim's.

He allows me complete freedom in the killing, except for the choice of whether to kill or not, because he enjoys watching me make the decisions and feel self loathing for it.

With a sign I snap his neck, adding him to the pile of corpses, his guards I suppose, I just killed indiscriminately. Still, for a brief second I wonder who he was. I'd like to think he was a corrupted alcoholic, prone to debauchery but clearly I know if I'm being a naive fool. If I'm being asked to kill him he's probably some righteous official who refused to be bribed by the organization.

I shake my head. What is with me today, since when did I think so much? lack of thought has been my sole coping mechanism thus far. Likely Rai would love for me to fall into madness but I'm not quite over that cliff quite yet. Or maybe I am and I just don't know it.

I hear a faint noise behind me and whirl around to see a young man, probably a new recruit forced to face the Crimson Devil. "T-t-t-th-"

"Get on with it!" I hiss and my piercing gaze causes him to flinch and cower.

"Th-the boss wants to see you!" He squeaks out.

It's quite brave of him to speak a full sentence like that. Most of the new recruits faint at the sight of my crimson boots and jumpsuit which is what gives me the title "Crimson Devil".

I stride past him without a backward glance, a new mission no doubt. Well, no point dawdling. Any sign of weakness makes Rai gleeful and no point in doing that more than necessary. My head rings with his mocking laughter at my feeble attempts to exert whatever minimal control I have.