Chapter 50
I freeze, unable to answer, voice trapped inside my throat. Can't face him, either. Can't face him, for shame of the hundreds of times I fantasised about doing it. About helping him to his knees and taking him from behind, my hand wrapped around his sex, my strokes in pace with my thrusts, until both of us reach climax together. About lying him down in bed and pulling his knees over my shoulders while I plunge into him, DaoShi vulnerable and open beneath me, while I stay in control, until I can no longer hold myself back. Yes, I've wanted to know what it's like. Yes, I've wanted to be inside him.
Yes, I want him, how can I not want him? From the day we met, I've wanted him. But what if it ruins everything? What if, added to everything his brother said, it ruins us for good? What if he's disgusted by it, what if I hurt him, what if he can't stand to have me touch him like that? What if I lose him because I wanted to fuck him? It's not worth it.