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CROOKSHANKS-A Harry Potter Fanfiction

After being screamed at and abducted by a demon thing in the middle of the night, a teenager was now a cat. And to make matters worse, this cat just so happens to be adopted by an overly talkative, bossy, and bushy haired witch just a few minutes after. Now the new Crookshanks has to figure out how to work his now feline body, adapt to his annoyingly talkative family, figure out his new worlds magic system, meet some more characters, and most important of all- hope to god that its not one of those worlds where 90% of the good characters are actually evil. *Sigh*... who is he kidding, he was summoned there by some demon thing, of course they're all going to be evil. Comically evil. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Everything's AU and everyone's OOC. ----------------------------------------------------------------- The Crookshanks will stay a cat because he actually likes being one. So if you're expecting romance or for him to turn human again, don't get your hopes up, I don't write bestiality. This is a mass crossover fanfic, including elements from Seven Deadly Sins, One Piece, One Punch Man, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and a few smaller crossovers. Also, fair warning now, this is my first attempt at comedy, so it will be rough at first, and get better over time. As such, suggestions and reviews would be appreciated.

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17 Chs

"Praise The Sun!"

Crookshanks was, as per usual, stretching out on his cat bed in the RoR, watching his disciple train. He was thinking with pride about how much his disciple had improved in just four months. He had went from a fresh out of second year student who barely knew the curriculums spells, to a student who could cast all of the spells up to O.W.L level wandlessly, among a myriad of other things. He really couldn't feel prouder.

But then he was pulled out of his thoughts by a bright light filling the room, making him hiss in frustration as he snapped his eyes shut and looked away.

When the light finally vanished (and the spots in his vision went away), the cat looked over to see what his disciple was up to.

There, in the middle of the room, stood his student, staring at the golden orb that he was now holding in his hand.

'What the hell is that? What did you just do?' The Kneazle demanded from his student, who just ignored him, seeming to be to transfixed on the orb to hear him.

He simply stared at the orb, as if he was listening to something.

'Harry?' Crookshanks asked, a little worried.

Then, suddenly, Harry snapped out of it, the ball floating out of his hand and up above his head, hovering for a second before zooming out of the room (phasing through the wall).

'Harry! Are you alright? What was that?' The cat once again demanded.

"T-That was Sunshine Sensei!" Harry responded, though his voice seemed slightly disappointed. "Remember? That power you told me about last month? Back when you were teaching me about true heroes and why I should strive to be one."

'You've gotta be fucking kidding me.' The cat thought, feeling a headache coming on.

He had told Harry quite a few storied from varies manga and anime a few months back, simply because he was bored. He then stopped within a week because his disciple kept thinking that he was trying to teach him life lessons! This is how he had learned about Tatsumaki, and was able to recreate her power. And now apparently, Escanor's to.

"I had tried to summon it since you said that it's last user had perished, and that the power had simply started roaming around after that, looking for a worthy user. I had hoped that I would have been that user, but I guess I'm not strong enough yet." The disciple explained, his head drooping a little. He believed that he had disappointed his Sensei by being rejected by the power that he had worked so hard to summon. After all, why else would his Sensei tell him about it?

'What do you mean "not strong enough"?' The cat asked, his headache growing.

"Well when I summoned it, it told me that I couldn't be it's user. It said that I don't have the right spirit for it! I mean, of course I don't! I have only been training for a few months! I'm still so weak." Harry continued, obviously starting another bout of self loathing.

Thinking quickly, the Sensei got an idea. 'Harry, worthiness and strength aren't the same thing. Strength is simply your power, while worthiness is your moral compass, your will, and your personality. It said that you don't have the right spirit, not because its not strong enough, but because your personality doesn't fit it. Your mental constitution is to different from it's nature.' The sensei bullshitted quickly.

Harry's eyes widened in enlightenment. "Of course! You said that Sunshine brought out it's users hidden confidence, but you've already brought mine out! So I don't have anything for Sunshine to latch onto!" The disciple said, absolute certainty in his voice.

Crookshanks, of course, had no idea what his disciple was talking about. He had simply said that the last user became extremely arrogant whenever the power was active, what's this nonsense about hidden confidence?

'Umm... yeah. Sure. Anyway, if it said that you aren't worthy of it, then where did it go?' The cat asked, trying to change the subject before his disciple assumed anything else.

"Oh! Yeah that! When it was talking to me it had just abruptly stopped for a second, like it was looking at something, before telling me that it had just found a worthy user. It had been searching for a user for millennia, so it thanked me for summoning it so close to one, saying that it would find a way to repay the "debt" someday, whatever that means." Harry explained dismissively, seemingly unworried about the country level power that he had just unleashed upon the world.

Crookshanks just sighed in frustration, before immediately running out of the room, not saying another word to his disciple, who simply watched his Sensei leave curiously, before following.

'Harry you dumbass! What have you done? If a power like that goes to someone like Malfoy we're all fucked!' The cat thought frantically as he ran through the corridors, looking for the ball of light and it's new host. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do once he found them, but he figured that he would probably figure that out when he got there.

Fortunately for Crookshanks, fate was smiling upon him that day.

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"Whiny little bitch! It's just a broken bone, stop screaming like that!" A girl dressed in Ravenclaw robes said as she kicked the younger Ravenclaw at her feet.

"What? Where are all of your little friends? Shouldn't they be protecting you? Oh wait! They can't because they don't exist! Crazy bitch!" The girl continued, a sadistic smile plastered across her face as she watcher her junior start crying.

"P-P-P-Please.... s-stop." The young blonde girl begged, tears and blood covering her face.

Luna had been bullied ever since she came to Hogwarts, and it had been getting progressively worse with each new "imaginary" creature. Now, she had progressed to being beaten up. This was the fifth time that year. It had gotten so bad that she was beginning to consider whether or not she still wanted to stay at Hogwarts.

"Stop? Now why would I do that? I need to let my frustrations out! Besides, nobody here cares if you get a little hurt. Your just Loony Lovegood, remember?" The girl said cruelly, shoving her boot into the second years face.

"Flitwick has seen you beaten up like this four times now and hasn't done shit! None of the other house heads care what happens if it doesn't involve their house. Dumbledore doesn't have time for your bullshit, and all of the other students already know your crazy so they don't give a shit either!" She smiled, grabbing the younger girl by the hair and picking her up, bringing them face to face as her sadistic smile became more crazed. "And it's not like you can run home to mummy and daddy either, since your dad's as crazy as you, and your mum... well you don't really have one of those do you?"

"Hey! Stop it! What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Luna heard a voice interrupt her tormentors speech, to which her beating stopped immediately.

"Huh?" The Ravenclaw (bullies don't get names or descriptions unless they're main characters) asked eloquently, immediately stopping her assault and frantically trying to come up with an excuse. She turned around slowly, afraid to find a teacher or upperclassmen staring angrily at her. Instead she found something else.

The squib.

The Ravenclaw immediately burst out laughing. "You? The fuck are you doing here squib?" She managed to get out between her laughs.

Neville simply stared at her. He was shaking a little, but he stood his ground. He had absolutely no confidence in winning a fight against an upperclassmen, but something within him made him try anyway.

"What?" The girl looked at the squibs shaking legs and laughed. "Are you here trying to "protect" loony when you can't even stand up straight? That's pathetic!" The bully taunted, channeling the spirit of every throwaway villain ever created.

"She's a m-member of y-your house! H-How can you treat her like this? She's supposed to be like your family! How can you say such horrible things?" Neville stammered out, immediately cursing himself for talking.

"Horrible things? Oh! That's right, your parents are just as useless as hers aren't they? At least Loony's mum had the decency to die, but yours just went crazy! And where are they now? Oh right! Wasting space in St Mungo's that could be used for proper wizards." Noticing his now clenched fist, she smirked, "What, did I strike a nerve?" The girl continued, dropping Luna and walking towards the squib, her sadistic smile returning.

"You know, I just remembered. You also get bullied a lot no? And by other houses at that! Yet, I don't seem to recall a single time your head of house helped you with it. (McGonagall's evil by the way) I mean, not that I blame her, you are just the house squib after all." The girl then took out her wand, surprising Neville and terrifying Luna. "But here you are, standing up to your betters and acting like you'll get off scot free. Well, don't worry, I'll make sure to teach you what happens when squibs don't know their place!"

She pointed her wand at the now terrified (yet still standing his ground) boy. "Bombarda"

Overkill? Yes. Did she care? No. Neville was sent flying back into a wall by the explosion, the sound of bones breaking echoing through the corridor.

You would think that somebody would have heard this, but since it was a weekend almost everyone was either in their common rooms or outside, not roaming the halls near the classrooms. The Ravenclaws were only on that side of the castle right now because the bully had dragged Luna there to release some rage, and Neville was there because he was looking for Harry, wanting to ask why he had been absent from class the day before. (He was jumping off a cliff that Crookshanks had found)

Neville let out a scream of pain as he fell to the floor. Luckily for him, since the girl was only a fourth year and had just learned the spell, it wasn't powerful enough to kill him in one shot. Still hurt like hell though.

Luna watched with horror as the boy that had tried to help her lay on the floor, bleeding and broken.

"Damn, maybe I shouldn't have used that, you might just end up dying now. Oh well. I'm sure no one will care, I'll just have to make sure to hide the evidence. Good thing the castle is strong enough to resist my blasting curse, otherwise that would have been a bitch to explain." The girl commented to nobody in particular.

Then she turned her attention back to Luna. "Well then bitch, am I going to have to kill you now too? No, that would be to much of a waste. I would have to find another punching bag then! Oooh! I know! I have been wanting to try out the obliviate spell for a while now, and this is the perfect opportunity!"

Luna looked at the girl in fear, but also anger. How could she so casually injure someone like that and watch them bleed out? Like it was all a game? This girl was a psychopath!

Before Luna could think of anything else, Luna caught something out of the corner of her eye. Looking to the left to see what it was, she saw a golden ball of light zoom past her and stop directly above the boy laying on the ground, as if examining him. After hovering there for a few seconds, it flew into him.

"What?" The bully asked, noticing her gaze was directed to something moving behind her. Turning around, she saw nothing but the broken body of the squib. "Holy shit! You actually are crazy aren't you? I thought you were just pretending to be to get attention, but here you are, actually seeing things!" The girl laughed.

"All right, enough of that. Let's get this over with." She said after a few moments, not noticing that the broken body behind her didn't seem so "Broken" anymore. And neither did Luna since she was to busy staring at the wand pointed at her face in fear.

"Please don't do this!" The girl begged, knowing full well the dangers of obliviation if preformed by an armature. She didn't want her entire life erased.

"Beg all you want Loony, I don't care. Maybe this wouldn't have happened if that sack of shit over there hadn't shown up, but it's too late now. I can't have any witnesses running around after all." The girl said dismissively, readying her spell. "Obliviate!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" Her spell was immediately followed by a scream, but not one from Luna.

The bully fell on the ground, clutching her broken arm with her other hand. The spell that she had just sent toward the smaller girl missing and hitting the wall a few centimeters away from Luna's head.

"I pity you. Hurting others simply to lesson the mental burden of your own failures." Came a deep voice, "Of course, I wouldn't know how that feels, my greatness is far to vast for me to feel the disappointment of failure! Perhaps you can describe it to me?"

The bully's head snapped up, tears in her eyes from the pain in her arm, only to come face to face with that boy again. But, how was he standing? Why did he look fine? And... was he getting bigger?

*Rip* "What? Cat got your tongue? Do not worry, I understand completely. *Rip* You are in MY presence after all, being left speechless is the obvious outcome." *Rip* He stated with a nod of understanding, ignoring the tearing sounds of his robes as they ripped apart.

"W-What? What the hell are you?" The girl couldn't help but exclaim as she watched the boy physically inflating, muscles appearing out of nowhere and ripping apart his robes. She also noticed that the room's temperature had increased by at least thirty degrees and was still rising.

He ignored the girl, instead turning to Luna, who was just staring at the "boy" in awe, Lord Neville turned his chin up. "Rejoice Ravenclaw child, for you have been rescued by Lord Neville Longbottom of house Gryffindor! A great honor has been bestowed upon you this day!" He stated with a tone of praising, similar to one a knight would have when introducing their king.

By now he was a solid 200 centimeters tall (6'7ft) and towered over both girls. What made him look like even more of a giant was his now comically large muscles, which were almost all larger then either girls head. (The ONE is 325 centimeters or 10'8ft, but since it's still earlier in the morning, and Neville is still young, he won't reach that size quite yet.) All of his clothes except the upper parts of his pants were ripped up by now, leaving the pants to look more like a to small pair of shorts on the boy.

"Thank you!" Luna ignored the arrogant attitude completely, immediately standing up to hug her savior, only to fall back down, suddenly remembering that she was, in fact, still injured.

"Oh? It would seem that your injuries are more severe then they seemed." Lord Neville noticed, before smiling. "Worry not young Ravenclaw! Mere flesh wounds are no obstacle for me!" Lord Neville reassured her as he pointed his finger at her, a yellow beam of light shooting out of it. Immediately, all of the wounds on her body began regenerating at a visible speed.

Luna, amazed once again as she watched her body put itself back together, looked at her savior once again with stars in her eyes.

"How did you do that? You didn't use a wand!" Asked the bully from the sidelines, a little annoyed at being ignored by a squib and Loony.

"Oh yes, you magicals still rely on a stick to use your own power! A pity, with that being the case I will likely never find a challenge in this world." Lord Neville said with a shake of his head, looking down on her with sympathy.

"That was incredible! I'm feeling better then I ever have in my life!" Luna exclaimed with joy.

"Well of course you are! You were healed by me." Lord Neville pointed out matter of factly.

"Bombarda!" Came a scream from next to them, followed by an explosion right on top of Lord Neville.

The bully was still on her knees, holding her wand in her not broken hand, panting from magical exhaustion. She had just gotten more pissed by the look of actual pity on his face when he looked at her, and couldn't just sit by, letting him act like he could just do whatever he wanted!

To bad for her that explosion didn't do shit.

Lord Neville simply stood there, completely unscathed as if nothing had happened at all, eyes still on Luna.

Then he turned, staring once more at the bully on the ground. "Now, Ravenclaw, for the sin of torturing others for your own sadistic pleasure, you shall atone with your magic!" Lord Neville said with a voice full of power, pointing his finger at the bully and sending a beam of yellow light at her.

The second it collided with her skin, she was covered in a yellow aura, causing her to scream in pain. The power of sunshine coursed through her entire body, burning away all traces of her magic.

(Sunshine is a lot more flexible in the HP world because of the whole belief thing mixing with the raw power of the SDS magic. Also, while Neville did become arrogant like Escanor, he is still a lot less violent then both Escanor and Mael, so with the intervention of his own magic, Neville's version of Sunshine is a little different and has a lot more uses in fields other than fighting.)

Looking down at her own hands in horror, the bully could see the castle around her becoming harder and harder to register in her mind. "What did you do to me?" She asked, her hands now shaking in disbelief rather than pain (though her arm did still hurt like a bitch).

"I have purged your body of magic. Be grateful that I am so benevolent as to show mercy to one such as yourself and left you with all of your limbs. Bullying of such a caliber on one so young can ruin their lives for years to come, barely making them worth living! Now, leave this castle and contemplate your actions!" Lord Neville ordered, raising his hand and sending a fire ball at her.

Said fire ball engulfed her, somehow not burning her, picked her up and sped out of the castle, stopping somewhere in Hogsmeade village, and dumping the girl on the street, before finally dispersing. All of this happened in the span of five seconds. Nobody ever saw that girl again.]

After sending the bully away, Lord Neville turned back to Luna, giving her an arrogant smile.

"What was that? How are you so strong all of the sudden?" Luna asked, not particularly caring, the Ravenclaw in her just getting the better of her.

This made Lord Neville smile wider. "Aw yes! This is my glorious magical power! Sunshine!" He finished as if that was all the explanation that was needed. Luna wasn't disappointed though, simply satisfied to have a name for it. What he said next did disappoint her though.

"I shall see you another time Ravenclaw! I am afraid I must leave the castle now. It is approaching noon, and as this is my first transformation with Sunshine I have little control over my heat. It would be a pity to end up burning you alive from my presence, especially after having just been rescued." Lord Neville explained, but didn't elaborate as he disappeared with a flash step.

Luna watched the air with wide eyes for a moment, before blushing and looking down. "But I didn't get to tell you my name."

Around the corner, Harry and Crookshanks watched the scene play out. Harry was amazed that Neville was the one that was found worthy of Sunshine's power, and was even more amazed at seeing it's power in person. And he knew from his Sensei's stories that what he had just shown wasn't even a fraction of his power!

Crookshanks on the other hand,

'Oh goddamn it! Why did he have to be arrogant to! How the hell are we supposed to stick to canon with him walking around? *Sigh* I'll have to have Harry bring him to the RoR tomorrow to get him to join my *Ahem* dojo, I doubt he would just follow a cat around for no reason like Harry did, especially with his new found... confidence.' Crookshanks thought to himself before sighing again, 'Oh well, at least it was Neville and not one of the evil characters.'

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(Not the funniest chapter I've written, I know, but since I made this one of those super evil HP worlds, I felt it would make more sense for Luna's bullying to be more cruel, and it felt inappropriate to try and write jokes during that part.

Just so you know, Sunshine won't kill Neville. Crookshanks never told Harry about how Escanor died, just that he had a heroic death sacrificing himself for his comrades, so Harry's magic didn't know about any weakness when it recreated Sunshine. Therefore, this Sunshine has no such weakness. He does have access to The ONE and The Ultimate ONE though.

Anyway, that aside, Sunshine has joined the chat! Now, I'm sure at least half of you are wondering why I would do that, and the answer to that is simple. See, *Spoilers* I plan on having all of the enemies (Dumbles, the Weasleys, Voldy, Toad face, the Ministry, and some others that will appear later) running around until the climax of the book so I can have them all in one place when they get shit stomped into the concrete. How do I do that? Simple, I give them enough power to survive Harry for a few years.

But, since this is still a comedy, we can't have good characters dying, so I also have to make them strong enough to survive the evil bullshit that the bad guys dish out, hence Sunshine Neville. It may seem stupid to have so many things crossing over into HP, but to be honest I don't really care. I have read dozens if not hundreds of fanfics (I have a lot of free time) by now, and they are almost always the same thing with slight differences. They go through the years the conventional way, most of the time only changing one or two things drastically, and call it a day. So, instead of doing that for the hundredth time, I'm just going to make everything here an OP clusterfuck of power and see what happens.

It might be VERY chaotic, but since this is a comedy, thats a good thing. But, if your still worried about it, people will be gaining powers very slowly. For example, we're twelve chapters in and so far there are only three characters with powers, and since two of them are the main characters, they don't even really count. From here on characters will only be gaining powers here and there, so don't worry about things going to shit to quickly.

Let me know your thoughts on this. I would like suggestions on what powers you think would work best in this world and who you think should obtain them (Should I give Snape Thor's Hammer or something like that?). Anyway, leave a review if you feel like it and thanks for reading.)