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an In n In wa hi

Autor: Erivva
Fantasía
En Curso · 41.2K Visitas
  • 3 Caps
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  • 4.8
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Resumen

"I'm just a silly child with an unreachable dream. As a child, I always dreamed of being a Hero, but I went down the wrong path. I now look back at my foolish dream of wanting to be a Hero and saving others. Me, a Hero, what a farce. My sins can never be repented for they were too great." "Hah, don't even get me started on the story about my journey, for it's just a long and painful route to becoming a Diamond." "Power, luxury, worlds we can have all of them, but we can never fully be happy." "Diamond goddess my ass!! What is the use of becoming a powerful being if we can't even Live peacefully?" She turns to look at the child with pink hair and pink eyes. "Would you be interested in knowing who we are?" Iris asked the child. "Yes of course since I'm one too it would be good if I know," Polyra answered shyly and she twisted her hair on her fingertips. "Diamonds were supreme beings that were given to create life and destroy life, also known as world destroyers. They could pass through time and dimensions and create worlds of their own." I said as stars formed around them. "All Diamonds have a Diamond Gem in their body plus we have Diamond-shaped pupils to identify ourselves." "So then are we like cool or something," Polyra asked joyfully. Iris gave her a blank yet sad look, "I wish we were..." "All I know is throughout myself as a Diamond all I've felt was pain, but one thing that keeps me going is to find my sisters." "Diamonds are never free unless we're truly strong, but if we aren't we would be chased for the rest of our days." "What about the rest of the other Diamonds? There must be more people like us, right? Polyra asked nervously. "They're not my problem to deal with," Iris said coldly. "Then why did you save me?" Polyra asked as she stared deep into Iris's lifeless eyes. "Maybe a connection, I don't know." She responded. "Well then Iris if you won't find the rest of the other Diamonds, I will," Polyra stood up proudly. "Hahahaha, fine then have it your way." "Polyra, do you still want to be the Pink Diamond and become my follower?" she asked, stretching out her hand. "How can you also ask such a silly question Iris. You were the one who raised me and I don't care if I become a follower of the Black Diamond Goddess, because you're like a mother to me," she said softly. "Then the whole heavens would hate you dear child. For the Black Diamond shall always be the Diamond to bring calamity, chaos, and evil upon everything…." "And the Diamond war shall begin soon." The cover art isn't mine

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Iriscute7
Iriscute7Lv2
Want_A_Martini
Want_A_MartiniLv1

Although by no means a bad story, the writing often feels amateurish, using lackluster and repetitive wording that makes the story feel more like a glorified middle school fan-fic than a fantasy novel. Though many people seem to enjoy the author's style, so don't take my analysis as a deterrent. The world-building is fairly detailed, if not overly expository and at cost of early story pacing. Things, people, and locations are often over-described every time they're mentioned or are always mentioned in full name, making sentences harder to read and bogging down the story's flow. The characters are fairly well done, only feeling more like "characters" than people due to the exposition and description issues I've mentioned earlier. I'll leave world-building and characters at "solid," as the story hasn't been around long enough to fully realize either of them. Though I will say, leaving things to unfold as the story progresses will leave you with far more to work with later, and will lessen your chances of driving the story in a direction that makes no sense, just for more content. Pacing>Exposition My second piece of advice would be to use more descriptive wording, rather than more descriptions. The reader's detail can fill in a lot, part of reading is imagining what's happening. Using descriptive wording and painting a picture that allows them to fill in the gaps, rather than overly describing things, allows for the story to flow much more naturally, while still giving them an idea of what things are like in the story.

JJ_Prakoso
JJ_PrakosoLv1

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