326. Chapter 326

After Under the Gun

Episode 3.03

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, kid. Rating: K Time: See above.

How the hell could he do that to me? How could he do that to anyone? Mike Royce was more than just my TO. He was….special. Did I love him? It was something. Something a lot like love.

Kate was startled out of her reverie by a knock at her door. "Who the hell..?" She muttered. She got off her couch and headed for the door, stopping to take her sidearm from the drawer. If I can't trust Royce, who can I trust? She thought, opening the door.

"Castle?" She said, looking at her partner standing there. "What are you doing here?"

Castle held up a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. "I thought you might like a drink. To relax. You had a hard day. A hard couple of days."

She shook her head slightly. "Castle, I appreciate the concern, but…"

"It's a Sancerre red. It's a very good wine. You'll like it." As he talked, he carefully edged into Kate's apartment.

She could see that she wasn't going to get rid of him without physically throwing him out. Kate just walked back into her apartment. I'm too tired to argue with Castle. She thought for a moment. Actually, I just don't want to argue with Castle at all.

Kate sat on one end of her couch, facing Castle with her legs folded under her. Just in case he gets frisky. No. I know him. He'll be a gentleman. But she didn't do anything to invite Castle closer.

Castle made a production of opening the wine, letting it breathe, tasting a sip and then pouring and offering a glass to Kate.

"Thank you." She said, taking a sip. "Um. This is good." He smiled and she relaxed a bit.

"I'm glad you like it, Beckett. Like I said, you've had a hard couple of days."

Kate nodded, then looked down. "Royce was the only one who understood why I was so determined to find my mom's killer. My family didn't understand at all. When I dropped out of Stanford and applied to the Police Academy, they were stunned. My dad, who was still sort of sober at that time, was furious. He thought I was disrespecting my mom. They had wanted me to be lawyer and were overjoyed when I decided to go to Stanford for pre-law." I wonder if my decision had anything to do with his drinking? His wife was dead and his daughter had failed him. I know I'll never have the nerve to ask him.

Kate laughed bitterly. "My Aunt Theresa was especially upset when I decided to become a cop. She told me that I'd never find a good husband as a cop. I think she thought of cops as guys who sat around home in their underwear, drinking beer and punching their wives. I'm afraid she still thinks that."

She'll change her mind if I have anything to say about it. Castle thought.

"I've told you about being the hot rookie at the Academy."

Castle nodded. "It must have been tough."

Kate shrugged. "It's supposed to be tough. But to a lot of the police cadets, I didn't belong there."

"Why?" Castle was curious.

Kate felt she may have told Castle too much. Then again, she had already told him way too much about her life. More wouldn't hurt. "My family isn't rich. Not Richard Castle rich, but you were right when you profiled me that my family had money. I went to Stuyvesant High School, a magnet school for bright kids, and then on to Stanford, a pricey private college. I was pre-law, which meant three more years of law school. Three more expensive years. And then I ended up with a class of police cadets that had gone to basically average high schools and mostly junior colleges, with just a few having gone to a four year school. I don't know if anyone graduated. Actually, we had more veterans in my class than anything."

Kate smiled at a memory. "There was this other woman in the class, Marina Cespedes. She had spent four years in the Marines as an MP. She knew more about being a cop than anyone in the class, I think. She figured I was too soft to make it through and be a real cop. She figured I'd end up decorating some captain's office in One PP as a glorified secretary and forget all about revenge. Or more likely I'd go back to law school, become rich and look down on cops."

"She bullied you?" Castle asked.

"No. Not really. Mostly she just looked at me with disdain. Every time I screwed up, and I screwed up a lot, she seemed to be right there, looking at me and shaking her head in disbelief that I'd made such a dumb mistake."

"I hope you let her know who and what you are now." Castle smiled.

"She was recalled to active duty in the Marines after 9/11. I heard she stayed in. Anyway, I haven't seen or heard from her since." Kate took another sip of wine. "Anyway, the class seemed to be divided into two parts. One group wanted to get in my pants, and the other wanted to get rid of the spoiled rich kid with delusions of being cop material."

"I imagine some of them feel differently now."

Kate shook her head. "No. Most of the ones who wanted me out figure I got where I am by sleeping with anyone who could help me. A lot of cops think that way. If you're a woman and you've done anything, you're a whore. Or you're a man hating bitch."

Castle could see that this was upsetting Beckett. I need to change the subject and quickly. "Did you talk to Royce about…what happened?"

"Oh, yes. He wanted to talk about it."

Castle waited, but Beckett apparently didn't want to say any more. "Sorry, sore subject. Sorry I brought it up."

"No. You should know. He found himself an aging ex-cop with no prospects other than sitting around, collecting his pension and drinking beer with other ex-cops, talking about the good old days. He decided he wanted more. Oddly enough, he said he wanted someone like me in his life."

Castle smiled. She may just bite my head off for this, but I have to ask. "And you say that you never loved Royce?"

Beckett glared at Castle. He braced himself for her attack. But the glare faded, replaced by sadness. "It was some strong emotion. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was hero worship. Maybe it was gratitude. Mike Royce was the only person that ever understood what drove me to find my mom's killer. He didn't just understand, he pushed me to study her file, to question everything that was in it, to try to find evidence that wasn't in the report. He's the one who pushed me to become a detective. And when I did, we lost contact."

Kate stared off into space. "The funny thing is, if he'd tried, he could have had someone exactly like me in his life. I guess that isn't what he really wanted." She looked at her watch. "Castle, it's late. I have to get up tomorrow and go to work. I'm not a world famous author who can set his own working hours."

Castle rose. "See you tomorrow, Beckett. I can find my own way out."

Kate watched the door close behind Castle. No, Mike Royce is not the only person who understood what pushed me to find Mom's killer. Castle understands as well. And I know he'll do everything he can to find whoever ordered her death. But why? Like so many things with Castle, I have no idea what he's thinking or why he does what he does. But I appreciate it.

Castle sat in the back of a cab going back to his loft. Thirty million in gems or Kate Beckett? I'm a millionaire, but who wouldn't pick Beckett?

Author's note: For more of my imaginary conversations between Kate and Royce, see chapters 83, 186 and 205.