325. Chapter 325

After He's Dead, She's Dead.

Episode 3.02

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It doesn't take a psychic to see that I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Detective Kate Beckett was walking through Central Park when she saw her best friend, Lanie Parish running through the park. She was not only running, but seemed to be wearing something akin to a Playboy Bunny costume.

Kate took off after her and soon caught up. "Lanie? What are you doing here? And dressed like that?"

Lanie looked down at a large, old fashioned, wind up alarm clock she was carrying. "I'm late, Kate. Gotta skate. Can't tempt fate. Look at the date. "

With that Lanie sped up so fast that Kate lost her for a moment. Kate came over a small rise in the park and saw Lanie. She stopped, turned to look at Kate, waved to her, then disappeared down a hole.

"Oh my god!" Kate yelled as she ran towards where Lanie had disappeared. "Lanie!"She screamed. She got to the hole and looked down. "How could a hole this deep get in Central Park?" She wondered. Suddenly, she found herself falling down the hole. And falling, and falling, and falling and falling. When she landed, she had the air knocked out of her.

"Lanie?" She called, still out of breath.

"Are you all right?" Said a voice.

Kate got up. She was confronted by a tall, ruggedly handsome man, wearing an odd, overly large hat. "Who are you?" She asked.

"Mad Rick Hatter, at your service." He said, bowing to her. "Are you all right?"

Kate nodded. "I have to find my friend." She looked at her new acquaintance. "I assume you're a hat maker."

"No, I'm a writer, actually. It's odd, though. My birth name is Richard Alexander Writer. I've written a book." He held up a manuscript. It read, Hatt Wave. "It's about a detective here in Wonderland. Nikki Hatt. She's a homicide cop. What do you do?"

"I'm a homicide cop. NYPD. Kate Beckett."

"Can I shadow you? You know. Get some ideas. Soak up your knowledge."

Kate was about to say no, but she wasn't sure where she was or what was going on. "I guess. If you'd like, I could critique your book. But first, I have to find my friend. She's dressed like a Playboy Bunny."

Mad Rick pointed to his left. "She went thataway."

The two travelers hadn't gone more than a hundred yards before running into an odd creature. It appeared to be a large cat. "Who are you?" Mad Rick asked.

"I'm the Cheshire Robbery Detective." The cat purred. "Care to go to the Jersey Shore, gorgeous?"

"You're not my type." Mad Rick shot back.

The cat slowly disappeared, leaving only a smile behind. "All he was, was a nice smile." Kate said.

"I could have told you that." Mad Rick said under his breath.

A bit farther on, he found an odd man sitting upon a huge mushroom. Dark haired and rather good looking, if you liked that type, he was smoking from a hookah. "Yo, dud and dudette." He called.

"Shouldn't that be dude?" Mad Rick asked testily, not liking the man dressed in an odd green suit.

"I calls 'em the way I see 'em." He replied. "Wanna toke?" He gestured to the hookah.

"That's illegal in the State of New York, you know." Kate said sharply.

"Not in Wonderland. Would you like a 'shroom?"

"A what?" Asked Kate.

"A magic mushroom." Mad Rick explained. "A hallucinogenic mushroom. Hang with the cool kids, Beckett."

"Have you seen a woman dressed like a Playboy Bunny pass by here?" Kate asked.

"Oh!" The man said. "Psychedelic! Far out! A stone fox! Yeah."

"Could you tell us where she went?" Kate asked, getting angry.

"She headed for the White Queen's crash pad."

"I know where it is." Mad Rick said, leading Kate away. Kate noticed he had taken her hand and thought about pulling it away. She decided not to. Holding his hand is nice. She thought.

A few minutes later, they came upon two men. "Uh oh!" Mad Rick said." Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber. Let me do the talking."

"Yo, bro!" Said Tweededumb. "How it is? Wazzzup?"

Tweedledumber said nothing, merely gave off the redolent smell of Guinness Stout.

"I'm Mad Rick Hatter…" He began.

"Mad Rick Hatter! I know that dude!" Tweedledumb announced. "He used to live over in the projects with his old lady. I got some righteous shit from him. Primo Maui Wowie."

Mad Rick blushed and looked at Kate who was glaring at him. "No, entirely different Mad Rick Hatter. Not me. Not me at all."

Tweedledumber belched and Kate was nearly overcome with the Guinness fumes. Before she could recover, Mad Rick asked, "Stone fox dressed like a bunny? Seen her?"

Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber pointed in opposite directions. "The White Queen's Palace." They announced in unison.

"Thanks, dawg." Mad Rick said. "And if you need some righteous shit, I know a guy."

This time Kate grabbed his hand and pulled him away. This time she let go of his hand.

"Someone is ahead of us." Mad Rick said.

Sure enough, there was a skeletal figure in a long black robe, speaking nonsense.

"Twas bryllyg, and ye slythy toves"Did gyre and gymble in ye wabe:"All mimsy were ye borogoves;"And ye mome raths outgrabe. " He babbled.

"I think we should go." Rick said. He looks dangerous."

"No. I know what he is." Kate said. "Black robe, babbling nonsense. He's a lawyer. Worse, he's of the sub-species, judge."

Carefully, they tiptoed pas the odd man who was now speaking entirely in Latin. "Ab initio!" He proclaimed. "Amicus Curiae! Cui Bono?"

"That last guy?" Mad Rick asked as they slipped away. "Sonny or the Irish dude?"

"I was pre-law at Stanford." Kate said. "That's legal Latin."

"You went to a Junior University?" Mad Rick asked.

"It's not a junior university." Kate said angrily. "It's one of the best universities in the world."

"Sure. But it's the Leland J. Stanford, Junior University."

"You must have gone to Berserkley." Kate said coldly.

They found themselves at the White Queen's Palace, confronted by some sort of a guard. "Mr. Hatter! I do not allow dilettante writers into this palace."

Mad Rick looked around. "Me? Are you looking at me? Are you looking at me? Are you looking at me?"

Afraid that Mad Rick would do a Jack Nicholson, or worse, a Don Corleone, Kate smiled at the guard, who was wearing a dress made from a playing card. "Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD, homicide. Here to see the White Queen." She pushed her was past the guard, taking Mad Rick with her.

They found the queen playing ice hockey with a baseball bat. Kate shook her head. "Look at her stance. She can't get her back leg into her swing at all."

"I heard that!" The Queen yelled. "If you think you can do better, you try it."

Kate smiled to herself and walked to the plate in the middle of the hockey rink. A familiar looking man in a blue suit looked at her from the pitcher's mound. "I'm going to Boston. You in?"

"Red Sox fan." Kate snarled. "Throw the ball. You got any heat?"

The Red Sox fan narrowed his eyes, went into his wind up and threw a 100 mile an hour fast ball.

Kate smiled and hit it right between the first baseman's legs, laughing as she did.

"Queen Gina would like to see you now." The pitcher said glumly.

Kate and Mad Rick walked over to Queen Gina. "Your majesty." They said on unison.

"I need to find a detective to find my tart." The Queen said imperiously.

"You're sitting on her." Kate said calmly.

The Queen looked down. "Meredith! There you are."

Kate and Mad Rick walked away. "Could you read my book now?" Mad Rick asked.

Kate took his book and read it swiftly. "I see some plot holes." She announced.

"I know a tailor." Mad Rick said.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Here at the beginning you have this Robbery detective making out in the police station with Nikki Hatt. But later when Nikki and Jameson Milliner get together, she tells him they can't be seen to be together because of some rule about colleagues dating."

"Major bummer." Mad Rick said softly. "I'll use some magic to correct that."

"There's no such thing as magic." Kate said sharply.

Mad Rick shook his head sadly. "If you don't believe in magic, you'll never find it."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Whatever!" She continued with her critique. "And then, just before Captain Mongo is killed, Nikki forgives him at once, even though he knew all along who killed her mother. But later when Milliner tells Nikki that he's been keeping secrets about the murder, even though Nikki loves Milliner, she gets mad at him. See? Plot holes."

Mad Rick nodded. "Wow. You're great."

Kate took Mad Rick's hand. "You have no idea."