Chapter 75 Tartaro After Party

--So~ Cannon-chan~ Although I enjoy having your foot in my crotch and your ass in my face~ What are you going to do now? I have a wife, a lover and a girlfriend waiting for me at home~

I asked while enjoying the soft smell of soap on Cannon-chan's body, don't ask me how we ended up in this position, I was just resting on the floor, she got on the horse by herself.

--What do you want me to do? You killed my protagonist and disabled 90% of my plot...

She continued to press her slight bottom against my face. Does this girl want to suffocate me with those miserable buttocks? Baby, not even Nemuri and Nagant together could, dream about it.

--Well, you can't just revive it~ you're the shounen will, pull off something ridiculous and cheesy like "With the power of love and friendship we will overcome death" or something like that~

I offered my opinion enduring the temptation to bite her, too bad my body is still paralyzed.

--I would do it if I could! I would restart this fucking world but the rules don't allow it FUCK! If only Old Man Lee hadn't died, the rules wouldn't have changed, that old man loved reboots... dammit...

--I guess... either you can't or you don't meet the requirements~ F.

--Don't meme me you bastard! You killed everything before the save point, there are absolute points on the world and time lines, points where the story can reset or change but you threw everything out the window.

--Oh? How strange~ I thought they could restart however they wanted, you know Tsukimichi, Tate, SteinsGate, SlimeTensei, Re: Zero, Marvel, Dc Comics, Omnisent Reader, Solo Leveling there are many stories with regressors and worldwide reboots from page one and go a free dozen.

Cannon-chan helplessly kicked my crotch and growled, lifting me up from my face and straddling my chest and pinning my face between her thighs.

--Look bastard, hedonist, the old Lee from Marvel made a mess with his dimension and thanks to that the dimensions of Marvel and DC lost their wills and are now kingdoms of Chaos, Tsukimichi, Tate, Slime and Solo Leveling were worlds created for that their protagonists become lairs of the dimensions, call them "Unpaid Border Control Officers", The PsyCoogoro only loves time travel, Re: Zero is the same his will is a sick sadistic lover of Ntr, the same can says the will of Omnisent Reader and half of the wills derived from Korean and Chinese stories...

--I see...so, you're...a virgin, vanilla, sexually frustrated will, cosplayer and Yaoi-loving Fuhoshi?

God this would be so much more fun if she wore a skirt but too bad we only have pajamas. Let's continue with the verbal harassment.

--YOU!

--I? That? Repressed Fujoshi~ I can still bring on the Ice Age at the cost of hibernating for a few months, it might not harm you... but surely your little world won't be able to take it~ I don't know what the hell you wanted to do by appearing in front of me but already I'm out of patience for you and your pubescent ass. Do you want me to do something? Say it! Do you want a fight? Release the restraint and fight!

--YOU! Pervert!

--Says the girl who spent an hour sitting on my face while playing with my penis! By the way, not even a masochistic premature ejaculator would come with you~

--Unfortunate!

--Little Ass!

--Perverted bastard!

--Northern Fujoshi!

--Bald, Leg Fetishist!

--YEAH! I like the legs! But yours is a pair of boards~! And, Hello my hair is better than yours me! Broom!

--You jerk off with Astolfo!

--And you with Artoria!

--Lolicon!

--I work with the FBI! Shota abuser!

--Catch Dead!

--Cold is richer!

--Milf-con!

--Of course! Tell me Daddy! Stepdaughter~!

--YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

We continued an impromptu name-calling match where my cheeky nature made Cannon-chan vomit blood.

***

--Ugh...bastard...insufferable..."

--Stop crying, dammit..."

After about an hour of insults Cannon-chan broke down and started crying, now I'm comforting her or at least trying to, since this girl has the same ability as Izuku, an endless source of tears and for some wonder of the universe I can't freeze them so you could well die drowning by them. And if this girl continues to climb on me, that I am a Damn Dakimacura?

--You...are...a...bastard...perverted...evil...why, did you have to come to my world?" Why couldn't you go with the DxD bitch? Or Shigeki's Sociopath or To Aru's Suicidal Lunatic? Why did it have to be me?

--I don't know, the old man just gave me a roulette wheel~ and well I ended up here... (And not in Boku no P**o)

-- You ...you...couldn't...just...stay...out... ?

--What about Endeavour~ without his flames and his resistance to killing, my parents would still be alive, I would never have been protected by him, I would not have gone to Vietnam, I would not have developed my skills so much, maybe I would be just another student at UA , I could have helped a little here and there, I would not have meddled too much since I would still have a family without powers to protect, but I lost them, and unlocked the "Orphan Mode with Super Powers" also known as the "Starter Started Pack". BROKEN", in fact the fact that Midoriya had parents made him too ugly, look at Po**mon's Mustard, he is about 25 years old as a 10~11 year old boy traveling through a world full of creatures that could easily kill a human being even by mistake and look at him, he has been electrocuted, burned, drowned, beaten, buried and murdered but the son of fruit returns younger and younger and his secret is that he was practically abandoned by his family, his father left home when he was 5 or 4 years old and at 10 his mother kicked him out of the house... See, the power of the orphan~

--Moztaza doesn't count...

He complained through tears, hell I can't stand a woman crying, the last time I made a woman cry like that was in my previous life and we ended up with seven hours of violent Snusnu in the cheapest motel in town, I had to pay the damn price bed we broke Is the tiredness affecting me or my brain or is it the loss of blood? What am I doing remembering these things now? I sighed and continued my condescending trash talk.

--Well, there are also Goku, Ichigo, Gon, Kilua, Naruto, Asta, Hao, Inuyasha, 90% of the rest of the Shounen or Seinen protagonists from the 80s to the present, are orphans of at least one parent and grew up To kick the ass of their gods, instead of looking to kill me you should have killed Deku's father, not sent him to build a commemorative statue of All Might in the USA.

--...Maybe...I should...kill...that...npc...give...a little...trauma...to...my...Izuku." ...

Between whimpers, Cannon-chan started to cry out, Thanks to Yu Ilhan-sama.

***

After crying out and releasing the movement restriction on my body, I was finally able to move and get her off me...heck I never hated having a woman on top of me so much...for the first time in two lives...it was an uncomfortable and unpleasant experience Right now I just want to go home, take a bath and sleep with my girls, Nemuri on the right, Nagant on the left and Fuyumi on top... later, a light breakfast accompanied by a bloody and brutal hunt for Corrupt Politicians for the whole country, after that maybe a "Total World Domination~" campaign or just live a relaxed life full of hugs and cuddles with my girls, move to a big house in a remote town, one shiba Inu, three or six children... being a good father and husband... sounds good~?

--What kind of Happy Ending are you thinking of, genocidal pervert?

Canno-chan snapped as she touched up her makeup.

--I'm deciding whether to go for a Happy Ending or a Lunatic Ending~ Sexually Frustrated Miss Fujoshi Northern Shota Voyeurist~

I'm not from the north!

--But do you spy on your brother in the bathroom? Which should be backwards~ I understand, Norteña?

--I'm not a Northerner! And I only did it once... ( to put a camera)!

--Whatever you say~

I adjusted my ice leg and my arms before preparing to leave Tartarus, I had spent too much time incommunicado and I had to tell the World Who was the Real Alpha Male Now!

--One last thing Ymir!

Cannon-chan yelled just as she was about to go up to Peterhausen.

--What, Cannon-chan?

--You owe me a Cartagonist! I have not finished! I will be back! Cor Armas!

He yelled while making an intimidating pose to which I could only laugh.

--Puahahahaha~ Whatever you say~ Warsenegerg.

With that last threat, Cannon-chan disappeared in a flash of rainbow light.

--Really a not-so-pretty woman...god, I bet my right ball that Tomoko from Watamote is a thousand times prettier than that chick...Arhg...whatever...let's go home, I'm missing one leg and both arms, I'm hungry, sleepy and thirsty... I want Ramen, a Beer and a Lap Pillow! In that order!

I screamed my wishes and flew out of the frozen wasteland that was Tartarus, ignoring the darkening sky and snowfall all over the sky, I had no mood or interest in the environmental effects of my actions, be thankful that it is not the real Ice Age.