Dawn

As the colors of the sky change from the deepest blacks of the night to the brightest reds and yellows, tears slowly seep into the skin of my cheeks. As the birds wake, the songs they sing only sound like the melody of your voice. The sun continues to illuminate my surroundings and I slowly shut my eyes blocking out the world around me.

I breathe in the cool air and open my eyes gently. The shadow of the park no longer looms above me; all that greets my eyes is a field of nassella tenuissima and the moon. My body feels light as a feather yet as grounded as ever. The wind gracefully blows the feather grass and it tickles the flesh of my arms. Unexpectedly, a figure appears in the distance. I squint to make the figure more tangible.

The figure looks like you.

My body no longer feels light. It almost feels like the ground would swallow me whole. The birds that once sung have become you, singing the tune of our favorite song. As I try to call your name, my voice falls short. I struggle against every fibre of my being to raise to my feet but everything in me fights against it. I raise my eyes to look at the figure once again but this time they're facing me. The moon illuminates the features of your face.

My eyes brim with tears. The way your eyes glow in the moonlight like the thousands of galaxies that neighbor ours. Or the way your smile lights up the night far better than any star and keeps the fire in my heart alive. And your delicate hands that have held mine, dried thousands of my tears and caressed my face more times than I can count. My body aches to hold you in my arms again, to make you laugh and protect you all over again.

I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. I push my body to stand on my two feet. My limbs scream in pain fighting against the gravity holding me down. Suddenly, I'm finally standing and heavily exhale. It feels like I've climbed a mountain and I'm left physically exhausted, and yet I run.

I run to you as fast as my legs will take me. Nothing means more to me than seeing you in this moment. You were my everything. You are and forever will be my everything.

 "Jimin!" my voice finally carries itself to you.

My chest heaves as the air burns my lungs. The path to you is a prolonged journey but eventually I'm standing before you. The corners of your mouth stretch into an even bigger smile and your eyes disappear behind your outstretched cheeks. I raise my hand to touch the warmth of your face but my hand passes right through you. Your eyes well up with tears.

  "Taehyung, I'm sorry." your voice is gentle and barely above a whisper.

 "No! Don't be sorry. I'm sorry, I failed you." Your tears spill.

 "Failed me? Taehyung, you did everything for me. There isn't anything more you could've done," you reach out and the ghostly touch of your hand graces my cheek. My eyes widen in surprise and I place my hand over where yours should be. The warmth of your smile melts away every negative feeling from my mind.

 "I miss you so much," I hesitate. "I can't believe it's been a whole year without you."

  "I miss you more," your smile wavers but returns with full force.

I raise my right hand in the air for you to hold watching the red string attached to our pinkies close the distance.

 "It's still there," you sigh in disbelief.

  "Yep! Still there!" I smile widely and wiggle my pinky finger.

  "I missed your smile. I haven't seen it in a while." you giggle through your words.

 "It's hard to find reasons to smile without you." my voice lowers as I finish my sentence. Your eyes lower from my face and drag back up my body to meet mine again.

 "But the boys," you pause, "they don't make you smile?"

  "Of course they do. But they'll never compare to you." I smile bitterly.

You look me in the eyes for what feels like forever as the feathery plants brush over our legs. As time feels like it never existed in the first place, your face drops.

 "Taehyung." I bend slightly to pull your eyes away from the ground, "We're running out of time."

  "Time? Time for what?" I quizzically look into your face.

 "This."

I look around. The scenery before us slowly begins to fall out of existence. I raise my head to the sky to feel the eerily still air and the feather grass in the distance begin to vanish. Jimin's ghostly form holds my shoulders tightly.

 "Tae, come here," you gesture me to lower my head and I graciously do so. You take my head in both of your petite hands and kiss my lips in an unhurried manner.

Everything seemed to stand still, as if the earth wasn't crashing around us. You always make me feel like I'm flying. Nothing else matters when I'm with you.

Then, the thing I was most worried about: losing you again. The ground quakes beneath our feet and it seems as though the tresses of fate are tearing us apart yet again.

"Jimin!" my voice echoes in my ears. The look of panic on your face isn't as alarming as the thought of being without you. I feel as the ground begins to crumble under my feet and your grip around my shoulders becomes lax. You and I both knew this moment couldn't last forever no matter how much we wanted it so.

The ground disintegrates rapidly underneath me and I'm finally able to hold your hands in my own just moments before I begin to fall through the air. Our intertwined fingers slip out of each others' grasps and everything you are falls out of my vision. I fall further and the only thing connecting us is the single red string of fate constricting from our distance. The hot tears spill from my eyes falling slower than I do.

You finally grow too far apart and the moment I dreaded most occured right before my very eyes.

The red string snapped.

I feel my heart burst with agony. You are finally gone. I don't even know if I'll ever even see you in my dreams any longer. The string was the only thing still connecting us. The land between the living and the undead was never linked, but we were. Bound by fate and our souls forever connected; or so we were told.

My soul reaches for you, just as it will forevermore. The threads of our souls intertwine just once more before reality crashes around me.

I fall from the bench onto the freezing ground and pound my fist into the concrete. My tears  collide mercilessly with the ground as I silently cry your name. The skin on my knuckles begins to tear and at the same time a large hand gently takes place on my upper back.

  "Taehyung." Namjoon's voice rings in my head.

  "He's really gone," my voice croaks.

 "Yeah Tae, I'm sorry. He's really gone." Namjoon's voice is barely audible.

I cease my actions and look at Namjoon through my tears. He's looking off in the direction of the rising sun. The yellow light graces his features.

  "Let's go home." He finally meets my eyes.

 "Can we go see him one more time first?" I solemnly look into his eyes.

 "Yeah. The others are waiting there too." He meets my gaze with sincerity.

I raise to my feet feeling almost as heavy as I did in the field. Namjoon and I walk the long trek to the cemetery side by side in complete silence. With the park nowhere in sight, the cemetery sign comes into view making itself known by its ivy infested vinyl bars.

Four figures come into view being gently illuminated by the morning sunlight. Dawn was always your favorite. The serenity of the night being brought to life by the sun. As we reach the others, they turn toward Namjoon and I. Their eyes downcast with mournful smiles as I join them to peer at the grave. I've read the same script over and over again.

  "Here lies Park Jimin. Our stage will never be the same without you. We love you."

The gesture seemed sweet but the sentiment never felt good enough for you but I could never come up with anything better. No words were ever sufficient enough when it came to describing you or how I felt about you.

"How are you doing?" Hoseok broke the silence.

"I'm fine." my words felt scripted but not entirely false. I felt an odd sense of serenity after my encounter with you. Maybe because it felt so real no matter how sorrowful the moments had seem.

They all just nodded, feeling somewhat the same. It was hard for any of us to move on. You meant way too much to all of us. You mean way too much to me. We all gawked at your grave for a little while longer. Namjoon never mentioned how he witnessed me having a meltdown at the park nor how long he'd been waiting for me. It surely wasn't the first time but hopefully I'll be strong enough to not do so again. I want to celebrate you more. I'll still think about you every step of the way but I'll try to be better.

As the boys began getting ready to leave, saying our last goodbyes one by one I played with my hands. I ran my fingers over my pinky feeling a soft string tied in a neat bow. I looked down to be greeted by a bright red string tied neatly on my pinky with an outstretched, broken piece dangling from one end. I smiled tenderly at the small entity.

I deliberately untie the string from my finger and tie the tiny strand around a flower growing delicately next to you. I embark on the long journey home away from the cemetery with the others as you walk alongside us.

You will never be forgotten and we will let you live on.

Every night, just before sunrise I go to the same park to the same bench under the same streetlight singing a song for you and only you to listen to.

"You and I are the only ones here. Me and you. Oh you."

Everything I do, I do for you and I would do the same in every life I live.

"A step, and another step. The dawn passes and when the moon falls asleep, the blue shade that stayed with me disappears."

I'll find you.

 "At a dusty park, a nameless bird that sings; where are you..."