38 Why did I do this?

Waking up is generally a pleasant experience, however you don't generally wake up feeling like your skull is trying to escape your skin, or that a wizard has cast 'fuck you in particular' and transmuted the air in your lungs into fire.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥?

As if heralded by the thought, memories unbridled come flooding into my head, making me groan as my brain throbs.

Once my body calms down and I finish processing what happened, I shoot up into a seating position, only to be stopped halfway through my movement by an immense pain on my chest, causing me to collapse back on the bed, suddenly noticing how exhausted I am.

Taking a moment to gather myself, I pan my eyes around the room.

It's clearly a hospital room, one with six beds, all taken by ANBU, only two are still asleep though, the other three signing to each other, until one of them notice me, then they stop and face me.

The one to my left signs first.

𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘶𝘱.

Closely followed by the one opposite me.

𝘊𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵.

Last to sign is the one to the left of the guy opposite me.

𝘘𝘶𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵, 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘶𝘱.

They were betting on who would wake up first?

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦?

I sign with a hand on my heart in false hurt, well, real hurt until I just hover my hand instead of resting it on my chest.

The other three scoff a chuckle before becoming more serious when I continue signing

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥?

They look to each other briefly, before the guy next to me turns and begins explaining quietly, talking this time, instead of signing.

"i don't know what happened to you exactly, but from what I hear, you and another were dragged here by three other guys who looked like shit, so whatever happened with you, only five showed up here and since we go in squads of four we can make some guesses, for that, I wish you luck, but just in case, know you have my condolences, little captain."

Five? that less than half. I don't even notice the others going back to sign as I get lost in thought.

Five.

Out of twelve.

Less than half.

Statistically that means my squad is either down to two or just me.

But maybe they all survived?

It's not impossible.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

At least some of us survived?

That's something.

Fuck.

Well, there's no point in worrying about it right now, I've never seen the point in pre-emptively worrying about things, I don't know who survived, and I won't worry until I do.

What's the point in stressing over stuff that might not even be relevant?

While I was musing, the other two were woken up, and so the room is now filled with quiet talking, as everyone gets up to speed with each other.

Thankfully, no one here seems to be experiencing any tragedies, crying would really bring the mood down, so when there is a lull in conversation, I get the attention of the others present.

"so, have any of you heard about liar's dice?"

Twenty minutes later a very confused nurse walked into our ward seeing six ANBU sitting in a circle on the floor playing with Dice.

I was given leave of the hospital after a day, apparently my body responded really well with medical chakra, likely because of my whirlpool technique saturating my body with chakra, not to mention my own medical chakra letting me speed along my healing even more means that I got released early.

Though my torso is basically one big bandage, and I've been ordered against anything physically stressful, which I am fine with.

I asked about my squad, but the nurses never gave me a straight answer, apparently, they aren't allowed to talk about their patients, and even if they could they don't know who's who by heart, especially the ANBU.

Anyway, before I leave, I'm told that Lion wants to see me, so I decide to make my way over to him before going home to eat cake and collapse in my bed.

Slowly I make it to Lion's office, knocking and entering as is usual.

Lion looks up on my entrance and puts down what he was doing.

"sup, lion, heard you were looking for me?"

Instead of responding verbally, Lion just sighs and slides an object across his desk towards me.

I look down at it.

I look back at him.

"you wanted to see me?"

*Sigh*

"butterfly, don't pretend you don't understand."

Saying so he taps the object, but I keep my eyes squarely on his.

*Sigh*

"hounds body was not recovered. according to reports, he was lost to the earth."

Silence.

Shut up.

I finally look at the object.

Hounds' empty eyes stare back at me.

What are you doing?

Why aren't you saying anything?

Aren't you going to mock me?

Why?

"you've been given thirty days to recover, then I want you to report to the forest of death in the evening."

Lion keeps talking, but I ignore him, Hound won't stop staring at me.

"fox and mantis are ok, though mantis is a little roughed up, after you've recovered, you'll have to get a new teammate, you can either pick one of the kiddies trying out in a month, or you will be assigned someone without a team."

Shut up.

Can't you see.

Hound isn't moving.

Why?

"the callsign hound is also going to be placed back in circulation for one of the kiddies when they graduate-"

"what."

My voice, barely above a whisper interrupts him.

"the callsign hound will be placed back in circulation-"

"shut up."

Shut up.

Hound is Hound.

"it is a codename, it can't be helped."

No.

No, it can be helped.

You can't just let some nobody wear 𝘩𝘪𝘴 face.

It's not allowed.

I won't allow it.

"no."

"no? it isn't a question."

"in that case, I'll just kill them."

"kill who?"

Anyone.

Everyone.

"anyone who steals his face, i will kill."

Done with this, I grab Hound by the face and leave, ignoring whatever Lion shouted after me.

Time blurred, but eventually I find myself in my room, alone with Hound.

Heh.

If anyone saw us, they might accuse you of child grooming, alone in my room with me like this.

My face feels wet.

Maybe they'd even arrest you, we both know I'd play the part of a traumatised child.

Why is it raining?

I'd break you out though, maybe let you chill in a cell for a day or two first though.

My chest hurts. So much.

T-then Lion would yell at us again- for messing around too much.

Why.

And w-we'd say we'd never do it again, t-that we'd be better. We were n-never honest.

WHy.

Then we could go get Takoyaki together or something, and you could fail at flirting with whoever's there.

WHY!

Why aren't you saying anything, Hound?

Why do my eyes feel so heavy.

Please say something.

The world is spinning.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦.....

....𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.....

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My ribs are still killing me, but at least they're nearly healed now, which is great, no longer being in pain whenever I breath is going to be nice.

Staring at the rock in front of me, I can't help but contemplate.

I feel ok.

I've mostly come to terms with the news I got a few days ago.

Looking at the name carved onto the rock in front of me, I'm reminded of said news.

𝘙𝘺ū𝘬𝘪 𝘛𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘬𝘢.

My squamate,

My friend,

Honestly, he was something like a brother really.

Probably why I reacted the way I did.

I've never felt so much emotion before.

I'm not sure I liked this emotion though.

Which isn't the usual tale.

For someone who so rarely feels true emotions, only those like me can truly understand the beauty of emotion, having experienced it's absense.

Even times that I've been sad or angry, I've treasured the memories, at least in the Before.

But now.

I've realised that I'm feeling more than I ever did in the Before.

Maybe chakra is fucking with my head, making me more of a functional human.

I'm not sure I like it.

Not if it means I have to feel this 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦 in my chest.

I hate it.

I hate this.

Why did it have to be you?

Why not Fox or something.

I like the guy, but at least he's not 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

Why you?

...

Shaking my head clear of my thoughts, I turn and head back to the hospital, picking up a deck of cards on the way.

Mantis is still recuperating, I figure he's bored, and I doubt he wants to play Liar's Dice right now.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It's been a couple weeks now, and I don't really have anything to do.

I figured out how to make storage seals, and me and Mantis are both mostly ok now.

Mantis is doing some physical conditioning though, for atrophied muscles.

I decide it's about time I visit the Uzumaki.

So, putting on my usual clothes and my brightest smile, I head over to the Senju compound, where the Uzumaki have set up, since there's so much space and so few Senju.

The guards at the gate let me through once I show them my medallion thing that Mito gave me, they also give me directions to her when I ask.

Following the directions, I walk through a traditional Japanese mansion, with the sliding paper doors and everything, honestly, it's quite a novelty, since a lot of houses, my own included, have your typical swinging doors.

I eventually find the right room and knock very gently, not wanting to break the door, since it seems fragile.

I open the door when I hear a soft,

"Enter"

and when I do, I see not only Mito, but also a little kid, maybe a bit older than me? ten-ish.

Both of them are sitting on their knees either side of a low table with some scrolls on it.

Ignoring the girl I turn to Mito, only for said girl to speak up before I can.

"Hey! Who're you!?"

Great, a loud type. Still, I keep my smile, and continue to ignore the girl, talking to Mito instead.

"Greetings, Mito-sama, my name is Hanabira, and I have come hoping for assistance in a small matter."

Saying so I also offer the medallion that she gave me back, but she pushes my hand back as she responds.

"That medallion is yours, and will only ever be yours, as for assistance, come and sit and tell me what you have need of me for, and I will do my best to help, Hanabira-san."

The girl seems dumbfounded, but I just keep ignoring her and take a seat at the table between the two of them and turn to Mito to continue our conversation.

"HEY!! Don't just ignore me! Who even are you to make demands of Mito-sama!?!"

I give a mental sigh as Mito turns to give the girl a withering stare that has her shrinking back instantly.

"Hanabira-san, as well as anyone holding such a medallion, is someone to whom we Uzumaki as a whole owe a debt of gratitude to. Now please return to your room and continue to practice your calligraphy."

With a look of shock that quickly turns to anger, the girl gets up and stomps her way off, slamming the door shut behind her.

"I'm sorry if my intrusion is causing inconvenience to you."

Mito smiles and waves her hand gently in the direction of the departed.

"Oh, don't worry about Kushina-chan, she just has a bit of a temper on her, rather, I am much more interested in why you are here? I had also figured that you might have sought to better keep your identity secret?"

"Well, for one, I figure you're pretty good at keeping secrets, and I don't think there should be a problem with trusting you with such information. As for why I am here, I would like to be properly educated on Fuinjutsu, I already know a bit, but I can only make two types of seals and am unsure on how to improve further."

Mito's eyebrows raise in surprise, and she looks at me with a greater intensity than she did before, a calculating glint in her eyes.

"Oh? Well, that's certainly something that I can grant, in fact, I am already teaching Kushina-chan, you could join these lessons if you'd like? Whenever you are free of course, I understand that you will likely be busy often. Though I wonder why you wish to learn the art of Fuinjutsu?"

"I would gladly join such lessons, as for why I want to learn? Well, let's just say I have an idea or two that will likely necessitate Fuinjutsu to be feasible."

She looks curious about my ideas, but doesn't press further, understanding that I won't elaborate, they are, after all, surprises that I refuse to let anyone know of until I can actually bring them into fruition.

"Well, our lessons are every day, starting at noon and ending three hours later, feel free to show up whenever you can, before you leave however, I would like to get an understanding of where you are right now, so I can better teach you."

Facing Mito's smile, I agree and start explaining everything I understand about Fuinjutsu, as well as what I'm unsure of or confused about until about half an hour later, where I head home and promise to be there tomorrow.

Getting home, I eat a nice meal, stop my brother from trying to eat his fork and head to bed, barely even glancing at the mask hung up on my door.

𝘕𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

*cough*

I'm not sure if ive said last chap, but im moving house on friday! Finally!

Please give me money. tis the season of giving?

Unless you're poor like me, then please don't, I'm not in danger of starving or anything so please don't give me money that you need.

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