Nalzaar
I'm a high schooler trying to write a story and make a game out of it one day. I'm busy with school so the story will take me a while to write and upload.
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Nalzaar8hKommentiertCh 26 Chapter 26: Thirty-six beautiful twin-winged Angels- Nalzaar8dAntwortet auf SSJRED
He 's a different breed 😂
And before Rhys could finish his words, he slightly covered his ears as he caught a whiff of something — and it wasn't the other humans who were being captive there. - Nalzaar10dKommentiertCh 6 Chapter 6: They are your followers
- Nalzaar2mthAntwortet auf H0Nored1
Oh, I haven't watched that in a while. I should probably start watching that new season.
"I am a herald of equality between men and women. And as an assassin, I really don't care if you possess a vagina or penis." - Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
Nah, that's actually crazy and funny. [img=recommend]
"I am a herald of equality between men and women. And as an assassin, I really don't care if you possess a vagina or penis." - Nalzaar2mthVerschickt
It's an alright story for me. I like the world background and how we have eliras, which give extraordinary powers to those that have them. I do have some problems though. First (although I'm not too hung up on this), there's a few spelling and grammar errors here and there. And also, the main character tries to seem like some pro assassin who's cold hearted and stuff like that, but he tends to get so emotional and likes cracking jokes (which sound cringe imo), but that is only my personal opinion. So overall it's pretty alright and I wouldn't say it's anywhere close to being bad. It just depends on the reader.
- Nalzaar2mthVerschickt
I was honestly planning on shamelessly giving myself a five star review but I decided to give myself an honest review of my own story. It took me over a month to start posting again, but I did start posting daily, so 4 stars for that. I can't really say about character design so 3 stars. This is my first work, so I suck at writing quality and story development, but I wouldn't say it's hopeless, so 4 stars.
- Nalzaar2mthAntwortet auf NalzaarCh 5 Time Skip
- Nalzaar2mthKommentiertCh 5 Time Skip
- Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
there's a random "I" at the end of the paragraph
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Nalzaar2mthAntwortet auf dera_damsel
yeah, I keep confusing the two due to the similar names
Anderson devised a sinister plan to weaken Orpheus and Danny, and then attack them. To accomplish this, he planned to use wolfsbane to poison Orpheus, while Danny would be weakened by the use of silver. Although Danny is a legacy vampire, his mother is an ordinary vampire, which means that silver will only weaken him as long as the silver weapon is in his body. Once both Orpheus and Das are weakened, Anderson and his wife launch a brutal attack against them. - Nalzaar2mthAntwortet auf Nalzaar
wait nevermind, I get confused with the names Dylan and Danny
Anderson devised a sinister plan to weaken Orpheus and Danny, and then attack them. To accomplish this, he planned to use wolfsbane to poison Orpheus, while Danny would be weakened by the use of silver. Although Danny is a legacy vampire, his mother is an ordinary vampire, which means that silver will only weaken him as long as the silver weapon is in his body. Once both Orpheus and Das are weakened, Anderson and his wife launch a brutal attack against them. - Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
Wait, am I tripping? Wasn't Orpheus the legacy vampire and Danny the werewolf, or did I remember that wrong?
Anderson devised a sinister plan to weaken Orpheus and Danny, and then attack them. To accomplish this, he planned to use wolfsbane to poison Orpheus, while Danny would be weakened by the use of silver. Although Danny is a legacy vampire, his mother is an ordinary vampire, which means that silver will only weaken him as long as the silver weapon is in his body. Once both Orpheus and Das are weakened, Anderson and his wife launch a brutal attack against them. - Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
the 0 there seems to be a mistake
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
extra quotation mark
"Okay, we'll be down in a minute," Diane responded, grateful for the reminder." - Nalzaar2mthAntwortet auf dera_damsel
Camila packed the dishes and washed them. After she was done, she packed her things and prepared to go home. something like that
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
it sounds kind of off here. i can't explain what part sounds off, but it does.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Nalzaar2mthKommentiert
finally the clarification I was waiting for
Dylan didn't seem surprised by the question. "That's because she's our mate," he replied. - Nalzaar3mthKommentiert
at the end of the page the part that says, "The wondered why such a wasn't scared to wonder into unknown it was like a butterfly wondered into a lions den" it should be changed, it has lots of grammar errors. I'd go with: "They wondered why such a person wasn't scared to wander into the unknown, it was like a butterfly wandered into a lion's den."
Ch 11 Chapter Eleven: Turned into wine