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Electric light suddenly flashed inside the white large spheres of the street lamps on the pavement, and the dark street suddenly drowned a servant who was dazzling like the moonlight. When Zerrin's face appeared next to Necip Erdoğan in that unexpected thing. It looked extremely different from the thoughtful woman's face he saw in the garden under the lights. Zerrin put her head on the man's shoulder, look, we are such a beautiful father and daughter, what did she say? You look like my father because you are bald, he always started laughing. Then the man held her small and strange hands, her expression, her facial features, we were going to her family. It was as if his face was changing in shape, but he definitely looked like anything other than someone who had a master's degree. I wonder how you would imagine it if you wrote about love in your voice instead of mathematics, history or social sciences and similar things. An event I think I would compare it with things that cannot be considered evil or romantic, my love, with the sacred bread that satisfies us every day when we open it, with the clean phase that gives life when we open our house every day. After all, it is a very natural event. Even though there is an age difference between us, anyway, aren't we experiencing love right now? As a result, everything we owe but to whom we owe I can tell you that you don't talk about tractors like that, with the most important, most natural and most beautiful things, but you speak beautifully, but your expectations from love are different. Do you believe that the biggest upheaval of life is? For example, you had a love affair with a married woman. Didn't you know that it was wrong? Of course I knew, but you still didn't hesitate to embark on that adventure. The girl shook her head from side to side. I don't see it that way, otherwise I am a human being. I think the most valuable thing you can achieve with love will pass away. If it weren't for love, the attractive person in this life Zerrin then walked in front of the cafe and sat down at a table. Then he said peace, peace and happiness, many a holiday, happiness in his heart, and sat down in front of her. They remained silent for a while and waited for the waiter to come. My dear, this is a magnificent cafe, the students had not filled the cafe yet because it was class time, the cafe's upper floor was not full in the reception hall, the music had just started, this was their third visit to this cafe, this coming and going was regular for about an hour, Vedat drove very well Then the last youth sitting in the cafe was After holding his cigarette, he left. An old man with a graying beard was sitting in front of him. His hands were shaking and he was coughing while smoking. But despite this, the cigarette continued to attract messages coming from close by. Necip Erdoğan looked at the girl, he leaned his head on the back of his chair. It was impossible to see his gaze because his eyelids were lowered, but his lips were slightly soft. He was curled up, only slightly, but as if they had approached a drink that they detested, they had a very telling expression. They were lost in thought. This expression suddenly reminded Necip Erdoğan of what they had experienced in a hotel room in Eskişehir, and therefore, at that moment, before the eyes of the particle, at that hour, there was an unmistakable sight. He lived as a naivete in front of them. He had a memory of Necip Erdoğan at the Dolunay hotel. He was making hot love in this room with a high school graduate named Nurdan, who was a Tatar girl like Zerrin and was preparing for the university exams. Nurdan wanted them to be together, but she thought it would not be right to do this before marriage. They had just arrived, and then, when this Tatar girl passed the university exam and left, their relationship ended on its own. She was still miserable with you. She kept wondering if it would be better if you accepted Nurdan's offer. Should it be better to take advantage of the opportunities she had or should she postpone everything in the country where she lived and in Eskişehir? Maybe How right it would be for young girls to live in the nation and state before marriage, it caused different understandings in different cities of this country. I can't help but feel how often I felt this disdain towards people who misunderstood their freedom by using cheap things during their education and who made quick judgments based on first appearance. Maybe it is an unfortunate mistake. I was thinking that it would turn out to be a misunderstanding, after all, a Tatar girl named Nurdan got married to her boyfriend while she was at the university. If they were together in that hotel room, could she have had a happy marriage with her boyfriend? I asked her how right she thought what I did was. I agree with you. I could have prevented her happy marriage. He might not have forgiven her for having a relationship before and he could have said this every time they had a fight. I think you have done a great favor. The same applies to our relationship now and in the future.Necip Erdoğan inevitably placed her in the same position in his mind and saw how she would suffer and be destroyed even by thinking that her reputation as a young girl was tarnished. Was the fear she felt towards people really that great compared to Zerrin, and was her own spiritual strength that low? He knew her well enough to say this. However, the valid understanding of morality was dead and he also praised or disapproved to some extent for the things he gave. When he was in a dilemma with the dictated lifestyle, he had to impress himself. He should have been with Zerrin before marriage. In fact, Zerrin had given him this opportunity, but he did not have the courage to do it enough to kiss her. That's why he cursed with 1% fear, as if the Earth had ears, even when he was in it. Moreover, he was thinking about how they could be together when they made love in the fire at night, while his mother was not burned. During the anal sex experience they had the other night, Zerrin screamed so much that her mother came and knocked on the door, asking questions about what was happening. Love is both the guardian angel of her life and That's why he had the feeling that he was the devil and seducer who had the power to kidnap the angels. While everyone in the chat corner was silent, Seher stood up while everyone was silent in their thoughts and carried Erdoğan far away from where he was. The beauty of the curve of her back with her arms up in another position attracted Necip Erdoğan's attention and his time was stuck with her. As in all Tatar designs, Zerrin did not have big breasts and did not have plump contributions. In fact, her body was like a boy's body. But not at all. This girl, who was not sexy, managed to get soaked during their lovemaking at the fire at night. She was getting so wet that even though the man did not let her family in, he still felt wetness on the head of his dick. The girl still preferred dark-colored haircuts and still had blonde dyed hair. In fact, when she died, she would wrap it around her head like a wreath. She didn't have very long hair. She made it look like it was long with fake hair. Something forced the young man to imagine Zerrin's slightly forced stance, more relaxed and passive. The girl's head was gradually lowered and buried in the dark red reflections of the heavy curtain. Her back was bent. Her shoulders acquired a soft, slippery stance. He seemed to see himself abandoning himself, burying his face in the curtain and crying. This was an involuntary dream, but the reason was not spiritual desires or guesses, but a visual impulse hidden in the lines that wanted to meet in this way and stubbornly distorting the entire reality. However, this imaginary image is almost a spiritual effect. In fact, Zerrin' It was radiating something from the contradictory feeling of fascination it created in him. It numbed Necip Erdoğan's eyes, which were starting to hurt. The next morning, I decided to go to Necip Erdoğan's house, Zerrin. Zerrin is located half an hour away from the University Street towards the Campus, and all its rooms are furnished. He was staying at a friend's house, which was rented out. It was mostly furnished more elegantly than the houses themselves, and it was well heated. A doorman decorated with names like "arty" was waiting at the entrance. He took his coat. The owner of the house usually appeared in front of him on the carpeted stairs. Then he dragged him. This woman, who said "manliness", walked around from morning to evening and walked around in certain places. It would create a mess. Zerrin's living space, which was connected to a small bedroom, had a private entrance from the corridor. Its window was covered with green leafy plants that grow very well at the same room temperature in Eskişehir. When Necip Erdoğan entered, Zerrin was solving problems in the book in her hand next to the window. She was studying mathematics, as usual, looking up. Looking at him, he handed it to her. How nice of you to come. I sit like this. I forgot to meet you at the cafe last night. Do you want to smoke? Recep Erdoğan asked you, "Were you with your friend and her last night?" He asked, "Did you stay for a long time?" He continued in a hurry, as he was not very good at hiding his curiosity. I stayed until tea. said zerre. I tried to convince her about that asshole or something. My dear, she broke up with you and she was pestering me all night long, they said, and she was continuing to solve questions there. She didn't raise her head from the book. That day, she was wearing a white cloud that made her look much younger, even childish. The heads of her breasts were in the clouds. It was visible from underneath, her braids were extending down her back. It means that she will not be disturbed any more by the research done on the Lady seen there, otherwise, in the meantime, a sensitive issue that really has to do with her would come to light. What do you think, wouldn't that upset you? She didn't listen to the candidate in her man's voice. He spoke reluctantly, looking at her hand and even at her face. Yes, you are right, this is really an ugly thing. In some cases, we reveal secrets to women, which increases their exposure. If they succeed in this, they are happy.I mean that in some cases, secrecy is imposed on women. When a woman has sex with a man before marriage, she can undergo surgery to hide it, and then she can have her membrane stitched again and tell the man she is going to marry, "I am a virgin, I have never had a relationship before." Thus, a marriage based on lies begins and these lies continue constantly. Unfortunately, a girl has to constantly tell her father and her husband after they get married. Otherwise, a strange situation could occur, such as a sensitive issue that really has to do with her. They didn't wait. Yes, it may be necessary in the current state of the world. But the most humiliating thing I have ever heard is that a person has to hide or deny something that he did with wholehearted belief. If you love a man, you are with him and then you have to hide it for the rest of your life. You are embarrassing when you should be happy. Zeybin was excited with her own words, her cheeks were burning. His buts were given, his eyes started to shine. "Okay," said the man. "Do you love me and are you ready to be with me without feeling ashamed?" The more my daughter listened to what he said, the closer she felt to him. She matched his excitement completely. And she tried to act as if they were having an argument that had a very deep meaning for both of them. But you are forgetting something very basic. The nature of secret things also includes the desire to remain secret. They say that their beauty is revealed in the most sensitive point in front of foreign eyes and ears. For example, some sensitive people look for Takbir in their hands because of marriage. My love does not need to be approved by everyone in such a different way. So, how few things would be revealed in some way. Could a sensitive person bring a very special and fragile state into the streets, say, among the mob, in a rude fight? Zerrin had listened with great attention, yes, she said slowly. Men can look at it that way, they have the right to everything, and they have no justification for city themes other than their own internal reasons. It is out of the question, they can have sex with as many women as they want before marriage, you can go to a brothel, you can have sex for money, but for us the situation is very different, we want this too, maybe we are much more sensitive than you, and even if it is in a single sentence, but since we women believe that we need privacy, the dream of cowardice falls upon us. We feel like we are letting ourselves get hurt by having anal sex rather than having a normal relationship just because we won't be able to answer to my husband in the future. The anal sex we had last night hurt me a lot, I experienced it through the eyes of fear. In fact, I want to have a normal relationship, not an inverse relationship with you. The reason for such secrecy is not sensitivity, but fear of other people. It seems that people who will curse us with their whole view of life if we behave like this, respect us, even if they honor us, we will be humiliated, Erdoğan admits that it may not be nice at all, but if we are not after a fake success and just forget about it a little, we can still ignore it. All this is for cowards. Isn't it imaginary? Just being able to realize this and carry it calmly would actually be a real advantage over people's prejudices. What do you think? It's not Aksal. A person can't go further than dying with honesty. Zerrin shook her head and thought, she got cold among her souls. It was clear from the ever-changing expression on his face that he was trying to convince himself of something. "Oh superiority, what's the use of me?" Then my mother said to you with a gesture: "We need to openly defend what we value most, even the value of an issue. We are wondering whether we can turn this into a world view." We judge women according to whether we will fight to deserve it or not. They have become great fighters now. Necip Erdoğan joked, laughing. It is so terribly positive and unbearable for the attackers. Look, it all stems from the women's movement, from university education, from this whole urge to fight. Now, they are literally like crazy, what have I become? They say we are in this society now, and we can have relationships with whomever we want, however we want. My body is my decision. Forgive me. Of course, there is something very fresh and powerful about this, but it doesn't look good. Opening everything up to discussion, even the most indisputable thing, revealing even the most private thingsI attribute the reason why women cannot decide freely to the fact that the majority of people in our society are Muslims. We have a religion that sees two women as equal to one man. In the event of an event, the testimony of two women and the testimony of a man are considered equal. A man receives the same share as two women in the sharing of inheritance. Moreover, there are up to 4 women for a man. The right to marry is granted, our religion constantly humiliates and despises women. And they try to cover up this situation with some words. For example, they say that heaven is under the feet of mothers. This is completely a veiled compliment to women. After so much humiliation, this word feels like a reward. For example, in the holy book, that is, the Quran, it is written about women. He says you can beat him lightly, that's why in our society, women cannot decide freely. If they want to be together, there are many question marks, but I have hope for the future. These fears have started to decrease slowly, at least in big cities, and some girls who live recklessly do not see any harm in being together if they really love each other. Zerrin's lips fluttered on her carefree character request, Berrak Smile. Meanwhile, Zerrin said that she saw her old university friend at the school where Zerrin worked, they drank tea together and talked about the old days. Who could that man be? Have you loved Zerrin for a long time or was it just a temporary affair? Is it a love story that was so peaceful and happy? It was only when this gossip issue came out that he was disturbed by the man. He is so sure. So, when his mind was completely distracted by these thoughts, he stopped expressing his ideas and burst out impatiently. I wonder if there was a serious relationship between you and your friend. Her request for a character was on Zerrin's lips. My carefree clear smile flew. I think you are torturing me. "Why should I torture you?" Zerrin asked, half in surprise, half indifferently, to a man I love. I can't even imagine that you would leave when a problem arises. What the girl said seemed so polite to Recep Erdoğan that he almost laughed. In fact, most definitely Even his convictions were suddenly shaken, my man, you never thought you would be abandoned. In fact, he had been abandoned before, to the geography teacher Ayten. He had followed people from different worlds with you and then turned around and walked away quickly. Or was Zerrin pulling him in the wrong direction again? If Zerrin, who is really innocent again, it would be despicable to be angry with you, he would put his hand on Zerrin's hand a little out of spite. He held out the pencils that were on top of his books and started playing with them. Then, he hesitantly left them on the table again. The computer was on and they were trying to write his thesis again. He was almost upset. Finally, he stood up to go to the hostel. But this time, he couldn't help saying, "I thought I saw you two a while ago, too, do you know?" Denizniz was surprised and asked after a short voice. "When?" "If he called yesterday at noon. It wasn't far from where we met the other day. She was sitting with a man and a woman at the school where all the teachers gathered for lunch." "I could only see you from behind," he added. Necip Erdoğan Because his doubts were suddenly dispersed and Center I don't think he was ashamed of his outburst. I mean, the woman only looks like you when viewed from behind. Maybe Zerrin got up from where she was sitting and looked down at the math question, she picked up the pens that had fallen on the ground from the left and looked withdrawn, she had a very cute attitude. Necip Erdoğan's first one was sprained and cursed to himself. He looked away from him with difficulty, while Zerrin extended her approval to say goodbye. What if he looked like me from the front? If he turned towards you and you met in my face, he looked at the man's face, asking what do you think? "Zerrin," he muttered then, and I couldn't help but think "what a striking resemblance." This happened before paying. Necip Erdoğan, they want to go to the cafe in the evening, to change their coffee. After seven, he returned to his hostel. His room was two floors up, diagonally from the landing. As he was climbing the stairs, he turned his gaze upwards and saw a female student. He saw that she was going downstairs, he instantly recognized her from her position and movements. He was literally paralyzed for fear that he would leave the girl in a difficult situation. The name of this female student was called out. While he was talking with Recep Erdoğan's pleasure, he was trying to talk to Songül at the same time. Then, while he was naively trying to pass a stranger's daughter on the stairs, this word settled on his face. The first sudden surprise did not succeed in changing the girl's response. Even though she left the step for a moment, she quickly turned back and followed the other steps. Necip Erdoğan, in horror, caught up with her, who had to disappear from his room, and called Songül. He searched the stairs to see if anyone heard him, then he opened the door, which he had opened, and let him in.."Oh Zerrin," he said laughing, "what a crazy person you are. If you are very angry, go ahead and pull my hair or scratch my face with those long nails, I have scratches on my face. Lay eggs with your cute hands. I allow you to do these things. But what's the point of crying so heartily, being jealous of me because of my old loves?" Come on, calm down again. Will it be possible or this time I will actually imprison you and punish you in the corner? Have you forgotten how I told you how I went to your room once? Oh yes, you didn't treat me very well at that time and there was an earthquake right when you made love. Do you remember how romantic it is that we will die together? I said then together. We took a shower, we were able to have anal sex without any difficulty with the slipperiness of the shampoo. This time I didn't scream like before. Now we are both lovers and friends, aren't we? "Did you say 'I'm not in the hostel?'" he got choked up and didn't know what to say. "Yes, I'll stay here in your house from now on." I'm terribly proud to say this, but on the other hand, I didn't know you'd be here. What does it matter? Zerrin jumped to her feet and blood rushed to her face, which was wet with tears. Her facial expression was angry and whatever she said became wild. She shouted in a determined voice, "Listen to me." be with me The only way to do that is to get married but I don't feel ready to get married right now I knew very well that we were aware of everything Okay okay you know Yes that's it Yes that's it I just came here because I forgot something in my room Because I have a room here and last night I was with a guy I like And that was me. But this is not a complete union. Of course, the girl's mood as she breathlessly said these looked magnificent to Necip Erdoğan. He resisted despite the dangers, risked death or did not want to turn his back. He had a hopelessly heroic expression on his magnificent face, like a person facing the enemy's reputation. During their fight last night. He was screaming cold and cold but I'm not sure he really wanted it because I didn't spread his legs and he wanted you to put him inside you with your astonishment. How sincere could he be? If you really wanted this, he had to spread his legs and give me way. However, his terror of being watched from kindness was clear in his looks and voice, Necip. He held her hands and said thank you, thank you for last night, we had a very hot lovemaking and even though we were not fully together, I was still satisfied. At least I can be satisfied by having sex that much. He said no, we won't play comedy, there is no one for me, right, but that's okay. In return, can you accept me as your friend and by your side? Also, last night, during the very disturbing event, I had to unintentionally cum in your mouth. I know how much this disturbs you. I am only in love with Mr. Sefil. I know that you included me in the incident, but you can stop this being a coincidence and turn it into a feeling of trust. Can I accept? Zerrin took his hands from his hands and brought them to her temples as if she was about to crack up. She looked at the young man with an extremely helpless and childish expression. "Do you know, this is like a liberation," she said. "The fact that all this has been expressed is like a liberation. If I could shout it out of my mind immediately, I would send you out." I want to get rid of you, but at the same time, I want to make love with you. He took off the ring he was wearing on his finger. Take this ring back. I am not happy with you. Ecrin Erdoğan started begging him. She immediately put his face back on her finger. They both took this person together. This was their engagement face. I wish I could shout in everyone's ear. No one should feel the need to follow me secretly out of curiosity. Lately I have been in such a state of terror that it was as if I were full of ghosts. A terror like I felt when I was a little child and sometimes in my dreams when someone was chasing me, trying to escape but I couldn't move forward. I constantly think about my old loves, Ayten from Nurdan. and his wish, and before that, you dated Neslihan. I am someone who cannot forget your old loves. I wish my lover or the man I will marry would have a love of mine. Because you are my first love. That's why I'm afraid of getting married and you're always putting pressure on me to be together. But you have to keep this in mind. The man asked me, "I can't have sex with you without marrying you, are you the one who said these things?" I was begging you to put my dick in your vagina last night. "I was begging you to put my dick in your vagina," he said. "Wasn't it you who got wet with pleasure?""You must pull yourself together, teacher Zerrin," Necip Erdoğan said in a determined voice and held her hand. "You are in such a situation right now that you can give us away at any moment. Zerrin was crying all the time. The school principal had informed her that those who graduated from a two-year college could no longer teach. This made her very sad, but He did not tell Necip Erdoğan that he was a school graduate, he just received a letter from the governor's office, that is, he explained that he had to leave his duty, but on the student ID card he found while going through Zerrin's locker, I would notice that he did not have a 4-year undergraduate degree, but only 2 years of graduate school. He will say, "I can't let you go like this, you should stop crying." It could be due to excessive wear and tear. It will definitely pass. Zerrin was pushing her miniskirt back and leaning on the back of her seat. They were going to Eskişehir soon. They were waiting for the Eskişehir bus to arrive and everyone was looking at them because Zerrin was crying. She was conquering a country. She was asking herself why she came here in this environment that was foreign to her where they were. After that first explosion, he was afraid that he might walk away from his own frankness and feel embarrassed about the situation he found himself in. That's why he hurriedly said between this and that, don't look around, everyone is looking at us, a boy and a girl crying next to him, it's like a big deal to you. They thought I had done something bad. It's not a great place to live. I admit that this is a small country in Eskisehir. But since we were together once, don't run away so quickly, sit there for a while. There is no one there to tell you or eavesdrop on you. I thought we were at peace in your home. I was telling her that she would go to America with her mother because she was taken away, and she said that she was crying because she would never see him again. She felt that she was attached to him now. She would miss the nights they spent together and those warm kisses. There is someone else in this room who is close to you. She is going through the same horror because of me. He had to say two people that you would definitely love had said the right words to the girl. Zeynep sat down again. She looked at him with amazement and curiosity. He was moving away from her for a moment. He said, "Who could that be?" She asked where he was. "Really, no, he is not here, but there are all his letters in a small suitcase in a box." So, you can believe that you caught a soft person here. These letters will tell you how much he wanted to be open to the whole world, but he couldn't do it. "Yes, yes." Ferah entered the stone. It was the same when we went to our house. Where did you meet him? No, he came here after me. The girl looked at him with surprise. Yes, why shouldn't you think that he is a foreigner? No, this is not something that can be explained for me. His being a foreigner means the world to me. My brother from my country is a piece of my world. But you foreigners also met at such a young age, we studied together and became close. Yes, I met and studied together. If it wasn't good, it would make you very angry and at that time, I was thinking like this: If a person shares so many things, love is nothing but the continuation of such friendly relatives at the highest level, but you didn't fall in love with any of them, did you shake it on the head of the particle? Still never sleep, okay thank you I find it for some people. But while it changed, it also increased from time to time. For example, Aytens, we were very good friends, we spent our days and nights together both in and out of school. We used to play backgammon together and chat in the evenings, and we got along very well. Then we turned a friendship into love and we were not successful in this love. At first, our sects were different, sometimes it rose higher and higher, but it could not reach with a passionate love. As it rose, the pearls also fell over and each time, one day, it would break from its tip. So, this is not actually one of your mental friends. He said no with enthusiasm. It was because they had not shared anything yet. I almost did not know him, after I had passed through my higher education. Immediately after, I went back to the old things again for my master's degree and we met there. Yes, he didn't have me in mind to share anything with her or to reach the heights where the crimes that hindered me were constantly broken. I was too nervous for something like that. Because I had graduated from university, I wanted to marry Neslihan, but my family was against such a union. It turns out that she thought she was too young for marriage, and when I returned with nothing for my master's degree, Neslihan stayed in Gaziantep, we broke up, our 4-year relationship ended, and Ayten became my best friend in those days. I even told her that she was upset because I couldn't get married, and this friendship became more and more over time. It turned into a need, but something, almost out of excitement, pushed me to approach him, and one night, when I was going to the hostel where he was staying, I felt that I had made a mistake.While talking about Zerrin's head, a happy smile was on her lips. She looked like a bride, as if she had moved away from the world. Her short skirt and beautiful legs had something that attracted everyone. I had to look at her with admiration. Erdoğan said, "Yes, life is like that," he said, trying to keep the girl in that pleasant state, he approved. "Maybe." And we won't be able to get married either, and you will go to America and our love will end. We want to be spiritually compatible. We want to test everything meticulously, but in the end, we choose each other with what the moment gives, without looking at any other signs. But this is already the deepest sign. My poison was amazed and shouted. My poison is the soul's biggest mistake anyway. the name of the mind and all the other beautiful things in human relationships Believing that these things are deeper and more valuable anyway No, I know it very well Especially mentality is definitely not more valuable On the contrary, it is the most vulgar and vulgar one, it clings to all kinds of people without discrimination, with that cold interest and absorbs them after consuming the interesting. Then we can let go, no, I don't want to go to America, I don't want to leave you, he said. I did this a lot too, but so-called spiritual friendships are like this, they are a little more selective. But you can make such friends with many people, they can come one after another. Because in these, you only take a part of a person and You only give a part of it. You are clear-headed and content. He was saying what he said with shame from his heart. He was passing it on as if it were life information that he devoted his life to. What can he do if he reads together and does not move in a direction that happens in such situations? Is it normal? No, I don't believe it. It is the rarest and most beautiful thing that can happen in life. It seems ordinary and ordinary compared to everything else. Do you really think so? Yes, of course, how can one doubt this? He can hear it, "How can you, as a loved one, think of this?" He explained excitedly, "I'll give it to you in the spring, and he jumped. Something comes up before us. And he surrenders you. You leave it to yourself. You don't make calculations anymore. You don't hesitate about anything anymore. You don't bring it with anything left unfinished. Without thinking about it. Without falling asleep." In fact, you take and give without realizing it, you laugh at the danger, forgetting yourself, you move forward with a mind that is truly cut off and a soul that concentrates, you move forward, I don't think you love me enough. When I said that I would go to America, you should have objected, but you say that you should go if it is the best for you. Isn't it here that we are questioning his exclusivity? He was just standing there as if he was drunk with his own words and he looked very beautiful. He left his feet and his religion and avoided verbally speaking the messages that came. My poison was not waiting for an answer anyway, he became silent. We learned the facts about Iran and after that he spoke in an ordinary way. All you want to do is have sexual intercourse with me, maybe you don't even think about getting married, you only have sex in your mind, I want to go home now, he said. Necip Erdoğan stood up, took the public bus, please, turn up your voice, he said these, but you won't go alone, right, I'll get on the bus, let me accompany you home. You're calm and cheerful now, aren't you? I've stopped crying now. Can I trust you? The girl nodded. Yes, it doesn't matter what happens. So I can't live in the flesh anymore. I must live uselessly or not at all. That's why secrecy is my father. So contrary. Now he's at least relieved that he can talk to you openly. But I'm going to ask you not to accompany me, however you want, but at least don't go like this, you need to recover a little, now we're partners. After all this, don't you remember that I was once a brotherhood? Can't you be a little more comfortable talking to me now? Yes, of course, you too, a brotherhood. From today onwards, I replied sincerely and seriously. "I will not forget this, I accept it as a solid contract. Thank you. What about the contract?" he asked. Recep Erdoğan was still holding the girl's hand and walking towards the door. Then Zerrin lifted her head and placed a kiss on the young man's lips. It was a very innocent kiss. This was a kiss from the inside, but it was unrequited. There was still the heat of his passionate words from before. Regardless of all the secret electric thoughts he spent a day without seeing the girl, it was his worst worry that he spent a day without enjoying the closeness of a woman. Both of them lived in the languor of another love. Thanks to the eternal habit of being relaxed towards men, there was an almost ideal relationship between them. The situation had arisen. She often asked herself this question. A girl like Songül only reveals herself when she loves someone.A girl like Songül only reveals herself when she loves someone. Otherwise, she stays away with the cold hardness of her youthful nobility, closed and rigid. So, does a woman really open herself when she loves? Isn't it possible for her to make a mistake without realizing it? For example, Zerrin was definitely talking to the man she loved with a much more sincere sincerity than she was talking to him. Wasn't she so unpretentious and real while talking to him? Wasn't she trying to bring out all the close aspects of both of them, to bring them together, even without realizing it, and to remove the disturbing aspects? He saw spiritual sensitivities as an example that needed to be depicted, not as a lover who would disturb the curiosity of his view that would affect her personally, but as a part of the female gender, embodied under the name of why. He believed that as he got closer to Zerrin, he also became closer to the female gender in this sense for the first time. Together, they were solving questions for university preparation and studying. And he liked it very much. They would go to the park and smoke together. In fact, he had never been able to solve the optical problems in his physics class in his life, but Zerrin explained it to him on a rooftop, they were studying English with him, they were writing Necip Erdoğan's master's thesis together, and then they were eating together and sleeping together. It left a warm and lively effect on the other things they shared. It was a very nice feeling just to hug him and sleep at night. Meanwhile, this lover occupied herself several times with the man she belonged to and did not know, and made different guesses about him depending on her current mood.Despite the hot nights spent with Zerrin, Necip did not believe that he would marry her and start a family. That's why, when he returned to his position, he met with Songül and chatted together in the hostel cafeteria. Songül was going to be a teacher for disabled students, that is, she was studying teaching for special students. She was very successful in her classes and was older than Zerrin in terms of age. However, he did not like to meet very often and he did not tell her that he was seeing Necip Zerrin. He explained that he had no one in his life, but despite this, Songül was only with him for very short periods of time. Most of the time, he was taking shelter in excuses such as he had classes, midterms were approaching, or he was busy, he was going to wash his hair. Therefore, he was very happy in the short cafeteria conversations. He was trying to get closer to her. They walked together on campus one night. Finally, Songül got tired of walking and sat under a vehicle. Necip sat on her cheek. It was a rare opportunity for him. He could leave her on this romantic night. He should not miss this chance. First, he tried to caress her hair with his hands, but he got an unexpected reaction. Songül warned him and He asked him to get together, so they stood up again and continued walking. After this cold behavior, Necip Erdoğan tried not to talk much, he did not say anything that would start a conversation. Now the roles were reversed. Songül was trying to talk, but now the excitement on the man was over. They came to the entrance of the hostel again and the man wished him good night and started to leaveYes, that's what life is like, he said, trying to keep the girl in that pleasant mood, he confirmed. We develop great theories, we want souls to be in harmony. We want to test everything meticulously, but in the end, we choose each other with what the moment gives, without looking at any other signs. Something comes up before us And it takes you over. You let go, you don't do calculations anymore, you don't hesitate about anything and you don't bring anything left unfinished anymore. Without thinking, without doubting. You give and take without even realizing it. You laugh at the danger and look at yourself forgetting. You move forward with a mind that is weakened and a soul that is concentrating. Isn't this the highest place you can reach? She was just standing there as if she was drunk and she looked very beautiful. Berat was avoiding verbalizing the confessions that came to the end of his lamp. Zerrin was not waiting for an answer either. While holding his coat he said if you can please but you won't go alone right should I accompany you home you are calm and cheerful now can I trust him now the girl nodded Yes it doesn't matter what happens So I can't live in it anymore I must live carefree or not live at all so secrecy is my prayer It's so contradictory now, at least it's voices. I feel comfortable that I can talk to you openly, but I will ask you not to accompany me, however you want, but at least I won't go this way. Now we are partners. After all this, we once drank in brotherhood. Don't you remember, can't you be a little more comfortable talking to me now? Yes, of course, you. "From today on, brotherhood," he replied seriously. "I will not forget this. I accept it as a solid contract. Thank you. What about the Mevlid location of the contract?" Necip Erdoğan asked while still holding his daughter's hand and walking towards the door. Her openness towards me and the young man sometimes saw her only as an example that he had to describe his moods in front of him, not as a lover who would destroy his views and documents that would personally affect his spiritual sensitivities, but as a part of the female sex under the name Zerrin. She believed that she was getting close for the first time in a sense. Zerrin never told him about personal things from her own love life. What she knew about this subject, what she shared with the girl, had a very lively effect on the other things. However, in the meantime, the man she did not know, who belonged to this lover's existence, did not occupy her line a few times. After all, she was an old friend of her men from the university. He was her friend, but their meeting again created question marks in her mind for Necip Erdoğan, and she made different guesses about him depending on her current mood. Zeynep bent her head forward. In the middle of the conversation, she talked about her thoughts, as she often does, as if a slight redness spread on her cheeks, she was coming in front of her poison. Necip Erdoğan followed her from behind. He was following her, even though he asked her not to come with him, he still liked following her. Maybe Zekiye will come together again in some part of his way, but you know, the situation was different for me than for him, and he responded and practiced differently. I don't know exactly why. But in any case, there was a Sharing my interests with the man in all possible areas of interest. Spending all his hours in an inspiring and mentally supportive relationship is very new and not a rare situation for me. This is new for him. I don't long for such a thing. Would you hear it? I asked. I wonder if he thought about the last day with a little suspicion. I think it varies a lot depending on his mood, but please don't compare with me, maybe he is an extremely serious and very serious person. The girl laughed lightly, no, he is not like that, he is young and cute. First of all, among my acquaintances and friends, he is the least serious. Before our relationship started with philosophy, he didn't even know that I was interested in this subject. On the contrary, he thought that I underestimated my life. Because I seem to live very freely. You men are people's judges. What did he do when he slowly realized that he was dealing with someone who had a doctorate? Well, he never understood this. He did not come, but he says that he had never thought that he could become so mentally integrated with a woman in the past, and even if he had sensed this now, he would still have loved me with the same abandonment from the very beginning. As now, that is, by making demands on my time and thoughts, Necip Erdoğan remained silent and silently thought about the other people in the hall. The young people in the cafe remained silent for a few minutes, absorbed in their conversation, as if they were going to class in great haste.slowly and a little dejectedly our score set out to return to its place a snow was falling with small hard grains like hailstones that looked round and white like pearls on the sand sprinkled on the pavements it was slightly lightless the sky was getting darker as it was getting lower the sky was monotonous gray in you there were still big white ones that looked like birdman's pillows The clouds were gathering, as if the rainbow was wrapped tightly above to protect from the cold of human children. He came across Songül on the road. When he saw her walking on the opposite sidewalk, he went to that side and moved towards her. When she noticed him, she stopped and waited. Necip Erdoğan said, "I came to visit you" as they shook hands. When I couldn't find you, I won't be able to meet you today. I was afraid, now when I met you, I was twice happy about the coincidence. Songül looked at him with a thoughtful smile. This place is a coincidence. He said, "Thank you from me, because I couldn't accept your visit." I couldn't receive any visitors today. Because your exams are approaching, but now that I met you in unexpected circumstances, I realized that walking together and chatting together made me happy. A person can be so much about himself. I'm sorry about last night, I'm talking about the nights you tried to kiss me. Maybe I reacted a little harshly, but you should understand that I have never been with a man before in my life, she has never held a man's hand. Moreover, there is a girl you are seeing. Even though you are both angry and at peace. "I can't be with you unless you break up with him completely. I mean, you have to remove the poison from your life. Where did you come from?" he asked the girl. "Necip Erdoğan was on an aimless wandering. There was a school trip. We are preparing a project for the students. I can't stand staying in my room, but I can't stand being outside either. It's not for terrible anxiety. I wonder if I will be successful in the exams." Maybe I will only be able to see her a few times. How, why, keep it so deep inside, Gizem Pınar, etc., we are not safe anymore, we are stuck, we are definitely stuck. Well, is there no solution? After all, there is always a solution in such situations. I don't know. It's like I don't have another chance. But that's why you can't leave each other. After all, you loved victory in high school, even though he didn't reciprocate you, this is a Platonic Love. Also, it's a great coincidence that you met him here again. Then the last rose rose involuntarily, he laughed, his gaze was shining with the joy of believing in the possibility of separation, but his eyes were red, as if he had been crying. Yes, the thing is, I loved him, but If he's not in high school anymore, we're in college and I guess those days are in the past, but I don't want to meet him because he's reviving the old days.They came to the girl's door and said, 'Listen, Songül. Let me stay with you a little longer. Can I come in, Songül? I opened the door. The security guard at the door dutifully rushed to close it behind them. At the same time, I handed the two letters to the stake that had arrived while she was outside. Songül stood evenly, reviewing the addresses in the weaknesses, and sent them to Necip Erdoğan. He said the following: Actually, I don't intend to go up yet. So we can stay out a little longer, but I'm waiting for some news. It's a miracle. He looked at Necip Erdoğan sideways and continued: Do you see this letter? I have to read it immediately. We can meet with him at any time today or tomorrow. While walking slowly along the road, he waited for Songül to read, and meanwhile he examined the women under his feet on the pavement. Songül's tears. Today had put him in a bit of a difficult situation. When Songül finished reading and put it in his pocket, after a silence that seemed to last for minutes to Necip Erdoğan, the young man looked at the girl's face. she looked attentively. The expression on my face had completely changed. The girl's lips had faded. Her tense attitude had become irritable. I turned my gaze to the ground with an effort that showed my surprise. Zafer said that it didn't make sense for them to talk again after all this time. He wanted them to be strangers as if they had never met. Songül said. Is he writing something? Is he dead or has he been unfaithful? The young man's mind quickly crossed his mind, and meanwhile he couldn't fully clarify his own feelings. He said no. The opposite girl, she just didn't let go for a while. Yes, something bad happened. Can I find out what it was, but of course, if you don't want to. No, no. Why shouldn't you learn, for example, he actually pauses, then calls out a lot, the change is okay, he continued, he said he doesn't want to meet me anymore, he shouted in great surprise at night, then he realized this himself and continued like this. If he doesn't want to meet you, you should open your mind to a new love, he said No, before I fall. I already see many men as unfair in every aspect. I mean, it's not possible. Even thinking about it is unfair to him. There's no need to even think about it. Tomorrow? The girl answered with evil poking. The girl was distressed. Maybe you should give us a chance. Since you said, "Okay. What if I hold your hand right now and start a new relationship? I don't know if we should start a new relationship right now." Songül said that she was thinking of studying openly at the school and found a job somewhere in the south. I feel so bad that I could start crying. I hope you pray for her. Take a turn from the student boulevard to a wide street where they can feel a little safe, away from the crowds. Don't get tired, it's on an empty place that has been cleaned again. There were just a few children playing and shouting. But Songül said, "There are always new loves in life." He interrupted her by saying, "Well, it's okay. I wonder if he wanted this since he said it. The freedom of all young people is dedicated to being independent. A young person is about to reach his goal and feels violent while valuing life for the sake of his profession, for the sake of responsibility, for the sake of independence. No, not at all, I don't like living it." I can't imagine, once a year, a family, a house, women, children, this is so foreign to me, maybe it's just like this right now, maybe it's just in a corpse of life, how do I know, maybe this person could be Zafer After all, we studied together in high school and we have a history, even though he didn't accept me at that time, I For my part, I had feelings for him. Maybe I'm not suitable for something like that either. Love and marriage are not the same thing. He was talking fast and excitedly anyway. I completely forgot where he was. I had his back leaned against the wall of a house they were standing in front of. It was clear that the place they were in was not suitable for such a conversation. Necip Erdoğan, my daughter, was afraid that her davuto might freeze and speed up and stick to the wall. Also, small, thin round Snowflakes were constantly landing on her private parts. However, she was also somewhat nervous and excited, to be honest, she was not feeling treacherously happy about the man who had just received a breakup proposal on the last day. It wasn't true, but there was a very strange feeling mixed in with it, a feeling of shaking and resentment, as if she was the one who rejected him out of spite, even though she was angry. What the words of the last day had said to her had been God's servants. It seemed as if marrying someone like her was something impossible.