52my mother

My mother had a body that could be described as an hourglass, with big almond eyes, and although it had been 30 years, she was very stylish with her pointed high heels, especially a bone blouse and a black pencil skirt. She was in her mid-teens and had worked as a teacher for a while. My mother sat looking out the window for a long time, waiting for her to tell me her problem. He remembered the days. It was the year 1980, the country was divided into right and left, on one side, the burning of Communism, on the other side, fascists, there were murders every day, sometimes innocent people sitting in coffee houses were killed by random shootings, and on September 12, there was going to be a coup in the Republic of Turkey. I was already a 5-year-old child in those years. But my mother also talks about those days again as an adult. My father was last seen and joined a group with teachers. He refused to attend classes. That's why he was sent to prison. He would stay in prison for 3 months. Hard times had begun for my mother and she was trying to survive alone with 5 children without a source of income. What happened to her? He said, "I have a problem like this" and he told me that I have herpes on my lip. Because when you asked him if each of his partners had herpes, he said that your mother and father claimed that he didn't have it, but the medicine given to him was the same in his closet and he was in prison. When I asked him about it, he said it was a normal thing and that he could do about it. He acted as if nothing was wrong, we had already argued about this, he said, "What more can I do?" It showed me that he was used to my mother's selfish and two-faced behavior. He told me that he was referred because even the strongest drugs did not limit what he was taking all the time, and his doctor thought that he needed psychiatric help. It was Turkey in the 1980s. Going to a psychiatrist was labeled as crazy by people. Because in those years, people could not go to hospitals unless they had to. There were long queues in hospitals. There was no appointment system yet. Doctors held endless meetings with drug representatives there for a long time. But my mother told me on the net that she did not want to be in therapy, she just wanted to get off the plane. My stress is hidden from some people. I explained that it was the threat of virus attacks that would begin. I know what the word "sound" means, but I don't know exactly how it feels. I don't think I have that feeling. While I'm surrounded by the crazy people of the village. I continue to live the same. My mother, although she admits that herpes has shaken her like nothing else in her life. She said it didn't bother her. First of all, I tried to reassure her by letting her know that there was a plane in one of them, between the ages of 14 and 49. Her response was, "So what? We're all in the same Facebook attacks." I changed tactics. I told her I didn't understand why she was upset. There was a man who claimed to love her, and she told him that he loved her. he was left on his own Also he is in more pain in terms of Physics he can barely sit there the worst part was the embarrassment he would have to tell everyone he slept with forever that he had a plane or was a Carrier My mother agreed but the worst part for him was that he did everything possible to overcome his family circumstances "Although now it's like always," he said, "It's like a swamp." No matter how hard I try to crawl out of the boredom and mud, I know I keep falling back because I almost die trying to get out. I wrote a letter to your father in the 1980s, when he was in prison. You read this letter years later. I was saying, Necip Now he woke up, my apple, my brothers, he said, he started to cry, I'm so lonely without you at night. There is no one to hug me at night. I felt so safe when I was with you that I had a solid sleep until the morning. Why did you do this, why did you join politics, you got this punishment, I left me artificially alone with 5 children right now. I blamed all the troubles on me. When he asked me to tell his family about it, he said that he would not go into this whole story. My mother explained that she was a practical person and wanted to reduce the picture in order to control the achy bodies. Moreover, her sugar levels were very high these days, so that she could learn what stress is and how she experiences it, uncover its source, and then He had to go to a doctor and have a few sessions to find ways to alleviate it. I told him that his immune system is fighting too much stress, his sugar levels are rising due to stress and he doesn't have the strength to fight the dead plane. I can't believe I have to do this. I came to get my tooth pulled and he said Accidentally, my whole brain came with it. My mother was disgusted. It seemed, but in the end the earthquake happened. Okay, I will go to the doctor. I think it is difficult to treat a patient who is not psychologically oriented. Your mother just wanted most of them to get better, and in her opinion, therapy was a tool to protect her family. She did not want to give it to her country. Because she had no idea how it would relate. She did not wait on the first day of therapy.In the next session, we returned to Türkan Erdoğan's father. His father was a shoe repairman and was previously a car salesman. But he lost his job at an early age. He was addicted to alcohol, gambling and women. He visits brothels in different cities of Turkey. Instead of spending the money on his children, they get together, often with different women. He spends all his money with escorts. He used to spend money, sometimes he said that he was not financially stable. A year after his mother's death, Gökhan Erdoğan was now in a better financial position. He and his brother Ümit were living in the same apartment. He started school when he was 9. Which was the school his older sister went to? This school was the only school in the town, and it wasn't a very big building. Smoke would rise from the Turkish flag chimney in front of him. Then one day at the end of November, his father said that he had gone to visit a woman in a different city and he never came again. His father had remarried and now abandoned them. The children had no food. They only had a few clothes. They had two sheep and they were making yoghurt from this sheep. Whenever he told his mother that he was hungry, his mother put yoghurt on him and asked him to eat it with bread. Gökhan Erdoğan did not express any fear, anger or any emotion while telling this story. They did not want to tell anyone that they were abandoned for fear of placing a foster family. That is why they continued their daily routine. The small slum houses in the town belonged to a family with 4 children. He knew that unlike his younger siblings in Turkey, he had left them to his father. He had fallen in love with a new woman. And God knows what else. All he knew was that his job was to set things right. His father had abandoned him years ago. And now her husband was in prison. When she asked me how I felt about being abandoned, I thought I was being melodramatic. She said, 'We weren't exactly abandoned. My father knew I was there to take care of the necessary things. He occasionally hit our house, and even though my mother was in love with another woman, he still continued to be with her. This was a situation where his pride was low with this woman, I still don't understand how he accepted her, but we were financially dependent on her. Maybe that's why he's still with her there. I guess I asked you what you would say, not being abandoned. Technically, we were abandoned. But my father had to leave the house because he was the most My older brother didn't want him anymore, he wanted him to leave this house, I don't know how he had the courage to do this, but he managed to stand in front of a man who beat us every time we opened our mouths and make him pay that he doesn't want you in this house. I realized how carefully it was built from the feeling of loss. Attachment is a universal tendency in animals and humans to get used to someone, like a baby seeking closeness from its parent and feeling safe when that person is around. Türkan didn't remember having any feelings at the time. All she had was plans, survival at work with someone else, control of none. After all, he had siblings like him who needed to be fed and spend the winter in the wild, I wasn't content with constantly questioning him about his feelings, stating over and over again that these feelings were madness reserved for people who lived a comfortable life and didn't have to use their minds, in his own words. I could relate to what he said about it. When I experienced a complete reversal of luck in my own life, I didn't have time to explore my feelings either. I just had enough time to take action. I grew up in a wealthy family, or rather eating yoghurt and bread is considered wealthy. I, too, grew up in a wealthy family as a young person. My father, who had his own wife and was reasonable when he was a student, suddenly started to show excessive fondness for women. He suddenly behaved like a mental patient. I thought he had an inoperable brain tumor. My father was spending all his money on women, and which situation applies to me right now. He spent all his money on his brother and now He couldn't get a salary because he was in prison. It was up to me to support the family. To be honest, I didn't remember any feelings about that period. We were going through a difficult time as a country. There was a military coup. Democracy and AFA were abolished. At the beginning of the therapy, a group came together to discuss the cases and tried to give clues to each other. I joined a peer supervision group of psychologists. The majority thought I wasn't accessing her feelings enough. I was surprised, too. I realized I needed to probe my own mind to make sure your trauma response was affecting your therapy. On the one hand, my colleagues might have been right. On the other hand, I told them that if they never focused on their own circumstances 24/7, that was enough. A wall, so to speak, to see if they ever get into a situation where they could be harmed.When I look at the notes I took that first month, I see that I can summarize my thoughts as follows. I have a client who does not want to enter therapy, whose name is unheard of in the literature, who does not remember her mother clearly, who has no idea what stress is, but who wants to get rid of it and who does not have any accessible feelings when she is abandoned. There is a lot of work ahead of me. As she continued to explain the strawberry, it was obvious that she was keeping her mind clear. She was already making preparations for the winter. Meanwhile, the neighbors were also helping her. Her neighbors were her other three siblings. The 4 siblings lived in the same building. In addition, her husband's sister was also trying to help. She moved to one of the farthest ones with her siblings. It was hard for her to clear her head until she screamed. It was not possible. She knew that they had to continue according to routine or their location and situation would be detected. If they can survive the winter, maybe in the spring, her husband was released from prison and she was left alone with the children. She was still stressed. If you are looking for events there, you can add them to this list. I said, first of all, this has already passed and it's over. Secondly, I'm still up and her situation was at the end of the session. I miss how I saw it You were brave Our life sounds right and scary at times It's like someone was abandoned in the woods alone And you were responsible for your children even though you were too young to parent There's all the dangers of the Hansel and Gretel story I'm skating or whatever Keep it to yourself why I asked. I was really surprised. When he said something about feelings, he said, "I see a door full of savages opening. And I'll never walk through that door. I have to keep going forward. If I ever started rolling, this would be me. Also, walking through that door doesn't make things any better." I added as I hugged my head, before I left today. You have to promise not to do this again, otherwise I can't come back. Are you saying that you never want kindness, empathy or sympathy from me? That's right, if you want my paw, I can go to someone else. Remember, he was my first patient, I didn't want to risk this bargain, considering his pathology needs. I could see that he was serious about leaving therapy. A little shred of empathy from him. It was too much for him and it scared him. This situation would break our agreement. If I were not a new Therapist, I would present the riddle to him as I felt, as Flütförlüs, the founder of Gectah therapy, suggested. Türkan Erdoğan believed that the dynamic is the same as the parent you have or the man in your life who does not open up but is not interested You want me to act like the man in your life You are used to no one reacting to your sadness but I don't want that role I could have said I feel like I'm on the move right now but instead since you are so determined I agree to respect your wishes and I said I wanted to make you feel at ease so that we could work together, but throughout our therapy I waited thinking that I would not agree to do this. The next week he came armed with his books and said that it was because of his children. I have 5 little children and the youngest is not even a year old yet. There is a lot to do, but financial difficulties keep me busy. bothers.

The next week, I came to my patient, armed with his books, and informed him that the reason for his stress was the children. I have a lot to do, but I have no money. Have you talked to my wife about this? Of course, I even shouted at her on the phone, but she doesn't care, you are doing too much work. I really have no other choice, the grocery store where I have been shopping for a long time. He even said he couldn't give me supplies without payment. I ended up feeling stressed that I had no other option. We spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to deal with my husband. He sends most of his salary to his sister. However, I have 5 children to raise. I'm a patient. I've never seen her husband change. She has a good life. Why aren't you? Maybe being in prison felt like a holiday to him, he was relieved of the responsibility of his wife and the responsibility of five little children. I said this comment is interesting. It also comes from him. He asked why. After all, your husband also blames things on you. It's getting to me and he's leaving you to deal with it. When I squinted at him he denied knowing he was sick and put up a pretty weak defense that he thought it wasn't contagious when he caught it with eczema meds. He must be living on another planet or in deep denial to think that at least My patient was upset he came to me at work He sent me two love letters. Sometimes I go to house cleaning and I gave the address of the house I always go to. In the record it was written "I love you". Did he really think that this was enough for herpes or because you were sick on the screen? I told me that every time I call a woman for work, he sends a love letter to that woman to try to make me angry. Are you trying? I told her that I didn't mean to make her angry. I told her that I was wondering how she felt about her husband's behavior. Even though she sent romantic love letters, she made a big mistake and dragged me into this difficult situation, which I will never forgive. However, note that our conversation started with what my patient, who was a bit irresponsible, said about the property, which was also irresponsible. I suffered. I wanted her to see the irony of my illness telling her that her husband needed to change because he was doing all the work. My patient opened her carrots and put her hands up to show that she didn't understand the issue. Finally, I asked who was the dominant character in her relationship with her husband. When she acknowledged this, I remained silent. Finally, she asked me what purpose I was trying to achieve. She criticized your husband for his womanizing when he was chronically late. "You can forgive even when he doubts you and gives you a disease," I explained after a long silence. "I asked him why he doesn't expect proper adult behavior from men. At least he says he's sorry, what he did was a mistake. He can understand that he put you in a difficult situation with the children. "Aslan, this is even more than what my father did." Then I looked out the window. Actually, he wasn't that bad of a father, even though he was a womanizer, he still came to us in emergencies. I started using a psychological technique called reframing, which was taking a concept and renaming it to change its meaning. This reshaped what I perceived as faith and overprotective my concerns. I tagged you. You mentioned the difficulties in your life when you first came here. Can we clarify this? Türkan Erdoğan looked confused, so I corrected this question. Is a difficulty in the sense you use it someone who takes from you and does not give back? To a unit that only meets their own needs. Everyone is on their own in this life. Türkan Erdoğan said this is my father. It was one of his notes, it normalized their behavior. How many fathers go to visit a brothel and never come back? There must be such fathers out there somewhere. Since there are orphanages, it means there are fathers like this too. How can thousands of children enter child care at the last minute? Their parents abandon them. That's how many people have bosses. Their assistants also work for them, so they can relax their work because they work overtime and still manage to do their job very well. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and said, "I'm sorry for this attitude, but I don't believe you should go through this useless nonsense." Then she added that her father had been involved in her life before he died, except for a few interludes. In fact, as she stated out loud, she had seen and talked to him often. The year she died, she gave birth to 4 children. One of them was a boy. Because his father's name was Necip, they went to your room and put him in your room. Ülker Erdoğan. He was a reluctant patient who was defending against therapy, and I was my new therapist who fed into his defenses too much. I started to see that it was not important to know what a client's problem was.As Türkan Erdoğan was getting ready to leave, I shook her head and took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, but I can't believe I have to go through this useless nonsense." Then I added that his father was involved in his life except for a few breaks. He was a reluctant patient who was on the defensive against therapy, and I was a new patient who was probing too much into his defenses. My therapist was starting to see that it wasn't important at all to know what was wrong with a client. If you rushed the art of therapy to get the client to see it, they would immediately close down their criteria. It had taken a lifetime to build up these defenses and it would take time to peel them back layer by layer. I had my own psychological dilemma. As a Therapist, I had to be patient, but I didn't see a type time can turn into stress Indeed, these traits are often associated with stress-related disorders For example, where is the brush? His stress aggravated his eczema attacks. Many Social psychologists believe that character types are hard-coded, meaning that a child is born with certain tendencies that do not change as he grows, birth order, parenting and social variables in talent, some edges no matter which hill you belong to. It can soften it. But not too much. In other words, if you are type x once, you will always be type x. Both Türkan Erdoğan and I were type So I had to be careful not to get into a confrontation with my patient. If I wanted to be a good Therapist, I had to learn to dial back traits. Patience, a trait that is both in short supply in a personality, would be critical on this journey. Patients often bring cultural references to therapy appointments, for example, dreams about a television character. They share their stories or identify their own lives with political figures or situations in the news. These are their assumptions, but most of the time I have no idea what they are talking about because in the 80s, I barely watched TV or listened to the radio for 20 years. I didn't have a TV when I went to college and had to work various jobs while studying. I was so busy that I couldn't watch television. When I was a child, there were only two colors on our television, black and white. Then, when we reached adolescence, the television started to become colorful. We were watching color broadcasts, we noticed that the ground was green in football matches, and I noticed that the ground was yellow in basketball matches. I had a child, my wife, who is also a student, and I were living happily above a store with our powerful baby stroller and 3 car seats. Meanwhile, I had to get my doctorate by a certain time. That's why I would set my alarm for four thirty in the morning and work according to the babies' schedules, neither my wife nor my television. We had time. The Internet had not entered our lives to this extent in those years. We were spending every free second to take care of our children or our work. I had a strange interest in knowing a little about the 19th century, especially about the problem and provit. But I did not know anything about the Popular Culture I was living in. Also, years later, again I realized I hadn't missed much in the past. I had read instead, but I would have had to make an annual visit to a museum that had a copy of every television program ever made. Of course, we didn't have the opportunity to self-broadcast in those days. This museum burns all the programs my patients talk about, and its impact on how they form their characters. I could pick up and watch shows in their rooms where we could see characters who were having problems or I could read books about patients it was fascinating to read a book in the context of how it affected a particular patient many patients lacked adequate guidance from their parents so they were dramatically affected by how people interacted on television and in movies My patient is a perfect example at this point The books he read about television dreams had opened a whole new path to our therapy. As usual, it was difficult for me to get him to talk about his dream process. When I asked him about his dreams, he said that he had never seen them. However, he could not help being diligent. He came to our next session, full of underlined key phrases, and then he came to the chair with his dream written on his day. He collapsed and started telling his dreams. In his dream, a soldier was wearing one of those fights with hooks on all sides that fishermen wear. I was in the hospital corridor, wearing a hospital gown, and he saw that on TV, except for his fisherman's hat.Knowing that the patient likes clear and practical solutions, I thought he wanted to get better as soon as possible. shame is sticky like gum, it would burn you, then it will stick to you forever. If possible, it is best to take it in pieces. "Are shame and stress the same thing?" he asked in a practical way to get rid of painful cold sores and eczema sores. He was trying to label the order. I would say that shame can definitely cause stress. Shame entails a painful humiliation or distress caused by behaviors that are somehow natural in our society. For example, when you go to the grocery store and the grocer tells you he can't give you any more supplies, you feel embarrassed. Freud says that shame makes us feel unloved. Shame is much more than guilt. He is a clever and deadly person. Although guilt is a painful feeling when he is obsessed with his actions, shame is much better avoided psychologically. Because it is a bad feeling that you as an individual feel to be wary of. The patient raised it on his own and then nodded as if he understood that he had to investigate this again. "Okay, I continued now." I go back to that day when you got a severe beating from your father And I wet my bed because of fear You were a 9 year old girl and I was alone at home with your older brother who helped you Your father came home and started beating you severely This is like the freezing cold water in the lake It's best to just dive and swim So don't interrupt me Let me spill my guts when you hear this you'll say no wonder you have eczema and diabetes he deserves it his last sentence was a classic combination of guilt and shame it made him feel disgusted with himself the patient avoided eye contact He looked out the window and began his story in a disturbing way I realized we had to eat after my father left Also my brother's His teacher came to the classroom and asked him why he wasn't eating the food he didn't eat. My brother started crying in the classroom. The other students gave him his lunch. The teacher noticed that he put the bread in his pocket instead of eating. I asked him if he had everything at home with him and that my father would definitely return. He wanted to call our house. But we didn't have a phone in our house in those years, the phone was just entering Turkey, the teacher asked his mother to call the school. That's when Furkan Erdoğan said, "I stole money from the charity box of a mosque." But otherwise I would have been caught, and then when I got out of school, I bought chocolates from the market with my sister, and while she occupied the stalls, I put one of the canned goods in my bag. I was really good at it. Also, I was very excited. I walked out of the grocery store quietly so as not to attract attention. I choose busy shops so that no one would suspect me. Then I told my siblings to wear clean clothes without a washing machine. He told us how he managed to keep it. We didn't have a television in those years, our only entertainment was listening to programs called Arkasi Tomorrow on the radio. On the night of Arkasi Tomorrow, I would make sure everyone took a bath and threw away their clothes. Every Friday before the weekend, I would go to the Mosque and fill it with water and steal new clothes for Monday. I guess I was an incredible thief. Maybe this is not a condition, it is genetic. Although I was not interrupted by comments during these explanations, I showed him as the patient wanted, I just listened, I did not say anything other than my brother was always hungry on the nets, and on top of that, he started to wet his bed. I threatened them by saying things like I will leave them if they don't quit and do what I say, etc. It worked. Afterwards, I was very surprised that no other authorities noticed the situation and did not intervene, other than the teacher who did not follow the situation. The patient looked at the ground, I could feel that she was ashamed, she usually did not look sad, but I could see that what she was about to say affected her deeply. I am a good mother. I wasn't. She wouldn't let anyone talk about my father or him leaving. If they started to cry, I would tell her that we should just carry on as if nothing had happened. So I would hit the whiner. What helped her be more affectionate towards her siblings? Maybe with the half-back programs on TV or radio. These programs helped her relax psychologically. He was taking refuge in those who stopped him out of desperation. As a result, the patient used this technique to help his brother, who was wetting the bed, while he was sleeping. I said, "Well, son, what is bothering you?" When my brother did not answer, I threw him a piece of wood on his arm and told him that it would be okay and everything would be fine. Within a few days, he stopped wetting his bed. So, talking to him mutually was a relief, then I talked to myself about his theft. I started talking and I said things like when this war is over you can pay back everything you stole you are not a bad person I talked to myself I organized it to myself.The first month of our therapy was about to end. I had to fully prepare my treatment plan for Türkan Erdoğan and find ways to achieve this. He was strongly attached to his father, even though you saw it strongly from him, I still could not forget him, but this attachment was very full, he took care of him in his last days, because Thanks to her father, they owned a house and since her husband was currently in prison, they did not have to pay the rent. She owed it to her father. Also, she inherited a business from her father, and she was able to bring in her children with the rent she received from the business. She forgave his unauthorized entry and exit into his life, and basically treated him like a parent, so he could save her from neglect. or did not hold him responsible for his selfishness. Türkan Erdoğan had already been abandoned, so he hugged his father at his expense. His role in this relationship was to be a savior. As a child, he had to forget about all seven of them and he should have forgiven his father. He is responsible in the family. Since he was not an adult, he took pride in order for the family to continue. In a way, he was a mother to his siblings in his childhood. What could he gain or learn from this? The last patient related to survival was a real hero to his family, but the problem was that he took on the same savior role in his relationships with other men. Motherhood was not possible in his family. The reason why he took on this responsibility was because their mother went to different places all day to do cleaning work due to financial difficulties. Just like his father, he saved his brothers, this time he should have saved his children. Defend my job. It is the therapist's job to determine the patterns in the patient's case, weak, probably Psychopath Man, to make him realize how he subconsciously chooses the need to be a savior, even a deep-seated unconscious one, and weak and selfish men who need to be saved, like his father. It was going to be difficult to open his eyes to the scenario in the gallery for a few reasons: firstly, he came to therapy not to solve his childhood problems but because he saw it as a way to cope with his eczema, secondly, he was so devoted to his father that he refused to have a relationship with caring foster parents, so being subjected to violence had now become an addiction in him. It was like, even though his father disappeared and he didn't contact his children for four years, he was devoted to him. He also had the little love his father gave him in return for saving the family, and he hugged me. Since people do almost anything to be loved, it wouldn't be hard to break, it would be a curse. Whatever role we say in our family, it would be worth it. No matter what, we continue to play this role. The patient should think that he is responsible for his own life. In reality, he was an abandoned, betrayed and used child, frankly. Both him and I. We had a lot of work to do. When we started our second month in therapy, I also started my 2 months as a therapist. I was learning a lot about the special prayer of therapy. I had no idea how many theoretical thrusts it would take to get through a week before going into private practice. I quickly realized that theoretical Saffron was strictly an academic impatience. As a psychologist I would use almost any gun as possible, yet even on a practical level even the necessary intellectual training was sometimes difficult for the patient to get out. He had a lot of Anger to let go and would spend an inordinate amount of time expressing his Anger without winning any slaves. Even though the session was an acquired skill, I was having trouble redirecting. In the book The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, its author explains in a way not found in any other work, how intuitive judgment develops through years of experience as a Therapist. It was just after New Year's Eve and Türkan Erdoğan told me that her husband had given her black sheets as a gift. It came in the mail this morning. "Do you know?" When she asked about the psychological significance of her husband's gift, she said to the girl, "I swear, you're laughing so hard at the man. He's great." He said that he is a sexual partner and that their love is very big and that he has 5 little babies and his love in front of him. Sometimes I come home from work and I live with his memories around the room. I don't know how long he will stay in prison, but it is impossible for me to forget him. He is an interesting gift. Because he opposed you because he is sexually rich. If he doesn't send you a nightgown, I think he's telling you how much he misses you. By giving you herpes and betraying your security, he must have left you mostly through sex. Wow, have you ever left things for the first time? For example, when did you say, "Hey, that was yesterday, why should you cry for something that's over?" I chose to leave it alone for a while. I felt very bad because of this plane issue. When my husband lost his job due to the political boycott he entered, the patient was talking with hope that he would find another job that was not competitive.We really had no way of knowing the truth. My mother's little brother is definitely inadequate and needy, which is exactly the type of person a predator would choose to exploit. I knew my mother would never tolerate this. To say more about whether it really happened or not, the psychologist did not leave the department, to say more about it would be to take the role of a psychologist. The psychologist's job is to point out the errors of behavior. And so I just reminded my mother that she has a defense mechanism even against her father's mistakes and does not evaluate her father realistically. I had given it to the tools and now it was up to her to decide the truth. One of the details that stood out to me about the audio was my mother's description of how her younger brother opened the door and walked in, and how, even though their mother saw it, he silently closed the door and never spoke of what he saw, helpless with nowhere to go and knowing that her child was being sexually abused We have a decision. I asked why I dreamed of it. He might have gone into depression or he might not have had the personal power to defend his daughter in the relationship. When I realized this, I wondered if he committed suicide again. There was no investigation or crime. I didn't think such a thing would happen since there was nothing to be given against the belief of murder. When I heard about his wife's death, I started to imagine how my mother's mother reacted to it. I could never understand why my mother had only one memory about her mother. I had to be very careful at this point. I did not want to put ideas in my mother's head. I have been a therapist for 3 years and I have not encountered the Princess Case. Also, it is about finding the truth of therapy. I also had to remember that it is not, as a famous person once said in a work, sometimes people can't handle the truth. Rather, our stance towards the facts is a matter of our subconscious letting go of controlling our conscious mind. Effective therapy is about putting up your defenses accordingly. So you can deal with the problems that challenge your life. There was a long, calm silence. Shocking, it needs to be explained. The last half had made us both uncharacteristically distracted. Finally, about 10 minutes later, with all the anger in her voice gone, Mum asked if it was worth it that she would never know the truth. I nodded and went back to that evening spent with her little brother. There's only one thing we can know. That's it. Your little brother is trying to be close to you just like you are to him He obviously needed help Whether he is a victim of abuse or not he knows he is seeing a Therapist and I think he should too My mother will be able to see him for free at a hospital near his little brother's house I tried to become a psychiatrist Unfortunately he only went for a few hours Then I found a support group even for him but he only went once then I contacted a support group for two of them and arranged for someone to pick him up and take him home but at the last minute Adam refused to join that too Even my client I realized that I was wasting so much energy on this man who was so resistant to Therapy or any help. I also had to remind myself that it wasn't my job to chip away at every rock and get everything out of the moment. The past was the past, that wasn't what his patients needed. I had to look at the factors, firstly, my mother had worked hard in therapy and was not afraid to work on herself, secondly, with her mind, we could never really know the truth. It was too tragic a point to note as we finished 3 months of our therapy and it was up to that man to handle it. I felt that we had reached the final stage. When my mother first came to therapy, she was experiencing frequent herpes attacks. He wanted to get rid of it, now the attacks were down to once or twice a year, it was proof that he had learned how to deal with his anxiety, there was also a regression in his eczema disease, he had set limits in his relationships at work, he no longer allowed people to tease him there when he was weak, he was working to establish closeness and empathy with others, he had a dysfunctional childhood. And he realized that he was focused on being balanced and human, yet there were setbacks. Even though my mother did not approve of this marriage, there was nothing left to do. In the Turkey of the 80s, the opinions of young people who were going to get married were not taken into account, they decided according to what their parents said. For this reason, my mother decided to marry my father, who was 10 years older than her, before the marriage. They started to see each other regularly, sometimes they would go for walks, they would cook carefully and have fun on the weekends. He was learning how a normal relationship works. My father had a busy life, he spent teaching from morning to noon, and in the afternoon he would play Okey with his friends at the teachers' club, but if he was going to be late, he would call him first and let him know. At first, my mother mocked these behaviors as if they were forced and too shaky. I pointed out that adults did this to be considerate of each other. After all, my father valued his positive time as much as his own, since he did not have any basic knowledge. It had to be but she shared some moments from her past and seemed to accept most things about your father's l Even though they got very close, apart from full-on sexual intercourse, as long as they were engaged, my father didn't force her to have ill sex. My mother said she had run out of excuses. She told him about washing. In fact, she considered breaking up with him. So She won't suffer the humiliation of my father breaking up with her But instead she moved on and revealed her illness My father sat silently she could tell he was shaken she said it was short then she said she needed to think about it Some mother didn't hear from him for a week before and 2 and finally three weeks after 4 weeks of my father's loud silence My mother Apparently, he thought this man would never come again. When I asked him what he did about my father and his mother, he said, "I was relieved without a second's hesitation." When I asked why, I didn't need to work normally anymore, it was very difficult, and he was also very stingy. Once, they made popcorn while I was going to the movies. I had a bag of popcorn in my bag. I told her that it was impossible to enter a movie theater while she was still there. Moreover, everyone in the movie theater was looking at us. She didn't want to give money and buy it for you in a bag. Even though she was her first husband, she rented a house to students with her father. She had a cottage that she went to every weekend and took care of. These were not just working, but also an education. With great success. Yes, but he was counting every penny. When we went to the hut, we were working from morning to evening. If it was over 15 to 20 hours, he wouldn't even turn on the heating. He turned his back or lifted his legs, took a long breath and said, "I don't want to go back to those days again." I asked my mother what he was doing under this arrogant field. I asked, after sitting for a while, looking at his watch, did we not have time? I shook my head no. I am no longer a teacher. I am sitting in front of you as a psychiatrist. After more than three years of therapy, my mother had learned how to insert into the subconscious. Even though it was a new wound, I was hoping that she could do this now, when her wounds were left open. I reminded the broadcast of his accounts. Finally he took another deep breath and explained: I'm tired and ashamed. I came here. I feel like the first week. My worthless family history is slandering me and he wants to leave too. I said everyone is listening. I could understand what he meant. I mean, the fact that you accepted how you really felt, I even thought you cared about me. I guess I was hoping for this. But after a while, the man started not coming to see me. He took a break for a long time and then he changed his mind. I don't know what happened. Maybe you care, but your illness may have seemed like a big obstacle or maybe you were discussing options. Have you ever thought about it? Not everyone is in a hurry. I said to my mother. You are used to what you call spontaneous and improvisational. But if you reframe this term, it could also mean if we lose. My father, tell me that too. The reason he got upset was that my mother did not stand up when they first met. When he was told the name of this, he extended his hand and shook hands without getting up. That's why my father was upset about this, too. Some I said people weigh important decisions carefully over time. Then I stopped. Would your father have planes and tell you that he had an illness? Your father probably wouldn't have told you either. I said, that's what you did, it makes you different. Remember, I only had one attack. This isn't bad at all. It surprises me that these attacks are related to stress. Okay. What did my father know about incest? Did he inform him about the action committed by my mother's younger brother? I could understand my mother, she was being open, that's what I said, she had spent so long trying to knock on the door of normality, she must have been tired. Normally, she came the next week, what in my eyes was an endless day, and all I gave was my father's engagement party.