Chapter Two

I used to think that the days went by fast and time was just slipping away by the second. Now it seems as if one day turns into five and one minute is two hours. It seemed like the sun shined in the sky for eternity and when the night finally came it felt like the dark was gonna be a stain the sky forever. Everything was so slow and I found myself wishing that I could go back to when it was moving at the speed of light. I would never make a joke about how fast the months were changing again because now that their not it felt like I was living in my own personal hell.

I blinked my eyes and it felt like a heavy burden to do so but it was a bodily need to complete. I took in the ceiling like I haven't been staring at it for four hours now but it was better than looking around me. The ceiling wasn't just plain white but had them annoying bumps placed for decor. I didn't like them but Elaine adored them to no end so they were on every ceiling but the bathroom and kitchen.

"They make the house look more elegant and homie at the same time. My grandmother loved them too." Elaine's eyes held all the joy she felt watching the painter place them.

"I think it looks tacky." I sipped my coffee.

Elaine rolled her eyes and laughed, "You didn't even know how to correctly use the word tacky until I came along so your opinion is irrelevant."

I rolled over in bed, shaking the memory from my mind as I was met with nothing but air beside me. The bedside was still left unmade and pillows left untouched for when she would come back and settle next to me. I could still vaguely smell her scent next to me and I soaked it in like a pale whore trying to seduce the sun. I didn't want her smell to ever fade away but I knew in the back of my mind that the scent was growing weaker by the day.

The sound of my phone ringing reached my eyes and broke my staring spell. I sat up in bed and looked at the vibrating phone as it sang loudly to catch my attention. I reached out to grab it and stared at the caller ID, her sister again. I declined the call and dropped the phone back on the stand before getting out of bed. As I stood up my body wanted to fall back down but the twisting pain in my stomach from a week of no food was finally getting to me.

I shuffled to the kitchen and paused once I was in it. I glanced around and locked eyes on the dishes in the sink. They had been there since before Elaine left but I didn't see the need to touch them. Elaine preferred to do the kitchen cleaning because she said it brought her peace to do so. I didn't understand it as when I cleaned the bathroom I could only feel annoyance but I guess that's another thing about Elaine that was different from me.

I let out a deep breath and tried to think of what to eat, but I didn't feel like cooking. It's funny because before I used to cook for us all the time. It fastly became one of my favorite things to do after me and Elaine moved in together. She always enjoyed hovering over me when I cook and she lit up like the biggest star in the galaxy whenever she ate my cooking. Now it seemed pointless to cook because all the joy was gone. Now all I felt when thinking of cutting on the stove was a wave of resentment.

I walked over to the fridge and was hit with the smell of spoiled food but ignored it. I grabbed the pack of lunchmeat and kicked the fridge close, traveling to the living room. I let my body fall onto the couch and support my dying spirit as I at pieces of lunchmeat. It was chicken lunchmeat and I honestly hated it. I always preferred the turkey one and the chicken was for Elaine. She would roll it up with cheese and crackers. It was her favorite snack and if she could she would eat it for every meal.

Elaine moaned in pleasure, "Oh my god. I swear nothing tastes better than cheese, lunch meat, and crackers. It's so simple yet so warming to the soul."

I laughed, "Babe, I think you have an addiction like the people in that show."

"I do not! Loving a certain food doesn't mean I have a strange addiction. It's not like I'm eating bed stuffing." Elaine's playful glare made me smile.

"First the lunchmeat and then the bedsheets. It all starts somewhere." I teased.

She smiled, rolled her eyes, and turned up the volume on the tv, "Shut up, Zaine."

Although the taste of the meat was bad to my tastebuds I still ate them. After a few minutes, I wasn't even tasting them anymore. It was just a cold, chewy texture that was going through the digestion process. It was something that stopped the twisting pain in my stomach so now all I could feel was the pain in my heart and soul.

After about an hour, I reached for another piece and realized that there were no more. I placed the empty pack down on the couch beside mine and just sat there, staring. I didn't know what to do next and not doing anything at all seemed better. It's not like anything I did would change anything so why bother at all. Everything was simply pointless and the quiet air around me seemed to validate that.

The echo of my phone ringing slipped through the air and right into my ears. I slowly got up from the couch and went back to our bedroom. I glanced at my phone and the caller ID wasn't her sister this time. It was a friend of mines that I hadn't seen or talked to since two days before Elaine left me. I watched as the phone danced on the stand before stopping after a few minutes. You would think they would stop calling after I didn't answer the first time, but somehow they figure three calls in a row was gonna motivate me to pick up. It made me want to slam the phone against the wall not answer it.

The phone danced with a notice of a message from the friend who just called. I reached out and unlocked the phone and tapped the message. I stared at the bubble that held the five words for a few minutes as they seemed to float off the phone and prance in the air. 'I'm on my way up,' read the message and it wasn't until I heard the doorbell that the words disappeared from the air.

I waited a few moments before hearing the doorbell again and it confirmed that my friend was outside my door. I shuffled out of the bedroom and towards the front door. When I was right in front of it I could hear fidgeting from the other side of the door. I peeked through the hole and saw my friend standing there with a bag in his hand. I stepped back and ended up kicking a shoe which ended up catching my friend's attention.

"Zaine. I know you're there. Can you please open the door?" Ben's voice sounded the same but this time I could detect the worried tone. Ben never showed he was worried or even fazed by anything so it surprised me. Although not enough for me to open the door.

"Listen I know you're having a hard time. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but you shouldn't shut out the people who care about you. It's not mentally healthy and everyone needs support in their time of need." Ben stated and I stepped towards the door, placing my hand on the lock.

"Ahahha, you can't imagine what I went through at the restaurant to get our food!" Elaine laughed as she headed towards the leaving room with our food in hand.

I looked towards the living room and it was as if she was setting down the bag of food. The smell of the Chinese food wrapped in the air, making me drop my hand from the lock and step towards her. But the moment I settled the vision faded and the smell left the air as her joyful voice disappeared with her body.

"Zaine!" Ben raised his voice and knocked on the door.

I ignored him and walked towards where she just was and sat down on the couch next to where she was. I stared at the area and hopped that Elaine would appear again with the bag of our food. I willed with all my heart for her to come back or let the vision grace me with her voice again.

"I'll leave the food here...don't hold up too long." I heard Ben say but my mind ignored it as tears slid down my face and the spot next to me remained empty.