The next day

Colin

I open my eyes and I hear their voices outside my door. They are trying to be quiet, but I can hear it all too clearly.

"What's going on with your brother?'' Papa asks Colm.

"I don't know. He won't talk to me, but I could tell something has been bothering him.''

My papa sighs loudly, and I hate myself for making them worry. "Tala won't tell me. She said I should talk to him. Do you think he is in some kind of trouble?''

"I think he is just lonely. He has been talking about finding his mate. Maybe it is getting to him," Colm suggests, almost as if he has a clue about what is going on in my life.

I sit up on the bed because I want them to stop talking about me and actually ask me. Do I really want to tell them what is going on?

I don't even know what is going on.

You are making a big deal out of everything, as you usually do. This is just an act of greed, and you want to eat your cake.

My wolf tells me.

The door opens before I can respond and Papa walks into the room. I pull the covers over my body as he sits down on the bed beside me.

"Hey kiddo,'' he manages, even though I feel the cautiousness surrounding me.

My relationship with my papa is not the same as with my dad. I love them both to death, but I have always been able to talk to my dad more. Growing up, I always stuck with him and even though he had alpha duties, he would always take me along and let me be around him.

"Do you want to talk now?" he asks.

I shake my head because I don't even know what to say "I overreacted, I am sorry.''

"No, don't apologise. You are hurting and I want to help you through it. Please tell me what happened. "

It should be easy to tell him. They have always had an open-door policy, so there is really nothing i shy away from them. I know that they will accept me.

"Something has been going on with my wolf. I can't control him anymore.''

According to my parents, it is very common for wolves to have periods where they lack logic and emotion. I know all these things, but this time feels different. Something is weird and I don't know how to explain it. My wolf feels heavy like I carry it around with me all the time and it's pulling me down slowly.

"Did anything happen?'' he asks, trying to understand what i am saying. His eyes crinkle like he is thinking about what to say next.

"I feel threatened inside my own shell like I can't do anything about it."

That is not a lie. Lately, I have been feeling like a prisoner inside my own body, and that is the one thing that scares me the most. I don't even know how to tell them the whole thing about the mating.

It's just so embarrassing, and if I tell them, they won't even allow it. I know what they are going to say. They will tell me that Ashina is my destiny and I have to choose her.

"What has changed, Has anything significant happened to you?"

Yeah, I found my mate.

Those are the words that I should say out loud, but I can't. I don't want this to become a reality. I don't want people to know that she is THE ONE.

She doesn't feel like the one.

I can't say that because that would mean I am rejecting her and I never wanted that to happen to me. I just want to ignore it for now.

"Do you want to talk to your dad about this?" He takes my silence as a refusal.

"No, I am fine talking to you. It doesn't matter.''

He nods, "Okay, we are leaving in a couple of days and I could tell Alby to take a look at you. Would that be alright? "

I nod.

He manages a faint smile. He is not content with our conversation. "Colm said you have been sleeping in your room for a couple of days. Where have you been sleeping? "

I take a deep breath and my eyes shift away from him.

I can't tell him about Lo.

"I can't tell you about it.''

"Why?"

"You're going to be upset with me. I made a mistake and there is no way to fix it."

"You know, I would never judge you. Whatever it is, I will understand."

He might say that now, but there is no way that will happen.

Tears start to well up in my eyes again and I feel like the world is crumbling at my feet all over again.

Papa pulls me into his arms again.

You need to fucking man up.

My wolf scolds me, and maybe he is right, but I don't know how to stop being who I am. I don't know how to do better--be better.

"It's okay," he comforts me, even though I feel like no matter what happens, I will not be happy. If I reject Ashina and choose Lowell, my wolf will not be happy, and if I choose Ashina, I will not be happy. It feels like a lose-lose situation and I don't know what to do about it.

The door opens suddenly and I see dad over Papa's shoulders. His expression is firm as he walks over to us "Come on, get up,'' he tells me sternly.

I stand up because it seems like he is upset.

"Hey, this is not the time to be the bad cop,'' Papa walks over to him and grabs him to the corner. My hearing is sharp as they continue to talk.

"Yeah, I know, but he needs this right now. I will handle this, Lanis." My dad manages to convince Papa.

I look away from them because now I am worried.

What does he know?

Shit.