‘The lie’

I stood there, numbed for a few minutes, and tried to recall what just had happened, and then quickly started walking back to my house. I was no longer hungry. I was sweating inside my jacket even when it was bone freezing chill outside. I reached home, straightforward went to my room, and slumped on the bed. My legs were trembling. I lay down on my back, my eyes were wide open, and I was staring at the ceiling. My mind was completely blank at that moment, and my body was unable to move. I remained in that state for quite some time. Then I got up, went to the bathroom, and splashed the chilled water on my face; it felt great. I came back into the room and picked my phone to check the time but got surprised to see nine missed calls from the wrong number. Why she has called me when she usually calls around ten p.m., and it was just twenty minutes past seven, I thought. I was going to make a call to her right at the moment when the phone started ringing again; it was her. I picked the phone promptly and was going to say hello, but stopped by hearing her panicked voice.

“Are you okay, Sid?” she was out of her breath.

“Yes, but what happened?” I asked in worry as well as in surprise.

“I had these feelings that something had happened to you or was going to happen?” she still sounded concerned. How could that be possible? I had heard that some people do get these unpleasant vibes about something happens or something going to happen to their loved ones, but how could she have that premonition as we didn’t even know each other yet.

“Are you there, Sid?” she brought me back from my astonishment.

“Yes, yes, I am. I am fine. Nothing has happened to me. You might be having a false alarm,” I lied, but why did I lie to her? I could let her know what had happened to me, then why I didn’t. That might be because I was not going to have answers to her questions that she was definitely going to ask me afterward. For instance, what happened to that car? How could a vehicle just get disappeared, and how was that possible that no one did see anything? She could think that I was simply making the stuff to grab her attention, or she could also surmise that I was somewhat a crazy person who was having hallucinations. I didn’t want to look ridiculous, so I lied.

“Oh, thank God. I really got worried as I had quite a strong intuition about it,” she said.

“Oh, so you are concerned for me, is it not sweet?” I tried to poke fun at to relax her.

“Don’t tease me; it is not funny,” her tone was a bit calmer than before. I smiled. I felt good to know that she cared about me, that she thought about me.

“Anyway, where were you the whole time? I tried to call you so many times, why didn’t you pick your phone?” she asked.

“I was outside, and I forgot my phone at home,” I replied. I told her how I spent my afternoon and evening, but didn’t tell her that I was thinking about her the whole day.

“So, you are saying that you didn’t do anything special today?” now she was teasing me. I wanted to tell her thinking of her was quite a special errand for me that I wanted to do the whole time.

“Yes, you are right; I did nothing at all,” I replied. I was going to ask her about her day when I heard my mom calling me. She also overheard that. She told me she would call me again around ten p.m. and disconnected the call. I put my phone aside and went downstairs. My mom was worried too as she didn’t see her son the whole day.

Sometimes I forgot that I had some obligations to my family, whether I liked those obligations or not. I always thought that I could feel happier by being secluded, but I guess that was not true. No one can feel satisfaction by being alone. Everyone needs somebody, a relation, a bond, love, and that love comes in whichever shape or form should be accepted by one. I thought of motherly love and felt empathy for my mom. I sat with her and explained to her that I was just in the park and then went to the market to eat something and lost track of time because I forgot my phone at home. I didn’t tell her about the incident. I didn’t want her to get more worried. She felt relaxed after listening to me. She asked to have dinner. Even though I wasn’t feeling much of an appetite still, I had eaten some portion just for my mom’s sake.

My father used to go out for some business trips after every few days, so it was just my mom and me at home who had the company of each other, but yes, sometimes I did forget that too. I spent some more time with her, talked about a few things she was interested in, wished her Good night when she started yawning, and came back to my room. I checked the time; there were fifteen minutes still left for her to call me. I sat on the bed and started waiting for her call. I was preparing myself to ask her some questions that night. I got ready with those questions by the time she called me, and she called me at a sharp ten o’clock. That fixed time for calling was yet another mystery to solve.

“Hello,” I picked the call and said.

“Hello,” she replied. She really had that mellifluous voice that anyone could get addicted to. I could hear her all day and night. I was all geared up to ask her my questions, but suddenly I found myself lost in her voice again, and she got the chance to be inquisitive.

“Have you ever thought of suicide?” she asked. She always put a kind of query which could easily make me uneasy for a moment.

“No, I never had such kind of thought. Did you?” I asked in return.

“Yes, I once killed myself,” she replied.