Chapter 183: Lost Childhood.
In this place, at this time, the sound of a piano resonates in the four walls of a specific place. Inside a large mansion, where a woman is drinking a glass of wine sitting on a luxurious sofa, a child is playing the piano in front of her. That boy was smiling while playing the piano, but inside he was hiding a deep suffering. He had scars on his arms that could barely be seen because he wore shirts with long sleeves. The boy, while playing the piano, glanced out of the corner of his eye at the window.
Outside were the children of the mansion's maids, playing in the snow with innocent smiles on their faces. As she played the piano with unparalleled elegance, he thought... he imagined himself playing out there. His smile only grew wider. It was a kind smile that hid the real Alek Gusev.
'It's okay... that's how they're fine.'
He was a boy who was broken inside. Every time his fingers touched a piano key, one more note jumped out and continued the melody. His hands were small, but quite fast at the same time. His eyes, the more the years passed, the more they lost their light. He was a smart boy, he knew his mind was getting more and more shattered, but in the end he kept repeating to himself.
'It's okay... this way is how I will live...'
Somewhere a being of light smiled at hearing the boy's thoughts. A teenage girl with a golden glowing body.
[That's right. This is how you will live, for your life and destiny are mine. You belong to me, my dear hero, and nothing will change that...]
In an arrogant tone, that entity continued to watch silently.
***
As he watched the Tōsaka sisters play in the sandbox, the words of his past self suddenly appeared.
'No matter how hard I try to forget the past, it always comes back and worse...'
"How can a box full of sand be fun?"
Putting the past aside, Toru sighed at the sight of Rin and Sakura having so much fun with a simple sandbox. He just couldn't seem to find the fun in it. If Toru could think of any one thing that sparked the feeling of "fun" in his brain, it would surely be what he did with Konan whenever they were alone. But comparing that to a sandbox was very odd, not to say insulting. And why did he find himself watching these two girls? The story begins a few days ago.
***
It had already been a week since Assassin was summoned to the earthly world. In that span of time, very little had happened. Most of the time, in view of the fact that he had nothing to do besides training together with Kirei, Toru spent his time silently looking at the flowers, just like Kyoko used to do in the Unholy World. Whenever he did this, little Sakura would appear to ask him too personal questions.
"Why do you wear bandages on your arms and legs if you're not hurt?"
"What's your cloak for?"
"Why is your scarf so worn out?"
"You wear sandals. Wouldn't it be better to wear shoes or boots?"
"What's your name?"
"Are you a ghost?"
"Why do you look so sad?"
"Do you know how to use magic?"
"The earring in your ear... It's pretty! Do you like wearing it?"
Sakura is a rather shy girl, but when a target appears in her sights, her shyness vanishes into thin air. It's a pretty common attitude considering how old she is. She is a curious child who is still growing up. She still has a lot of things to learn, and how her father doesn't give her enough attention like her older sister, Rin, she was bound to be looking for someone to pay attention to her.
"I don't get to see Kariya-Ojisan very often, but she's a nice person. She usually brings me gifts."
Pretending to be interested in what Sakura was telling her was becoming a rather burdensome job for Toru. That there was nothing else this girl could do besides asking questions and talking too much? This situation was so stressful that even though he is now immortal, Sakura was taking years off his life.
Rin always showed up to save the day, though. Even though she would say very hurtful things to Toru every time they met, she would see to it that Sakura didn't get close to him. On one hand, this was good for Toru, but on the other, it made Sakura a little sad. There aren't many people Sakura can talk to without feeling awkward, so she considered Toru to have become her friend, as he listened to her worries without complaining. She was shy with strangers and even acquaintances, but with Assassin it was different. He was very quiet, he was always quiet and seemed to like to watch the flowers in silence. Sakura always saw the opportunity to talk to him when she saw him alone.
Thinking about it carefully, she noticed that Assassin seemed to be a lonely guy. That dead-eyed expressionless face only made this guy look even lonelier. That's why Sakura was also talking to him, so he wouldn't be lonely. Quite an adorable little girl, isn't she?
No... not for Toru.
One day Kirei simply gave him the order to take care of those two girls while studying and that's where the overwhelm started.
***
This brings us back to the present. Currently Toru accompanied Aoi, Rin and Sakura's mother, to the park. She watched as her daughters played quietly with a gentle smile while some looked at Toru a bit quizzically.
Toru, in question, was dressed like a butler. He understood that if he went out in the clothes he was wearing, no one would stop looking at him. That is why little Sakura told Aoi that they should do something about it. That was how in less than half a day, an elegant butler suit with white gloves and shiny black leather shoes arrived at the door of the mansion. Toru obviously had his doubts about dressing in such clothes, but since the money had already been invested, he sighed wearily and got dressed. But seeing a butler in the middle of a park next to a beautiful woman looking at her daughters was rather anticlimactic.
'I should have thought twice before obeying that order. Kirei-sama surely wanted to get rid of Rin-ojousama. I guess Sakura-ojousama was just included as an extra.'
Shaking his head and sighing tiredly, Toru simply continued to stand motionless as if he was a tree.
Aoi looked at him and smiled.
"I hope it won't be too hard for you to do this."
"Well... I didn't think Kirei-sama would summon me for this. Though it's not like it's a hard thing to do either."
"Fufufu. They're still so small, they have a lot to live for."
Thinking about this, Aoi looked at her daughters.
"Taking advantage of the fact that I'm talking about life, how old are you, Assassin? You're a spirit, you died at some point in your life and ended up like this."
Age wasn't something Toru minded revealing so he was honest about it.
"I'm sixteen years old. I died five months before my seventeenth birthday."
"I see... you were very young."
Aoi opened her eyes a little surprised. It was true that to her Assassin looked like a very young boy, but she was surprised to learn that he was only sixteen.
'Having a life ahead of him... What did this boy have to live through to die so young?'
Aoi felt empathy for Toru, who simply looked at Rin and Sakura. Well, it was obvious to think that this boy lived the life of a murderer, hence his untimely death.
"People die. That's the undeniable cycle of life. If you don't die, you're not alive. No one can know they are alive until the moment of their death comes."
Again, surprised, Aoi looks at Toru.
"Those are pretty dark words, but you're not wrong. I don't know what kind of life as an assassin you lived, but I can see what you've been brought up very well. You're respectful of others."
"I'm not really like that, but the moment I was summoned, I decided to be more respectful, for now I'm just a simple Servant, my freedom is gone. No..."
Toru's expression turned quite dark as his eyes glowed a silvery hue.
"I was never free in the first place..."
Aoi lowered her gaze upon hearing this. She didn't know what era Assassin came from, but it had certainly been a difficult era for Assassin himself to say that he was never free. Toru, in saying this, only had his first life in mind. As he is very sensitive in that aspect lately, his mentality was forced to change again. He said that he was only respectful because that was what he decided, but that is not true. This is because his personality changed again due to the conditions he encountered inside the Throne of Heroes. That was the truth. Toru not knowing it was a separate matter.
"Hm..."
He narrowed his eyes. He realized what he said in front of this woman. This led him to look her straight in the eyes.
"Fufufu."
She just smiled at him. That was what this woman was planning. To be able to find out so much about someone with a brief exchange of words. Toru sighed, she was very good with words when she put her mind to it.
"What a cunning woman."
Aoi only chuckled as she heard Assassin's statement, but someone interrupted the conversation.
"Onii-san..."
"Uh?"
A wild Sakura has appeared! Toru could only feel the burden on his shoulders increase at the sight of her. Aoi looked at him as if she was telling him to pay attention to the little girl. In response to this, Toru, the butler, bent down and looked into her eyes. He cocked his head to one side and waited patiently.
"Do you want to play?"
"..."
With a crushing silence. Toru thought seriously about this. He wasn't here to play, he wasn't here to take care of these girls. He was here because he will fight in the Holy Grail War, the Heaven's Feel, to earn his wish, but this... He felt offended, a little, but when he looked at Aoi, she was looking at him with a gentle passive-aggressive smile. A bead of sweat fell down his expressionless face, and with a tired sigh, he stood up and held out his hand.
"Come on..."
A big smile formed on Sakura's face, who impatiently took Toru's hand and dragged him to the sandbox, where her sister Rin waited with her arms folded.
"Come, Onii-san. Here."
"Why are you in such a hurry?"
This girl, Sakura, was rather weak. If Toru stood still with a little strength, Sakura wouldn't be able to move him from that spot, but he was simply letting himself go because Aoi looked at him like that. That look somehow reminded him of Kyoko.
"I don't think it was a good idea to bring him here, Sakura. Look at him, he looks like a dead fish."
Rin started with her hurtful comments, which didn't affect Toru in the least. This one just stood in front of the litter box with his arms crossed, which made Sakura look at him with that typical abandoned puppy expression.
'Haa... Is this another punishment?'
He crouched down and watched what Rin and Sakura were doing. He didn't understand what he was supposed to do, but he took off his gloves so he wouldn't get them dirty.
"What's the fun in playing with a pile of sand?"
Rin answered him:
"You being a bitter old man is not our problem. You're here because Sakura wanted to play with you."
"Do I really look old?"
Well, he mentally is sixteen years old, for in his past life his mind was stuck in his fourteen year old self after losing his emotions. Therefore, Rin's comment was quite wrong.
"She usually says such things, but deep down, Onee-san is very kind. So you shouldn't take everything she says to heart. She's like that because she doesn't trust you, but I do trust you, Onii-san. That's why she wanted you to play with us!"
But Sakura had a different thought than her older sister. She wanted Rin to get along with Assassin as well, that was also one of the reasons why she brought him to the sandbox.
Right now, Toru noticed that there were two small sand constructs in one part of the sandbox. One of the constructions was a small sand bucket, while next to it stood a rather plain sand castle.
From the position of the Tōsaka sisters, he was able to deduce who each sand construct belonged to. The bucket was Sakura's and the castle was Rin's.
"How hard are you looking?"
Rin saw that Toru's gaze was fixed on her sand castle. This caused a proud smile to form on her face. Puffing out her chest with her fists at her waist, she approached the boy.
"This is my masterpiece. No one in this park has ever been able to build something so perfect. I deserve your highest praise, of course."
"..."
Toru was silent as he analyzed the structure and then began his destructive criticism.
"First of all, the staircase is too narrow, not even an ant could pass through there."
Rin closed her eyes with an annoyed smile. Toru continued.
"Besides, where is that door supposed to lead to? There literally isn't a path. If it were a real construction, many people would die walking through that door, as they would fall and die."
A vein swelled in Rin's forehead.
"The roof, too. If it rains, water would accumulate in the middle part and eventually, everything would fall down. It makes no sense unlike Sakura's construction. It's simple, but effective. Your structure is solid and would be difficult to knock down. Instead your 'masterpiece' would be toppled by the slightest breeze of wind."
Rin clenched her fists, because just at that moment a slight breeze made her sand castle crumble. She opened her eyes and frowned.
"If you think you're so perfect, why don't you!"
Touching Toru's chest with her finger, Rin looked him in the eyes. Her gaze was filled with frustration and anger. Everything was supposed to be perfect, but this idiot came to ruin it.
"Because this is just child's play. I don't care."
"Really, you're afraid I'll win you a girl?"
Wryly, Rin smiled.
"That was to be expected. It's obvious you wouldn't have any experience and that's why you talk so much nonsense that only you understand. You're a coward after all."
"Onee-san... you shouldn't..."
Sakura tried to calm her sister down, but Toru interrupted her.
"I will."
"Heh. You really will?"
"That's what I said. I will."
Rin smiled mischievously after Toru had accepted the challenge. Sakura could do nothing to stop him and could only remain silent.
And from one moment to the next, she became a witness to this legendary confrontation. Fuyuki's best sandcastle builder against Kirei's Servant. Toru rolled up the sleeves of his costume so as not to get dirty and got ready. Rin took the toys that would help her achieve victory and then....
"Uh... uh... begin?"
Sakura gave start to the confrontation. Rin immediately started filling the bucket with sand, while Toru watched the surface of the sand.
"It's to be expected that you can't do anything. You were impressed with my skills, weren't you? Don't worry. It will be an honor for you to lose to someone like me."
Her own pride was at stake, so Rin couldn't give up even if Assassin just stared at the sand. After that, though, something strange happened. Toru clasped his hands together and began to connect the seals. An invisible mana fluctuation passed through his hands.
"Doton: Sand Castle no Jutsu."
Placing his hands on the sand, Toru made the sand move strangely. Rin stood frozen watching what was happening, while Sakura could only watch this in surprise. Quickly a meter high sand castle was formed, which seemed to be very well structured. It had concave roofs and a bridge with a large pit.
"What is that!"
Rin opened her eyes wide and approached the castle to get a better look at it. For some reason it was too perfect, like a real castle made with magic. Toru just stood quietly as Rin watched, but soon realized that this girl was frowning.
"You..."
"I'm what, I'm done. I'll wait for you to finish building too."
"Cheater..."
She whispered. This made Sakura feel intimidated. She hid behind her sister and waited for the bomb to go off.
"Hm?"
"You're a cheater! You used magic!"
"Cheater? Me? There was no rule that said you couldn't use ninjutsu. Please finish your castle and let Ojou-sama choose the winner!"
"No! There's no winner because you used magic! That's an unfair advantage!"
"Onee-san..."
"Shut up, Sakura! Seriously. I shouldn't have expected anything from you. You're an Assassin, it's obvious you were going to cheat. Don't you know that your kind are liars and cheaters? That's why an Assassin shouldn't be trusted."
Toru was silent. He sighed wearily and then folded his arms.
"So I won?"
Hearing this, Rin could only clench her fists and punch Assassin in the chest. With the first blow thrown, she continued, but Toru didn't flinch. She was stronger than her younger sister, but she was still extremely weak compared to Toru. He waited for this girl to calm down or for Aoi to do something about it.
"You're a cheat! You liar! You traitor! You fish-face!"
But it seemed like Rin wasn't going to get tired for quite a while....
***
And the next day it was the same thing. In view of the fact that it was Monday morning, Aoi found it amusing to have Assassin, who looked overwhelmed by his new job as a butler/nanny, ask her to go drop the girls off at school. All this while smiling politely.
It had gotten to a point where Toru was already quite tired, but this was also a good thing in part, as he forgot everything he had experienced at the Throne of Heroes due to how busy he was taking care of these girls. Aoi noticed that Toru's gaze was no longer as empty and lonely as it was at the beginning, so she insisted.
"I gave you directions on how to get there. If you don't know somewhere, Rin can help you."
With a gentle gesture, Aoi adjusted Assassin's tie and patted him on the back. Toru reacted by raising his eyebrows. He obviously didn't understand how this woman was so kind to him if they barely knew each other, but it was a simple thing to answer. When Aoi looked at the lonely Toru, her maternal instinct would flare up and she couldn't help but treat him as if he was her son. She liked how this boy reacted, as he didn't seem to be that familiar with this kind of treatment. This only made Aoi know Assassin's personality much more and understand that this boy's life might have been quite difficult if a mother's good treatment is strange to him.
A boy with a mysterious past. She was interested in that, as she was very bored at home doing nothing.
With that, Toru stepped forward, where Sakura and Rin were waiting for him at the door.
"You're taking too long. Let's go or we'll be late."
"Don't worry, Onii-san. We'll guide you if you feel disoriented."
He sighed as he saw the reactions of these girls and advanced towards the door. He opened it expecting Rin and Sakura to come out, but then remembered that the butler leaves first to hold the door for their masters so that's what he did. He opened the door, stepped out and waited for these girls to come through.
When they came out, Toru closed the door and walked beside them in silence. More or less remembering the instructions Aoi gave him, he looked at the road and walked forward beside them.
"Hm...?"
Suddenly, he felt something warm in his hand. When he looked to his side, he found Sakura, who had taken his hand. She just smiled at the look on Toru's face, who sighed tiredly again.
'This girl reminds me of someone...'
A certain woman who loved her son too much and annoyed him every chance she got. Although Sakura's personality is different, this aspect was the only thing she agreed with Kyoko on. Rin, on her side, saw this and folded her arms trying not to look at them. Toru noticed this and thought what no one else would think.
'She wants me to shake hands with her too?'
Without a second thought, Toru took Rin's hand and returned his gaze to the front. She reacted with a strange whimper. She looked at Assassin with a flushed face, but when she saw the calm expression this boy had and that her sister smiled at him with a nod, she calmed down and accepted this strange Servant's hand.
As they walked, she thought of many things.
'His hand... is bigger than mine...'
Other than that, she could feel that Assassin's hand was rougher than she expected. How Toru uses daggers to fight, it was obvious that his soft boy's hands would wear out over time. They were the hands of a boy who lived a hard life, and Rin empathized with this.
'He might be a cheater and at times a very strange guy, but...'
Rin smiled.
'You never stop being nice...'
To her Assassin was still a stranger, but in time she would manage to get along with him. Or so Rin thought, only to realize her own thoughts. She shook her head and, without letting go of Assassin's hand, walked on keeping her pride higher than the clouds.
***
"Rin-chan Who was that boy you came with?"
A brown-haired girl appeared along with her friends to ask a barrage of questions. Rin was distracted thinking about what she will do when she comes home, but they came and interrupted her.
"Yes. Tell us, Rin-chan. who was he?"
"He was very handsome."
"He was dressed in a suit. He looked very nice."
"He looks Japanese, but his eyes are silver. Could he be a half-breed?"
"Besides they were holding hands."
Rin sighed wearily. She hadn't expected that coming to school hand in hand with a boy would cause such a fuss.
"Why are you all so surprised? He's just my house butler. There's nothing special about him."
The girls were confused by Rin's words. They were all aware of the appearance of the supposed butler, for this mysterious boy was more handsome than any boy they had ever seen. The mystical silver eyes that seemed to sparkle in the sunlight, that expressionless face and piercing gaze, the elegant way he carried himself, all of that caught the attention of the girls who were captivated by the appearance of this "onii-san". Of course, Rin didn't understand anything of what these girls were saying, for she didn't see Assassin as attractive, in fact, it could be said that she feels a bit of dislike for him, although it's not that she hates him completely either.
If Toru knew that a lot of girls thought he was attractive, he would feel uncomfortable and try to hide until everyone forgot about him.
***
Meanwhile, Sakura was paying attention to the class with a smile, as she was already thinking about what questions to ask Toru when she returns home.
'I have to find out his name'
For her, a person's name is something important, so deep down, she wanted to know what this Servant's name was, though she will still call him "onii-san" anyway so it makes no difference whether she knows the boy's name or not.
***
On his way back to the Tōsaka's house, Toru stopped in front of a bakery, as the display case showed that sweet treat he was obsessed with all his life. He also remembered that he received some money from Aoi, but he felt that he shouldn't spend it on something like this. Still, his obsession won him over and he entered the place, leaving seconds later with a paper bag in his hands.
Everyone in the vicinity watched the butler take out the fruit-filled bread and put it in his mouth. The expressionless face he had somehow became adorable to all of them, mostly to the women, who watched that handsome boy walk silently enjoying his breakfast.
'I don't think I'll ever wear this suit again...'
Aware of the stares of the others, especially the curious looks of the women, Toru walked around the corner to hide and his clothes changed wrapped in a faint black trail. Immediately his combat clothes showed on his body, that costume he wore when he fought Obito in Amegakure. Now, taking another bite of bread, his entire body flickered, disappearing from everyone's view.
A thousandth of a second later, he appeared on the roof of one of the nearby houses. He looked at everything carefully and then continued on his way.
***
Seeing the children playing and smiling happily. Remembering Rin and Sakura with those same expressions....
Passing by the park from the day before, Toru sat on a tree branch and focused on eating. But the sight of this place was what made him uncomfortable.
'All of them...'
They all have a normal childhood, unlike Toru, whose childhood never existed. In the end he was just a guy whose childhood was lost due to circumstances.
"This tastes awful..."
Well, sweet was never to Toru's liking, but he simply wanted to keep feeding his obsession with the past.
To be continued...