I Can Explain!

Hugo's heart raced as the twins laughed, their giggles echoing in his ears like a catchy pop song he couldn't escape.

He was already beginning to panic inside. Why won't this matter just die!

It had been just one fart! Okay, maybe like a dozen, but still!

A dreadful thought suddenly entered his mind and his pupils constricted. As the panic rose in his chest, he asked. "Are there any pictures of this ass dragon?" 

He had to know if he would be visiting a cliff tonight...

The twins kept on laughing for another minute before finally stopping.

The other twin, Lily, shrugged playfully. "Sorry, but it's just so funny! No pictures, though. Just a description!"

Hugo's palms began to sweat. Although he was a bit relieved that there were no pictures, he had to know how detailed this description was.

"Description? What kind of description?" Hugo exclaimed, his voice pitching higher than a cat in a bath.

He felt the ground shift beneath him, panic rising in his throat like bad sushi. He tried to maintain a brave face, but inside, he was sweating bullets.

"Well, let's see…" Lily grinned, tapping her phone speedily. "They say the Ass Dragon is a short guy..."

She suddenly stopped and stared at Hugo with a weird look. She gave him a once over before continuing.

"Kind of scrawny..." 

Hugo's face had already turned purple, but he desperately maintained his straight face. He had to act like he had no clue what was going on or he would be toast!

"With a squeaky voice that sounds like a cartoon mouse that got kicked in the nuts and a face that's… um, not exactly model material?"

Hugo's eyes widened, his voice hitting notes only dogs could hear.. "Wait, what? That sounds just like me! You can't be serious!"

"Seriously!" Lily continued, her laughter growing. "And they say he's always dressed like he's just rolled out of bed. Oh, and the hair! He's got this bangs that make him look like a faulty Japanese doll!"

Hugo felt his eye twitch. Do I really look like that? He tried to laugh it off, despite the fact that his cheeks were burning hotter than a campfire. 

He couldn't afford to hear anymore descriptions or he would really be forced to visit a cliff...

"Okay, I think we should talk about something else! How about the weather? Or, I don't know, the latest trends in—"

Hugo had to steer the conversation away from this disastrous topic before things got nasty.

He leaned in a bit closer as his brain worked overtime to find something interesting to say.

He had to get this beauty!

He was going to make her his! 

_____

13 Seconds Later...

"Wait, no! I didn't mean it like that!" Hugo panicked, his brain racing faster than a cheetah on caffeine. "I was just trying to—"

Before Hugo could dig any deeper into his hole of doom, Lily stood up abruptly. "You know what? Forget it. I don't need to sit here and listen to some wannabe with a superiority complex insult my humour. I'm out."

She stormed toward the door, leaving Hugo gaping after her. Her twin, who had been flirtatiously chatting with Collins, saw her sister's furious exit and followed suit, throwing an apologetic glance over her shoulder.

Hugo sat there, frozen. 

He had one job: don't screw this up. But, as usual, he had managed to trip over his own words like a toddler running with untied shoelaces.

'Don't look back... Don't look back...'

The silence in the room was deafening. When he finally couldn't take it anymore, he slowly turned to face Collins. 

The look on Collins' face was beyond anger—it was the kind of simmering rage that you see in old war movies, right before someone pulls out a flamethrower and torches an entire village. 

His eyes bulged out like a cartoon character who'd just witnessed his favourite ice cream drop on the pavement. 

His nostrils flared with every sharp breath, his fists clenched so tight you could almost hear his knuckles pop, and his eyebrows were knitted together in a way that made him look like an angry owl.

A very, very, angry owl.

Hugo swallowed hard. This was bad. He felt the temperature in the room drop about ten degrees.

He could feel Collins' killing Intent lock on him, and he knew his physique or spiritual cultivation wouldn't stand a chance against this protagonist.

Before Collins could explode, Hugo held up his hands, panic creeping into his voice. "I-I can explain…"

Collins took a deep, slow breath, clearly fighting the urge to leap across the room and throttle Hugo. 

"Please... do," he said through gritted teeth, the words dripping with the kind of forced calm that usually precedes someone flipping a table.

Hugo started to talk but no words came out, so he tried again. 

"Okay, so, like… you know when you're trying to impress someone, but it's like… you trip over your own foot, but instead of a foot, it's a massive, invisible pile of dragon crap?"

Collins didn't blink. His face stayed frozen in a state of pure rage, his jaw twitching like he was mentally preparing for battle. "Dragon crap?"

Hugo nodded vigorously. 

"Yes! Dragon crap! Like, metaphorical, of course. Not real dragon crap, 'cause that'd be, y'know, gross. But I just—" He gestured wildly, his hands flailing like a broken windmill. 

"I thought if I made her laugh, it'd break the ice. But then... things just spiralled! I didn't mean to offend her! And then I said the thing about dragons with big... butts, and she just lost it!"

Collins' eyes narrowed. "You insulted the ass dragon meme?"

"I didn't know it was that important to her!" Hugo squeaked. "I mean, who gets that defensive over a dragon's... behind? I just—" He froze, realizing he was still digging himself deeper. "Okay, look, maybe I messed up! Forgive me!"

There was a brief moment of silence before Collins finally sighed. He closed his eyes, partly to calm his rage and mostly to avoid seeing Hugo's terrible remake of a namaste pose.

His voice was low and soft. "You made a big mistake. You violated a rule amongst us players. You revealed your true colours!" 

Hugo squinted. He didn't get what Collins was saying. Wasn't he supposed to be original? Wasn't that the advice all those pages gave?

As if reading his thoughts, Collins sneered. He looked at Hugo like he was so sure he was going to die a virgin...

"I see... You're courting death. You dared to follow the teachings of the evil sect. My good friend, you are hopeless!"