What The...

I'm glad that's over. I could Alexie tell she's happy to see me (suffering) at work. It's May 23, 2022. Monday. I didn't think this would take a month to solve. I think it's because I had too much fun working, and anguishing, with my employees that I didn't notice time passing by. I thank Alexie for not pulling me out of it. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun when I'm not with Alexie or my siblings. I caught up with my sleep, as well.

I was back in school. I didn't like to attend back to school, only to find out that there was another transfer student. I also didn't like who it was.

Welp, now that school was (damn I can't get over this shitty verb tense problem, but I'm too lazy to fix them) over, back to my usual shits. I went to the library as usual and did my homework. In case you were wondering, I've already finished Alexie's. And to my surprise. I was followed by Quinn.

When I saw Quinn in the library, I thought she was only here to borrow some books and read it, but I guessed not. She waved at me and immediately sat next to me. Way too close. I sorta have this meter distance of personal space with strangers that I find attractive and dangerous. Not that I ever show and tell my discomfort because who the hell am I to push away people when the library is for everyone?

Of course, I didn't write all of these words next to her. I waited and waited for Quinn to leave until the clock chimed midnight, and I had to excuse myself to fucking come back to my own apartment. Man... the worse thing that happened was that she went along with me. What are we, a couple, or something? I said my goodnight.

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It's May 27, 2022. Friday.

I'm getting more and more surprised as the week gone by...

Geez. What's wrong with this week??

Monday, I had found out that Quinn was a transfer student, annoying and that we had sex or I dominated her – which I have no recollection of.

Tuesday, Anastasia asked me out for lunch, and I had fun.

Wednesday, Alexie took night classes this week, Quinn asked bullshit questions about me that I answered with shitty honest lies, and somehow dragged Anastasia to the utter bullshit conversation.

Thursday, Anastasia asked me to go out shopping with her.

I'm weak against attractive people. And since I'm powerless against them, I was too much of a coward to decline. When we almost finished shopping, we encountered some of Athy's friends. I found myself in an uncomfortable situation. I slowly stepped away; I assumed Anastasia preferred her friends' little hangout when they invited her, and I left.

Today though was very, very weird. I noticed that Anastasia was acting strange this week. I mean, I like the change and all, but we never really had a proper conversation since the time we bumped into each other in the library. Now, she's asking me out on a dinner...? Oh no... Oh no... Was she trying to ask me out? No, that's impossible. What had I done to do that? Maybe she was only trying to be friendly or wanting me to be her friend. She, asking me out? HAHaha... yeah, that's totally not the case.

Shit, she asked me out. Fuck, I said yes without a second to wait. I never would have thought... Holy shit, I made a fucking mistake. I was in for some deep shit... Blessed mother of fuckers, what was I supposed to do now?

I'm sorry, Alexie. You could go out with Quinn instead.

...Fucking shit! Someone's dog was fucking eating some shit!

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I... pretend to play innocent and asked her 'where' we'll go out.

Yes. Call me whatever you want... A coward, a weakling – whatever the most fitting title for a loser like me. Well, I know for a fact that I am a coward. Although Alexie, Quinn, and I already made a plan to go for a drink tomorrow, I figure I might as well invite Athy to fill some of this painful silence between us. The more, the merrier... I guess.

The dinner went well. I love the restaurant's food, although it is a bit expensive for my taste. I figure Athy is some rich woman from a prestige, but a loving family (for allowing/accepting her surroundings by and be full of rainbows). I appreciate where she's coming from, but I prefer to make my own food and increase my cooking experience!

May 28, 2022. Saturday. 7:00 am.

I hate mornings. It either means daytime, school time, wake up time. I hate weekend mornings as well. You might think it's a good thing because sleeping in was an option button you could press – not me. Even if I want to sleep in until the afternoon, the damn fucking sunlight brightens up my damn brain, and it won't shut the fuck up. Sleeping pills could only do so much for anyone. Well, it is unlikely to die of overdose due to pills nowadays – I've checked it and tried it myself. Even a whole bottle of pills won't kill. Sleeping pills and drugs can still kill, but hard to find though (if you're a lazy ass like me).

The internet is still dumb as fuck too. When I typed in "how to die" as a kid, they'll show something encouraging or a totally extreme method to die. On the other hand, when I typed in 'can pills kill you,' they'll show some conventional medicine to die or some encouraging ways to die. Ain't that just great. Why am I even—

I heard the doorbell ring. I regret opening the door without checking who it was. I thought it someone whose name is Quinn, but seeing it was Alexi proved me wrong. I let her in, and we did a bunch of stuff that I'm too lazy to derive trivial matters. To cut things short, we worked and slept until it was time to go and have some (not so)fun stuff at 9:00pm.

May 29, 2022. Sunday.

It's now three in the morning, I'm lying here on my bed. I can't seem to believe what I've just heard from Anastasia. I'm scared, so fucking scared. It's so fucking scary that my whole body was telling me to run away.

That night at the bar, we were enjoying our drinks and talked. I thought that Anastasia took the hint that I don't want to have a relationship just yet... God... when I thought things were getting good, not that I wasn't happy about her confession, I'm incredibly overjoyed. But as cliché, as it seems, I'm not worthy of her love. I'm terrified that she will see my flaws and hate me for it, god it made my heart ache.

...I gave my best to smile and accepted her confession. I figured that if I don't show it, wait for her to get bored of me, or find some good reason to break up, everything will be alright. At least that's what I think.