Chapter 7

Maybe it was the way he spoke to her. Maybe, it was the way he looked at her.

But she was nervous.

Again.

He only growled the words out, assuming it was a "he". As much as she would love to figure it out, her eyes stayed shut and her breathing ragged.

For weeks, she had avoided any dream, nightmare or sleep paralysis... Weeks of tired limbs, heavy eyelids and her brain turned to mush from exhaustion. It was heaven on earth for her.

Not remembering when she dozed off and waking up with the sun hitting her face like a warm blanquette was her new normal, her favourite way to start the day.

Those dark heavy bags under her watery eyes had been her daily accessory. Not her favourite look, but sleeping was not an option when nightmares kept you more tired than running a marathon.

But tonight.

"He" had a different plan for her.

- "Do not fear me." -

Hard to avoid that when he speaks like a beast about to eat its prey.

- "I am here to protect you." -

Then stop scaring me!

- "Stop pushing me away!" -

Did he hear her thoughts? Was she speaking out laud? Or was it that obvious she wanted to wake up and never fall asleep again...

Her hand itched for her necklace, to hold and pray for the nightmare to end. However, "he" was so close, she could easily brush her hand with his body.

Hell no!

- "I am not here to hurt you... Sakura." -

The way he whispered her name in a softer tune that caught her breath. The jolt going through her body almost, just almost pushed her towards his massive form. With her eyes scrunched so hard her face started to hurt, burning her skin with an almost sense of shame.

All she ever did was assume.

Assume it was a "he". Assume the danger. Assume the ugly lies around her in a beautiful sea of white lilies.

Why would she consider the flowers to be the only beauty in this world, "he" was part of it. She was in "his" world, judging his voice and everything she could perceive.

Had she learned nothing?

Do not judge the danger by its appearance.

The next jolt that recked through her body was her alarm clock, sitting up from her bed in a hurry that made her room spin.

Nausea, shame and fatigue was the worst way to wake up, never mind the sheen of sweat sticking her pyjamas to her body like a glove.

- "ugh..." - she grumbled to the empty room, hopping for an easy day she knew would not come true and a mid-day nap that was out of her character.

Maybe she got too comfortable, her body was finally used to having a good night's sleep. Now it feels like she never really knew how much her body was pushed.

- "Take it easy... one day would not push us back." - she told herself in the bathroom mirror. Looking straight at those dull green eyes, red with unshed tears and eyelids heavy with exhaustion.

She was never a fan of those bedroom eyes, hers just seemed like she was about to fall asleep for days.

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Her luck was running low, Christmas was coming faster than she wanted.

It is inevitable.

Time will go by, every second, hours, days, months.

But the pain does spike. First, it is dull, an ache that comes and goes. But then, once we stop running, stop talking, stop doing anything that kept us busy.

The pain creeps back up. Shutting your body down. Constricting your airways. Drowning you in memories you can't ignore, you can't push back.

Because, even if we will never forget those we love, you can't ignore the void they left behind.

So, you fill that void.

Her friends, new and exciting people she started to feel attached to, they all had plans...

- "For Christmas, we're visiting my grandparents." - she grumbled, clearly annoyed.

- "You will be out of town? How lucky, I'm staying at my parents. It's so boring!" - the other girl whined.

- "Hey, at least you have plans with family, my parents are out of town, and I'm stuck taking care of my brother!" - their friend shouted from the other side of the girl's bathroom.

- "Do you think we can chat online? The weatherman said we will have a storm tonight. What if the light goes out!?" - the first girl chimed while she stared at the mirror.

- "Relax, it will come back. Just don't forget to charge your phone. I will call you every day." - the second girl hugged her friends before they picked up their things and left the spacious school bathroom.

With a deep sigh, the pinket left the stall and avoided the mirror on her way to wash her hands. Her eyes lingered on the tap water overflowing her small hands.

Too much water. Can't she have bigger hands?

No, that is a stupid thought. Bigger hands won't help her.

Finally, her gaze wonders to her form on the mirror.

The first time she wore the winter uniform, she was glad. The warm sweater and tights kept her comfortable, but the cold still was something she welcomed.

Cold hands distracted her. The term "you need to cool off" made so much sense when the chill winds brushed her long waves of pink from her form and flushed her face.

"Cute" her female friends called her when her skin matched her hair.

That small tilt of her lips bringing a smile that was becoming harder to hold back.

Yes, she was happy. Every week she had at least one small adventure with whoever was free. Orihime was the best at picking places to find cheap treats that won't break the bank. Even if her choices of food would border into the weird side of things... they had a great taste.

Chad has a thing for exercise that she welcomed with enthusiasm. Not that she would tell the others, this was a thing he was shy about or just wanted it to be his place to be himself.

She understood that.

Because of that, the pinket still kept a distance with everyone. Not too close, not too far.

Just there.

And then there was the orange haired boy who seemed to have fights every time she was not around...

- "Another bruise?" - she asked while searching for her trusty first-aid kit.

- "It's nothing. I told you, let it go." - he tried to avoid her gaze until she grasped his face with both arms a forced him to stay still. - "Hey! That hurts!" -

- "It wouldn't hurt if you'd just stay still!" - she countered.

- "I was just fine until you touched it!" -

They continued to bicker until her hands covered each purple and green patch of skin and cleaned scrapes, dirt and place band-aids.

- "At this rate you will look like a mummy by the end of the year." - she half joked.

His gaze lingered on the vast jungle of concrete of Karakura, the morning had been so cold that they had to stay under the sun... or else.

The pinket shivered slightly, thoughts of freezing her butt in the cold keeping her too busy to notice he removed his scarf and hand it over.

- "Here." -

- "Oh! But-

- "Come 'on take it. It's freezing and you are shivering." -

A cold breeze passing by made her decision for her as she grasped the scarf and curled up with it.

- "Thanks." - she bit back on the shivers caused by the warm material that smelled just like him.

- "Wear better winter gear or you will freeze." - he grumbled as he raised to his feet. - "No first-aid kit can fix that." -

- "Hey! Wait for me." - she had been so distracted to notice the bell would ring any second. Rushing to her feet, she joined the laughing form of her orange haired friend with a huff.

- "It's just windy today!" - her weak defence only caused him to laugh even louder.

She liked that laughter.

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- "You have no plans for Christmas!?" - Orihime's shouts brought too much unwanted attention from the not-so-empty hallway.

- "Shhhhh." - Sakura tried to explain with some white lie, but nothing would really be the correct answer when those eyes stared at her with intent.

Orihime had an idea.

- "Come to my place!" - she held on to Sakura's hands with a grip she could never be released from. Did she become stone?

- "Are you sure? I don't want to change you plans." - the pinket was careful with her words, she knew Orihime was living alone. That is the main reason they connected, the feelings of understanding and empathy grew with each other.

But then they became friends, not just exchanging tips and tricks about the lonely living situation.

- "Ok, I will. What can I bring?" -

That day, once Christmas came around. Sakura was so nervous that she trembled, not only from the cold.

- "Did I bring too much?" - she asked herself as she stared at her bags of treats, movies and games for the night.

They would have a sleepover. The first one she has ever had.

- "Do not ruin this one. Be cool. Do not act like a fool. Just... Just... smile?" -

- "Who are you talking to?" -

Her soul almost left her body as she found herself in front of her friends' doorstep and had been caught talking to herself... great.

- "No-no one!" -

- "If you were talking to yourself. I won't tell." - Orihime chimed in with a bright smile and let her in. - "I talk to myself all the time!" -

- "Oh..." - a small pang of guilt and pain hit her, another thing they had in common.

- "I made the best food! Chicken with bananas and some Colliflower and-" - Orihime went on and on about the weird recipes she had come up with all by herself.

- "I also brought some!" - she interrupted the overflow of loud thoughts coming from the girl. - "I brought some stuff we can do." -

- "Did you bring action movies? I love those with the guns and the fast cars." - the girl imitated the noise from guns and engines causing laughter to pool out of the pinket.

Her green gaze travelled along the small and lovely home. It was the first time she visited, and curiosity had her staring at that one picture in the room. - "Who is that?" - with a gasp, she turned back to her host. The question had escaped her lips before she could stop.

But to her surprise, her host was just her normal happy self. - "That was my big brother!" - she chimed with excitement.

The next few minutes Sakura could not hold back her tears. Rivers of fat tears. Orihime had no darkness, no sadness, no pain as she spoke so happily about her late brother and how he had passed away almost 3 years ago.

A car accident.

After they had a fight.

How was she so positive?

- "I wish I could always smile like you do, Orihime." -

- "Hmm?" -

The melancholic smile did not match the girl's confusion, even if she was still smiling.

- "I also lost my family." - she confessed. - "This is my first Christmas alone." -

- "But you are not alone. I am right here!" - her fists hit the hair like she was trying to attack an invisible enemy.

- "Yes, thank you." -

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