Bonnie and Clyde

I dreamt about Joline. I woke up sweating and crying. 

I wasn't a fucking psychologist but I was pretty sure there was more to this than me missing an old prostitute. It was me missing the way life had been; part of me hadn't wanted to let go that I was an accountant; a businessman. Part of me had wanted to stay a native to NYC forever, part of me wanted to stroll the same streets at night. I wanted the same problems and worries. And I wanted the same girl. I was missing everything, and most of all my future.

I didn't want to be a farmer; a hunter, a potential leader. I didn't. I wanted to build a business, start a family and send my kids off to a nice college. I wanted to be able to buy fucking anything I wanted and not have to grow it or make it myself. I wanted to go on holidays. Wanted to get into a fucking plane and fly somewhere. 

I was overcome with anger. I tried to calm myself but somehow I couldn't calm down. Why the fuck was the world so a fucked up place? Was this karma? Did we fuck up the world so much that we'd been set-back hundreds of years. 

I sat on the edge of my bed and rested my head in my hands.  You're going to stay here, and you're going to help keep this farm running. You're going to learn how to hunt from Chris and you aren't going to think about Joline. But I couldn't not think of her. 

I paced up and down the room. How could I have told everyone that I wanted to go back to NYC to get someone, someone who I should have just invited in the first place. 

But I couldn't keep staying here without knowing what had happened to Joline. 

I decided to just go and eat breakfast. I'd be able to think better when my blood sugar was back on track and my stomache was full.

I spent the next two weeks sewing seeds, weeding, staying up late and drinking beer with albert, abby and the rest of the farmers. I didn't have any time to visit Chris in those twelve days. Luckily nothing attacked but Abby got a good scare from a giant spider that she found in the toilet. Was also a mutation. It was about four times the size of a big tarantula. 

On the thirteenth day I decided that farm work could wait one day; I made my way to Chris. I pulled Fred over to the side. 

"I'm telling Chris about your fraud, but I really don't think he'll ask for the guns back. And if we need more he'll lend me some, I'm sure of it." Fred just nodded but he didn't seem happy. I wasn't happy either. You don't trick your friends. Maybe I am a better farmer than a businessman if I think that way. 

I took my time on the way to Chris. I wanted to tell him about Joline. How I wanted to get her and bring her back to the farm. His opinion was one I valued. And I knew he wouldn't share my secrets; I was afraid some of the others might.

I let my imagination run - or rather ride - freely. I thought about how fun it would be to pick her up in the Rolls Royce, driving through the abandonned country, racing down the empty streets at full speed as if we were bonnie and clyde and the cops were on our tail...parking somewhere at night to look at the stars together and make out. Just like teenagers. I smiled a little. 

I was at his place at around ten o'clock in the morning. I didn't need to ring the doorbell; Willi ran right up to me again, barking up a storm. I dropped to my knees and hugged him around his fluffy neck. If there's something that makes me feel like a kid again, it's anything that has to do with dogs. 

I hadn't noticed Chris open the door until he called out to me. "Howdy Mack, nice to see you again!" 

I forced myself to stand up and walked up to him, Willi stayed at my heels. We hugged, he invited me in. I pulled out a chair at his table, Chris made some coffee; sheeps milk and old coffee beans but he had good cane sugar and even some vanilla to spice it up. 

I absentmindidly pet Willi's head for most of the conversation. Scratching him behind his flappy ears, or touching his soft and wet nose. "I came to you because I wanted to tell you that Fred's ripping you off." 

"How so?" Chris asked me and took a sip of his coffee. 

"The dynamite he trades for guns you can get in a smallish store in a neighboring town, I can show you on the map. There's a bunch left. I felt the need to tell you because I found it dishonest. I ask you to please forgive Fred, and let him keep the guns because he's right, we do need them." 

"Thank you for telling me. I'll let the bastard keep them. But I won't be selling him any more."

"I hope you'll still lend us some if our situation got worse." I said. He nodded and smiled at me.

"Of course." But his expression was still dark and unhappy. Nobody liked to know that the things they paid for could be attained for free. "That's not all, is it?" He asked and sipped at his coffee again.

"No. I wanted to ask you if you thought it a good idea for me to go back to NYC."

"You already did that once son, it doesn't really make sense to do that again." He said. 

"Not for a job this time." I said. Suddenly I got a bit self-concious. But I continued. He was a dear friend and I needed to regain his trust again, fully, so I needed to share some things. "I'm in love with a woman I left behind and I want to bring her to the farm. I was stupid not to invite her in the first place."

"A woman huh." He said after a second. He couldn't keep the corners of his lips from twitching. He obviously thought it funny that I wanted to go back for a woman. I narrowed my eyes at him. "If you think I'm laughing at you, I am. But in the best of ways; I'm happy that you feel this way about someone. I myself never married, I never found someone I'd travel far for. If you want her then go get her." I found myself happily smiling as he answered. He thought I should go; and he was a rational man. "But don't take the Rolls Royce. I have an old bycicle you could take. You'd be faster. Maybe you can even steal another one in the city and then she could take that one back. Walking takes too long. Biking will cut the journey by two thirds."

"That's a great idea actually. I would have liked to stand in front of her building next to a rolls royce though. Would have been romantic."

"That's true. But unpracticle." He agreed. "What's this shining stars name?"

"Joline."

"Ah. And her age? Eighteen, twenty?" He obviously thought it was some cute young girl. Some heartbreaker. 

"She's forty-five. She's a prostitute." I said and stared him into the eyes. His expression changed for the better; he smiled and shook his head slightly. I think he finally understood that I really loved her and had to get her. 

"Well, Emmanuel. I will lend you my bike, give you a small pistol for your way and if you need anything else don't hesitate to ask. The only think I ask for is that you interduce me to your sweet lady."