Ch.29

(Matt Pov)

The days turned to weeks and eventually my last week in Sweden arrived. The whole time I've been learning runes and Glima, becoming proficient in each but not enough to be considered mastered. Though Ingegärd gave me clan texts to continue my learning for runes and Eva just said you and Alice could practice with one another to fine-tune our fighting. Ivar wanted to know by the end of this week if he should nominate me as the official heir to the clan head title since I have yet to give him an official answer.

"So, do you want to be the next clan head? No matter what you choose, I'm never gonna leave your side," Alice says to me as we are lying in the bed, today is the last full day for us in the clan as I promised Alice we would explore other places in Sweden before leaving. We would be leaving early the next morning.

"I'm still not hundred percent sure about what I want, every major choice I make now feels like it will affect which side wins inside me. I don't want to lose either side as I feel it would change me into a completely different person," I say to Alice sighing in uncertainty about everything.

"Try not to think about it like that, plus it sounds like the sides will only be affected if you decide to lose yourself to one side temporarily. Though I'm not sure either, that's just my thought about what you told me," Alice says looking at me concerned for my well-being.

"If I choose to be the next clan head, eventually we will have to leave your family behind. The clan may be acceptable of you because you're my mate, but it would take a lot of convincing to even possibly consider letting your family stay here. I don't want to take you from your family," I say to her emitting what else is preventing me from taking the title.

"Matt....I love my family, but you are my world. I would miss them, but that doesn't mean we can never visit them. Plus we are immortal and I will make sure you are immortal too, I know we don't talk about it but you're never dying on me Matt!" Alice says to me giving me a look of no room for argument.

"Then in that case I'll take the title, but since we are 'immortal', then eventually I'm passing that title on. I don't want to be stuck as the immortal clan leader, plus I want to explore the world with you," I say to her pulling her into me and giving her a passionate kiss. Breaking the kiss we get ready for the day and after breakfast, Ivar and the others look at me for the answer about the clan head title.

"So Matt, did you want to be the official clan head heir?" Ivar asks me and both Ingegärd and Eva look at me curiously about my answer also.

"Yes I will take it, but only when I feel I'm ready for it. So even though I graduate next year, doesn't mean I will take the title," I say to him, giving him a look cementing my choice without excepting anything else.

"That is fine, your Farmor and I have some more decades left in us. Just come take the title when you are ready," Ivar says to me and smiles at my decision.

"Taking the title Matt, that's good. All Father knows I sure as hell don't want it," Eva says slapping my back and laughing happy with my decision it seems.

"Eva language! Matt, you will make a wonderful clan head," Ingegärd says to me and glaring at Eva for cursing, making Eva clamp up.

Later that day Ivar and the rest of the clan held a goodbye feast for Alice and me. Everyone was there, though I could tell both Gustav and Inga were here reluctantly. I knew both hated me for whatever reason, but as long as they leave me and Alice alone, I couldn't care less about them. Everyone was once again drinking and partying, while also coming up to me and Alice telling us goodbye and to a safe journey. They would also congratulate me on becoming the next official clan head.

"Matt! Make sure you keep in touch! Lucas and I might come to visit soon to see America," Astrid says to me while slightly drunk, the bears have a much higher tolerance for alcohol, but the mead made for shifters is very strong.

"Aye little Matt, I will come also," Eva says putting her arm around my shoulder and also a little drunk.

"Great! You should come next school break! I can show you around and introduce you to my family!" Alice says excited at the idea, as both Astrid and Eva have become very close with Alice. Both seem to see Alice as a younger sister.

"We will hold you to that!" Eva says as I pull her off me, making her frown at me.

"Matt, please call once in a while, you too Alice. I don't want to lose touch with my only grandson. Plus when you two decide to tie the knot, make sure to invite us!" Ingegärd says to us, seeing both Eva and Astrid by us.

"True, true. Matt, when are you going to propose to Alice? Don't keep her waiting too long now!" Eva says slurring her words and Astrid nods in agreement. Now Alice is looking at me with a smile and a small smirk.

"Yeah Matt, don't keep me waiting too long!" Alice says giggling at my annoyed face at this topic.

"First of all, we…..well, I still need to graduate high school. Then.....then you know," I say getting knowing looks from all the women surrounding me.

"Matt come here! I need to talk with you!" Ivar says putting a hand on my shoulder and leading me away from the women.

"Looked like you needed to escape," Ivar says to me as we walk away from them, leaving them to talk about whatever.

"Thanks," I say to him as he gives me a mug of mead meant for shifters and takes a bottle with him.

"Though I do want to talk with you, one on one. Let's get away from everyone, the meditation area should be quiet," Ivar says as he motions for me to follow him, after silently drinking the mead as we walk to the meditation area.

Getting to the quiet meditation area he sits down facing the small pond on one of the flat stones and motions for me to sit next to him. After sitting he pours more mead into our mugs from the bottle he brought with us.

"I know you are conflicted on the inside, you have been hiding it well but I'm very old and can see that you're hurting inside. All I'm saying is if you want to talk about it before you leave, we can or we can just sit here and enjoy nature with mead," Ivar says to me while looking over the pond as the stars glitter on the water.

After sitting in comfortable silence for ten minutes or so, I'm debating on whether to talk or not. It's not that I don't trust him, but I'm scared that maybe my only family outside of Forks may leave me.

"I....the day I left with Alice before the feast welcoming us. I ran us to a mountaintop hundred of miles away from the clan. Watching the sunset I decided to meditate, normally when I meditate it brings me to a field with some trees and a huge tree in the distance as I've told you before. Though that time I heard a voice calling me to the tree and I could actually get to the tree that time instead of the distance never closing like usual," I say to Ivar, glancing over at him and he has his eyes closed listening to me.

"Getting to the tree, it was bigger than I could even imagine. Hundred of miles tall and thick, the voice belonged to a hooded man with a long white beard standing below the tree. Telling me to follow him as he entered a doorway that appeared on the tree," I say before taking a breath to continue.

"Entering the tree there were two sides separated by a stone road leading to an empty well, one cold and desolate filled with snow and ice, the other side beautifully filled with trees, flowers, and nature in general. The hooded man told me that I have two sides fighting for control inside me, though currently, the cold one was winning. That I should seek a balance between the two but told me we all have different ways of finding balance. He also said if one side wins, then the other side will be forgotten by me. Like the emotions attached to it will no longer exist and I will become fully like the side that won," I say to Ivar, now seeing he is looking at me in concern. Seeing his look I feel anxiety taking over me, but I was able to quickly quell it.

"Matt....the man you met was he walking with a staff or spear?" Ivar asks me and thinking about it he was, now I see the connection.

"You think that was Odin?" I say nodding to him and thinking are gods real?

"Sounds like it was. Though that only means you truly were a gift from Odin himself, as vampires like your mother are usually infertile. As for finding balance, I'm sorry I cannot be of more help. For me, the balance was leading the clan to a new light and forgiving my brother for the heinous act he committed," Ivar says after sighing and trying to think about what I said.

"Every time I meditate now, I can reach the tree and enter it. Though the man…..Odin is nowhere to be found," I say to him sighing also at the mess going on inside me.

"What are each side telling you to do?" Ivar asks me as he pours us another glass almost emptying the bottle and though it is still not affecting us.

"....The cold side wants nothing but vengeance and death, while the warm side wants forgiveness and peace. Whenever I get angry the cold side takes over pushing me to kill everything around me, only Alice is not seen as a threat....or more like prey," I say to him thinking about the two sides inside me.

"If that is all you really feel from both sides, then it would seem a balance may be impossible. Though all I can suggest is, to explore both sides more, and if they have any form of similar connection to your feelings, then that would be the only way for balance," Ivar says to me thinking about a way to help me.

"I…..I will try that," I say to him and position myself to meditate.

"I will leave you here and tell the others not to disturb you," Ivar says getting up, but leaving the almost empty mead bottle for me and returning to the party.

Closing my eyes and eventually finding myself in the field once again, I turn to the huge tree in the distance. Running over to the tree and walking up to the doorway that leads to my split existence I enter. Walking over to the well, I look inside to see any changes and it is still the same empty bottomless well. Looking at both sides and seeing that the coldness is still winning just slightly, I walk to the warmer nature-filled side first. Stepping into that side I can feel a sense of peace and warmth enter my body, walking further in I begin to explore it.