Chapter 6 song from the heart

The following weeks Pax had been walking on eggshells. He hadn't had the courage to talk to Corey. After every studio session he'd quickly run away from everyone to avoid crossing paths with Marcus or Corey. Adrianna was helpful to talk to about what was going on, but she had her own problems with her up coming dance performance.

After the revelation what happened between Corey and Pax at the party, he had begun to remember more about that night. It would play over and over again in his mind every night. "I should hate you, but my heart keeps telling me it belongs to you." In studio, the stress was affecting his performance all week and today was especially brutal.

In the studio Marcus was doing a stellar job and helping everyone improve their performances, but he was strict. "Stop! Everyone stop." He shouted. "Guys, your messing up your tempos in the chorus. Stay on 4 in the chorus." He then pointed to Pax. "Pax! You're not even on the 4s during the verse you feel like an echo a beat behind everyone."

"I'm sorry!" Pax pleaded.

Marcus was not taking apologies. "I don't want apologies. Do better. When you perform poorly the music is intolerable." Marcus took a deep breath and exhaled. "Ok from the top." He lifted his hands like a conductor and silently counted them in. Everyone started to play. It wasn't even 30 seconds in to the performance and he yelled again. "Stop! Stop!"

Everyone stopped playing and started to groan. This was the shortest play through yet. "Pax!" Marcus yelled. "You were late on the intro." Marcus was getting visibly irate. "Again! From the top." He counted down everyone again. They started playing and sure enough it was long before Marcus was shouting. "Stop! Stop! Stop! Pax what the hell?" Marcus was getting physically irate. "Pax. What is going on? You were on 3s not 4s, you were off pitch and a third late into the intro. At this point in practice I should have heard the end of the song. I've yet to hear the second verse." Marcus stared angrily at Pax pressing his lips to try and not yell and swear. "Do you not get what we're playing? I picked this music for you guys because it accentuates the fiddle and flute performance perfectly. As it stands your classmates will pass the exam only if you're not there. So are you trying to sabotage your classmates or is something wrong?"

Everyone was silent. No one wanted to admit Marcus was right because it was a very harsh critique. Marcus however did not care for silence. "Grab your shit and come with me."

Corey stood up. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Pax is having troubles performing." Marcus bluntly stated. "Everyone take 5 get some water clear your heads. I'm taking Pax to see the councillor."

Pax sighed. "Why?"

Marcus pointed at Pax. "Something is going on with you, it's ruining your performance. If you can't say what it is in front of your peers, you need to talk to someone else."

Corey approached Marcus. "Maybe he can't say it in front of you."

"COREY!" Pax shouted. He got up and put his fiddle away. "Let's go." Pax had spent so much time avoiding Marcus. He didn't like the idea of having to go alone with him. After how Marcus just yelled at him he would be pissed if Marcus tried to kiss him on the way.

They left the studio room and walked to the stair well. As soon as Marcus felt it was far enough he grabbed Pax and threw him against the lockers. Pax was shaken and about to say something but then Marcus slammed his right hand against the locker right by Pax's head. It was an intimidation tactic, purely for theatrics.

Marcus stared at Pax making him feel uncomfortable. Pax read this as another one of Marcus's attempts to make out and said. "If you try to kiss me. I will deck you."

Marcus was unimpressed. "Talk."

Pax was confused. "What?"

Marcus tilted his head and tried to look more concerned. "Before you talk to the councillor, talk to me. I've heard you play before, and believe me when I say you are the best performer in that room, but today you were awful. What's going on?"

Pax sank to the floor. "I can't talk about it."

Marcus was seeing a very vulnerable side to Pax for the first time. He wasn't use to this side of Pax, it made him feel bad for trying intimidate him. He crouched down to Pax and put a hand on his knee. "Pax, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything. I mean I'm fine to take you to the councillor, but if I can help you I'd rather do that."

Pax sighed and dropped his head. "I'm not going to the councillor and I can't talk to you."

Marcus was confused. "Why weren't you going to the councillor?"

"Because." Pax hated being put in this situation, but he needed to tell Marcus the truth. "If I tell him what's wrong, you might get kicked out of the program."

Marcus moved over next to Pax and sat down. "So I'm the problem?"

Pax tightened himself up and nodded. "You and Corey." Pax was feeling like he was back in middle school getting bullied all over again. "It's not fair, I just wanted a new life here where I could study music and not be the target of gossip and ridicule."

Marcus nodded. "Pax do you know what happened after your audition in auditorium?" Pax merely shook his head to say no. Marcus was hoping he didn't know. "All of your performances that day were were recorded in audio. The Dean then brought that recording to the top 5 senior music students and told us his vision. We listened to your performances and when yours was done I told the Dean, 'You can give me who ever you want, but that violinist is mine or else I'll leave the program.' This was before I even met you at the party."

Pax perked up his head. "You were going to leave the program if you didn't mentor me?"

Marcus nodded. "That's right, I heard your potential in less than a minute and I was willing to stake my future here in that instant." Marcus put his hand on Pax's head. "I'm willing to put my status here on the line because of your talent. So can you trust me to tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm sure you're aware I've been avoiding you." Pax said feeling a twinge of guilt. "It's because I don't trust myself with you."

"Why not?" Marcus asked.

Pax looked in Marcus's eyes. "When i look at you I can feel your intensity directed at me and it's seducing me to become someone I didn't know I was." Pax looked away. "It's scary enough that I want to stay away while being so tempting that I want more."

Marcus fought every instinct he had to smile out of pride for seducing Pax. "So if that's what's affecting your playing, why not just tell me. I'd be sad if we did, but we can ask the Dean to change mentors."

Pax leaned over and put his head on Marcus's shoulder. "I don't want you to go. I think about your song from the party and I know, we're in good hands."

"So what's the problem?" Marcus asked. "What's holding you back?"

"Corey." Pax removed his head from Marcus's shoulder. Tears began to well up in Pax's eyes. "Corey will report us to the Dean and we could both be removed from the program. Now I'm afraid to step out of the narrow line Corey wants me to walk."

After a minute of processing what Pax was going through, he got to his feet and pulled Pax up with him. He began to understand the feelings of fear and frustration Pax was going through so he held Pax close in his big strong arms and rubbed his back to comfort Pax. "It's ok, we can talk to Corey about this and come up with a solution. Calmer heads and all that."

Pax felt some relief saying it, but there was he needed to share. "There's something else. I started to remember what happened at the party. I.."

Marcus cut off Pax and said. "Who cares about what happened at that party anymore. It was almost a full month ago. Everyone has moved on since then." Marcus pulled away from Pax. "Do me a favour and take those stairs all the way to the top and wait for me on the roof." Marcus started to walk back to the studio. "I'll be right there I just need to grab something."

Pax wasn't sure what Marcus's plan was but he trusted him. So Pax went up the stairs to the roof.

The roof of Brentford academy was not meant to be accessed by students, but knowing they couldn't stop the students from going they set up cage fence around the ledges to prevent any accidents. The teachers had a tendency to go up there to smoke, one day a few of them had the genius idea to set up a few benches, so they could sit and smoke at the same time. What truly made going to the roof worth wild was the view. The entrance to the roof faced towards the over forty acres of forest behind that lined the back of the academy's property. Now the view of the fall foliage from up high was breath taking. Many students found inspiration looking at the beauty of nature from this vantage.

Pax sat down on one of the benches and looked out at the beautiful scenery. It reminded Pax of the days when he and his Dad would co camping in the mountains outside Sussex, and you could see the majesty of the Saint John river. Pax decided take out his Fiddle and run some scales. In this setting he hoped it would help calm his mind. He began to play through the musical scales and made adjustments to tune his violin. Marcus hadn't arrived yet, so he thought he'd blow off some more time by playing a song he wrote back home.

As Pax started to play he began to realize it wasn't bringing the same joy it once did. He was once proud of this song and just playing made him happy. The way the notes flowed back and forth like waves on a beach, while having quick spurts quarter notes representing the flames of a bonfire. Pax stopped playing mid song. "Why isn't it the same?" Pax thought back to the party and remembered Marcus smiling while dancing and singing to his own song, Marcus was full of joy that night.

Pax played the song again in his head listened to the beat and tempo and began to tap his feet. Feeling the rhythm of his song he started to play again and began to move sway to the gliding notes, then started to do quick steps. As his song began to pick up he began to dance around and the joy came back. Moving his body to the rhythm of his music brought him the joy he yearned for. As his song ended Pax spun round and saw Marcus and Corey standing outside the door.

Marcus and Corey had been standing there watching Pax perform. It moved both of them that they began to clap when it was over. The applause was a bit embarrassing for Pax and turned him red. Before he could say thanks, Marcus had walked up to Pax and kissed him gently and for the first time Pax didn't pull away.

Corey stopped clapping, he didn't like what he was seeing. He charged over to Marcus pulled him away and punched him right in the face. "Keep away from him!" Corey shouted.

The punch sent Marcus reeling back. This was a performance arts school fighting wasn't a common occurrence and this would be Marcus's first fight. He could taste blood on the inside of his mouth, that punch had some affect. He spat out the blood and put up his fists like a boxer. In order to keep his physique, Marcus trained as a boxer, but just never stepped in the ring. He threw a straight punch at Corey. "You little shit!" Corey dodge the punch but learned it was a feint and was hit in the stomach by a cross punch from Marcus's left.

The punch winded Corey and he backed away a few steps. "I won't let you tank our performances, so you can get in his pants!" Corey charged at Marcus ready to punch, but Marcus threw the first punch this time. Corey countered it and use a round kick to knock him back. Corey's kick landed right on Marcus's upper arm.

"You're full of shit Corey." Marcus tried to point at Corey with the arm that was hit, but Corey's kick made it hard to move. He winced and shouted. "I think today I proved that I only want you guys to be performing at your best."

The two boys continued to slug it out in the roof top, each of them getting a few powerful hits in. Pax wasn't sure what to do, he had enough of their fight. He rushed in and tripped Corey sending him to the floor. Then grabbed one of Marcus's punches, and using his momentum threw Marcus on top of Corey. Pax shouted. "I'm tired of this bullshit!" He pointed at Corey. "Corey you're not my parents, you're not my teacher. You're just some kid I knew, who on my worst day became a total asshole and made me hate myself." Pax then pointed to Marcus. "Marcus I like you but I need you to understand I'm not ready mentally to start kissing boys. So keep your lips to yourself!" Pax grabbed his fiddle and left them on the roof.

Corey and Marcus got off each other and just sat down on the ground exhausted and in pain. They were both still mad but they had to take stock they they had just been put in their place.

Marcus could still taste the blood in his mouth from the first punch. It was coming out the corner of his mouth, so he tried to wipe it off. "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

Corey was nursing some of his own battle wounds. "I took jui jitsu for three years." Corey coughed a few times still feeling the effects of getting the wind knocked out of him. "You?"

Marcus was rotating his shoulder. "Boxing for 5 years."

"Really?" Corey was really impressed. "That would explain the." He just gestured generally to Marcus's upper body. "Shape you're in."

"Thanks" Marcus then flex an arm. "Took a lot of work but the results are in a lot of pain right now." He then winced returned to rubbing his shoulder. "That kick was impressive though. I thought my shoulder was dislocated there for a minute."

Corey smiled, "thanks, it was what I was trying to do." Then went back to rubbing his injuries. "Should we acknowledge how quickly Pax put us both on our asses?"

Marcus chuckled. "Yeah I keep forgetting that he's really strong. It's one of the reasons I like him so much." Marcus dusted himself off and sighed. "So why haven't you told him you're in love with him?"

Corey froze. "I don't know what your talking about." He struggled but managed to get up. "This program is everything to me and I won't be kicked out because your selfish actions."

Marcus got up just sat down on the closest bench. "That's a lie and you know it."

Corey brushed off his comment and walked to the roof access door only to find it locked.

Marcus smirked. "In case you didn't know the roof locks when the door closes. That's why I propped open the door when we came out. Pax, however, didn't do that when he left us here."

Corey dropped his head in frustration and punched the door. "Well now what?"

Marcus smiled. "We sort this out, and then I'll get someone to unlock the door."

Corey slammed his fist against the door in frustration, turned around and sat on the bench across from Marcus. He crossed his arms and waited for Marcus to talk. "Well?"

Marcus shook his head. "Like I said, let's work this out. That starts with honesty."

Corey looked away and impatiently started to bounce his right leg. "I was already honest."

"I don't believe you." Marcus said in a frustrated tone. "But let's say I did believe you. Why would leaving the program be so bad?"

Corey stopped bouncing his leg and glared at Marcus. "You wouldn't get it, living in your mansion. It's just me and my mom. She had to take out a massive loan to send me here. My scholarship only covers the school. It doesn't cover room and food. I have to succeed and get a record deal or else we'll be paying this loan off for the rest of our lives."

Marcus felt bad about not believing Corey, but felt there was more. "That's rough. I can't fully relate, neither Adrianna nor myself are here on scholarship. My parents aren't rich, my uncle is. He's the one who owns the house we're staying in. He doesn't like us much so we get the place for the school year while he's in Mexico and we have to leave in the summer when he comes back. Our dad, actually works at the GM factory and my mom cleans houses for a living."

Corey was surprised. "Really?" Marcus always came across as a privileged kid. It felt weird for Corey to shift his perspective about Marcus. "So you should understand why it's so important to stay."

"I do." Marcus replied. "But it still feels like half the truth." Marcus leaned in towards Corey. "What was Pax talking about with his worst day?"

Over the past year Corey started to feel guilty about what happened back when everyone turned against Pax. "The first day of school after the accident. Everyone made fun of his scars. They called him rag doll." Corey was feeling a great amount of shame having to admit what he did. "The taunting and teasing went on all day, we threw thing at him, called him gross and after school, a bunch of us beat him up pretty badly."

Marcus was clinching his fists, he wanted to punch Corey again. "You really were an asshole."

Corey shook his head. "I was angry at him, we all were. Patrick should have been the one to survive that car crash."

Marcus was upset by his last comment. "What was so great about this Patrick guy."The sound of anger in his tone was unmistakable.

"Everyone loved Patrick." Corey's was holding back his emotions. "He was always happy, his mom was a drunken mess but he still smiled and was friends with everyone. What people didn't know is that he was dealing with a lot. His mom's boyfriend was a drug dealer and they would get high or drunk then beat him, just for existing. No one else knew about it but I did. We lived next to each other and when things got bad he'd stay with me."

Marcus's anger was being diffused by curiosity. There was some something Corey wasn't saying. "Wait, are you trying to say you and Patrick were boyfriends?"

Corey nodded, "we had been together in secret for a year. Patrick and I were supposed to go camping that weekend with my mom, but she found out about us and canceled everything then grounded me. Pax went over to play with Patrick in stead." Corey wiped away a tear from his eye. "I blamed Pax for the longest time because he never played at Patrick's house. We always played at Pax's house, but this one time he decided to visit Patrick and now he's dead."

"So if you blame Pax for what happened to Patrick, why are you so protective of Pax?" It was a fair question. Marcus knew there was more. Corey obviously cared about Pax more than he was willing to say. "It sounds like you resent him still. So why are you so protective?"

"It's stupid." Corey knew his logic made no sense. "Last year I found out that the heart transplant Pax received was Patrick's heart." Corey wiped away some tears. "I mean that's Patrick for you he'd do anything to help a friend even die for them. So I felt bad about treating Pax so badly. I backed off and tried to make amends where I could. Then at the party right before he fell in the water, he came over and told me that he should hate me. That he wished he could hate me, but his heart belongs to me." Tears began to run down Corey's face again. He turned away from Marcus. "The night we got caught my mom wasn't supposed to be home. We weren't doing anything wrong, just watching a movie. Patrick kissed me and told me his heart belongs to me. So when Pax said it that night It felt like I had Patrick back, so I kissed him."

Marcus walked over to the other bench and put his arm around Corey. He genuinely wanted to console Corey, and help him through his pain. "So you lashed out at me because you think I'm taking away the last piece of Patrick from you, but Pax isn't Patrick. You can't…"

Corey shook off Marcus and got up off the bench, he looked down at Marcus. "You were closer the first time. I am in love with Pax. I see so much of Patrick in him, but It's Pax's quirks that made me like him."

Marcus got up and met Corey's fierce look. "Pax doesn't want you."

Corey didn't want to back down from this challenge. "He doesn't want you either."

Marcus smiled a cocky grin. "Really?Because every time I kiss him, he wants to give in. He has a harder time pulling away each time."

Corey clinched his fist, it still hurt from the earlier fight but he was willing to go another round. "I can have the Dean remove you from the program for kissing a boy you're supposed to mentor."

Marcus laughed off the threat. "I can have you expelled for fighting."

The two boys eyes met as they glared each other down. "Fine." Corey said. "We'll let Pax decide."

Marcus nodded. "Agreed."