Chapter 2: 1-1: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Year: 2126 AD

I hummed to myself, flexing my wings experimentally. "Interesting." I mused, twisting midair. "I can almost feel the wind on my face."

Cool, isn't it? A chat message floated past my face.

"Yeah, it really is." I agreed. "But really, you didn't have to go so far as to design an entirely new race just because I helped out a bit."

You gave us advice that helped stabilize the server and decrease data usage by fifty percent. It was the least we could do.

I hid my smirk. What they had been using wasn't too bad for the indie platform they were, but it still had tons of room for improvement. "I still think creating a Dragon for me to fly in is too far, though."

It was a simple matter of pulling the textures and avatar shape off an unused Boss. The message dismissed. All things considered, you asked for very little. Most players would've asked for a sword with infinity plus one damage or something.

I raised a scaled eyebrow. "And what purpose would that serve? All I'm doing is enjoying myself, after all. You haven't added any Raid Bosses yet, so I've just been grinding my Skill Levels."

You'd be surprised how few people care about 'purpose'. Most players would've asked for the sword just to kill other players.

"That would get boring fast."

…We're getting off topic. How does the flight simulation feel? Is it too rough?

I flapped my leathery wings once more. "Not really… if anything, it's too smooth. If you're going for realism, I'd suggest adding a dip in flight between wingbeats. Especially if you're planning on adding this kind of mechanic for humanoid Races."

That was the core of today's little exercise. As a programmer, even a 'retired' one, I quickly became the Developers' best beta-tester. I actually had experience with coding, so I knew what was and wasn't possible. It had taken a while for me to get familiar with the new lingo and capabilities of the software, but I soon found that it wasn't all that different than what I was used to.

Today I was testing a flight mechanic in a test world. The Developers were considering adding such a mechanic to simulate the Angelic and Demonic races, so they needed to know how it worked before they could release it. After I had helped them a few dozen times, they had pretty much given me a free request as a thank-you.

So, knowing how awesome it would be, I jokingly suggested that they turn me into a Dragon and give me a maiden to guard.

To my eternal shock, they had taken me at my word and turned an unused Boss into an in-game Avatar. They let me customize it up the wazoo, even kept its' Stats as the new Race's starting quota. They eventually lowered the rate of experience gained after they realized how overpowered it would be otherwise, but they insisted I keep the Avatar.

So here I am. Testing a Dragon's flight abilities in a test world.

"I think you should add drag as well." I tried to slow myself by tilting my wings, but my speed didn't change. "Use a basic algorithm to start with, then build off that. I'd suggest teaching a few people how to use a Unity platform if you need help on those kinds of things. The basic download package comes with a sample of a car on a race track that uses the concept of speed pretty well."

Noted. There was a slight pause. Unity, you said? That's some pretty old-school stuff.

I rolled my eyes. Not that my Avatar copied the gesture, of course, but it was the thought that counted. "It's what I used back in the day. Don't diss the old stuff, it still works just fine. Unity was the best 3D rendering software for beginners back when I was in my prime, and if it worked for us, it'll work for you."

Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on old geezer.

I twitched. "Watch it, brat. I might be old, but I can still whup your ass."

…Old codger.

"Shitty dev."

Fossil.

"Greenhorn."

Outdated otaku.

I smirked to myself, coasting down to the featureless ground. "Damn straight, kid."

Heh.

I shifted my stance, eyeing how my form seemed to merge into the ground slightly. "You really should figure out those solidity mechanics."

You really should accept a paycheck for once. You're acting as a professional, so you might as well get paid as one.

I winced slightly. Physically I was still a kid, so getting multiple thousand-dollar deposits into my account would raise more than a few eyebrows.

Unless…

"I've been thinking about that, actually." I shifted again, watching my shadow ripple. At least they had gotten that right. "I don't need the money, but would you mind opening an in-game account and adding some currency to pay for cash items with? I probably won't use it much, but it would make for an excellent backup fund if things ever go sideways. Get what I'm saying?"

An odd request, to be sure, but I'll talk with my boss about it. There shouldn't be an issue with that kind of thing, and I'm sure it will come in useful one day.

"That it will."

Well, the number crunchers have finished running the stats. I think that's it for today, see you later Miyagi-san.

I chuckled, amused as always to see my pseudonym typed out so seriously. "See you, Karate Kid."

…I never get your references.

"Good. It means you're young." I stretched. "Well, I'll be in Midgard if you need me. See you."

I swiped downwards with a claw, watching the menu scroll down. I clicked the 'log out' button, and my surroundings turned black. I tapped the YGGDRASIL icon once more, and the game loaded into an entirely different world.

The world of darkness filled with light.

It was a strange feeling. Though I closed my eyes, it felt like they were still open. The brief disorientation I felt as my mind switched over to a fictional world quickly faded away.

I found myself within the depths of a jungle, sunlight streaming through the branches and creating dappled patches of warmth below. I stretched, enjoying the muted sensation of heat. Even if it was primitive, the system still allowed for a light sense of touch. I wasn't sure if that would ever be improved, but the chances were slim. You never really knew in this game, though.

The most distinctive feature of YGGDRASIL was its flexible system to allow players to freely make choices. Players could select numerous Races, Jobs and various Tools, allowing for customization in the game. There are special Classes, Items, and more that Players could find and obtain through adventures, some focusing on certain Skills like instant death Spells and others on obtaining Prismatic Ores that are of the highest purities in YGGDRASIL.

I never really felt bad for getting a custom Race like this, not when I had spent so much time researching modern game structure just to be useful. I worked my ass off to get this far, so it was only right that I got something from it. The Developers balanced it fairly evenly anyway, making it almost impossible to play for the first fifty levels. After that it would be one of the most badass Races in the whole damn game, sure, but until then I would be fighting an uphill battle.

It was technically possible for any Player to become a Dragon, but doing so required one to fully level a character to 100, only to sacrifice it and all its' gear upon facing one particularly difficult hidden Boss. Since YGGDRASIL only allowed one character per Player, that wasn't a sacrifice many would be willing to make even if they managed to meet the nigh-impossible odds to reach it. I did so in under a week as soon as the Devs told me about the Quest, even though they offered to let me skip it entirely.

I wasn't going to skip any steps to reaching my goal.

I started out as a Brawler, not bothering to pick up the specialized gear required to become a different Class. From there I just grinded through the game until I hit Level 100 then beat the secret Boss to death with my fists. It was hard, sure, but damn was it satisfying.

Unfortunately, resetting my character to become a different Race had its' drawbacks, too. Namely that I was suddenly stuck at Level 1 in a Race of Heteromorphs that had such steep EXP requirements to reach even a single Level that it was bordering on ridiculous to even make it past the first ten.

Fortunately, I had long since tracked down a few people to help me while I was stuck as a bottom-feeder.

"Oi, Ancient One!" A friendly voice called.

I turned, enjoying the sinuous movement of my Draconic form. "Ah, Touch Me. Glad to see you could make it."

"We were wondering when you would show up." Another voice, this one much lower.

"Ulbert." I hummed to myself, flapping up to roost on a low-hanging branch. "How are you two doing?"

"Fantastic!" Touch Me struck a pose. "The fires of Justice light our souls from within, never to be extinguished!"

"Shut up, numbskull."

"I will not be silenced!"

"You sure about that? Because if you keep spouting off 'justice' lines and puns, I might try."

"Hah, I'd love to see that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I watched the two bicker with a small smile on my face.

The two would one day both be a part of a certain Clan, the mechanics of which hadn't even been added to the game yet. Nine's Own Goal, the Clan that would one day become Ainz Ooal Gown, hadn't been formed and wouldn't be for some time. All I had was a few friends who I knew well enough to trust.

In the original world, the founding members of Nine's Own Goal were Players named Momonga, Touch Me, Nishiki Enrai, Wish III, Warrior Takemikazuchi, Ancient One, Flatfoot, and Amanomahitotsu. I shamelessly sniped one of their names to take as my own in the early days of the game, not knowing if it would help but figuring it couldn't hurt. So far the game's 'search by name' function had only registered around half of the future Clan members' names as present, meaning the fated gathering was a while off still.

The two Players with me are two future members of Ainz Ooal Gown, not that they know it yet. Touch Me is to be the inspiration for Momonga, a mentor to the young skeleton. Ulbert will join eventually too, though for reasons I don't know he isn't one of the founders.

For now? They're just a couple of Level 15 scrubs I met back when I was topping Level 90. One an Insectoid, the other a Demon.

Admittedly it's quite funny to see Players who will one day top the rankings proudly wearing such trashy gear, but I'll keep the blackmail photos to myself until we actually become a Guild.

"I take it you finally hit Level 20, Ulbert-san?" I tilted my head, enjoying the feeling of gazing down on the goat-like Demon. "That's a pretty snazzy cape you've got there."

Touch Me turned, a surprised emote appearing above his character's head. "Oh, I hadn't noticed! That's incredible, Ulbert-san!"

The goat preened, swishing the red cape proudly.

"Speaking of Levels…" Touch Me's voice had gained a mischievous edge. Touch Me's hand darted out and plucked me off my branch, making me squawk in indignation. "What Level are you now, anyway?"

I scowled.

As cool as being a Dragon was, the Devs are still complete trolls. I asked for something that would grow along with me, and they took me at my word. A game-balancing Racial Trait, they called it.

[Natural Growth].

A simple idea, though one that was extremely irritating. Simply put, my size was based off my Level. For every Level I had, I grew. So, hypothetically, I would be at 100% growth or 'full size' at Level 10 and the size of a small mountain at Level 50. While I agreed at the time that it would be an excellent idea, I really didn't think it through that much.

Then they started basing the rest of my Traits off of that as well, scaling based on my size. My scales would grant increased defenses based on how 'thick' they were, my breath weapon grew in AoE and damage, my physical attacks would gain a boost… it all sounded amazing, really. But like a complete fool, I never pictured what it would be like at the Level I started out at.

After all, this game is brutal to low-Leveled players.

"Level 2." I grumbled, winding around to perch more comfortably on the Insectoid's wrist.

Touch Me burst out laughing. I ignored him, indignantly rustling my scales. I was only about a meter from tail to snout at the moment, which only translated to about forty centimeters of height while I was on four legs. Sure, I had been told I'd be 'fully grown' to the size of an adult Dragon at Level Ten, but that meant right now I was at a decimal number of that. All of my scaling buffs based themselves off that one Trait, which meant that they were all multiplied on a friggin' decimal.

My total AoE, defense, and general effectiveness as a player were all divided by ten.

That's right. Not only am I a total shrimp, but literally everything can one-shot me.

Fuck my life.

"At least I can fly." I tried, rustling my wings. "I'm totally epic in that sense."

"Congratulations." Ulbert said smugly. "You can perform the same duties as an NPC summon. You must feel proud."

"Fuck off." I may have sulked a bit at that, but I felt well within my rights to do so. "You just keep dragging me into Level 10 zones. We might be in a Party, but I still get an EXP penalty from it.

"Cheer up, little lizard." Ulbert reached into his Inventory, pulling out a tiny piece of meat. "I found one of those rare temporary Stat-boosting Recovery Items. It should give you enough to take on a Level 5 dungeon once or twice."

I sighed again, head darting out to snatch the piece of meat. As soon as my jaws closed around it it dissolved into a stream of light, a new icon popping into existence in the top right of my screen. "Not that it'll help much." I grumbled, settling back. "The amount of EXP required for a single Level in this Race is over six times what anything else needs."

"Your fault when you chose to give up your Levels to get a different Race." Ulbert said smugly. "I warned you to stay as a Brawler, and now look at you."

"Yes, yes, you told me so." I snapped. "Now can we get to the fighting? I want to get to Level 10 as soon as possible."

"Calm down, Ancient-san." Touch Me intervened, voice amused. "Ulbert, stop provoking him. He doesn't have much control over his character right now, but he expected that. That's why he started looking for those World Items back when he was at the top."

I nodded in agreement.

It was well-known from my time as a high-ranker that my dream was to track down one of the World Items capable of allowing direct requests of the Developers. They were only spoken of in quiet whispers, rumors rather than concrete fact. The Devs had spoken about such items on their site so people knew they existed, but one had yet to be found.

But since when did I care about something pointless like that? I already knew everything about the things. Just because the timeline hadn't caught up didn't mean that I couldn't beat the timeline. I knew all about the World Items described in the Light Novels of this very world. And from that knowledge I could plot my moves.

My goal was a simple one. No Spell or Skill allowed a Player to change between Races at will, no matter how high-leveled you got. The Devs had confirmed it with me personally when I asked about it. Since it was part of the existing system before I got there I couldn't exactly ask them politely to change it, so I went for the next best thing. I was going to hunt down two of what would be called 'the Twenty'. Two extraordinarily powerful one-use World Items. One named Five Elements Overcoming, the other named Ouroboros.

Five Elements Overcoming has the power to request the game Developers to change part of the game's Magic system in YGGDRASIL. For instance, according to Suzuki Satoru, while Wands could not contain such a 9th tier Spell like Perfect Unknowable, it was possible with this said World Item. If he wanted a Wand that is Magically enchanted with that kind of Spell, he would need this World Item or Ouroboros which can allow him to make a request of the Developers about it.

As for Ouroboros… well, that one is one that I'm going to be hunting in secret. A sort of long-term goal, if you will. Ouroboros possesses a power which is said to be a superior version of the Super-Tier Magic [Wish Upon A Star]. It can directly contact the Developers and request one wish the holder of Ouroboros wants to be granted from them.

Yes, yes, I know what you're saying now. Why not just ask the Developers to do it for me now? Well, the answer to that is quite simple. I'm trying to keep my relationship with them cordial, and that means I can't really ask them to do anything for me. Sure, I got this sweet Avatar off of them, but that was contingent on me helping them with flight mechanics. If I started making ridiculous requests, in their eyes I'd just become another asshole who wants something from them. No, if I want them to do something for me, I need to do it the proper way. And that means a lot of hunting.

While I was grinding those last grueling Levels to reach 100 in my human Avatar, I made it known that I would pay handsomely for information regarding the location of World Items. I had quite the nest egg built up from constantly running high-tier locations and gathering the loot they dropped. But I wasn't counting on that to work, here in YGGDRASIL information was more valuable than gold. All I really wanted out of that was to give myself an excuse to gather as many World Items as I could while being able to explain my horde away as purchasing from other Players.

How did I plan get the two specific World Items I wanted? The Light Novel never said where they dropped or how they were found, so it should be impossible to retrace those steps, right? So how did I plan to do it?

Simple. By going through as many dungeons as possible.

There's a hidden function in the game, one that literally no one but me knows. I learned it from reading an Extra of the Light Novel telling of how the Guild was first formed. They learned in that Extra that clearing a dungeon on the first try gave special rewards based on the difficulty and type of dungeon. They then proceeded to use this knowledge to become the Guild that held the largest stock of World-Class Items in all of YGGDRASIL. For me to get the Items I wanted, I would have to clear a dungeon with a recommended Level of 80+ on the first try with a party of less than eight members.

If all went well, I would be able to do it with one.

I planned on being the most powerful solo player in this game, just in case things went sideways. When The End comes, I might get separated from Nazerick and have to survive until Momonga gets there. It was clearly stated that several Players arrived before my as-of-yet unfound skeleton friend, which meant it was entirely possible for us to get pulled into two different times.

In the future I'll be a powerhouse, capable of running the dungeons I needed all by myself. I'd be able to contact the Devs, create the Spell or Skill needed to transform oneself into a humanoid race. Who knows, I might even make a tidy profit off doing it.

Unfortunately, that time isn't now.

I glanced at the timer remaining on the 'Goblin's Strength' buff. Less than three hours, it seemed like. "Looks like we have plenty of work to do." I stretched, shaking myself off. There was no dust here, but the compulsion remained. It felt odd to have scales. "It'll become easier as I Level, so hopefully by the time we're done tonight I'll be a decent Player again. I have a few spots ideal for small groups to grind in if you're interested."

Both Players perked up. Though they never admitted it, this was exactly the reason they stuck around me. I was practically a gold mine of information about the ideal places to just camp and slaughter mobs. I had spent over a hundred hours just exploring the game's Nine Worlds, after all, and my ascent to 100 the first time had practically gone down in legend. Most people figured I knew some cheat, but the truth was that was just good at guessing where to look.

"What Level is the area?" Touch Me asked, pulling up a map.

I chuckled. "Level 20. Functionally only half that. It still gives EXP like a Level 20 area, but the mobs are so wimpy and have such terrible Attack Stats that a well-geared pair of Level 4s could take them on." My eyes gleamed. "The best part? It's a bugged area that I never bothered to report to the shitty Devs. You just activate two conflicting Questlines and the game bugs out. Monsters spawn infinitely until you either die or log out."

Ulbert cackled. "Dragon man, you are an evil genius."

I shrugged modestly. "Hey, if the shitty Devs are going to give me a times six EXP penalty, then I feel well within my rights to keep some things to myself." I paused, tone becoming serious. "But you guys really need to keep this quiet. If all the Players start using it at once, it'll crash the server and alert them to the problem. And if you die there, you have no chance of picking your gear back up due to the bug."

"Not a problem, Ancient-san!" Touch Me chirped carelessly, placing me on his head. "Just point the way and we'll be off!"

"So you two are ready right now?" I glanced pointedly at Ulbert's fancy new cape. "You won't be able to enter or leave the location once it starts."

"No problem." A smirk emote appeared above the goat's head. "I have a cape just like this one in my storage. This one just has slightly better Stats."

"And you, Touch Me? Last chance."

The Knight puffed up in pride and reached for his sword. "A Warrior of Justice never backs down from a challenge! I shall meet it head-on with my blade!"

I sighed, opening my Inventory and giving it a once-over. "I have everything valuable stored in my Storage anyway, so the only thing I'd be losing is junk." I shut the window. "Seems everything is in order, then."

"So where are we going?" Ulbert repeated Touch Me's previous question.

I smiled innocently, not that they could see it. "See, that's the thing. One has to activate two very specific Quests and leave them unfinished at a very specific point. You then need to log out at one spot for long enough for the area to reset, then log in again at that exact spot. And even then, it takes a while for the bug to activate."

"How long?"

"Oh… I'd say about as long as we've been talking." My voice practically oozed mirth.

There was a very distinct pause as the penny dropped.

"Ancient One, you son of a bitch." The goat-man whirled, pulling out his staff and beginning to channel for an AoE Spell.

As if on cue, a screeching monkey dropped to the ground with a heavy thud. More fell from the trees, filling the clearing in an instant. Before Ulbert could launch his Spell, however, I tossed the Item I had palmed while glancing through my Inventory. It landed and spontaneously combusted, exploding and covering everyone in the clearing with flammable liquid.

Handy fact about all three of our Races. We were all fireproof. The monkeys were not.

"Ah, beautiful." I sighed, lifting to the skies. "The sound of screaming, and then silence."

"You're fucking insane!" Ulbert shouted.

I swooped lazily down to knock a survivor into data pixels. "We all are, flamebrain, so you might as well enjoy it."

Then the world jerked, and a second wave of monkeys arrived. Then a third. Then a fourth.

"Look alive, folks!" I cheered, activating my breath weapon with great relish.

The shouts and choice words of my companions as they were swarmed with monkeys were promptly ignored. It wasn't my fault they couldn't fly.

Suckers.

"[Rabbit Foot]." I chanted, my speed increasing slightly as I began setting random monkeys ablaze with bursts of my flame.

"[Shock Wave]!" Ulbert finally finished, knocking back the enemies around them.

"[Thunderlance]!" Touch Me added, a crackling bolt of electricity frying a line of monkeys.

...Technically, there was no need to speak when casting Spells, but one's friends couldn't know what was going on if nothing was said. thus, it was considered polite to announce Spell names as a sort of courtesy. After all, it wouldn't do to have others charge headfirst into friendly fire, would it?

As the battle wore on, I was acutely aware of how little I was really doing. Sure I was gaining tons of EXP, but I was a Level 2 against a horde of Level 20s. At most I debuffed a few of the monkeys, but most of the damage was being done by my companions.

I couldn't really find it in me to care, though.

I hummed in satisfaction, tossing assorted First Tier Spells at the horde from my spot on a branch. The branch abruptly began to creak as I felt my form shift, the Level-up taking instant effect. "Hey guys, I'm Level 3 now!" I cheered.

"Fuck off!" Ulbert shouted back, bashing a monkey. "[Shock Wave]! Can't you bloody help?"

I shrugged, smirking internally. "I dunno, you two seem like you're handling it."

"Asshole!"

"Fine, fine." I sighed, pulling an Item from my Inventory. It sailed into the midst of the horde, activating and sending all of them within radius into a deep sleep.

Even the polite Touch Me gave me an offended look at that one. Ulbert growled, sending a bolt of fire to incinerate them all. "You could've done that… the whole time."

"Oh, yes, of course." I could feel smugness dripping from my scaled snout. "I'm an expert in area clears against hordes. How do you think I did so many dungeons on my own back in the day?"

I dodged a well-deserved [Thunderlance], cackling. It was almost adorable to see noobs suffering like this. "Don't waste too much Mana on meee~!" I sang, diving back into the fray.

The next wave hit, and the two were buried in monkeys once more.

Word count: 4611