Chapter 2: 1-1: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Part 2

I stretched, thoroughly enjoying my eighteen-meter-long form. I hadn't quite made it to Level 13 before we had to leave the area, but I was pretty close. Pretty nice for the first run. "I think that went rather well." I said brightly.

"Asshole."

"Oh, calm down." I straightened, examining my blue scales. No obvious glitches in the texture quite yet, it'd seem. "You probably netted at least five Levels off that, no?"

"I used all of my potions and had to fight off rabid monkeys for three hours." Ulbert snapped. "I think a little righteous fury is deserved."

I sighed, turning around. "All right, then we'll see if this will change your mind. Follow me."

I stepped forward, ignoring the startled shouts of my companions. The brief loading screen flashed, then I was back.

I entered into the clearing that had been the site of our three-hour grindfest, smugly amused at the sight of what lay within. The instance change had fixed the bug, and now that the encounter had finished I would have to wait another two hours before beginning again. I could endlessly repeat the exploit until I completed one of the Quests, not that I was planning on telling my friends that. Now that I was big enough, I would be able to grind to at least Level 30 on my own on this very spot.

Ulbert and Touch Me entered behind me, relaxing once they realized there were no monkey swarms to make their lives a living hell. No gold or Data Crystals littered the ground, that all would've disappeared once we left had I not collected it first. No, something else was left sitting on the ground. Something odd.

Ulbert spoke up first, leaning down to poke at a pile of silver. "What's this?"

There was a pause as Touch Me and I looked over at the stacks of silvery substance. "Oh, that." I said lightly. "That's an extremely rare item that was the object of a Quest. We're supposed to deliver it to the King of Aren, the Queen of Shiba, or the Duke of Yore. They all give us a shitload of EXP and a permanent Stat boost if we bring it to them, or we could sell it to a vendor for a ton of gold."

Another pause. "But there's stacks of them." Ulbert stated.

I shrugged. "Well, each of the potential benefactors gives different rewards. Aren gives one percent of Life Regenerated per second, two percent additional Physical Defense, and twenty percent increased Physical Damage. Shiba gives five percent Mana Regenerated per second, plus twenty percent to Global Critical Strike Multiplier, and plus fifteen percent to all Elemental Resistances to a max of seventy-five percent. Yore offers six percent increased Attack and Cast Speed, an extra three percent chance to dodge attacks, and six percent increased Movement Speed."

"So you're saying we can get all of that?" Touch Me asked incredulously.

"No," I corrected, "I'm saying we can get all of those rewards multiple times. You have to drag the item into their item box in order to get the reward, and sixteen of those items fit in that box."

"Bullshit." Ulbert said, still staring at the piles of silver necklaces. "There's no way the Devs would leave something like that in."

"Oh, definitely not." I agreed smugly. "But a single Player can only do the Quest once, and I'm the only one who would think to exploit the game this way. I won't tell if you won't."

It was a moot point anyway. You had to have two different Quests at a specific point in order to get the bug, and I had been careful not to tell them which other one was needed. The one that gave necklaces was well-known, though, so I would have to reveal that one at least.

Ulbert picked up one of the silver necklaces. "The Stat gains on this are shit." He muttered.

I shrugged. "Hey, you're not meant to keep it. You're meant to give it to one of the three. Hence the name of the Quest."

"'Deal with Royalty'. I've heard of this one." Touch Me remarked, picking up a necklace of his own. "You're saying we can boost ourselves multiple times with these?"

"For sure. Unfortunately it only works sixteen times, so the rest of them are just free gold." I waved towards the stacks, subtly beginning to pile some into my Inventory. "You can only hold so many, though, and this place will despawn after we've been gone for five minutes. So carry what you can now and hope for the best."

"These necklaces take up four Item Slots in my Inventory." Ulbert noted, bemused.

"We weren't exactly meant to carry a ton of them." I snarked back.

"Fair point." The Demon sighed, beginning to scoop up silver strands with his clawed hands. "I hate to admit it, but that suicide run might've actually been worth it."

I chuckled darkly, rubbing my claws together. "Oh, buddy, you have no idea."

I scrolled smugly through my Stat Screen, feeling completely vindicated for the fifty-some hours I had poured into it thus far. I would have to take fifteen Racial Levels in Scale Knight, another fifteen in Serpent Mage and a final ten in Snake Priest before I could finally start learning the Dragon Race's truly overpowered Skills, but this was a good start. It was a long climb that ensured I had plenty of work to do, but it offered a lot of juicy rewards in the form of various Skills. Not to mention the Movement, Attack, and Cast Speed bonuses I picked up from giving the necklaces to the Duke of Yore.

The Skills I got for finishing Scale Knight's Racial Levels were almost all defense-oriented, allowing the use of passives that blocked a lot of Physical Damage before it could reach me. I was still incredibly vulnerable, but I stood a much better chance against the rest of the world.

…Full disclosure, though, I died at least twice trying to grind for these damn Levels. Dragons are weak as shit for their Level until they hit 50. I needed to learn a shrinking Spell to avoid alerting PKers, and fast.

'Fuggin' madmen will try anything for EXP…'

I studiously ignored the hypocrisy of that thought. I did what I did for the sake of eternal Godhood. They did what they did because they were complete dicks. They killed for laughs and loot, nothing else.

To be perfectly honest I could have gone completely solo. I could've done all this by myself, conquering a Guild Base for me alone and stuffing it with NPCs of my own make. But I had one issue with that. No, two, really. First… if I made an army of Level 100 girls who adored me and fawned on my every wish, would any of them be truly special? No. I would tire of that sort of life, leaving me in an eternity of boredom. Second, who would I talk to until the server shutdown? I still have years to go, what am I going to do until then? Make more NPCs? Hoard loads of treasure?

No. It'll be a lot more amusing in the long run to throw my lot in with Nazerick. If nothing else, I can make it my life's goal to get poor Momonga laid. He might have literally nothing down there, but if I can get the World Item that might allow me to create a human transformation Spell, well. I suppose I might just have to pop me some popcorn and enjoy a show full of Momonga getting periodically jumped by thirsty women.

Mehehehehe.

In a battle between him and thirsty women… poor skellibones doesn't stand a chance.

"Are you certain this is a good idea, Ancient One-san? I'm an assassin build, and you don't really have much gear on."

I sighed. "It'll be fine, Flatfoot. I just need you to scout for me. I have enough Racial Skills blocking Physical Damage that this place isn't really a problem.

Flatfoot, another of the original nine members of the fledgling Clan. Even if said Clan hadn't even been formed yet. He was referring to my Race's main flaw, which not too many Players knew about. In return for incredible natural defenses, Dragons were incapable of equipping most items. Rings and amulets were pretty much the limit of what I could wear, which wasn't exactly the best news for someone hoping for a stealth run. With my tremendous bulk, I'd have to have some insane armor to get enough of a bonus to conceal me from monsters.

Of course, I had a bit of a trick up my proverbial sleeve.

"[Size Down]." I mumbled. The Spell was a buff that made one's evasion rating skyrocket, but it had the side-effect of shrinking them. I made it my personal mission to abuse that mechanic well enough to let me fit through doors.

Seriously, though. Fuck doors. Damn Developers never bothered to make the things Dragon-sized. I tried to get them to help, but they seemed to find the problem more funny than anything.

Believe me. Doors are no laughing matter when you're a thirty-meter-tall quadruped.

"You ready, Flatfoot?"

The assassin raised Tsururinpettan, his custom weapon. "Whenever you are."

We slipped into the mineshaft, me trailing in his wake.

We spent some time wandering, avoiding monsters and working our way steadily downward. Dead end after dead end, monster den after monster den. Without Flatfoot, I would've been long dead before we finally found what we were looking for.

"I… don't get it." Flatfoot deadpanned. "A bunch of rocks?"

Correction. What I was looking for. "It's a very special crafting material." I muttered, eyeing it excitedly.

"How much is it worth?" He glanced around. "Because from the looks of it, there's nothing else down here."

I held back a laugh. "Not much unless you're planning to make a Golem. But I'll tell you what. If you keep quiet and watch for trouble while I mine all this, I'll pay you five gold per Inventory stack of the stuff you get me."

He visibly perked up at that. "Hey, you have yourself a deal."

Free gold for standing guard? He was sold. More importantly, though, I had access to an untapped vein of the Prismatic Ore Celestial Uranium years before Players discovered its' uses. No uber-powerful Golems for me, though. No, I wanted it for something else. Something better. See, Celestial Uranium is the main component in a recipe to make a World Item known as Caloric Stone.

And if I remembered correctly… this stuff was the shit.

For starters, it could be used to create a Golem's core. Nice, but not too useful to me. In addition to that, though, the World Item was said to enhance the likes of weapons or armors. Very useful for when I eventually get my own humanoid form and gain the ability to use such things. And finally, similar to Ouroboros and Five Elements Overcoming, it's one of the Items that allows the holder to make requests to the game developers.

I'm not quite sure what kind of requests, but I'll iron that out once I've stripped all of the Seven Hidden Mines. After all, this is an entirely undiscovered location in YGGDRASIL, and the Mines would slowly recover and be ready for further harvesting by the time anyone found the place.

Flatfoot walked away that day a happy man, but I walked away with a priceless treasure.

"He's over here!" A loud voice shouted.

I sighed. I had been relying the [Size Down] buff thus far, but evidently my luck had run out. "No shit, sherlock." I grumbled, spreading my wings for extra stability.

Seventeen Players charged into the clearing, all armed to the teeth. I raised an eyebrow. "Aaand you brought friends. Lovely."

"See, I told you there was a Player who actually had a Dragon Avatar!" One said smugly.

"Yeah, it would almost be cool if it didn't stick out like a sore thumb."

I twitched. "Oi. Do you have any idea how hard this thing was to get? Show some respect, will you?"

Predictably, they ignored me. "I've got the place surrounded with my Summons. You guys corner him, I'll close the circle."

I sighed, preparing for a fight.

I wish I could tell you that I stood a chance against a mob of Players determined to kill me. I wish I could say that I nobly stood my ground, fighting them off against all odds.

Unfortunately, video games don't work like that, no matter what SAO might have told you. Any given build has at least one flaw, which usually can't be fixed until you get to the endgame content.

My Dragon Avatar was lovely, but I had optimized it for clear speed rather than actual combat against other Players. Sure, I might be able to fight off a Boss or two, but Players were a different issue entirely. I tended to stay out of the human realms if at all possible, but sometimes it was unavoidable. I had numerous goals to achieve while I was still in the game, many of which not possible without venturing out on occasion.

Like exploring the map, or finding new dungeons with handy exploits. Little things like that. I did have the long-term goal to explore the entire map of YGGDRASIL, but at this point I'd settle for a handy dungeon to duck into.

No such luck.

"[Penetrate Magic: Slow]." I cast in their general direction, spreading my wings and lifting off. Hopefully that would give me a chance to get the hell out of dodge while they were still debuffed.

"Hey, he's getting away!"

"Is he flying? How is that possible?"

"Uaah! Did those shitty Devs give him flight before the rest of us!"

"Dammit, this isn't the time! Everyone, at once! [Scorching Ray]!"

"[Scorching Ray]!"

"[Scorching Ray]!"

My HP dropped like a stone as no less than twelve laser beams caught me in their crosshairs.

"Shitshitshitshit—" I blurted, flapping backwards. It was times like this that I wished that [Teleportation] wasn't so high Tier of a Spell. "[Dimensional Move]." I tried instead.

The world shimmered, and suddenly I was a good half a kilometer away. To most low-Tier casters, this was an extremely handy escape Spell used to put distance between themselves and their adversaries.

Unfortunately, unlike Bosses, Players could prepare for this sort of thing.

Several shimmers signaled the arrival of the same Players as before, making me swear colorfully. They had likely used [Lopsided Duel], a Third-Tier Spell that bound the caster to the target such that whenever the target tried to flee by teleportation, both caster and target would appear in the same place.

Fuckers.

"Is this absolutely necessary?" I shouted, taking to the sky once more. "Seriously, I'm exploring for God's sake. I'm not carrying anything worth a damn in case I run into a strong Boss or something. Killing me won't do you any good."

"You're a Heteromorph who walked into Asgard. The hell were you expecting?" Another Player called.

I winced. 'Well, with any luck, a nice place to camp and grind EXP… but it seems that's not happening anytime soon.' "[Freeze]!" I tried, a biting wind flowing from beneath my wings. "[Stoneskin]!"

A chorus of laughter from the gathered PKers. "Does he think we're a bunch of mobs?" One snickered to another.

"I know, right? Doesn't he have anything we aren't immune to?"

'No, debuff Spells are all I have at this Level and I already used up most of my Skills for the day.' I grumbled to myself.

I knew I was dead. They knew I was dead. The only factor was how hard I made them work for it.

I felt something puncture my neck, and my already dangerously low HP plummeted. With my last second of life, I made a choice. "[Storm of Vengance]!" I bellowed, burning all of my remaining Mana at once.

My Life hit zero, and I died.

You have died.

'Yeah, no shit.'

Would you like to respawn at the nearest checkpoint?

'No. I would like to be an unstoppable killing machine. But that doesn't seem to be happening, does it?'

Answer not recognized.

'Oh, sod off. I'm bitching about my death, here, it's a tradition amongst gamers. What's the point of dying if you don't get to complain about it?'

Answer not—

'Fine. Sure. Respawn me.'

Respawning in: 00:01:00.

'Oh, lovely. And apparently there's a respawn timer in Asgard for Heteromorphs. Note to self: don't come back here until you're at least Level 90. Then hopefully I can find a way to burn it to the ground.'

You have gained 14903 EXP!

I grinned, satisfied. At least my dying Spell had killed the fuckers, so I no longer had to swear vengeance against them and their entire family line.

They're still going on my shit list, though. Them, the lawyer who screwed my sister over last life, and Chad Bradley. Because fuck Chad Bradley.

I guess now that the option of exploration is out, I should check on my hidden supply of Celestial Uranium. With any luck, it's been long enough for it to become Caloric Stone.

Respawn complete.

Alert! For violating the law against Player Killing, you have lost five levels!

"Oh fffff—"

"Oi, Ancient One-san! I want to introduce you to someone!"

I woke with a start, giving a jaw-cracking yawn. I could do that in this world, at least. "Come on in, Touch Me."

The door to the cave swung open, admitting an Insectoid Knight and… a small skeleton? Oh my, it would seem that canon is progressing faster than I thought.

"Hello little one." I greeted, leaning down to peer at Momonga. "And who might you be?"

"Touch Me-san, did that mob just talk?" The startled salaryman whispered.

I chuckled to myself. Noob Players like him always reminded me of tiny spooked squirrels. "Yes, he did. I completed a Quest line at Level 100 that allowed me to become what you see now." I shifted smugly. "I don't regret a moment of it."

"Oh? I could've sworn I heard you cussing up a storm in chat when you were just a wimpy little—gurk!" I slapped the Knight upside the head with my tail, glowering.

'Asshole better wait until I trot out the pictures of him in starter gear. We'll see who's laughing then.'

"Aha, I suppose I deserved that." Touch Me admitted, rubbing the back of his helmet sheepishly. "Anyway. Momonga-san, this is Ancient One-san. He's a very old player from the beta days. If you ever need advice on where to power-level, ask him. He knows all of YGGDRASIL like the back of his hand." He paused awkwardly. "Er, claw. The back of his claw."

"Really?" The skeleton ignored the confused stumble, tilting his head to look up at my towering forty-meter-tall form. "I thought most of it was unexplored."

"It is, but I like to think myself an expert at flyovers." I said, spreading my wings in demonstration.

"You should ask around sometime, hear all he's done. He made it to Level 100 in a week one time, you know." Touch Me boasted.

"That's incredible!"

"I know, right? I don't know why Ulbert-san doesn't like his advice, it's always amazing!"

"Probably because my advice is largely suicidal." I said drily, my tail swishing in a lazy rasp of scale on stone. "I may have made it to 100 in a week, but no one mentions how many times I died to get there. I think you guys are better off not trying my approach."

"Fair enough." Touch Me relented.

"Um, Ancient-san… if I might ask… why are you laying on a pile of rocks?" Momonga asked, pointing.

I glanced down. "Because they're divinely radioactive and I'm waiting for them to turn into treasure."

"What?" If a skeleton could look confused without expressions, Momonga nailed the image perfectly.

I chuckled. "You'll understand one day. Let's just say I have a knack for finding bizarre loopholes in the game and leave it at that. Besides." I puffed out my chest. "I'm a Dragon, aren't I? It's only right that I hoard treasure."

"Weren't you planning to go mapping today?" Touch Me prodded jokingly.

I huffed at him. "I'll have you know that someone else is there already and it's annoying to have to fight over a dungeon. I'm waiting a few minutes for a new instance of the dungeon to open up when the reset timer runs down."

"Ah, Ancient-san," Momonga interrupted before we could begin to fight in earnest. "If you're going EXP hunting, could we tag along? Touch Me-san needs one more Level to equip a piece of gear he likes, and I need to get strong enough to survive PKers on my own."

I snorted a plume of smoke at him. "Just call me Ancient One, everyone does. And I'd be more than happy to bring you along. I'll start up a Split Party, it should evenly distribute EXP regardless of the gap. Just leave the clearing to me and Touch Me, it should all be over fairly quickly."

The salaryman nodded. "I'm a Skeleton Mage at the moment, if it helps. I'm grinding to become an Elder Lich."

"Fantastic." I shook myself off, rising. "Just let me set a few Spells to guard this place, then we'll be off."

The two waited patiently for me to rattle off a long and paranoid list of Spells. In my mind, it still wasn't enough, but I had nothing worth stealing in the eyes of today's YGGDRASIL. I reluctantly left it alone, and we took to the skies.

Side note, these days I can fly at breakneck speeds faster than most people can stand. Momonga learned that today, all the while screaming at the top of his nonexistent lungs. Touch Me had been wise enough to learn Fly as soon as it came out a month ago for this very reason.

I snickered.

Totally worth convincing the Devs to add flight in early. Really brings the experience together.

I landed at the mouth of a gorge a short while later, slowing to a halt. Touch Me glided down beside, and a shaken Momonga dropped off my back. No words were spoken while the Skeleton Mage soundlessly kissed the ground. He straightened, and we all pretended I hadn't just scared the man half to death.

"This place is actually a Level 80 dungeon." I began, spreading my wings. "So in ordinary circumstances, we would be screwed beyond measure. But the creatures here are all Stone Golems of some sort. I can run this place backwards in my sleep with a few frost-based Spells. They're slow as sin, and if you defeat the Boss it counts as a win even if you never kill a single other mob."

Momonga tilted his head. A question mark emote popped up above his head. "Wait, what? Why would you want to only defeat the Boss?"

I smiled. "Because the Boss has the best loot, of course." I shook my head, forestalling his response. "We are actually going to be killing the Golems as we come across them. But because of how big the Level gap between us and the recommended Level, the EXP is going to be much smaller than one might expect. You might get five Levels or so, but beyond that I don't know."

The mage took a deep breath, shifting his grip on a wooden staff. "All right. Freezing Spells. Let's go."

I turned, chuckling, and entered the dungeon.

Now, this game is not one meant to be played solo. In fact, it would be considered downright suicidal for me to march into a normal Level 80 area at my current Level. But this place? Please. Stone Golems are extremely weak to frost-based status effects, so if one just hammers them with enough Freezing Spells, they can remove all their defenses and kill them with one blow. And while normal dungeons have a variety of monsters to challenge players, the Devs thought an army of Level 80 Stone Golems was challenging enough as it was.

Fools.

I cackled madly as I shattered Golem after Golem like sugar glass, my high Physical Attack combined with their Frozen status killing them instantly. I suspected the Devs might fix the area's obvious exploit sooner rather than later at the rate I had been grinding the dungeon, but hey. I wasn't complaining right now.

Momonga, on the other hand… well. He wasn't looking too hot. A bit terrified, actually. He had died twice on our way here, rejoining a moment later to pick up his stuff and chase after us. Touch Me was laughing as loudly as I was, leaving the Mage as the only sane member of our Party.

I wasn't too worried. He would crack eventually. They all did.

We finally reached the Boss room, not bothering to go around cleaning up like we normally would. Touch Me had backed me enough times to know I prioritized the Boss above all, even if he had no idea why.

With any luck, he would learn today.

I braced my four-legged bulk against the door and heaved, my Racial Levels allowing me to push open a door one might need Level 80 Stats to open ordinarily. Inside was a small mountain of boulders.

"Look alive." I ground out, moving into a combat stance. Wings spread, tail lashing, Mana gathering. "This is going to get ugly."

The stones rumbled together, slowly forming a larger behemoth. It groaned, a haunting noise that always sent chills down my spine. The combat began, his HP bar filling up above his head. "[Sheer Cold]." I barked instantly. "[Frost Breath]. [Purity of Ice]."

Crystals grew across the construct, slowing it to a shuddering halt. "GO!" I barked, tackling it. It reformed around me as I began to wail on it, my heavy limbs becoming battering rams. It was taking more damage from the wall I was beating it into than me, but that was expected. It was always like this.

No one ever said beating a Boss a solid fifteen Levels above you was easy. But even if my build was shit at PvP, it was second to none at Bossing.

As far as different runs went, it wasn't the quickest. Momonga's Mana ran out three quarters of the way through, which left me to tank half my HP in pure Physical Damage. Fortunately I had long since learned that the Resist Stat did more for mitigating damage than any of my Defenses and had tracked down an amulet that converted half of both my Magic and Physical Defenses into pure Resist, giving me Resist that Exceeded Limits. I probably would've been one-shot when it broke through the second time, the half-health Damage boost all Bosses got kicking in at the worst possible time.

I never claimed my build was the best, merely that it let me challenge dungeons a good twenty-five Levels above mine. And that was with good solid tactics, ignoring the possibility of lucky hits.

I survived the blow, my solid bulk working in my advantage and keeping me from taking the Knockback damage a smaller creature would've. Touch Me took on the leading role for a bit while I recovered, spamming combos while I debuffed the giant Golem.

The Boss died at last after a solid twenty minutes of Freeze-hit tactics. It fell with a mighty crash, shaking the ground below us and making the cave rumble dangerously. We mostly ignored the Boss's lengthy death animation, knowing it was pointless to watch. We had already gotten the EXP and now we just needed to wait for the animation to finish in order to get our reward.

"I-I Leveled eight times!" Momonga shouted in surprise.

I raised an eyebrow, stretching. "Yeah. That's kinda what happens when you kill a high-Level Boss. You would've Leveled a hell of a lot more if the Devs didn't make an EXP penalty for being too high or too low Leveled for a certain dungeon."

"Huh." The Skeleton Mage blinked down at the Level notifications. "I never knew that."

"Most sane Players don't." Touch Me said in a moment of rare cynicism.

…He may still be holding a grudge about the monkey thing.

"It's a complicated equation that creates a huge curve in the Level spectrum. The higher-Leveled you get, the harder it is to find dungeons that still grant 100% EXP. I don't even bother, instead going for quantity over quality. I could run one dungeon at my Level for 100% EXP, but it's ten times as profitable to run this dungeon four times at 25% EXP. You get what I'm saying?"

Momonga nodded, glancing to the side. "Hey, it looks like the death animation is almost up."

I followed his gaze. Sure enough, the stones composing the Boss had almost completely dissolved into sand. A marble plinth rose up, and the long-awaited drops fell from seemingly nowhere. Gold, Data Crystals, a few weapons, a few potions…

A message window appeared before me, accompanied by a soft chorus in the background. I broke into a wide grin, ignoring the drops in favor of reading it.

Congratulations! By completing a dungeon with a recommended Level 81 on the first try with a party of less than 8 members, you have received the World Item [Five Elements Overcoming]!

I began to laugh. After all this time farming this Boss, it finally drops a World Item. And not only that, but the exact one I've been looking for this whole time. Sure I've gotten four others this through other Bosses, but I couldn't equip any weapons or armors as a Dragon, so those particular Items were useless to me. This dungeon has never before granted me its' bounty… but now it's mine.

The World Item appeared midair and floated softly down into my outstretched claw, gleaming in the light. It was a five-pointed star, woven from multiple shades of glass. One for each element represented in Taoism, my mind noted absently. A little detail told by the Item's flavor text.

"What is it?" Momonga whispered.

"This," I rumbled, tucking the Item into my Inventory, "is exactly what I have been looking for." I turned my head to look at the two of them. "How would you two like to be able to disguise yourselves as one of the Human Races?"

Word count: 5100