Chapter 14: Merry Christmas

Itachi

Itachi was brushing his teeth and contemplating the extent of the boundaries of space-time when he heard giggling. He carefully held everything inside his mouth as he went to the door of his room and looked out. Deidara was some distance down the hallway, laughing hysterically. He seemed to be catching his breath, one hand on his knee and the other balanced awkwardly on his knee while holding a camera. He recovered and raced away just as Hidan came running past, also laughing hysterically. The two of them fist-bumped and disappeared.

Itachi looked in the other direction down the hall, just in time to see Kakuzu run past him. His masked face was definitely not in the mood for laughing, and he ran with the direct path of someone with a mission. With surprising speed, he disappeared after them. Now that he thought about it, Itachi didn't actually have the faintest clue how old Kakuzu was.

Nothing more happened, so he returned to the bathroom in his room and finished brushing his teeth. The extra time was probably good for my teeth. I wonder what about the human mind can make such a thing seem as important as the possibility of another universe… And he resumed the track of thought he had been on before.

After reaching some satisfactory conclusion that made a good stopping point, Itachi put on his clothes and left his room. Hidan had evidently decided to lead Kakuzu on a merry chase instead of losing him, so Itachi stayed in his doorway until they had passed. Then he went looking for Kisame.

He did not find Kisame, but he did find Konan standing in her doorway, keeping an ear out for overly excited passers-by. She stepped back, inviting him in to shelter just as Hidan threw himself down the hallway at a speed that suggested further material for consideration. But that wasn't important right now.

Konan waited until Kakuzu passed, and was it a trick of Itachi's eyes, or did Kakuzu seem to be enjoying it? Konan looked faintly amused as she turned to Itachi. "Yes?"

Itachi briefly organized his words in his head before speaking. "I believe I have discovered a clue to our existence," he began.

Konan's ears pricked forward, primed to listen.

"I was thinking about multiverse theory in the bathroom after I woke up," he continued. "Multiverse theory states that there is no reason why there should only be one universe, this one we happen to inhabit. We could live in one of many, possibly an infinite amount of universes. I wondered if that had anything to do with your claim that we are clones of people from another world. The existence of chakra represents a significant departure from the laws of physics that govern this universe. There isn't any way I can think of to explain this, unless chakra is a perfectly natural part of a different set of physical laws."

"A different universe," Konan finished.

Itachi nodded. "It seems suspicious that your world should be otherwise similar to ours, but perhaps universes that are close enough for us to happen would also be quite close enough to influence each other."

Konan narrowed her eyes at Itachi. "Which do you think is the influence?"

Itachi did not rise to the bait. "There is no way to know."

She could respect that. A shinobi must always be able to acknowledge when they need more information. She dismissed him with a sharp nod of her head. As Itachi was on his way out, he turned back and asked, "What is going on with Hidan and Deidara?"

Konan shook her head. "Something normal for them."

Obviously. Itachi left without another delay.

After dodging around Hidan and Kakuzu having a paradoxically relaxed argument ("You better damn well have deleted those photos," Kakuzu growled. Hidan stuck out his tongue and cheerfully replied that he'd emailed them to himself, so haha no), Itachi bounced around the building looking for people. Sasori didn't know where Kisame was, but when asked about Hidan and Deidara shook his head ruefully and insisted he'd tell all about it after he got a paper back from Hidan. Deidara was only too happy to show Itachi a photo of Kakuzu that temporarily banished all thoughts of universes from his mind. Wow. Okay. He was no help when asked about Kisame, but Itachi had by now figured out where his friend had to be.

Itachi sat on a rock next to the banks of the small stream where they had practiced water jutsu yesterday and watched the sun glint off the water's surface. The stream was full and healthy again, even with some damage done to its banks. The tilted tree's buds were starting to open. A squirrel leaped from branch to branch, invisible but not stealthy. The sunlight flowed together in a fishbone pattern typical of running water along the side of the road. Itachi would have googled what caused that, but he didn't have the slightest idea how to phrase such a query. A flash of something silver drew his eyes to a collection of dark rocks beneath the water's surface. Whatever it was did not reappear, and Itachi could not see it even with the upper level Sharingan activated. Kisame began to shift beside him.

Just before he let go of the regular Sharingan, it picked up a small motion to his left. It was a small gray fish, somehow maintaining its position in the water steadily. Though it wavered, its color was so well designed that Itachi could not have seen it with his normal eyes. It was solid, but blended with the patchy pebbles beneath it. It wavered, yet he had trouble seeing its motion clearly. This was the product of a beautiful, well-ordered universe. Kisame sighed.

If he was in the mood to care about the universe's beauty, he didn't show it. The shark man appeared to be looking just to have something to look at. Itachi did not need to see his face to know Kisame was elsewhere. Yet, somehow his presence must have registered, because Kisame was growing increasingly annoyed.

"I'm not in the mood for talking, Itachi," he warned. His hand tightened, paused, then relaxed. His other hand was wrapped unconsciously around his abdomen.

Itachi reassured him, "I am not here to ask you to." They both continued to stare at the water. A flock of birds making the usual birds-establishing-dominance spring ruckus was approaching. They sounded like blackbirds, though there were several songs mixed into the noise. Just before they would have passed in an unruly mob right over the humans' heads, the flock turned and shifted deeper into the forest. Itachi thought he could almost hear the silence. He was intrigued now, as he had occasionally been intrigued before, by the fact that true silence did not exist. What was called the sound of silence was only a different kind of noise. Perhaps a certain subgroup of deaf people were the only ones with any understanding of true silence.

What difference is there between the sound of the outside world and the sound of your own mind? Itachi considered this. He supposed the difference was in how the conscious mind perceived the noise. There was no difference, but most people imagined that they felt a difference. And, of course, the sound of one's own mind was much more powerful than the sound of the outside.

In that spirit… "I am here to tell you something," he whispered to Kisame. Without waiting for a response, because that would be violating his promise, Itachi continued with, "It's just as well you were not in the hallways. Hidan and Deidara found great humor in doing something, I'm not sure I want to know what, to Kakuzu. I had to duck into doorways to avoid being run over as Kakuzu chased Hidan all around the building several times. A man your size would have been run over for sure."

Kisame smirked and muttered, "Must be Hidan's influence."

Itachi nodded. "If so, he must have exercised his influence over Sasori beforehand. Sasori admitted he knew what was going on, and he had given Hidan a paper of some kind."

Kisame shuddered. "Is every reasonable person in here losing it?"

A deer crested the little rise on the other side of the stream. It walked stiffly, pausing with a foreleg in the air and looking straight at them. Its short fur quivered in tense nervousness along its flanks, its tendons prominent and visible. Even without the acuity of the Sharingan, Itachi watched its nose twitch, its ears flicker one moment and arrest themselves the next. Yet it did not move, and after only a few seconds its foreleg lowered to the ground. This was a deer that was acclimated to humans. She continued to stare at them, then approached the stream and lowered her head to drink. Itachi watched the doe as she watched not him, but Kisame. Her shoulders tilted asymmetrically. This, too, was proof of a well-ordered universe.

Kisame looked back for only a few seconds, then returned to the water. "Don't ask me what I'm thinking of," he said in a low tone of voice. "Not even I know well enough to say. Just wait until tomorrow. It'll be...different."

Itachi mumbled "Mhm." The doe stopped drinking and raised her head, still looking at Kisame. He was indifferent. Itachi thought of a joke. "I'll leave you two alone together then," he said as he rose to his feet. Kisame shot a quick glare in his direction. The doe spared Itachi a quick glance. Then they were behind him, and then he was gone.

General

Hidan and Deidara had, unwittingly, done everyone in the base a service. A flurry of email addresses were passed around the base for the sole purpose of sending the pictures. Hidan figured that, as long as they were going to do that, he might as well create a group chat while they were at it. Konan was mystified by all this, so Hidan sat with her in the sunroom and demonstrated how their little glowing rectangles could be used to communicate with each other. Konan disagreed with some features, but that did not stop her eyes from lighting up. He promised to set aside some of his treasure to buy her a cellphone of her own as soon as possible. A new feeling of pride bloomed in Hidan's chest. Allowing people to share their burdens as he usually did was mostly listening to others talk. Teaching was just the opposite process, yet if Konan's excitement was a valid measure he seemed to be good at it. They spent a full hour of joy together in that room, curled around each other in a little huddle while Konan explored his phone. And all was light.

Yahiko returned several hours after he had left, having possessed the foresight to get food for everyone and shop around to see what the prices were for refrigerators. During breakfast, where everyone except for Hidan and Konan ate together in the kitchen, Yahiko inquired about Nagato's dreams the previous night. He asked if they had been nightmares or good dreams. Nagato turned red and mumbled that yes, they had been pretty good dreams, and scurried away to talk to someone else. Yahiko wondered what that was about. Hidan, away in the sunroom, stared sightlessly as Konan scrolled through menus, his mind occupied by completely unrelated memories and thoughts.

Some time later Hidan stumbled out of the sunroom behind Konan, his cellphone restored to him against his will. Yahiko agonized over whether it was the right thing to do, when they both seemed so happy. Screwing up his fists and gathering every ounce of courage he had, he decided to risk it. While they were still together, which he hoped would soften any negative effects, he approached Konan.

As he had heard one should do when walking through the territory of a wild animal one does not wish to startle, he made noise to announce his presence. A soft "Hey," from the doorway of the kitchen sufficed. This was more than enough to startle Konan, turning her thoughts away from the future and into the past. Her thoughts began to race, leaping from memory to memory. She made a good faith effort to at least keep it to the positive side of her memories, and turned to face him. Silently she waited, not able to look in his face or speak to him. Yahiko's hands twisted nervously, and one of them came up fiddle with his hair.

"Um…" he started. In all the agonizing over whether or not he should do this, he hadn't actually had the time to think of how he would do this if he decided to. And, as always, words of any kind (never mind the right ones) did not come as easily as he wanted. Hidan had said his face was expressive enough to make up for it, but that didn't help when she couldn't look him in the face, did it? "I...I just...you want to...maybe hang out and talk at some point?"

Konan's thoughts went straight to a part of her memories that, formerly very pleasant, were now among the most painful memories of all, second only to the actual day. "Why?" she snapped. It couldn't be helped; snapping was the only possible way she could ask about that.

Yahiko went even redder as the delicate balancing act he was performing increased in difficulty, the tightrope growing thinner right beneath his feet. Something lurked around the edges of his memory but vanished before he could even find out in which direction it had come from. Like when I try to remember my dreams. Did I dream of- Stop that! Oh god oh god what do I say? He panicked. Utterly and completely panicked. His mind suddenly went completely blank and he couldn't think of any words at all. An instinct, carefully conditioned to be the first one in cases like this, commanded his mostly disabled conscious mind to not embarrass him in public. His conscious mind was not able to do very much, but it did pinpoint a part of his panic that had a huge risk of embarrassing him. A more competent part of his mind immediately stepped in to head that part off at the pass.

Yahiko had only taken a few hurried breaths of obvious panic before his mouth began running, sounds spilling out of it in an effort to keep his breathing looking normal. Where the words came from, he could not have said. That is the definition of the unconscious, where deep desires rest. "No reason really, I just wanted to get to know you more and spend more time with you because it seems like I haven't done anything, so Other Me must have done something, and I don't know what it was or how to fix it and maybe if you hang out with me more you can learn to tell the difference between us and I'll be able to not hurt you or anything and- and- what's wrong with me?"

After the last question left his mouth the reset of his higher thinking functions completed, and he now shut his mouth lest anything else he didn't have the right to be asking escaped. Nagato had told him there was nothing wrong with him, nobody had so much as hinted there was, he shouldn't be thinking like that. And yet… I guess I really can't help it. I should trust Nagato enough to just take his word for that, shouldn't I? But I don't. I need to be more confident. I need to trust him more. Why am I so unsure of myself? If not for the fact that visibly shrinking would have made the situation even worse and he knew it, Yahiko probably would have done so as a matter of reflex. He hoped Nagato wasn't looking, wasn't perhaps still in the kitchen to watch him.

Konan, too, shut her mouth lest anything she didn't have the right to say escaped. He was right. He wasn't his original, did not share even a second of the same history. Yet, he looked and acted so similar, a part of her could not help but fear for him. It's my fault he feels like there is something wrong with him. What can I do to stop? She had no idea. She turned away from him, held her tongue still (barely) and stalked down the hall.

Yahiko stared after her. After all that, even asking the question he never wanted to admit he still had, she still wouldn't speak to him. He had a brief urge to cry, which he swallowed because he was supposed to be acting like a grown man, not a boy. Even so he stood there like a boy, asking himself What did I do? He turned to Hidan. Did Hidan have any answers?

Hidan looked faintly puzzled, and also something else. He noticed Yahiko looking at him and shook his head very quickly. "No. You should not try talking to her alone, least not for now."

Yahiko looked down. "Why?" he whispered.

Hidan stared at him for a second before facepalming. "Oh, for fuck's sake. That's not what I meant. I meant you shouldn't try talking to her alone, because it'd be a bad idea for you. I am not ashamed to admit I get a little scared whenever she's thinking about you or her past or anything like that. It feels like… Eh, I don't know. Just don't get too close, you might die. A riptide, I guess. Yeah, that's the shit."

Yahiko blinked, confused. "I don't understand," he finally said.

Hidan tried to summarize. "Okay, I'll try to explain in one sentence or less. In one sentence or less… She's keeping you safe from something. She does not feel as calm as her face looks. Just trust her that she can figure out a better way to keep whatever it is from hurting anyone, kay?"

"So whatever it is that she can't look at me for, I shouldn't know about it?" Yahiko asked.

"I'm saying you shouldn't ask about it. I don't know what kind of bullet you just dodged, but trust me. You just dodged one. Asking about it leads to bad shit." Hidan emphasized the last with some hand gestures that indicated a bomb more than a bullet. Or maybe it was something escaping? Either way, Yahiko got the basic gist.

"Okay. I just...won't do anything anymore."

Hidan groaned. "Fuckity. That's...I don't even know what is the right thing for you to be doing, so yeah sure. Go with that."

Nagato looked around and spotted them from down the hall. He rushed towards them. "Hey, Yahiko. Are you in the middle of something?"

Yahiko fiddled with his hair even more, separating strands and smoothing them down. "I am, but I don't know what. Hidan says it's dangerous and I could die, so I can't do anything but wait and maybe Konan'll figure it out. But even to me, that sounds…" His shoulders slumped. "I hate this," he whispered.

Everything Nagato had just been thinking of saying could wait. This was more important. "Hey," he said, putting his arm around Yahiko's shoulders. "I'm here."

Yahiko looked faintly guilty. "I don't really know what that means."

Nagato said, "I don't know exactly what it means either, but it's important and I care about you. If you have to wait, I'll wait with you."

Yahiko still wasn't sure exactly what they were talking about, but he felt better already. "Okay! We can practice together for a while, see what you can do." He turned to Hidan. "What about you?"

Hidan shrugged. "I have no idea what the fuck is going on, but looking at the future seems to be helping her. She's a kickass lady. It'll all turn out fine."

Nagato snorted. "Since when can you predict the future?"

Hidan reached over and poked him on the nose. "I'm not predicting the future, silly, I'm describing it." Then he left to go chase after Konan.

Nagato rubbed his nose. Yahiko's brow furrowed. "Describing? Like he can see it like something that already exists?"

Nagato nodded. "That is the difference between describing and predicting, yes."

Yahiko looked back. "He's never said anything about knowing the future before."

Nagato sighed. "I come here to apologize, and I get nightmare fuel. How lucky we are this weekend."

"Apologize? For what?"

"For earlier, when you asked about my dreams. I was just embarrassed. Why do I get the feeling that being embarrassed is going to be the least of anyone's worries from now on?"

Yahiko nodded. "Maybe because it's true? Hidan's already doing the best of everyone, and he's not embarrassed or afraid of anything. It wouldn't be a bad idea to try to be more like him, if you can."

"I don't think anyone could be like him." With that, they locked gazes and nodded as one.

Their agreement on the goal of mutual distraction led them out into the forest, where they followed the stream to a lake after being asked by Kisame to get away from his space already. Once at the lake, they continued a spirited discussion they had begun during the walk on the qualities of light. A water fight broke out, which Yahiko initially was winning. Nagato turned the tide of battle with his accidental discovery that mimicking Yahiko's jutsu actually did something. The sky even above the treetops developed rainbows everywhere within a very short time, and the clothes they wore at that moment required weeks to be free of the noxious wet-clothes smell.

Meanwhile, Hidan took a moment to admire the play of light in the sparkling water droplets caught in his arm hair. These rainbows were small, but no less beautiful. They were yet another reason he was glad to leave his new outfit folded in the passenger seat of Kakuzu's truck. He picked up a handful of sand he'd borrowed from the stream. An accidentally overpowered water jutsu burst through the trees at that moment, and he decided it was excellent timing and scrubbed his arms and shoulders with the sand as long as it lasted. Am I still going to need a bath this week? He decided that he did not. Neither of the two knew what benefit he derived from their wet games, for he was several rolling hills down from them sniffing the undergrowth. Luckily for him, Past Hidan had had the excellent foresight to soak the ground two feet below the surface with strong smelling and long lasting substances, which he now dug up. After digging just one hole and retrieving the huge metal box buried there, he sat with the metal box barely fitting in his lap and looked at as much of himself as he could see. To his sadness, he was forced to reconsider the necessity of a bath. Several of them, actually. After digging past that layer he was most unhygienic.

Kakuzu waited with the truck some distance away, grumbling that all these obnoxious trees forced him to park the vehicle away from the action. He wondered why he was grumbling. It was Hidan who would have to carry these chests all this way, not him, and he would be able to see them soon enough. But, of course, there was the childish desire to have the front row seat to any event. He squashed it and decided to think of any other topic he could come up with. Just then Hidan came back with the first box, and Kakuzu was deprived of the ability to think under his own power for the next several hours. The next several hours were spent hallucinating cash register sounds as Hidan came back with a box, staring for several minutes until the look of it became less effective, then driving each box back to add to a growing pile in front of the little abandoned garage where the antifreeze was. It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Even Kisame was forced to abandon whatever he was thinking about just to catch a glimpse of what he had only seen in the pictures before. Deidara burst out laughing all over again, and Sasori felt his breath begin to tremble as he grinned uncontrollably.

Konan came out to see what the fuss was about just as Kakuzu returned with two smaller ones, and forgot about her troubles for the next few minutes as she giggled with the others about the look Kakuzu had on his face. He didn't mind, possessed as he was. It was most strange, she thought. Every other member of the Akatsuki is a man, yet they are all very good to gossip with. Cultural differences? It was a possibility, but not one she would have expected. This time, Kakuzu mentioned that the next shipment would be the last. Sasori went to Konan's side and asked her if she could create colored paper with her jutsu. She said she had not seen any reason to invent such a technique, so no. He looked briefly considerate, then decided that a star made of ordinary white paper would do just as well, as long as it was impressive. He looked around. Nearly everyone else was sitting around, showing signs of getting bored. Before anyone had the chance to wander away, he went to Deidara and whispered something in the blond's ear, causing him to perk up and nod eagerly.

Konan approached Sasori as Dei ran off to whisper in other people's ears. "What did you suggest?"

Sasori blinked in confusion. "Do you have Christmas in your world?"

Konan shook her head.

Sasori leaned in just a little and whispered, "It's a celebration where you drag a tree indoors and pile presents around it. The tree always has a star on top."

By now Dei had told everyone, and they eagerly organized themselves. Kisame and Itachi won the right to move some of the boxes around to look more festive. Konan played along and formed a multipointed shape that resembled an abstract concept of an explosion more than it did a star, which was accepted and placed on top. Some boxes around the base were moved to leave a clear place to put the last load. She had to admit it did look more orderly. Then they looked around to decide who should run to fetch Nagato and Yahiko. Konan elected someone at random. It wasn't important next to other concerns. What are they thinking?

They came back, and Konan discretely moved to hide behind the crowd. How would she explain herself? Yet, they didn't seem very upset. Their clothes appeared to hold the entirety of the lake, and as they slowly evaporated the air developed secondary rainbows. It seemed they were not very upset, after all. They should be. How can they be so careless? Cultural differences? It did not seem like a strong possibility this time.

When Kakuzu came back with Hidan, who was riding in the bed of the truck next to the last box, he initially did not notice, simply moving automatically to put the last box in the space conveniently left for it. Only when his cycle of repetitive behaviors ended did he finally shake his head and look around, noticing what they'd done for the first time. Hidan had restrained himself so far, but now burst out laughing. Yahiko darted away and came back with some flowers, which he wove together into a crown and placed on Kakuzu's head before the older man even noticed. Some of the others shifted as if they'd have liked to ask how he did that, but Nagato made good use of arm gestures and threats to get them to not say a damn thing about Yahiko's skill. There was nothing amiss when the flower-weaver had finished placing his crown on Kakuzu's head and turned around, and nobody said a damn thing as he came back to stand next to Nagato.

Kakuzu played along and wore the crown for the next few hours. A good time was had by all.

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