Chapter 53: Seon-Ho

It was a few days before my father's sentencing...a long awaited day for me, even though it was a shame that he got caught in his sins due to Hwi instead of myself...but the more I thought about it, drinking myself silly in my room all alone as usual, the more I realised that I wasn't beginning to care anymore...about it at all. What glory? What redemption? What revenge? What was I even planing to do after I had gotten my revenge? Who could I celebrate it with? I was beginning to get more and more intoxicated...the more I had began to notice someone's absence. I really tried to shrug it off but I was alone as usual, so who was going to question me about it? I tried to remember what I was thinking of; asking her to leave everything behind and run away with me...and all I could see were here sad eyes filled with tears as she trusted me, even going as far as saying that she would not question everything that had happened since she had lost her memory and asking me to save her brother. So...maybe that was it; I must have been completely caught off guard by her that I...I wanted to drop every burden I had to carry just...just to be with the one person who didn't look at me like I was a hideous monster for the things I was forced to do in order to keep her and her brother alive.

The room suddenly felt a lot colder as I started thinking about her...in the way that I hadn't let myself before, thanks to my father. That bastard kept me from her, the only warm, colourful and happy thing in this miserable estate. My crush on Hui-Jee had long disappeared after I finally saw how much she loved Hwi...and honestly the more I thought about it the more I realised how incompatible we could have been together. She was pretty...but it paled in comparison to Yeon's transformation honestly...she was colourful like her, but she was far too temperamental whereas Yeon...Yeon had a much more gentle nature, which allowed her to see and understand things more clearly...and she wasn't warm like Yeon was...

I had tears spilling out of me before I knew it, tears that I hadn't shed in this god forsaken place since the day my mother hanged herself when I was taken by my father. I began to get angry at myself before getting angry at the whole situation, I ...I felt fear when I thought about Yeon, but also something else...something that was...blooming inside of me, that made me feel light and want to smile all the time. My mind wondered back to all the times I caught her straightening herself out whilst she 'wasn't waiting for me to return home', I found it cute every time she did that, even before she lost her memories, so much so that I couldn't help but adore her for it. She didn't like to act her age which I knew she used to hide herself in but at the same time she had just become so...graceful, which just made her all the more...captivating, especially with the figure she had. I tried to stop my thoughts about her right there, trying to remember that she was only my friend's sister...but I couldn't stop myself. I lay myself on the floor and tried to focus on any part of the ceiling, but I could not stop thinking about her no matter what I did. Her memories were all over the estate; when she would do her own chores and cooking...when she used to bring me tea...when she used to watch the moonlight at night when she couldn't go out...when she used to look out for me still when I came home and made sure the servants made my room warmer upon my return and gave me more food than usual...even when I pushed her away she didn't resent me once...I closed my eyes and went to sleep, imagining that she was next to me; holding me and stroking my hair as I slept, desperate for the warmth that I know only she wanted to give me unconditionally; looking at me warmly like she used to. And the kiss....I wanted more of it.

I wasn't stupid though, I know she was hurt by me and some of the things I had to do, could feel it when I tried to kiss her, I tasted her tears as well. But all that mattered to me was that she forgave me enough to stay by my side all these years instead of abandoning me. I saw things from her perspective as well; I indeed was starting to receive a lot of marriage requests and women did start throwing themselves at me wherever I went...but I wanted nothing to do with them! The lengths they went through to seduce me! I had to find a way to show her I wanted nobody else but her. And if she was this good-hearted, then I could work on the insecurities that I had placed in her and I knew it. Yeon wasn't a strange girl that I had just met and could walk away from, denying the things I had put her through. She was much more than that, even before I started to return her feelings. Her emotions and vulnerability were my responsibilities now.