…
Do you even want to be reached, Hachiman? Everyone here believes that you've lost yourself to your mind. That your Skill is the cause of your decisions. That you're not to blame in the slightest. I was taught since my birth, and learned throughout my life, that while we make choices, our choices make us who we are. No one believes that they're ever wrong. From the common pickpocket to the most vicious of killers, no one does what they believe is wrong. The reasons behind what they do, the excuses they make, all make sense to their own eyes. Those who do wrong are never wrong in their own eyes.
I would know. I have killed many. You told me yourself that I commited many mistakes. I know that you think everything you're doing now is right. You're saving people through your own ways and keeping those you care about safe by making yourself a target. I did the same through blade and bow. There is no doubt that in terms of sins I weigh more heavily. I took flesh for the flesh that was taken. I saved only a single person. You save multitudes, take no lives, and offer yourself up as a shield for those you care for.
But isn't it incredibly selfish for you to choose to die instead of suffering with us?
With me?
Those are the words I should've said.
I know that now.
When I had caught Hachiman as he was leaving the Hostess of Fertility, those were supposed to be the words that I said. I should've offered everything regardless of what I'd seen him do. Regardless of how he turned away everyone else who bared their heart, I should've done the same anyway. I shouldn't have called him a craven. I shouldn't have tried to bring to his mind those he lost and how they would be ashamed of him. I shouldn't have treated him like some adventurer born out of myth and legend whose student I allowed to die.
I should've treated him like a man who was hurt and a person who I wanted to console.
This could've all been avoided if I hadn't been afraid of being turned aside.
But I had been afraid.
Now everyone suffered for it.
…
It was ten against one. One Level 3 against Level 6s, 4s, and 3s. The battle should've ended in an instant. Even if we couldn't kill him, the battle should've been decided the moment a Level 6 entered the field. I did not know whether he was Level 3 or 4, but that mattered not against Nine Hell, the Sword Princess, or Tiona. He should've fallen and been decisively defeated, yet both sides were teetering on the edge of victory and defeat. One being wreathed in lightning and throwing pillars of godly power while beset by a party of heroes and champions. This was a battle out of myth and mystery solely because of its impossibility and grandeur.
And, just like myth and mystery, the one who is the victor decided who is good and who is evil.
The earnest victory which Cranel strove for seemed as ephemeral as it had always been. An ideal and a dream which we all wanted. No words or harm. Only a sound defeat and a hand proffered to bring him back up. A magnanimous victor who sought the friendship of the one whom he defeated. No one would question such a victory. There would be no foul play or retribution afterward. The followers Hachiman gathered would not wage a secret war to get their leader back.
However, should we lose, then that would be the end of it. Hachiman would be beyond our grasp. His followers would become stronger and mightier. His power will attract others who wish to test their strength. He would triumph over them until Orario was wholly his. I remembered his words well. He said he would drag Orario kicking and screaming into a civilized state. He was wrong about that. Orario was willing and accepting of his changes. There was nothing for him to fight against. We would be one of the first of those who resisted his rise, a stepping stone of his ascendency, and would be written off history as Orario makes him hers and he does the same to her.
I caught Cranel as he was rebuffed. The white cloak he wore was singed black and he had discarded his height-increasing boots. The young man had a grimace on his face. Determination was clear in his scarlet eyes. He looked every inch the hero even as he smelled of burnt air and smoke rose from his form.
"Thanks, Lyon-san." Cranel didn't spare a moment before he launched himself back into the fray. He was glowing, leaving behind a smattering of stars to trail behind him as he rushed toward his foe. He clashed against his opponent, others coming in to restrain blows which would make him fall until he was blown back again. Once more, I caught him. He spared me another smile even as he unsteadily rose. "Thank you again—"
"Rest. Drink your elixirs." I pushed him back and took in the melee before me. The symphony of magic and metal which raged between ten against one. Cranel gave a cry of protest. Syr had told him what I had done and how I had failed. He cared and didn't wish for me to take to the stage and bear witness to my failures. He was a kind soul. I pushed him back once more. "When I get pushed back, do not catch me. Simply strike as hard as you can."
I went forth and entered the melee with the weapon he had bought for me.
Lightning assaulted me. Though I felt none of its true effects, I was pushed back and the cloak I wore heated at its touch. I had seen what the magic had done to Phryne. She had been molded to stone, her flesh shaped and burnt beyond recognition, and though she was hewn from the rock and received aid… the one known as Phryne Jamil was no more. The same could've happened to any of us. It was only due to Hachiman's own care that the same fate didn't befall any of us.
His mythrill-clad arm met the end of my staff. His strength was beyond my own. My bones rattled as we exchanged blows. Even as we did he was beset by Tiona, Nine Hell, and the Sword Princess. His students and the Thousand Elf were gathering themselves while beset by power. Limbs of light surged forth to meet all who came after him. His Skill in full effect allowed him to take on multiple opponents without breaking stride. Lightning was taking shape into weapons which simply hung in the air until they were needed. What attacks reached him had to weather a constant barrage of light and power. Magic was struck down by magic.
If this battle was for life and death, with all fighting at their fullest and with the intent to kill, then I was sure that he would've already won.
His boot collided with my stomach a moment after his arm intercepted my blow. My legs were struck with lightning at the same moment. I lost balance and fell forward. I intercepted his foot with my staff midair so I was sent flying back.
Was this it? Was this the extent of everything we had? Were we to fight him every time he fell into this state? To risk everything and more each time? He only needed to win once, yet we needed to be the victors at every encounter. I saw the good in Cranel's plan. I knew of the kindness and generosity that he espoused. Cranel's solution had merit. Yet, I knew deep within my heart, that one day we will lose him forever as we cannot win against him each and every time he fell.
"Lyon-san, I'm ready." Cranel's voice reached me. He was good, kind, and heroic. He would see this matter through. He would save Hachiman. He would try to save Hachiman each and every time. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe Cranel could defeat Hachiman each time and never be defeated. They were both singular existences who were both getting more and more powerful as each day passed. "I'll end this now—"
Just as Nine Hell had said, I wasn't the sort to compromise. To leave everything to chance, to let something be, and to settle was against my nature. I suppose that I was just selfish.
I charged forward, heedless of Cranel's words.
I had met Hachiman before he lost his students. He had just been another face at the Hostess of Fertility. However, soon enough, he was always present with one student or another. I didn't know when we began to speak to one another, but I soon found myself speaking with him or at him every day. Over the course of months, I began to know him even though he knew nothing of me. He was the man who I couldn't stand and who I enjoyed infuriating.
I charged forward into the fray heedless of the plans and actions of others. The whistle of projectiles reached my ears. Orimoto. Massive prongs of copper and tin slammed ahead of me and sunk into the ground. The lighting which had sought to bring me low was ripped from the air by the massive arrows. All the lightning which came my way was torn from the sky by the arrows sent forth by the archer. I knew not what magic it was, but I silently thanked her nonetheless. I didn't know if she had planned for all of this, if what I was doing was known to her, but her aid told me that she did.
The day he lost his students was the day when he began to be alone. He became quiet and less inclined to speak. Months passed and letters started to come. He discarded each one. I decided to read them. The early ones were filled with wishes to speak. The ones after told him that the guilt was not his own. He didn't read any of them and discarded the thought of going to the Hecate Familia. He ceased to bring with him students and began to eat alone. He was the picture of a man alone.
A few paces from him and I discarded my mask.
Then, from nowhere, he returned with a new student and he began to turn back into the man I used to know. We began to speak again. Soon enough I continued to learn more of him. I shouldn't have been so naïve and self-centered. I should've looked into his sudden change. I should've learned more about Cranel. The boy who was powerful, who triumphed over Minotaurs and crushed monsters without pause at Level 1, and who was seemingly unstoppable. He was a student who couldn't die and leave him. I should've realized that he hadn't mourned or accepted his loss, but instead placed all his faith upon one other person. He had run away then, just as he did now.
I reached Hikigaya Hachiman. My eyes met his own. I held his face in my hands. The battle went still as I gathered the attention of all.
If he could run and leave his pain, Hachiman would do so in a heartbeat. Whether that meant training a hero who could triumph over everything or becoming an emperor himself, he would gladly fall and lose himself to doing good for the sake of running from his pain. So long as he was untethered, unbound, and free to do as he wished, Hachiman would choose the path where he could walk away from pain, take on the pains of others, and do good for the sake of everyone regardless of himself. As long as he was alone, he would choose that path every single time.
"Hachiman, I love you."
But, I hoped, he wouldn't if he knew I would follow him on that path no matter what.
I pressed my lips against his.
…
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