117. Driving Ambition

Driving Ambition

[The episode starts at the Green Tee Golf Course's eighteenth hole, where Lori is checking her putt.]

Golf Announcer: Lori Loud, putting on the eighteenth hole. If she sinks this, Royal Woods will beat Hazeltucky for the fourth year in a row.

[Lori takes her shot, and sinks it. her team cheers for her.]

Lori: [Does a fist pump] Yes.

Coach Hutch: [clapping] Nice game, Loud, I don't know what I'm gonna do next year after you graduate, you have been the heart and soul of this team for four years.

Lori: Thanks, Coach Hutch.

Coach Hutch: Speaking of next year, you still got your eyes on Fairway University?

Lori: Yes, it's literally my dream. I'm just not sure if I have the grades to get in.

Coach Hutch: Well, I think you have the golf skills to get in. [tosses a golf ball and catches it.] As a matter of fact, I've invited Coach Niblick from Fairway to come watch your next game. [Lori honks and she laughs] I'll take that as a thumbs-up.

[A video intro to 'Fairway University'.]

Buttery Voiced Narrator: Fairway University, bodes a tradition of academic excellence, [Shows old footage of Washington sinking a hole in one.] and a golf program as old as our great nation. [In the present, a student drives a golf cart to her outdoor lecture.] At Fairway, we live and breath golf, twenty-four seven.

Professor: And the cubed root of sixty-four is?

Student: [Yelling] Four!

[The other students duck at the sound of that word. Lori pauses the video, which she was showing to her parents in the living room.]

Lori: [sighs dreamily] Doesn't it look amazing? You know what the best part is? It's only a few miles outside the city so I'll be close to Bobby.

Laney: That's great, Lori!

Lynn Sr.: Well, this calls for a celebration! I'll make a cake, no, wait, parfaits. [Rubs Lincoln's head] Get it?

Lori: Good one, Dad, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. The coach is coming to watch my next game. If he offers me a spot, then we can celebrate. Can you imagine? My life is literally going to be perfect. [Has a fantasy of her professor placing her diploma on a tee.] First, I'll graduate from Fairway. [Puts her diploma, which flies past her and Bobby's wedding cake.] Then, Bobby and I will get married. [The lovely couple feed each other a piece of the cake. Then an array of balloons transitions to the next scene, which is of Lori and Bobby, years after their wedding.] And he'll take care of our kids. [Adult Lori gives her husband a kiss, and the scene cuts to include said kids.] All eleven of them. [A plane ride later] While I travel the world, [Lori's now in Paris] on the professional golf tour.

[Lori sinks the shot, and everyone cheers her name and throw confetti, Lori is given a bouquet of roses, a giant million dollar check, and a crown on her head. Her fantasy ends with Laney, in the real world, also calling her name.]

Lori: Huh? What?

Laney: Now that your back in reality, I just wanted to say that I wanted help you on your way to Fairway by becoming your caddy. ]

Lori: Oh, that sounds great Laney.

Lincoln: Hey! I was gonna ask her If I can be her caddy.

Lori: Why would you want to be my caddy?

Lincoln: Rusty did it last summer and made a ton of money in tips.

Laney: Wait, you can make money in being a caddy?

Lincoln: Exactly. So, what do you say?

Lori: Okay. I can have two caddies. Just be careful with the clubs, they used to be Pop-Pop's.

Laney: Don't worry, Lori. You can count on us!

[A crashing sound is heard, revealing that Lincoln was holding the golf bag upside down and the clubs fall out.]

Laney: You can count on me.

[At the golf course, the golf team are carrying their bags, except Lori, whose caddie is struggling with her heavy clubs.]

Coach Hutch: Okay! Let's get this practice underway. Lori, you're up.

[Lincoln finally manages to catch up with Lori.]

Lori: Lincoln, my driver please.

Lincoln: I thought I was your caddie.

Laney: She means this, Lincoln. [Hands her a driver]

Lincoln: Ah.

[Lori takes her shot. Lori places her ball on the tee, does a hip wiggle and takes her shot, which goes straight up and lands just a few feet away, the team gasps at this.]

Coach Hutch: [Gives her another ball] Take a Mulligan, try again, we'll call that a warm up shot.

[Lori takes her shot again, this time it goes straight out, bounces off a tree, and whizzes back at everyone, Lincoln and Coach Hutch duck and the ball flies right through her clipboard, the rest of the team ducks, and the ball hits a guy offscreen.]

Lori: What is up with my game today?

Coach Hutch: Ah, don't worry about it, champ, just keep a cool head.

[As the day continues, Lori hits a ball into the lake, Lincoln puts on some big rubber boots and goes to get it, but gets his hand bitten by a turtle and runs away. Later, Lori hits her ball onto a moving golf cart, the driver loses control and crashes into a water pipe, which sprays Lincoln away. Later, Lori is stuck in the sand trap, trying to get her ball out, but all she is doing is burying her brother in a pile of sand, who by the way is holding a sign saying "Quiet, Please".]

[Back at the Loud House, Lori comes in the back door, sad, and Lincoln follows her, emptying sand out of his shoes.]

Lori: [Going through the cabinets and talking to herself.] Ugh, nice going, Lori.

Laney: Hey, don't beat yourself up. You just had an off day. I'm sure you'll do better at the tournament.

Lori: That's literally the problem! I'm not sure if I will do better at the tournament! My game is falling apart! [Gets on her knees and sobs] It's too much pressure!

[Luna, Lynn, Laney, and Lola speak in unison saying that they'll help her out.]

Lori: [sniffs] Really?

Lynn: Yeah. I'm used to dealing with pressure in sports.

Lola: Same with me in pageants.

Luna: And me with gigs.

Laney: And me with my ballet recitals.

Lori: Wow, that would be awesome, you guys.

Lynn: Sweet! Let's hit the golf course right now!

Lori: We can't. It's closed.

Lincoln: [Shouting] I've got an idea!

Lola: Lincoln, you're shouting.

Lincoln: [Gets the sand out of his ears.] Ah, that's better.

[At Hole in One-derland, Lori and her siblings are at a windmill course. Lori picks up her golf club from the bag Lincoln is holding. Lori inhales and exhales, and then the club slips out of Lori's hands and hits a man that groans.]

Lori: See? I can't even hold the club. [Lori's hands are sweating.] My hands are too sweaty!

Lynn: I know that life. I remember the end of my last hoops tournament. [Flashback to a tie game against Royal Woods and Hazeltucky with one second on the clock.] It was a tie game with one second to go, and it was all up to me. [Lynn is seen sweating] The sweat was flowing like Niagara. [The whistle blows and the referee gives Lynn the ball and it slips out of her hands.] Fortunately, I had my secret weapon. [Lynn looks up and smiles. She gets the jar of talcum powder from her head and pours it on to her hands.] Talcum powder. Keeps your palms cool and dry. [Lynn catches the ball and throws it into the hoop and the crowd cheers. The scoreboard changes to 60-59 at the final play. End flashback.] I made the shot, we won the championship, I was a hero. [Jumps to Lori and pours the talcum powder on Lori's hands.]

Lori: [Rubs her hands with the powder.] Wow, that really helped. Thanks, Lynn. [Lori is handed the club and her hands shake with it.] Too bad it doesn't do anything for my shakes.

Luna: I got this one. Used to be whenever I took the stage. [Flashback to a theater. The crowd is clapping. Luna looks through the curtains and sees the crowd. Luna's hands start to shake.] There was a whole lot of shaking going on, but I got it under control with a mantra.

Flashback Luna: [takes a deep breath.] Don't fret, just play your set. [The crowd applauses as the curtains open. Luna sits on a stool and waves her hands to play the harp.] Whoo! [The crowd cheers for Luna, who then smashes the harp.]

[End flashback]

Lori: How about, "Don't overthink it, relax and sink it." [inhales] Don't overthink it, relax and sink it. [gasps] It's working. No more shakes! [Just then, Lori's heart starts beating like crazy.] Now I just need to stop my heart from beating like crazy.

Lola: I can relate. [Flashback to the Little Miss Cheese Curd Pageant.] There I was, about to perform at the Little Miss Cheese Curd Pageant. [Backstage, Lola is in a cheese-like outfit, her heart beating like crazy.] My heart was going a mile a minute. But I was able to calm myself down by using 4-7-8 breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it in for seven, then breathe out for eight. [Lola performs the 4-7-8 breathing and then does her thing when she takes the stage.]

[End flashback]

Lori: [Does the 4-7-8 breathing.] Wow, that does help. But I can't stop thinking about if I blowing it.

Laney: Not a problem. I used to have loads of stressful thoughts during my ballet recitals. [Flashback to the Ice Queen dance recital.] When I went out there to dance I always think about If i blow it. [Laney was nervous as she dances] But all I had to do was close my eyes and think positive thoughts. [Laney closes her eyes and smiles as she continues dancing] After that, my recitals were a cinch. [Laney ends her dance and the crowd cheerse]

[End flashback]

Lori: Okay. [Closes her eyes and thinks positive thoughts. She smiles] Wow. That really works. You guys are the best.

Lynn: Now, let's see you put it all together.

Lori: [Claps the talcum powder in her hands, and breaths.] Don't overthink it, relax and sink it. [Takes her shot, and aces it. Everyone cheers.]

Lincoln: [As the others go] I'll get the ball. [Goes to get the ball, but his shirt gets caught in the windmill.] Whaaaa- Help!

[At the tournament, Lori's family cheers for her as she and Lincoln enter the field. Coach Hutch carts up to Lori.]

Coach Hutch: This is Coach Niblick from Fairway University.

Lori: I... [honks and then blushes awkwardly.]

Coach Hutch: [to Coach Niblick] I think that means she's excited to meet you.

Coach Niblick: Right back at you, Lori. Say, here's a little something from Fairway. [Puts a Fairway golf visor on Lori's head.] Look forward to seeing you play today. This could be the start of a bright future.

[The second the two coaches leave, Lori walks over to the trophy and looks at her reflection as the word "Future" echoes into her mind. She then has another fantasy of her as an adult in that same pose.]

Bert: Babe, are you still wearing that old visor? I thought it brought back bad memories.

Adult Lori: [Notices the man behind her and screams.] Who are you?

Bert: [laughs] Very funny, babe, we've only been married twenty-eight years. I'll never forget the day we met, right after you blew that golf tournament, didn't get into Fairway, and broke up with that guy. What was his name? Bee-bop Bear?

[The fantasy ends and Lori looks shocked as shakes her head, panicking a bit.]

Laney: You okay, Lori?

Lori: Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

[Lori grins nervously as Lincoln hands her the club. The club slips out of Lori's hands and sees it drop to the ground.]

Lincoln: Ooh, I got that. [Goes to pick up the club]

Lori: [Gasps to find her hands sweating. She feels her heart starting to beat fast.] Stay focused. You can do this. [Puts her hand out to Lincoln.] Talcum powder. [Lincoln pours the talcum powder on Lori's hands.] More! MORE! [The talcum powder gets all over Lori, which makes her cough. She looks at her hands again.] Don't overthink it, relax and sink it. Don't overthink it, relax and sink it! Don't overthink it, relax and sink it! [Begins to shake] It's not doing anything!

Laney: Quick! Breathing exerscises!

Lori: Right! Right. 2-3-4 breathing. [Lori inhales, and exhales, and then inhales again.] Ugh, it's not working. Wait, was it 7-8-9? [Inhales, and then starts panting.] Oh. [Appears to be getting light-headed.]

Coach Hutch: [To Coach Niblick] Eh, she'll be okay. Just a few jitters. [chuckles] You can do this, Lori!

[Lincoln and Laney push Lori to the field and Lincoln places the ball on its tee. Lori is seen sweating, shaking, and whimpering.]

Lynn: Send it for a ride, Lori!

Luna & Lola: Come on, Lori!

[Lori swings the club. The ball hits a tree and bounces where the Loud family moves out of the way. Lori swings again and hits a lady that yelps. Then she swings and hits a cow that moos and a car that its alarm goes off. Lori then swings the ball and hits a man offscreen and Coach Niblick shakes his head in disappointment. Later, Lori is seen sobbing on the ground as she is in 15th place. Laney comforts her]

Lincoln: Aww, come on, Lori. It's not all bad. At least, uh, we're getting a nice walk-in.

Laney: Not helping.

[Lori puts her head up and cries. Laney continues to comfort her. The parents walk over.]

Rita: Sweetie, what's going on?

Lori: If I blow this match, my whole future is shot, so of course, now I'm blowing it.

Lynn Sr.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't be so hard on yourself, honey. Look, life doesn't work like that. You get plenty of chances.

Rita: Yeah, and if your don't get into Fairway, something else will work out. You're a terrific person, and you're gonna have a terrific life.

Lori: [Sighs] Do you really think so?

[The parents nod their heads.]

Laney: They're right you know. We already give all the advice you need. You just keep that head up and you'll have the future you always wanted.

Lori: [sniffs] Thanks, you guys. [Lori hugs her parents and Laney] Lincoln, my 9 iron please. I've got a tournament to finish.

Lincoln: You know what, I think a pitching wedge might be better for this hole.

Laney: Wow, you're really getting good at this.

[Lori playfully nudges Lincoln, who yelps at this as he slips onto the ground.]

Laney: But not that much...

[Lori places the ball on the tee, and then inhales and exhales, swinging the club. She does that again and sinks it in, and is now moved up to 8th place. Lori and Lincoln are concentrating on the next shot, and then look at each other. The golf ball rolls into the hole. Lori swings the club softly to get another hole in one. Her name is moved up to 5th place. Another ball goes into the hole afterward.]

Lori: [Does a fist pump] Yes.

[At the last hole, Lori looks at the ball carefully. As she swings, the ball rolls around the hole, and then makes it in. The family cheers for Lori as they see the play she made.]

Lori: [Does another fist pump] Yes!

[Lori sees that she moved up to 1st place. The family cheers once again and Lori feels proud of herself. Right then, Coach Hutch applauds for Lori. Lori sighs as she doesn't see Coach Niblick, and then puts her head down.]

Rita: That was an amazing comeback.

Lori: Thanks, Mom. Too bad Coach Niblick didn't see it. But you guys were right. I'll be okay, even if I don't go to Fairway.

Coach Niblick: Who says you're not going to Fairway?

Lori: Coach Niblick. I thought you left because I was such a disaster.

Coach Niblick: Well, I was going to leave, but you broke my windshield. [Flip is seen hooking Coach Niblick's car on his tow truck and then leaves.] But I'm glad I stayed. Lori, you're a great golfer who doesn't give up, just like George Washington! I am officially offering you a spot on Fairway's golf team.

[Lori honks and then blushes awkwardly once again.]

Laney: I think that means yes.

Coach Niblick: And Mr. and Mrs. Loud, I'm officially offering you... the bill for my windshield.

[The parents get shocked looking at the bill and honk themselves.]

Coach Hutch: Hey, that's where she gets it from.