Chapter 5 : The Neitherlands

The instant I touched the button I flickered out of existence, an unseen force pulling at me, less guiding and more dragging me along with it into an ocean of possibilities. It was a moment and it was an eternity, and to be honest I couldn't quite tell the difference- time seemed to have ceased to exist, and I had the distinct feeling this was something not meant to be witnessed by mortal minds- but as I floated through the ink dark abyss, through something that felt like water yet wasn't, viscous yet thin, and impossibly smooth and still, I saw the Earth, the Milky Way and then, the whole universe blink out, as if through a reflection on the surface of water, the universe itself zipping out of sight like a cosmic daemon winking its eldritch eye at me, faster than could be registered to the human mind.

The stars vanished and my mind fell into a static of disarray, as the force kept dragging me through indescribable serenades of space and time, it's intensity only increasing with what little semblance of time I had managed to hold on to, till a pressure descended - if that word could even be used to describe the sensation, it was like being drowned in a limitless oceam of utter nihility- then all I could feel was pressure, like being pressed under the force of multiple g-s. My ears rang, my eyes swam, and my lungs felt like they would collapse under the aether, till suddenly-

HWAAAH!

I gasped for air, flailing my arms every which way grasping for leverage, for want of any port in a storm. My hands found purchase soon enough, slamming onto a flat paved structure and I felt the smooth stone ledge of the fountains even before I could open my eyes and see it. With all the strength I could muster, I kicked with my legs against the water and pulled with my arms, till I managed to hook an elbow over the ledge and climb out, falling flat against the gravelly floor, all the while gulping for fresh air like a man dying of thirst, coughing up water intermittently.

The air tasted smoky and sweet and was laden thick with a soft mist, the temperature cool like an autumn morning and I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, land, sweet land!" I kissed the ground, spitting out the last mouthful of water, as a joyful chuckle gurgled in my throat, "How I missed you!"

Panting, and irresistibly smiling, because who wouldn't be ecstatic to travel the multiverse, I looked at the dusky sky above, perpetually stuck at twilight. Two suns and three moons hung up above, like silent, watchful guardians, and the whole place just gave off that otherworldly vibe I had so craved. It was MAGICAL™.

I myself was in a little cordoned off section of a garden slash amphitheatre, an encirclement of marble walls rising all the way up with the marble steps, small flowers blooming sparsely among the manicured little patches of grass between each step, like a miniature terraces. And smack dab in the middle of it all, a beautiful marble fountain, rising a good few feet off the ground. Atop the fountain stood an intricately carved statue of Hebe, goddess of youth and wife of Hercules, holding a plate of grapes and a pitcher of wine, looking down gracefully at me as I got back up on my feet. The steps surrounding the fountain led both up and down, to two ways out of here. The first was the more official looking one, with a metal plaque that had weird engraved into it. Probably the description of the world this fountain led to in an alien tongue, while a birdbath rested to it's side, on the other end of the entrance. Or was it a drinking fountain.

Hmm.... I'm tempted to check but I'd rather not catch any otherworldly diseases so....nah. I'll pass.

The second one led up the steps and out the back into a patch of shrubbery and a rough trail out, from what I could see. I'll have to check it out.

But still, just being here, made me feel giddy with joy.

"Now this is what you call fantasy!" I laughed, swinging my arms up in cheer, "Whoo!"

I'm here. In the Neitherlands. Multiverse Central. And this is just the beginning.....

"Enjoying yourself?" A voice suddenly came from behind, startling me.

"Whohohohoa!" I jumped back, making karate katas at the lady who came into view, and kept up my poker face, putting on a friendly smile, "You almost gave me a heart attack."

I didn't recognise her at first but with the garb she wore, an off white hood, pants strapped with a leather strip and rough boots, it wasn't hard to figure out that she was one of the mercenaries in the Beast's employ. I think she was even in the show.

No, now I remember, yeah. She was definitely in the show, trying to scam that traveler from the main cast into revealing the means by which he got here. And when he did, she tried to steal the button from him and later even tried to kill him.

Dammit, I need a memory refresher. First spell I get, I swear. I really need to remember all I can from the show before I end up getting caught in the plot.

"Sorry about that." She giggled, putting on the same friendly front, dropping her guard due to my amateur karate act.

"No worries." I assured her.

"So you're from Earth, huh? First time?" She noted, casting a glance between the fountain behind me and my utterly soaked countenance.

It wasn't exactly a mystery.

"Yeah. Uh, who are you? And where is this?" I asked, acting innocent.

I can't fight her head on. She casts a mean fireball, if I remember right and I'd like to get out of here without turning into extra crispy cannibal nuggets.

"This is the Neitherlands. They're sort of the place between all other places. It's how you get from A to B." She explained.

"I'm actually a native, born and raised. I'm part of sort of the welcoming committee around here."

"Oh, is that so? How nice of you." I smiled genially.

"Yeah. It's a thankless job, but I just love to help." She returned my smile.

Lying bitch.

"So Earth huh? You know we don't get too many of you guys, but when you come, you always have the most interesting magic." She sounded excited.

Can't hide the anticipation for your next meal eh?

Too bad for you, I don't intend to become Cal kebab.

"So? Tell me, what brought you here? Hmm? I've pretty much seen it all- enchanted capes, rings. This one guy, he rode a sled pulled by flying- uh, what do you call them? Not zebras." She squinted her eyes recalling it, "Reindeer! Those."

"Santa Claus?" I raised an eyebrow.

Oh right, Santa Claus was a small part of the plot later on in the show. They really didn't use him much though.

"Yeah. You know him? He's a really nice guy, right?" She asked.

Bet you think he's nice. He probably gave you the coal that you used to cook unsuspecting travelers.

"Well, not personally, but I've heard of him. He's kinda famous, not gonna lie." I laughed.

"So? What brought you here?" She asked again, a bit tenser this time.

Ah, am I boring you?

No worries. You won't be bored long.

"Oh, it's the most amazing thing." I answered excitedly. I need her to lower her guard even more.

"Let me show you. Can we have a seat first? It's a bit of a complicated process." I gestured at the steps.

"Oh, sure." She chirped up.

Leading her over to the steps, I sat down and took off my bag and wet jacket.

"Okay, so....It's a couple of tools, and you need the right data- hold on." I rummaged through my bag, pretending to look for the thing that brought me here as I took out a lot of miscellaneous items and scattered them around me, one of them being the super taser and pepper spray, setting up the field for my attack.

"It's just here. Give me a moment." I apologized, giving her an awkward smile when I suddenly glanced behind her, up the steps in the distance.

"Hmm? Are those your friends?" I asked, pointing over her shoulder.

"What?" She raised an eyebrow and turned around to see when-

Zap!

Crackle!

Using her momentary lapse of judgement, I immediately grabbed the taser and jammed her in the side with it and watched her drop like a sack of bricks.

Hah! Look over there!

The oldest trick in the book. I honestly can't believe she fell for it.

Still, just to be sure, I gave her another long zap, before making sure she was dead. Her heart had stopped.

Alright. Safe

Checking her side where I had jabbed her, I could see that the flesh was charred and steaming. Holy shit, this is a powerful taser.

Now I'm even more glad my bag is waterproof or else who knows what would have happened to me.

Now then.....

After I had looted her corpse for everything valuable, which wasn't much considering she was an impoverished cannibal working for an extradimensional monster, I got my hands on a couple of beaded charms of some sort and a little diary with a handful of useful spells in it, including the fireball spell she used in the show.

Nice.

Then, laying her flat on the grass, I tucked her hands beneath her head, and covered up her burns with her hood, making it appear as if she was just taking a nap on the soft grass.

This way, even if someone finds her, they won't come to learn of my presence until they actually check her out from up close. And it saves me the effort of hiding the body, not that there was anywhere to hide and burying her just didn't seem worth my while.

Clock's ticking and the longer I stay here, the higher my chances of being discovered after all. I was lucky this time that she was alone, because I highly doubt I can fight a whole team of these people.

I quickly wiped myself dry and packed my bag again, keeping the taser in my hand this time as I made my way out of the Earth fountain square and onto the stone path leading out, stalking low and from cover to cover, keeping an eye out for any more cannibal mercenaries out and about.

If the books were anything to go by then the Fillory fountain should be three squares up and one to the left.

The problem is, I don't know which way up is. Is it out through the back on does up refer to going straight out the front gate?

I can't confirm it either. This was a very confusing place, fountain after fountain in the same architectural style, extending out infinitely into the distance, as far as the eye could see and probably even further beyond, almost like a liminal space, so going around haphazardly would only get me hopelessly lost. That's what happened to the main cast in the show.

But I knew another way to get there.

Given that this is the world of the show, and the statue of Hebe confirmed that, another way to find it would be to look for a fountain with the statue of two ram heads facing away from each other, the symbol of Fillory's goat gods, Ember and Umber.

Now if I could get a good vantage point.....I looked around till I saw the tall tree growing out back and an idea struck me.

Alright. Let's do this.

I opened my bag again and pulled out a pair of binoculars and the rope I had planned to use to scale the fence at the Plover Estate.

Tucking the rope around the tree, wrapping its ends tight in my hands, I pushed my legs against the trunk, slowly trudging them up till I was roughly perpendicular to it and had a good tension in the rope.

Okay. Slow and steady.

I reminded myself.

Slow and steady.

One step after another, skipping the rope around the branches, I crawled my way up the tree, the bark scraping against my legs, the branches cutting nicks across my arms and face- one nearly poked my eye out- till I finally reached a satisfactory height. And can I just say, fuck does it burn. My muscles were practically screaming at me by the time I reached the top and it was sheer willpower and defiance in the face of god that was keeping me up there now.

I did exercise regularly to keep healthy but I was nowhere near climb-a-tree-with-just-ropes-and-hubris fit. This is going to cost me someday.

Note to self, exercise more.

I hissed in pain, wrapping my legs around the tree like a baby Koala, and held on to the trunk for dear life, tying myself up securely with the rope before I took out the binoculars and scanned the nearby area. What I found was unsettling to say the least. This place was crawling with those mercenaries, going around in upto groups of four. There were even camps in the distance, and I could see humanoid looking arms and legs being barbecued over coal fires.

Really, Santa Claus pampered these bitches.

But every cloud has its silver lining. To the east- is there an east in this place?- I found the fountain I was looking for, two ram heads, just like in the show. It wasn't far from here. The only problem was the one guy patrolling the route between here and there. I'd have to deal with him somehow, and given how there was little cover anywhere on the path, it was going to be a straight confrontation.

The only question is....how does a muggle beat a wizard in a straight up confrontation, especially when the wizard had the range advantage. He'd spot me coming a mile away.

And the answer to that, came to me surprisingly quickly.

To use his own magic against him.

If I remember right.....

I untied myself and tried not to groan in pain as I made my way down the tree, and pulled out one of the books I had stolen from the Plover Estate.

'Understanding Circumstances' by Ali.

Flipping through the book, I quickly found what I was looking for.

Yes. This could work.

I smiled menacingly.

It was going to be a gamble but...heck, what hadn't been a gamble for me this past day?

Let's do this shit!

____________________

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