Price to pay

Shao Yan gingerly walked back to the kitchen while holding her hands along the wall to support her weak self. She found her previously warm dinner, had turned cold. She picked up the food container and went to the kitchen. She put it into the microwave and started to heat her food.

While waiting, she was lost in her thoughts. A nagging feeling inside of her kept eating her mind to go back to the bedroom and talk to Liwei. But a separate voice told her that it was nothing; that it could be just a business associate and she was reading into it too much.

After heating up for two minutes, the microwave rang a loud beep noise and shattered her thoughts.

Other than the loud hum of heating system inside the apartment, Shao Yan could not hear anything else. She had just sat down and opened the container lid when Liwei walked in to the dining room. He was surprised to see Shao Yan was already home.

He paused in his step and stood still in the corridor between the bedroom and kitchen, gaping at her.

"Oh! Yan Yan?"

"Uh, when did you come home?"

Shao Yan could see him stuttering and hesitating. Her hands unconsciously tensed as she opened her mouth to reply, 'A while ago. I wanted to help you fold the clothes but you were on the phone' but what came out of her mouth was...

"Just now. Have you eaten?"

Liwei slowly got back to his senses and walked closer to her, "Yes, I ate before coming back home." He went to fridge to take some water, and seemed to only remember to add, "I did not know what time you will be home tonight, so I did not buy any dinner for you."

He slowly drank from his cup, seemingly lost in thoughts. Shao Yan opened her mouth to reply him, but closed it again, and stayed silent.

Shao Yan was eating slowly. She had taken off her light jacket and put it on the back of a chair next to her. Her umbrella was left opened by the foyer to let it dry. But Liwei did not pay a single attention to her disheveled look nor the wet umbrella.

She felt disappointed, her food tasted bitter and her head pounded heavier. She quickly shoved the food into her mouth to fill her stomach so she could take some medicine later. This damn headache was killing her!

.....

Once he finished his water, he rinsed his cup and turned to see Shao Yan was still eating. He put his hands on the back of a chair in front of her.

"Uh. My trip is changed to tomorrow. And I will be away for 2 weeks, instead of 1 week now."

Shao Yan had just stabbed on a piece of broccoli and was about to bite it. She paused and slowly put her fork down to her plate, and lifted her head.

"Oh."

She was thinking of what to say. She just looked at his shirt collar, afraid to look into his eyes. She was afraid of what she would find in his gaze.

"So. Uh. What changed?" Shao Yan tried so hard to act oblivious and normal. But her voice was strained and shaky. She coughed lightly to clear her voice.

"I mean...Why did you change it?" She was not confident in finding the answer.

Liwei shifted his weight from one foot to another, and he did not reply her right away. Shao Yan looked down to her plate, and picked up her fork again. When she thought that he would not answer, Liwei finally say, "The customer demanded it. I have to follow their demand."

He was waiting for her to say something. Shao Yan played with her broccoli and did not put it into her mouth. She just kept stabbing at it.

Liwei waited for a while, and after she let out a soft "Oh. Okay.", he quickly left her and strode back to their bedroom.

Shao Yan was still stabbing at her broccoli. This sesame chicken tasted so bad. I should not have this for dinner again!

She slowly got up from her chair, and went to the living room to look for an Aspirin. She combed through all drawers and cabinets and could not find anything. She could not remember where she kept all the medicines. It seemed that she was getting older and more forgetful lately.

She stood in the middle of the living room, seemed lost. She did not know what to do. When did this house become so cold? Did Liwei not turn on the heater?

She closed her eyes and squeezed them tight. Suddenly she felt so drained, so exhausted.

Shao Yan took a deep breath and slowly released it. She opened her eyes, and her first sight landed on her keys and jacket; she walked towards them.

Absentmindedly, she put on her wet jacket, took her keys and umbrella, and opened the front door.

.....

It was still raining when she stepped out of the apartment building. She looked around, trying to remember where the nearest pharmacy was. She was betting on it being somewhere at the left side of the neighborhood, so she decided to follow her instinct and started to walk into that direction.

She walked for a while, but she still could not find any pharmacy. Shao Yan was walking under the canopies of buildings and people were running at her side, trying to get through. They would often bump into her, and ignored her squeal of surprises.

She was getting really agitated. Her head was really pounding and she was feeling so cold. Her body was quivering, as she lightly bit her trembling lips, before she felt her face was drenched.

She lowered her head, her jet black hairs fell down covering her snowy, pale face. She did not know what to feel. Was it the rain drops that were falling down her face?

She slowly lifted her hands to wipe her face; before she realized that it was not the water from the rain. Her fingertips were tracing the side of her own cheek. She unconsciously bit her quivering lips, trying to hide her pain.

They were her tears. She was crying.

.....

Shao Yan was shocked. The last time she cried was when her Mom passed away. Why did she cry now? Was it because of the bad tasting dinner? Or was it because she could not find any pharmacy?

She was lost in her thoughts; unconsciously she stepped outside of the pedestrian pavement to the roadside.

She stood wobbly and slowly let go of the umbrella in her hand. It fell to the gravel as she lifted her face and looked up to the sky.

Her tears, mixed with rain drops, were painting her face with sorrow and agony. Two feelings that were foreign to her. She felt lost, she felt as if the world itself was rejecting her. Why did she cry??

Some people were watching this petite girl, willingly drenching herself under the pouring rain. She looked up to the heaven and started to sob her heart out. She did not wail. She did not scream. She did not create any ruckus.

She was just crying silently. Tearing her heart out.