Chapter 10: Squashed Between Two

Emma avoided her studio, her phone, most importantly her emotions during the following four days. She knew she was fleeing something that wouldn't go away, but the distance appeared to be the only thing keeping her sane. Lucas had been steady, allowing her time as promised, but she became increasingly conflicted the more time she spent alone.

One morning she sat at her window, seeing the city alive below. Emma felt as if she was caught while others hurried about their routines without thought. Between two worlds—one in which she allowed herself fall for Lucas and welcome the love he was providing, and another in which she kept him at arm's distance, sheltered behind the walls she had spent years creating.

It went beyond Lucas as well. It was about everything she had gone through—the grief, the betrayal, the loss of oneself in another world. She had battled so hard to find her way back, and now that she was on the brink of something genuine, something that may transform everything, the anxiety seemed too great to ignore.

Emma paused before grabbing her phone, which buzzed on the table beside her. Another note from Lucas, his name illuminating the screen like a lighthouse. She missed him in days, and part of her hurt was the urge to be near him. But another part of her—that which had always held back—reminded her that distance was safer.

Lucas said: Just pondering you. Hope your situation is under control.

Emma's heart turned at the straightforward message and at the calm understanding he had given her even though she hadn't earned it. He was not expecting responses or pressing. Just there, waiting for her to return when she was ready.

Would she ever be ready though?

She sighed then wrote her reply.

Emma: I really miss you as well. I'm sorting through everything right now.

Her chest tightened with the weight of what she was not saying, so she paused momentarily before sending it. She wasn't ready to let herself fall totally or to meet him. She wanted not to lose him either, however.

She buzzed once again a few minutes later.

Lucas: Slow down. I am here while you get ready.

The words caused agony as well as comfort. Lucas was providing her with what she had always yearned for—space, understanding, patience. She came to see, however, that space would not be able to fix the issue the longer she remained away. She was afraid; no distance would be able to make it go gone.

She had to deal with it. And she had to contend with Lucas.

Emma decided at last later that evening after hours of pacing her apartment and mulling over every conceivable possibility in her head. She stopped sprinting unable to carry on. She had to see Lucas—had to see him—had to personally interact if she wanted to know what was occurring between her and him.

Her hands quitched as she wrote a note.

Emma: Is there a meeting possible? We should discuss, in my opinion now.

Lucas's answer arrived almost right away.

Lucas: Of course. My location is

Emma read the note and her heart surged. His area. It was where everything had begun—the location she had first allowed herself feel anything true for him, and the site where her dread had almost split everything.

She could not, however, keep running from him. Not nowadays.

Emma: I'm going to be there.

Her heart was hammering so fiercely that evening when mma got to Lucas's apartment she could hardly think. The elevator trip seemed like a lifetime, the silence of the machines failing to relax her anxiety. Her hands were sticky with perspiration and her breath came in short spurts by the time the doors swung open.

Lucas was waiting for her at the door; his face was blank as he looked back at her. Neither of them moved for a time; the strain between them was heavy and obvious.

He remarked gently, walking nearer Emma. "I'm glad you showed up."

At the warmth in his words, at the way he regarded her as the only thing that mattered, her throat constricted. Lucas had always been like way—his concentration totally on her whenever they were together, his attention unbroken. And it most importantly terrified her.

Her voice quivering as she entered, she said, "I didn't know if I should." But I could not keep dodging you.

Lucas nodded, closed the door behind her with tender gaze. "I'm glad you didn't."

They stood there for a time, the quiet weighty between them, then Lucas pointed toward the sofa. "Do you want to seat?"

Emma nodded as she followed him to the living room, her pulse still pounding. She sat down, her hands wriggling in her lap as she searched for the correct words, the correct approach to articulate the upheaval that had been chewing at her.

"I have been thinking a lot," she said, her voice just above a whisper. About us. About what is occurring between us.

Lucas took a seat next to her; Emma could feel the strain in his posture yet his eyes were calm and steady. He was waiting for her to utter the words she had not been able to previously.

"And?," he inquired softly.

Emma choked hard, her fingers entwining on her lap. Moreover... What to do is unknown to me. I'm terrified, Lucas. Getting too near makes me afraid; I let myself fall for you and then find myself wounded once again. I know I have gone through a lot previously; I wonder whether I could endure such type of suffering once again.

Her voice broke on the last syllable, and before she could stop it she felt a tear slide down her face. She embarrassed herself by the abrupt surge of feeling and swiftly erased it.

Lucas didn't withdraw, however. Rather, he stretched out and softly grabbed her hand in his, his touch comforting.

"I understand, Emma," he murmured gently, his voice carrying the same tolerance he had always showed her. "I know you had past pain, hence this will be more difficult for you. I am not going anywhere, however. I am here for you and ready to wait as long as you need. There is no hurry into anything here.

Emma's heart hurt at his words and at his warmth and honesty. Before, she had never encountered someone like Lucas—someone who lacked demand for more than she could provide or who did not push. For the first time, she understood exactly how much she yearned for something she had never considered she would find once again.

Her voice quivering with passion, she said, "I care about you too." "I just..." How one does this is unknown.

Lucas gave a subdued grin, his thumb just touching her knuckles. "We will work things out together. One progressive step at a time.

The weight of his words constricted Emma's chest, and for a minute she thought she would at last breathe once more. Though it still lurked in the background, the anxiety was less oppressive than it had been. She felt as if she may not have to be terrified—just maybe—with Lucas by her side.

Her head rested on his shoulder as she leaned into him and his arm around her, cradling her tight. Emma felt calm flood over her for the first time in days as the consistent pulse of her heart resonated in her ears.

For a long, they remained like that—the stillness between them pleasant, full of the implicit promise that they would face whatever happened next together.