Regression

Jackson POV

'Jackson … Jackson. Yo, Jackson!' My mind plummeted from the clouds and crash-landed back on the ground. My eyes focused on the familiar face in front of me—Eddie, my best friend.

'Bro, what was my lap time?' he asked me. I blinked and then looked down at my phone, the stopwatch on it still running.

'Ah, I-I zoned out, sorry.' I rubbed the back of my head.

'Maaaan… that felt like a really good one too. Oh well, no prob bro, gimme a minute and I'll smash out an even better one.' He laughed and grinned. I smiled at him, though it quickly faded as I nodded and looked down again.

'Hey, you sure you're doing good?' He sat down next to me with a thud. I looked at him again, his trusting eyes were staring through me with genuine concern.

I'd known Eddie since elementary school, we were as close as brothers, and he'd been my Quarterback when we played Football together in middle school. We'd also been on the track team during that time and were unstoppable in any relay.

He'd been with me for most of my life, always there for me and willing to help me out, his bright smile could always cheer me up. I turned my head away and shook it.

'Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, bro. This training has just been crazy tough,' I said.

'Ohh, right right, I'd heard about that, the Coach is some kinda psycho. Didn't a bunch of people drop out after the first practice? Hah, I think I made the right decision passing that up this year.'

'Yeah….' I thought back to the latest trip to Hell Coach had taken us on. Each practice seemed tougher than the last, I thought they'd get easier, but that didn't seem to be the case for me at all.

The backs of the varsity team continued to stay just as distant as they were on that first practice, their infallible poise under the pressure and strain of it all seemed even more unattainable for me.

Not only that, but those who had been behind me at the start were creeping closer and starting to overtake me already, and Kenny was crawling further ahead each week. He'd completely leave me behind sooner or later.

I was stagnant, even Coach Otsen had noticed. His booming voice would echo around my skull long after practice was over. Why did I always draw his attention the most?

'But, you've got your first game this weekend right?' Eddie's voice pulled me back to Earth again.

'Oh, yeah. We do,' I muttered.

'Maaan, at least you guys get stuck right into it. I'm pretty sure our first meet is still ages away. You're lucky.' Eddie pushed himself back up.

Lucky … what's so lucky about being me? I'm just a dumbass who thought he could play Football. Maybe it's not too late to sign up for the Track team.

'Yo, imma do another lap. Don't forget to stop the clock this time, okay, bro?' Eddie said.

'I won't. Sorry again.' I watched him as he moved away to his starting point on the oval track. Eddie was going for a personal best on a single lap of the 400-metre track. He looked over to me and gave a thumbs-up once he was ready in the blocks.

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' I started the timer as he shot off and quickly got into a steady rhythm. He was smooth along the track, almost as if he was gliding.

How nostalgic is this? This smell. I inhaled deeply, it reminded me of the one time my mom tried using the oven at home as a kiln for her pottery. The hint of sweat in the air and the harsh sun brought me back to the countless track meets I had with Eddie and how we'd always come back with sunburn no matter how many times our parents reminded us to wear sunscreen.

I really should've stayed with Track. Wouldn't it be so much more fun? Why didn't they follow me into football as well? They abandoned me. I shook my head, frowning at those thoughts.

Eddie was almost done with his lap, and I kept my eyes on him the rest of the way, clocking the time as soon as he passed the finish line and was right back where he started.

'How'd he do?' I jumped as I heard the voice behind me. I looked back and squinted, glaring up at the boy standing over me.

'Sachin? Don't creep up on me like that,' I said as my large friend slowly lowered himself down next to me. His black singlet was drenched in sweat and he was practically dripping on me as he leaned over to look at my phone screen.

'Dude… did you have to wear your turban? It's way too hot for that, no?' I said that, but even throughout all of middle school, I'd rarely seen him without it on.

'Bruh, how many times do I have to tell you it keeps the sun off my head… shit, he still can't get sub 49?'

Eddie made his way back over, trying to catch his breath. 'What is it?' Sachin and I just both shook our heads.

'Ahhhhh! Fuck. It's so damn hard! Bro, everyone else is so damn fast…' I stared down at the phone screen. None of us had ever run under 50 seconds for one lap before high school, yet we'd always won our 4x400 relays.

'I doubt I'll even make the relay team at this rate.'

'Really?' I looked up at Eddie; the 400 had always been his speciality. 'But what about the others?' I looked at Sachin and he laughed.

'No way. I'm nowhere near good enough for any of the races. I'm just sticking to throwing shit now.' He had always been the biggest of our team, the slowest, but he was the strongest kid I knew growing up.

'What about Marcus?'

Eddie shook his head. 'Nah, focusing on the 100 metre and long jump.'

'Speak of the devil,' Sachin said. 'I see you didn't get a better haircut over summer.'

'Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, bitch. At least I ain't hiding my bald head.' Marcus walked over, a towel draped over his slender shoulders. He ran a hand over his head, his coarse black hair shaved down almost all the way. His thick legs were trembling.

'Damn… so both teams are really fucked huh? No more Football and no more relays?' I said. I was met with silence for a little while before Eddie laughed.

'Not like we could've kept doing the relay forever anyway. We always knew the others couldn't cut it, Sachin was too slow and Marcus blows his load in the first 100 metres then he might as well be as slow as Sachin, bro.'

'Man, shut yo slow ass up, just cause you can't handle the sprint you gotta focus on those long ass boring races,' Marcus said.

'I know you ain't talking, bruh, didn't you almost die benching 50 pounds? Weaker than a girl I swear,' Sachin said, Eddie being hit with insults from both sides.

Eddie just laughed it off as I smiled a bit. 'And uh, besides. None of us were good enough to follow Jack into Football.'

'Shit, ain't I hear that you only got in JV? The fucks up with that? The Coach got something against you? 'Cause, ain't no way you not good enough for varsity,' Marcus said. My smile slowly faded.

'Bruh, if you are only JV level, then even if we showed up for tryouts, no way we woulda made even JV.'

'Yeah. I guess the jump to high school level is just really insane… none of us were expecting it huh?' I looked around at them all. Eddie grinned and slapped everyone on the back.

'But hey! We've got four years to conquer this level. That's plenty of time. We'll smash every record there is for the paths we've chosen, even if we're not working together anymore, we're still a team. And we're still the best!'

'Maaaaaan. Shut yo corny ass up, bruh!' Marcus and Sachin laughed, both punching Eddie's shoulder.

'Aww c'mon maaan. When did you guys get so mean? Y'all fucking stink anyway. Hit the showers so we can go home, bro, I need to beat your asses in Mortal Kombat.'

'Bruh! I needa get you a turban too, the heat stroke must be messing you up if you think you're touching anyone in MK.'

I watched their backs drift further away as they went off to the lockers. Why couldn't every day just be like this? I had a smile on my face. I just wanna chill with these guys forever, does anything else matter?

***

I got back home from Eddie's place just as the sun was disappearing beyond the horizon. I called out to let my parents know I was back, and that I'd already eaten dinner. I went straight to my room and flopped down face-first on my bed.

I could've drifted off just like that, forget homework, forget getting changed. But my phone dinged, and I had to look. I rolled over onto my back and brought up the message—it was from Kenny.

'Hey! Did you see the news?' was his message.

'What are you talking about?'

'Well, okay I know it doesn't really matter to us in JV. BUT! There's gonna be a national championship this year for the varsity teams.'

I stared at his message for a while, my chest tightening. I must've taken too long to respond cause Kenny sent another message.

'But, I mean, if we could get on the varsity team, wouldn't that be cool? I think national champs has a good ring to it.'

National champions? I thought. The goal seemed so far out of reach that it was impossible. How could I be a national champion? I couldn't even make it out of JV. How could I be one of the best players in the nation if I couldn't make it on my school's varsity team let alone every other school in the nation?

How could I be so arrogant to have such a dream, when I wasn't even better than him? But it didn't stop me from wanting it. It didn't stop my heart from hurting at the prospect of never accomplishing the dream that had just been realised—it made my inadequacy all the more insufferable.

'I wanna be the best.'