House Of Cards

Jean moved her head back a bit, giving Mark some room to breathe. She still held on to his neck while he stared at her blue eyes, feeling his mind become a hazy mess. Nothing came to him—no possible explanation as to what had just happened.

Jean let go, a shy smile on her face, as Mark fell back in his chair, staring blankly at the wall, feeling his heart run tracks like his life depended on that.

"Just...what...huh?" muttered Mark, his lips barely moving as he spoke. Jean sat down in her seat, her cheeks flushed red, yet she managed to keep herself composed.

"This has been on my mind for a while now, and I thought that acting now would be better."

She gave Mark a cute smile, which made his sugar level rise to a dangerous level.

"Well, it sure was nice, but... I don't even know what to say..." 

He took a deep breath, finally forcing his mind back on track. He kept thinking for a moment, glancing over to Jean from time to time.

"Well, this sure was unexpected. Did she even have feelings for me or something? Was I too dumb to notice anything? Did this just... happen, like? I'm so confused right now, God, I can't even say it."

His expression remained blank, like a canvas ready to be drawn on, all while his thoughts made up the color palette he was about to use.

"Well, this sure isn't good. Heck, it's one of those times when being serious about things doesn't work well with the timing. Were I to choose Jean now, I would have to stick around here. Heck, long-distance relationships were difficult to hold even back in my world, let alone here in Teyvat—no internet, no nothing."

He could hear Jean move slightly in her seat, her eyes fixed on him, the faint blush still lingering on her otherwise pale cheeks. Each glance only made Mark's decision even worse for him.

"Perhaps I should ask what she meant by this kiss, since I don't want to lead her on or anything. Better to be direct about it."

"I might have a bit of a silly question, considering the situation and everything, but..."

He tried to figure out his words, but rather than doing that, he went with the blunt end of the stick.

"Was this kiss... I mean... did it have meaning for you, in a way or another?"

Mark felt his blood curse through his veins, each breath of his carrying over some predicament he wasn't entirely sure about.

Jean looked at him, her chin resting in her palm as she spoke.

"For a while now, I just can't seem to get you out of my head. I talked with Lisa about it, and she told me that it was...well..." 

Her eyes glanced over to the side, avoiding Mark's gaze.

"She called it love."

Part of Mark felt overwhelmed by joy, ready to jump and hug Jean in that instant, but it was merely his heart that wished to do that. The other side of his, the mind, hurried to analyze what it meant. In the end, it came to the worst-case scenario, the one he was afraid of: breaking her heart and making things awkward between them.

"Screw this; I'm done keeping things to myself; I'll discuss it like the wise old grandpa someone called me once."

"Jean, truthfully, this makes my heart flutter with joy, but I'm afraid I have to shut my heart up and do what the mind says."

He got up, pacing slowly around the room, a habit that helped him think. He caught a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, as if she could foretell what he was about to say.

"The thing is, I'm not going to stay in one place for a good while, perhaps more than I could even think. In a few days, we'll be leaving for Liyue Harbour, which is barely the next step in our voyage."

He allowed his words to settle, giving Jean some time to process his words.

"I don't want to give you fake hopes and end up hurting you more than I am already doing. I might return alive, I might not, and God knows when I might even come back, if I do, that is."

His heart was screaming at him, hurting inside his chest. It was the second time he turned down love like that, yet his heart seemed more restless than the first.

"Shut it down there; I know just as well how much I hate this..." 

Jean stood silent for a moment, arms crossed together over her chest as her eyes loomed over the desk, hiding small tears in their corners.

"I understand. Thank you for being honest..." 

Mark could feel the subtle pain in her voice. The only silver lining he saw was her feelings being in their early stages, where they would hurt but not as much. Or so he lied to himself, despite knowing through first-hand experience that sometimes you just get attached to someone so much in such little time that separation is akin to death.

"I'll give you some time."

He walked over to the door, muttering something under his breath.

"After all, I think I'm the last person you want to see now."

His words carried over as he entered the empty hallway, going to his room with lazy steps.

"I trampled over your feelings like they were nothing. What else do I deserve but death?"

He chuckled to himself, despite all he was feeling.

"That's too corny, even for me. Sometimes I sure can amaze myself. God, why do I have to be such an idiot?"

His smile faded as he went inside his room, opening the door slowly so as not to wake up Ras, who was silently sleeping. Mark noticed his claymore in its usual corner, watching over him in silence. He sat down on his knees and prayed like he did every night before going to bed.

Once done, he curled up on the bed, sitting on his side, covered with his blanket, before feeling his pillow become slightly damp under his head.

As morning came, he woke up once the sun's rays touched his face, something he grew to hate feeling before he woke up on his own. His eyes were slightly red, but he felt emotionless. Each new day was the same process: rinse the feelings the day before inflicted on him, only to inflict new combinations during the new day.

Taking care of his little routine, which he did in silence to avoid waking up Ras, he dressed up and grabbed his sword, ready to go outside and do whatever happened to come his way.

Somehow, everything around him felt bleaker, as if drained of color. He walked through the hall, stealing a glance at the door behind which he had done what he had, feeling his pace pick up as he did.

"Just where do you think you're going?" came a slightly angered voice, something he could barely pick up in that tone. Instinctively, he turned around, noticing Lisa walk out through that door.

"Shit, well, if I get cooked, so be it."

He walked inside, but not before checking whether Jean was inside. He couldn't handle seeing her, at least not in that moment.

Lisa stood up, almost glaring at him, something he found a bit unusual.

"Mark, mind telling me what you were playing at?"

He scratched his head, not exactly getting what she meant by that.

"Playing the fool, I see. Well, explain these things then."

She opened a drawer, taking out two things Mark knew better than anyone: a crimson rose made out of crystal, and a precious rock, one that Jean herself had chosen.

"These aren't things one would just hand to anyone unless they were romantically interested in that person. So why, Mark?"

He could feel his strength leave him, the claymore on his back dragging him down.

"I... didn't expect this to happen. It never worked before, so why did it work now?"

He could feel himself snap a little as his mind brought up more and more events that were tied together.

"Why is it that it always works when I can't be there? Why is it that it always happens in the most annoying ways? Were I to stay in Mondstadt, she would have never fallen for me. That's how it happens, and that's much luck when it comes to this bullshit!"

Mark slumped to the floor, rubbing his eyes as he felt tears well up.

"I hate it just as much, Lisa, but at the end of the day, I can't just stay here. I need to leave, and everything will become clear at some point in the future."

He got up, walking close to the desk, noticing a stack of documents left there. His gaze then fixed itself on Lisa, who seemed to be having second thoughts.

"It's not like she can leave and join me, and I can't remain here."

Lisa nodded, turning her back to Mark as she left, leaving him with a single message.

"Jean's not feeling well, so don't expect her to come here today."

With that, she closed the door with a loud thud, leaving behind a shell of what Mark thought himself to be.

"Guess that, after all, I'm still but a house of cards. The mightier it looks, the easier it falls."

He took his usual seat, placing his claymore on the floor beside him before he began working, diligently taking care of each document in the stack. Each paper would require one signature, one he couldn't provide, so he simply sorted them out. Burried in his own mind, he didn't notice the sun rise higher in the sky as he finished.

With a lazy hand, he grabbed his weapon and stepped out, walking to Wolvendom.