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Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

This is the story of a crazy lich who possesses an internal game system and brings catastrophe to the entire world. “Let’s look at the daily quests today… it’s the damned choose one-of-two-options-type again. Destroy a town with a population of 30,000 people or above; reward: 10,000 evil points. Steal lollipops from 3 children; reward: 1 evil point. If neither of the quests is completed, then 2 points will be deducted.” “Tsk! You think I’m stupid? If I really destroyed a town, a crusade of Myth-ranked Holy Knights would definitely come hunting me down. Even if I earned the points, there wouldn’t be any life left in me to spend them. I better just go be a kindly lollipop bandit.” I’ve already had enough of being a notorious lich. Who says a lich can’t be a good person? I’m definitely going to beat this damned system and be an upright and dignified good man.

Angry Squirrel · Fantasie
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841 Chs

Before The Storm

In ancient times, when tacticians faced city lords that had requests of them, they would often describe the situation in a way that made it seem like the other party was in a very difficult situation, as though their lives may be lost at any time.

Everyone had fears. When one's life was threatened, they would be extremely alert and careful. When the city lords would hear from their tactician that their own life was in danger, they would uncover it to the end despite how much they may not believe in it. Once they realized that they were in a precarious situation after an intensive interrogation, naturally, they would seek a solution from the tactician.

Then, the opinions of the tactician would be much more respected. After the crisis was averted, the standing of the tactician would naturally rise through the ranks. Following their rise in standing, their new opinions would become more and more respected, allowing their rise in power to be more and more rapid.

The saying 'I accept the responsibility of leading the army when the country's on the verge of defeat. In times of trouble, I will carry out my job' probably referred to this kind of situation. This had nothing to do with the matter at hand, it was all just a trick used by tacticians to become more respected by the city lords they were serving. The wiser the tactician was, the better they were at employing this trick.

"Master, please teach me." It seemed that according to this lady's script, I should have been shouting these words.

After that, she would analyze for me how the Lion King and Dragon Empress faked their falling out and that as soon as we made a move against them, they would declare war on us, spreading the notion that we were spies sent by the surface to destroy the Alliance from within, causing others to be wary of us. Then, they would personally attack us and force us to the corner. By then, it would be too late to leave.

But if it was just to this extent, they were really underestimating me, Wumianzhe.

"I got it, you stay with your sister for the time being. I assume both of you have a lot to talk about."

"I…" Facing my unexpected coldness, Victoria sat up, agitated, with anxiety clear on her face. She seemed to be on the verge of saying something but looking at the emotionless me, she ended up leaving the room helplessly.

"Elisa."

"…"

"If you don't come out now, your wages for the next month will be forfeit."

"…Master, please pay me the wages you owe me from last year's this month, before saying such words."

"Cough. Elisa, what do you think of the present sent by the Dark Elves?"

"Lord, this must be a trap." Propping up her glasses, she said these words beside my ear, emotionless.

"…Duh. The kindness of the Dark Elves is as lacking as that lass's chests. I am asking you on yout opinion about the whole situation with the Dragon Empress."

"Lord, the original saying is 'the kindness of a Dark Elf is as improbable as a rational Beastman' and mocking the lacking of others isn't a proper action for a gentleman that respects ladies. If she were to hear your words, she would be depressed."

Even though she said these words, her tone obviously softened by 20%.

"But, in my personal opinion, her words were probably true."

"The reason?"

"Intuition."

"Hehe, intuition your head. Don't tell me that you haven't received the report and analysis from 'Observer'."

As a diplomat, it was impossible to survive blind and deaf in a land full of enemies working against you.

As soon as we entered the city, my intelligence team 'Observer' had immediately dispersed and started to collect information. From my understanding of their work efficiency, all kinds of reports should have been stacked up on Elisa's desk by now.

"… The Lion King and the Dragon Empress really crossed blows and their fight was quite intense. Half of the Lion King's Residence being destroyed wasn't fake news. But it is precisely because of that we can be sure that they are definitely staging a show."

"Is it too fast? Too obvious? That's right, there are still more than 20 days before the auction's date, they could have researched it together. Even if a fight were to blow up, it shouldn't happen right now."

"No, it's just that if they really fall out, the Dragon Empress which is two ranks higher than the Lion King would have long stolen the item and escaped. But, the Scepter still remains in the hands of the Lion King, which reveals everything. Furthermore, when two such experts start fighting, the entire street around the Lion King's Residence should be getting destroyed and not just the Lion King's Residence itself. This was just a show and if we were to really make a move, they would move on to make us the public enemy of the Alliance."

I nodded my head satisfied. What Elisa said coincided with what I was thinking.

From the very start, we, Sulfur Mountain City, had been the anomaly of the Underground World. Joining the Alliance would not necessary be a good thing to the few current Underground Autarch, especially for the Lion King and Dragon Empress who we had a grudge with.

I could collude with Kajah and Ainsterna and make use of the Eternal Night Scepter to divert firepower away from us. But, Shou and Molly weren't fools and the tacticians under them wouldn't be so incapable to be unable to see through the situation clearly. Naturally, they wouldn't allow us to successfully join the Alliance, so it was almos inevitable that we would have to face schemes and troubles.

Even if this wasn't a trap, I only intended to contact Kajah and Ainsterna. I never intended to get involved in it.

We were the newcomers, newcomers that didn't belong to any factions or powers. It couldn't be helped that people would be wary of us.

If I were to take the initiative to attack the Dragon Empress, then they would only have to spread rumours that we were ambitious for power and that Adam was born on the surface. We would be regarded as enemies by most of the neutral city lords. When this dissatisfaction rose to a certain extent, coupled with the incitement of Underground Autarchs, we would end up exiled by the Alliance and even hunted down.

"Obediently staying in our home base is the best decision? Ha, this really makes one feel so helpless. Yes, as the date of the auction and the Alliance Conference at the end of the year approaches, the burden on Shou will only became heavier and heavier. This will put us further away from their attention. It is best we don't do anything now and wait patiently. That should be the most appropriate decision. …Hehe, to pass the initiative to the opponents isn't a good habit… Tell those fellows that they're granted the freedom to get out on the streets and cause as much trouble as they please. If there's anything they consider an eyesore, feel free to interfere. Let's show them the might of Sulfur Mountain City. All's good as long as they don't get bullied. If they find someone they can't defeat, call for support. If they're still unable to settle it, return back to base. 'ill handle it even if the sky falls."

Hearing that, Elisa gasped, shocked.

"You're allowing those perverts to act as they please? Authorizing those single-celled Knights to go out on the street to enforce the law? Let those devoted believers of law spread their teachings on the street? You do know that this city is different from Sulfur Mountain City, and that there're criminals everywhere, right? If they're to fool around, it will definitely get to the point of no return. Are you intending on destroying the whole Vance City?"

"The Underground World respects the strong. The voice of the weak won't be heard. I am just using my own actions to do my self-introductions, otherwise I would have just brought those bastards along just to waste my rations. Right, get the engineers to prepare the Roland series to move out. Leave some pilots here to await further orders so that they can reinforce the others at all times. Tsk, those stubborn fools still refuse to change the name… Tsk, this name really feels so awkward."

"…I got it. Then, how shall I deal with Victoria?"

"'Wash her 'clean' first."

"Alright, I'll wash her clean and tie her on your bed. But, your physical condition doesn't appear to be in a good state, I'm afraid you might not be able to enjoy her. Do you need me to stop by some adult toy shops to purchase some tools?"

"Stop fooling around, you know what I mean."

The 'kindness of Dark Elves'? If you were to put these two words together, the entire Underground World would just treat it as a joke. The Dark Elves prided themselves on betrayal and lies, it would be weird if there's nothing wrong with their present.

But even if there's a problem with Victoria, it's not like there was no solution to it. Since they sent over a living person, then she had to be either a spy that might betray us at anytime or a living bomb that could explode at any moment. Very likely Victoria was compelled to follow the orders of her original master via a Magic Contract, threatening her with the life of her kin or such means.

Magic Contracts could be erased, the wires of the bombs could be cut and hostages could be stolen over. 'Washing clean' was a commonly used spy term. It meant to force the person in question to confess all her secrets to check if she could be saved. If there was a possibility to convert her over, then we would try to pull her out as one of our people.

"You sure are concerned about her, I thought that you would give the order to erase this volatile factor. It's so easy to make her die in an accident. I reckon that silly sister of hers shouldn't be sufficient to affect your judgement. Unless, you have really learnt to cherish women?"

Towards these kind of 'presents' whose history was unknown, I would normally decisively erase them so as to prevent problems in the future. But if Queen Victoria of 'history' died just like that, it would really be a great waste. Furthermore, since I realized that I had been neglecting Diana's potential all along, I shouldn't allow her to continue wasting it. In the future, she might become a powerful fighter on our side and falling out like this really wasn't worth it.

But it wasn't easy to explain these things to Elisa. Pretending to be a Seer of calamities was already pushing it. If I were to be so godly as to predict that a stranger had the potential to become an Epic Hero, that would be too over the top for anyone to believe. Un, it definitely wasn't because I found explaining troublesome things bothersome. I certainly wouldn't make any such excuses. Thus, I simply laughed. Haha.

"Stop saying silly things, you know that it's a guy inside and I, Lich Roland, am DEFINETELY NOT a gay."

"Hmph, who knows."

Even though she said it like that, but from the looks of her swinging tail with a butterfly knot at the end during her departure…

Elisa's mood was quite good huh. Un, since those stocks that had been discovered were going to face with tragedy sooner or later, I should go to Vance City's underground book collection to top up my collection. Since her mood was good, she might even let me off even if she catches me in the act…

What? No guts to ask someone out? I also wanted to ask someone out but other than enjoying eye candies, what else could I do…

I stared at this unfamiliar and empty room. Somehow, I felt a little lonely. I shook my head, opened the window and looked at the scenery of lights outside.

Schemes were not the true way to go about but it was a pity that we weren't strong enough to forego them.

If we were to trace everything to the source, the main reason was our powerlessness. The total military power of the envoy team was only 5 to 6 Legend-rank while those Autarchs, under their accumulation after a few centuries, when they were to move all of their people, they were capable of taking out 400 to 500 Legend-rank city lords. If we were to contend with them directly, we would be the ones to suffer.

The only top-tier power that we could move from our side was Little Red and there were already 4 Underground Autarch standing on the other side. Also, it was unknown how many other equal tier existences there were.

If only Adam and Margaret were here… No, even if they abandoned their job of protecting Sulfur Mountain City and the investigation of the seal of the Ancient Fire Elemental God, it might not be good for our overall situation here if they really came, it would make us stand out. With an overly powerful combat ability and an identity not of the Underground World, they might cause us to be seen as enemies and assault us from the very start.

Adam that dumbass wasn't good at acting and Margaret couldn't care less about compromising. In the end, there's an 80% chance of a full-blown war to break out. It was a much wiser decision for them to be acting as a threat behind our backs, preventing the Lion King and Dragon Empress from getting physical with us. Sigh, if only we had two more top-tier powers.

Just when I was complaining about the lack of fighting power, I failed to consider that this wasn't my old dwelling that I was familiar with and the empty room on the left had a small secret chamber. From there, there was a peephole which the original owner left to look and listen into the happenings in the library…

"What should I do?! Lord Wumianzhe is actually that crazy Lich Roland. I accidentally overheard a big secret… will Momo get silenced? Momo doesn't want that, Momo hasn't saved up a sufficient dowry to marry a husband."

This secret chamber had been discovered by Momo when she was checking out the mansion. But, delighted over this unexpected surprise, she hadn't report it and instead used it as her secret slacking and snack spot.

On the other end of the chamber, Diana's face was just as dumbfounded. Initially, she had been worried about her own brother and Momo told her that she had a way to find out what they were discussing. So, she followed Momo into the secret chamber… only instead they uncovered this explosive secret.

"No wonder we have always been unable to catch Roland, no wonder Roland has always been a step behind the boundaries of punishment… What should we do?"

But very soon, she remembered the city which she and her companions viewed as home. The future Knight of the Moon had made up her mind.

"The grave and wise Wumianzhe is the core and the basis of the judiciary system, so he must be infallible… Momo, you definitely mustn't reveal this matter! Absolutely never!!"

--------------------------------------

"Ah… chooo!!"

In the empty underground tinsel, the sound of the sneeze echoed loudly, travelling a great distance away.

"What's wrong? Ah Dang, you can actually catch a cold?" The one speaking was a female Elf riding on a tall Skeleton Horse. The extravagant robe on her extended past the body of the horse down to the floor. Her eyes, which resembles a whirlpool of intertwining black and white, had some kind of inexplicable eerieness to them.

The Skeleton Horse which was moving slowly was obviously no ordinary being. It was more than 3 meters tall and on the ground it stepped on, an icy hoof mark could be seen. In this instant, the Bone Dragon Queen Gria who wouldn't even bat an eye to the end of the world was actually surprised at how her normally healthy to an outrageous extent companion could actually get sick.

"Papa misses Ah Dang. Papa needs Ah Dang. Ah Dang must go and see Papa."

The one saying this was a short Dwarf. His face was full of pimples and he was biting down on a chicken leg-like food.

His eyes were unfocused and saliva dripped down uncontrollably from his mouth as he walked, making him look dim-witted. But, the seemingly normal walking motion, even with him occasionally stopping to pick up stones to throw at the nests of birds, he still managed to move faster than the tall Skeleton Horse.

"Is that so? Looks like Lionheart wasn't wrong. As the first Undead created personally by our Emperor, you're indeed our Emperor's eldest son in a certain sense, so there should be some kind of connection between you and our Emperor… Our Emperor, no, your Father, where is he? Can you confirm his location?"

"Below!! Ah Dang feels it! He is below!"

"Hehe, that's good. We shouldn't be far from our destination, Vance City of the Underground Alliance, right after this fortress. We just received reports that Lamost and the rest have arrived so we must hurry. Otherwise, your father might find himself in a bad situation."

"Ah Dang will beat up anyone who dares to bully Ah Pa! Ah Dang will eat anyone who blocks Ah Dang from finding Ah Pa!!"

The voices of Dwarves were similar to that of human children, so that childish-sounding threat may seem weak. But Gria knew that even if the one in the way was the legendary Dragon Empress Molly, Ah Dang would still be able to keep true to his words. If he said that he was going to eat her, then, not a single scale would be left of her afterwards.

Not too far away was the Granite Fortress in the underground tunnel. That was a barrier set up by underground city lords around the area. On other days, they were responsible for collecting tax for using this path but today, fully armed Beastman soldiers could be seen everywhere.

Just as the two people approached the security radius of the archers, the fire used for lighting up the area flew towards them.

"Who's there? We have entered into an emergency situation and the Lord Beastman Sovereign has ordered for all underground tunnels to be sealed. No matter who you are and your reason for heading to the Underground World, please return back on the path you came from."

Gria assessed the Lion-tribe Beastman who was leading the team on the frontlines. Finding no unique individuals, she lied on her vine chair uninterested. She knew that Ah Dang had starved for far too long since his last meal from the previous underground city and in the face of the starving Ah Dang, she had no chance to fight at all.

"Ah Dang's hungry, Ah Dang wants to eat meat!!"

Looking at the small Dwarf running towards him, the Leo Commander raised up his double-handed great sword warily.

"Don't come over, stay where you are!!!"

But, the Dwarf continued to advance, so the Leo Commander raised his right hand to give out a signal for arrows to be fired. Afterwards…

There was no afterwards…

In a distortion, the Dwarf disappeared and what was left on the ground was that thigh of the Dragon Queen he was chewing on.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! What kind of monster is this?!?!"

Shrouded in dark fog, a large figure filled up the entire tunnel. A large monster that exceeded all imagination seemed to have transverse beyond the world of dreams into reality and the terrified Beastman soldiers had nowhere to run to.

After 1 minute, when everything calmed down, what was left was a gigantic hole… Yes, the entirety of the Granite Fortress and the Beastmen in it had all disappeared without a trace. The only thing remaining was a gigantic hole.

"How was it? Delicious?"

"It was a little tough, and some of it even got stuck on my teeth… Not delicious, not delicious!! Ah Dang wants delicious food!!"

"Un, then let's go to Vance. Your next meal is waiting there."

Reedited by Devils_Advocate

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