You've Lost Yourself (2)

Did he think that it didn't concern her? That she didn't have to be involved in it? 

Lin Qianrou felt like there was a kind of distance separating her from her husband. That no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to reach him nor understand him. 

Sex was good, but she needed more than that and the money he could give her. And it's not that they have enough time to make love anyway. It was already surprising that she ended up being pregnant today considering that he wasn't always around when she needed him. 

"I take back the words about him changing priorities after hearing about your baby. He's such an ass, Qian! I can't believe you married someone like him!" 

"Don't say it like that, Meili." 

"And you still have the guts to defend your husband?" Li Meili scoffed, "Incredible." 

Lin Qianrou couldn't blame Li Meili for thinking that way about her husband, but she was telling the truth. Aside from his charities and foundations, Xu Wenyang actively helped people in need without publicizing it. 

There was this one time when he overtook a bankrupt company and he supported those old employees who had been working for the company since the start, and gave them a chance to work again in his other stable companies, to help them provide for their families. 

Knowing this, Lin Qianrou couldn't help but love her husband more. Xu Wenyang might be a workaholic person, but he definitely wasn't a bad person. A bad and inconsiderate husband, maybe. 

"Hey, Qian. Has it ever dawned to you that maybe Wen is acting like this towards you because you've never complained about it to him before? He got used to letting you down that he thinks an extravagant gift is enough to placate your anger?" 

Li Meili's question caught Lin Qianrou off guard. Now that her friend had put it that way, she could see that she was also at fault here. She let out a dejected sigh, which made her friend snap at her. 

"Don't you just let him get away with it without giving you any explanation. He makes a mistake then thinks a gift would be enough to make up for it? The fuck is wrong with his head? Even if you aren't pregnant, no matter how much money he throws in your face, it would never be enough to compensate that you've given up your dream by marrying him!" 

Lin Qianrou had received a scholarship abroad. One that would cover everything she would need during her stay at the university. However, she turned down the offer because Xu Wenyang had proposed marriage to her. 

"Please don't say that, Meili. I haven't even painted anything over the past three years. It wasn't for me." 

Li Meili shook her head. 

"That's the point, Qian! Your whole life now revolves around him. What about you? You haven't done anything you wanted since your marriage, because you are too afraid that people will criticize 'Madam Xu' for not meeting their standards. You didn't even want to attend those parties and fundraising ceremonies but nooooo, you have to be there because they expected you to be there." She was fuming in rage at this point. That, Lin Qianrou could tell. 

"I say fuck them, Qian! Why do you need to appease their satisfaction in exchange of your own? You were too busy being Madam Xu that you've forgotten about Lin Qianrou who loves to paint and likes teaching children. No wonder Moyu said attending those parties was such a waste of time. She's right! I'd rather stay at home than surround myself with backstabbing whores and hags!" Li Meili said, making Lin Qianrou wince from her unladylike words. 

When Lin Qianrou didn't say anything in return, Li Meili continued. 

"You could have married a normal guy, who would strive to make you happier, than marrying a rich man who was barely there to look after you. What? Are you just a trophy wife who's meant to help him with his philanthropic projects?" 

"How can you say that Wen isn't a normal guy?" Lin Qianrou scowled. 

"I hate to say this, Qian but he's totally out of your league. He's like any other rich guy who'll throw money at your face, expecting that it would be enough to solve everything and clear up the mess he'd left. I already warned you before you married him!" 

Lin Qianrou totally understood where Li Meili was coming from. She couldn't deny any of it. True, Xu Wenyang used to give her expensive and lavish gifts, expecting her to forgive him for his offences, expecting her to be happy with it. 

"It was one thing when you only have yourself to take care of during his absence, but what about your baby? Would you let your child see their own father disregard you like this? Qian, you need to consider if you still want to live like this with him or go on with your own life. Whatever your decision is, I will respect it, but don't blame me later for not giving you a warning."

Lin Qianrou cried in silence. Her mind was telling her to give up and ask for a divorce, yet her heart refused to cooperate, telling her to give him a chance to explain before making a choice. 

However, she also knew that she needed to make up her mind soon. If her husband really went to Guangzhou for her Sister Yan's sake, Qian knew that she didn't need to stay with him anymore. If Wen chose to be with her Sister Yan then she would force herself to learn not to love him anymore. 

After all, she was the one who took advantage of their breakup and seduced Xu Wenyang. It was understandable if Meng Yanran wanted him back from her.