Trauma Didn't Make Me Stronger

Chapter 5: Trauma Didn't Make Me Stronger

They say love comes in many forms. 

A love that waits,

No matter how long it takes, it will calmly bide its time and patiently endure the changing seasons waiting for its fated one. Unmoving and unrelenting to all the temptations that come on its way. For its eyes can only see one person―the right person.

And when love finds the one, love stays.

In turbulent times, when you fall and feel like breaking down, love will pull you up and will choose to stay until the time when you can stand again. Love may not fight for you, but it will lend you its strength and will be there to fight along your side. 

Love will always be your greatest support until you win against your demons.

But you know what? 

You can never say it's love until you feel the pain.

Why?

Because you can only say it's love when it truly hurts. 

Because you can only say it's love when it feels like the pain is making you insane.

Because love will lie about completing you, just to end up breaking you further.

Bruised. Scarred. Shattered.

Love can make you, but love will also be the one to break you into pieces.

It will leave you alone and bleeding until cold and blue. As you try to pick up the broken pieces of yourself, love will keep on stepping on those fragments until they turn into dust, and you lose yourself in the process.

***

Traumas didn't make me stronger. It gave me nightmares and panic attacks. Like how love scarred my heart disguised as flower petals while romanticizing every scar and wound that it carved deep into my soul.

As it slowly waltzed in an intimate beat; there I was, unaware of the deep chasm hiding beneath its smiles and passionate words. 

During the night when other people were sleeping soundly, I was there crying in the corner of my room. Trying to calm myself from the voices I didn't want to hear. I couldn't last a day without breaking down in silence while feeling guilty about the things that I shouldn't be but, in the end, paranoia gets the best of me. I go through the day feeling anxious about how I should act towards the people around me.

Trauma made me into anything but strong.

Now, I hate people.

Or maybe it's not the other people, but just myself?

I ruined all my relationships just for someone I held dear. Maybe because I initially had nothing and that's why I thought it's okay to lose all other things as long as I can keep the most important one. 

I fought for my love,

and I chose that love over everything else.

I gave up everything for his love.

But do you know? 

It seems like it was only me who thought of what we shared as true love. The five years of what I thought was real and had I cherished so much, shattered so fast and unforeseeable.

Surrounded by the group of people who bothered me throughout high school, the person who was supposed to be by my side as my pillar of support was there, standing at the center.

"Dang! Do you really think that I will choose to settle down with a cheap and ugly girl like you?" He laughed mockingly. "Man, have you taken a look at yourself in front of the mirror this morning? You're a trash, Atasha!" Leo continued his blast of vitriol while pointing his index finger at my head and pushing it many times over.

"Keep this in mind, you're just someone no one wants a piece of." 

The sound of jeering giggles filled my insult-burnt ears. The group of people kept on laughing at my predicament and cheering the one who was tormenting me.

So, the man I loved was only a part of his facade.

As if it was not yet enough, he came closer to me and whispered the words that made me realize that everything I held dear was nothing but a web of lies.

"You should be thankful that I spent a night with you. Now you can proudly say that at least you became a woman before you die."

A web of lies which I got caught and willingly trapped myself into. An act that lasted five years.

The man I love and willingly gave myself to for his promise of forever, walk away full of scorn and disgust towards me.

Just like that, he is now holding a hand that is not mine but of another girl who became the manifestation of my fears and insecurities. My own cousin, Tamara Brythe.

It's how I began to hate people.

And decided to escape from the same people.

When you meet people, you start to care and end up caring so much without realizing that love started to bloom. In return, those people harm and hurt you. Be it intentional or not, it's a scary thing.

Love is a cruel beast.

Love will delude you and make you think that you are special. Then one day, you'll just wake up and realize that everything is just a prank. It's a kind of prank that makes you cry while others laugh.

You can't even do anything but live with it because you've been had. And I don't want to experience it again.

Love is a lie. It sucks.

***

Tears escaped from the girl's tightly shut eyes.

Nemus lo at her meaningfully before closing in. After Atasha lost consciousness, Nemus morphed and carried her into his nest.

He tore off the wet clothes that wrapped around Atasha's shivering body and only left her with the piece of undergarment sewn from the same fabric. Nemus left them be as he couldn't take them off especially the one that's wrapping her breast which is particularly hard to take off.

The black snake was a little pissed, but he let it go since it's more important that she won't be getting sick with the wet clothes she wore previously.

Seeing as how the female did not possess a spousal mark, Nemus had grown hopeful. He coiled his tail around her to provide insulation while his upper body remained in his human form. 

When Nemus saw the changes in the girl's expression, he couldn't help but grow interested in what was causing her to do so.

While staring at her face, he saw her expression turns ugly, and tears began to flow down her cheeks. Despite her eyes closed, tears continue to leak out like a fountain during spring.

Following his animal instinct, Nemus' initial reaction was to lick her face like a dog trying to comfort its puppy in whatever part it hurts.

"Hmm..."

The ticklish sensation made Atasha let out a soft moan. She turns to her side trying to avoid whatever it is that makes her feel squishy inside, but it is following her anywhere she leans her head.

Nemus saw that her bearing improved a little. The tears stop and her expression becomes lighter. So, he decided to continue what he was doing, thinking that it alleviated whatever pain she was having. 

The snake man's tongue started from the girl's cheeks and traveled to her neck down to her shoulders. Seeing her fair neck and sumptuous milky white chest, Nemus' eyes flickered an unknown light. He unconsciously swallowed hard and breathed heavier than usual.

With the hot air that's been hitting her neck, Atasha inevitably woke up from her nightmares. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a pair of ruby eyes. A finely sculpted face and a jade complexion are just a few inches away from hers. His hair was like black curtain silk cascading down his side profile. 

Atasha's mouth opened a little not knowing what was happening to the world. She blinked once twice and many times over, but the other person did not even bat his eyes and just stayed on top of her while staring straight into her eyes.

'How can he casually look straight at my face?'

Normally people would feel irked at her appearance. Atasha thought that she did him a favor by pushing him away to break their contact. She felt like she would end up crossed-eyed at this point. However, the peerless-looking man did not budge rather he lowered his head to her chest level and started something that made Atasha question life itself.

"W–what are you doing―ngh!"

A soft moan escaped from Atasha's lips before she could even finish her sentence. After the man burrowed himself in her chest, he started to plant small kisses while occasionally biting the top of her breast painting her skin with a subtle pinkish hue of cherry blossom.

Hearing the female's muffled groan and positive reaction, Nemus stared at her suggestively while his tongue slowly ventured into Atasha's pair of mountainous peaks to get a taste of their wilderness.

However, her fuzzy mind became clear when she saw the person's forked tongue. A sudden realization hit Atasha the moment she saw the beastman's figure.

The man in front of her is not a human!

Only his upper body is that of a man's while the lower half is the huge body of a snake, but what bothers Atasha more and makes her lose control is seeing the black scaly creature's tail binding her— her naked body!

"Ah!" 

The girl's scream echoed throughout the cave, reaching every nook and cranny.

After hearing the female's alarming scream, the other two who were unable to get a wink of sleep after smelling the scent of a female's pheromone in the area instantly alerted and rose to their spot.

Zethus and Regalus frantically rushed over to Nemus' chamber and saw something that they shouldn't have.