BEGINNING

The smell of rust and burning penetrate my sense. The blinding crimson dye my vision. Vast crimson sky fill the eyesight of this sinner. I believe so. Seriously a beautiful red of death and destruction and a crimson eyes as the cold and thin blade pushed deep inside my heart. I look into those cruel eyes wondering the reason for this separation between live and before death. Blankness, betrayal.. what's the reason? What's my sin? Are you my benefactor or my executioner? If so, why are you looking so sad underneath that indifferent and aloofness. Looking at me as if restraining or rejecting something? You are tortured by what I can't peek.

I look at my drenched suit not knowing weather it's a rag or the ground itself. I, Myself, I smell filth. As the striking red flow like a river toward your clenched hand and my resting back. Pain, so much pain but I don't know what is it. My heart feel like it was being ripped alive but why? Why are you looking so perplexed? Don't look at me like that. I don't know how I decide your expression as I can't even see your silhouette clearly but I just feel like it was. Your eyes have so many story. I have so many questions in this never ending nightmare, as vivid as it was, I know this is all an illusion. I am not supposed to be here yet it feel so familiar. There's no anger or sadness but I guess my action betrayed me as I stretched my weaken arm toward you trying to trace your shadow but I guess this is the end.

Holding my heart that's beating messily as if just has been into a deep water and finally find the saving straw. I woke up. I held my heart as if I can still feel the sensation of the unique coldness and thinness of a war sword slowly being drilled into my flesh without anesthesia, fast and accurately leaving a gap toward the center of my lifeline. I remember that touch. There's no hesitation on his action as if he don't care, just like that my dream always end with my tragic death. A nightmare that always give me a creep with it's vividness and clarity. I was use to it after being bother by it for five years ever since I come of age. Of course my first time having it had me vomit and insomnia for a whole years.

I glanced toward the messy painting on the wall. The painting was nothing but amateur as if the painter have an idea but not knowing what to do. The painting was scratch and dote with random colour similar to blood, red, brown, orange and finally black stacking on one another as if insane creating an unthemed but creepy art. On it's center is a blinding red eyes that feel like it can see everything while bringing along a destructions on it's every step. Shaking my head, I move my gaze from it and start doing my daily activities as usual. As a homebody, the life itself was boring. I did nothing but work and live.

A nightmare that always give me a creep with it's vividness. I was use to it.This annoying dream was keep repeating over and over again as if wanting me to keep on suffering from seeing my own death countless time. Having to watch it countless time, I become numb to it because a nightmare is just a nightmare. I could even picture it perfectly even to it's detail like the blood distance and colour intensity even during my daytime making me to be in daze a lot of time except for the person that killed me.

I try so many times imagining my murderer's look but it always make me feel unsatisfied like he was a male god that I can't never imagined of it's perfection. So I created a painting of it but my skill is lacking but I can say that it was my best painting that I had ever made. I leave my murderer's silhouette with just a black shadow and only draw it's crimson eyes intact. The great thing is my crimson eyes really look so realistic. One look and I can feel my body shivering. I'm proud. Well, as a science student, I would say it was quiet admirable. "I guess I'm quite talented in this regards. Should I learn art properly?" I muttered.

"Anyway, i need to buy some grocery and other necessity that almost depleted. Ah.. why do human need to eat?" I complained as I spread my limbs on my sofa and finally staring at the ceiling in a daze. Feeling so heavy and annoyed, I reluctantly get up and start dressing up for some quick shopping. Wearing a denim jeans and loose sweater and light makeup, I finally feel ready to get out.

"Bye my love. I'll be back." Sighing I lock my apartment. I gaze at the reddish blue sky and reluctantly move my feet downstairs toward the parking lot. The depth of the dusk was much peaceful than I thought as I look at my sparkly reddish- brown Bezza. "It's like my cale-nim's eyes. So gorgeous!" Finally, After such a long time.. I finally get my own driver license and my own home that I always dream of.

Honestly I want to buy my favourite car. The elegant and beautiful Honda Civic. I don't need any expensive sport car because it's impossible but Honda still can be afford? "Well I will definitely have it one day! A dark red Honda Civic. Should I try found a rich husband instead?"

But who want me?

I sneered.

Tho still with a debt on my head, I decide to throw that behind my head first and enjoy my official independent life away from a home that wasn't actually a home. While reminiscing about the past, i didn't realize I was already in front my own car. The first car that I bought with my saving. Though only a secondhand one but I'm satisfied. The previous owner really took a great care of this car and the price also something.

I don't want to have anymore debt except my students loan so I work like crazy just to save enough money to buy the car and took the license. Because in this world, the only one that I can rely on is myself. My eyes cold. Today is my official first drive alone. I'm a little nervous but I'm happy at least it's mine and I finally can go to anywhere that I wanted to without having to wait for a driver to have a holiday.

I look at the sky, the bird already going to their own little warm nest. Since it was almost dusk there's quite a traffic along the way but thank goodness I arrived safely to my Destination. As expected from an old advice. 'its fine if it was late, as long as it safe'

Time pass so soon and I succeeded with my schedule this evening and now I was enjoying my dinner downstairs. I look around. There's a lot of people on the mall tonight. Most of them was with someone and some with their own family only I was alone. I look at the family in front of me. The mother is feeding her daughter and joking with her husband. Occasionally I could hear their happy laughter. Such a warm family I thought.

I'm not jealous or anything but I just thought that it'll be nice if I could have an outing with my friends sometimes. Ever since we become a graduate, we rarely chat or meet with each other. Everyone live pretty far, I got it, but sometimes when I saw my younger siblings having an outing with their friend, I feel jealous. I don't have many friends like them, only three.

Its been such a long time since we met with each other. Two of them already have a family and one will be soon. Honestly, I has give up on love a long time ago. I can't talk like others or being a socialist like others. It's not like I was being heartbroken over and over again to be so but the truth is, I never date anyone.

Because, there's nothing interesting or attractive about me that could be called charming to others. I'm not a beauty nor having an interesting personality that's unique to me. Even my time as a child also not that cute. My childhood, I can say that it was normal, maybe? Honestly I don't remember anything about my childhood especially after nine to twelve. Before nine, everything is blurry but occasionally I do remember some. But after that, I don't remember anything except for that.

As I was lost in my thought, I didn't realize that the space was quietly distorted around me. Separating the world of reality into another universe. Such a bizzare change yet no one feel it's strangeness. So many crowd but none taking action or being drove into a panic striken chaos, as if it was just a hallucinations and never exist. The distortion swallowed all living beings even to their shadow and breathing until it become nothing and the world become as quiet as the vacuumize parcel. Suffocating like an abandoned city.

The moment I stop reminiscing, I realized that I was the only one here and everyone was somehow gone. The buzzling crowd become as silent as the dread and slowly the sense of danger fill the now empty parcel and red creeping out like a newly born blood sea. Unstoppable.

Everything immediately swallowed by the bloody void. I was dumbfounded. My heart is beating so hard that I feel like suffocating. I become panic but unable to move. Fears took me, blanking my mind into void. My throat was being lock. My eyes was blindfold. My sense was drown. Red took over me blinding me into a smeared white canvas of blood. Fears and curiosity intertwined. 'I can't move. I can't speak. What kind of trick is this?'

Along this, another part is about to unlocked itself and soon another and another and another will too. A chain that wasn't supposed to be unlock but also need to be retrieved. Falling far and far into this maddening hypnosis, a clear magnetic voice with sense of evil whisper from the red sky.

"Found you."

My heart trembled for this sentence.

"This time I won't let go"

I want to ask but as if I was being sentence. I can feel a clear feeling of my heart being ripped by someone similar to my dream but more vivid as I screamed before finally fall into the darkness. Then everything was back to silent.