Last breath

I felt the rain on my skin. It is was strangely warm on my skin and all I could think about was Fred. He was so calm in a world of sin. The world of sin. A concept that I did not understand was how everyone is so sinful. I also can't understand why sin is so easily forgiven.

I like walks in the rain. It makes me feel free, as if I was flying. I usually stay away from home, bad memories. Rain makes me forget. I guess not today though I do feel a little peace. I would sell the house if it was not the only place that I could go. It depresses me to know that I own that place. It was a home but now it is a trap.

I stop at a stop sign when some ass hole drove passed making the puddles spray up into my eyes.

That stop sign is not respected by anyone who passes it. I crossed the street. Closer to where I want to be but not there yet. The mud and rocks cakes my boots. I am going to have to break a stick off a tree on the way home. Wouldn't want to track in mud. Not that I should care.

I made it to a lake, my lake. I didn't own it but I am here more than I am at my house. The water looks so calm and quiet. The moon shown full and it's reflection perfectly lauded on the water. A grey rock that was just the right height to sit on was my seat. It felt cool against me. The air had a chill like ice. It felt cold enough for snow but it stayed a cold rain. When the sun goes down life comes out. The owls come out of their meat to hunt. The fish splash and the dear drink. Everything is beautiful.

I stood from the rock. I rolled my pant legs up and took my shoes off. I walked carefully into the water. I began to shake because of the cold temperature of the water. I swam to the middle of the lake. Floating there. Looking at the stars and the moon through the rain. I let my body sink. Flipping over to swim deeper. I can hold my breath a long time but will it be long enough? I opened my eyes, making them burn. The water was dark but now it was black bellow me. The water keeps getting heavier and heavier as I swim.

My body hurt and I swam back up. The light of the moon was mysterious. People say don't swim towards the light but I welcome it. I made it to the surface, failed again. The water was easy to swim through. Water is smooth until it's several feet below. The rocks greeted my feet again, a friendly hello. I put my shoes back on and fixed my paints. Jeans restrict movement especially in water but if restricted both ways if doesn't work.

The trip home was uneventful. I sleep in it for five or six hours. Work tomorrow, I clean the houses of people who don't want to clean their houses themselves. A maid is not a good job. Ever.