Pilot

Hey, just wanted to tell you one thing- meeting your heroes is very VERY bad.

Take it from me, I came (from another multiverse) to meet Damon Salvatore and what did he do the first moment he saw me? That son of a bitch just snapped my neck and threw me in a sewer before I could finish saying- 'Hey my name is Chuck Shurley'

And so you know from what place i am talking to you about this topic- The sewer. Which is a filthy place to be in. It is like what i should have designed hell as, instead of fire brimstone and all that crap. Who cares about burning when you could be dumped into a sewer and taste another human's waste. Maybe i will do that when i am done with my vacation.

Oh yes, i am on a vacation. After i let jack defeat me and wrapped up 'Supernatural' (Did they really think they could truly defeat me?! I write the story, Bitch! You can't defeat me unless i wrote it so. But more on that later.)' i ran out of new ideas so i am out here enjoying myself.

I stood up and cleaned myself with a snap of my finger. I am the big G, deal with it. I immediately transported into the salvatore boarding house. This time i have learned my lesson. I wasn't going to knock on the door and introduce myself again, I just appeared in the living room. But i should have watched my landing, i was standing on the head of a drunk girl with punctures on her neck. I stepped off her and went upstairs. Careful not to step on another drunk and nearly drained girls.

I found Damon up the stairs, draining another girl and dancing to the loud song playing. I immediately snap my fingers and turned off the music. Damon's head snapped up and the girl's neck started spraying a fountain of blood. He must have been biting her throat hard when his head snapped up, that explains the piece of flesh hanging on his teeth.

*snap* I snapped my finger and her neck stopped spraying. I didn't heal her, i just paused her blood flow. It is only later that I will come to learn- human's blood flow is not supposed to stop flowing… or they will die.

'Hey, be careful man! That is a new rug!' I said. 'Right?'

'You!' Damon half growled.

'Me?' I pointed at myself seeming confused.

'I killed you.' He said.

'Oh, that must be my twin. You have met him?' I said, 'You did the world a great service by killing him, that guy was a jerk.'

He Vamp-sped towards me. But i waved my hand and he was stuck to the other side of the wall. I sighed.

'C'mon Damon, don't you think you are overreacting a little? I just came to say hi but you snapped my neck and i am not even mad about that. Can't we just have a civil conversation?' I said.

'Just when i thought my day couldn't get any worse. A witch-man, really?' Said Damon.

'A Warlock, Damon, it is called a warlock.' I said. He thought i was doing magic, well i am not gonna correct him. 'But who cares about that. Now, can we have a civil conversation?'

'Why don't you put me down first and ask me again?' He said. I immediately released him.

'Sorry,' I said 'I didn't realize i was still doing that. Can we talk now?'

He blurred to me and gripped my neck. Slamming me to the wall. He tightened his grip but i was far from feeling strangled at all.

'Look, I am in a really- really bad mood right now. I don't know how the hell you were able to come back after i broke your neck. But if you don't tell me who you are and what do you want in the next three seconds, i am gonna rip your heart out.' He said with those squinted eyes and creased forehead he always pulls out when he wants to seem serious-ly scary-ish with his threats.

'Stefan didn't tell you about me?' I tried to look as confused as possible. 'I am his friend. But we both know that Stefan isn't much of a talker. Am i right? So why don't you drop me down and we can talk.' I smiled amiably.

'Or i could just break your neck again and ask Stefan if he knew you, Chuck.' He tightened his grip. Okay, I see this isn't working. Damon is in some type of bad mood and he has become uncoolly douchebag.

I sighed and threw him away again.

'I don't know what happened to you, Damon. But you gotta get your shit together. I will see you later.' I said as i poured myself some bourbon and downed it in one go.

'But just so we're even...' I said and snapped his neck telekinetically. I poured another bourbon and downed this one too. Then i teleported out of there with Damon's body. After which i put his body in the same sewer that i was in and left him there.

After seeing him to the sewer, I realized what Damon needs- what everyone in the vampire diaries universe needs, Therapy. Yes, they need a deep therapy. Not because they are killers, not because they are centuries old dirts playing teenagers (Yeah, have you seen how eyeryone of them acts?!), but because of their obsession with Elena and the ones before her. Stefan I understand, the traveler's curse made it so that the dopplegangers are always attracted to each other. But the others- Klaus and Elijah with Talia and Katherine, Damon with Katherine and Elena- What the fuck man!? And that guy who was with rose(Trevor, was it?)- He didn't deserve to go out like that. Elijah gave him the 'Rest in Pieces' farewell when he met him.

So I am gonna do the only thing you can do for the character you best like if you ever meet them. I know how to cure his doucheness caused by one and only Katherine. I am gonna give him therapy. And you get to watch, you peeking readers.

Damon 3rd POV

The yellow touch of the sun made the skin of the two people sleeping snuggled against each other glow golden like it was the midas touch. The blue velvet blankets cover little of their nether regions fell to the either side of the king sized bed as if it was kicked off in their dreams. The man had an olive skin, with his disarrayed dark raven hair splayed across his forehead and the pillows. His dark eyelashes and eyebrows will draw you in... promising a sinful- Just kidding(about what it might make you feel, i mean). He was hugging the beauty laying on his chest. She has a heart shaped face, dark brown wavy hair with deep dark eyelashes that steals the heart of anyone that sees it.(I swear i have no eyebrow or eyelash fetish. This is what wiki told me and i am trying and failing to spice it up as you can see)

The man's dark eyelashes fluttered before they parted to reveal intense blue light eyes staring into the white painted wood ceilings, unfocused. He stayed that way for a few seconds as if to get a grip on reality before feeling the something or someone leaning on his chest. He looked down to find what was laying on his chest. He was immediately shocked and almost out the 'Nyaaa' scream that anime girls are famous for.

He jumped from the bed and stared at the person now awake and staring at him confusedly. He screamed out the name of the person-

'Elena?!'

He couldn't believe it. Elena was in bed with him and they were naked. THEY WERE NAKED! He realized. Did they? Surely not! It is not that he would hate for *that* to happen between them but when did it happen and why doesn't he remember it happening.

'What do you mean, Damon?' *elena* asked confused, 'Who is elena? Are you dreaming of other girls while in bed with me?'

Then she did something that elena would never have done- in a blink she was off the bed and standing before him. And Damon wasn't able to see her movement at all.

Damon immediately took a serious look at his surrounding. He was shocked when he realized where he was. The furniture, the wooden ceiling, the wooden floor, the apple tree which branches are standing close to the window of the room- it was his old house! The Salvatore House where he grew up in and was burned later. Except it was pristine and in prime condition right now.

Damon's brain was losing cells trying to compute what is happening, but his brain had a few cells to spare to recognize the person before him wasn't Elena, but the bitch herself, Katherine.

.

.

.

to be continued...