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Carry On

“ I love the stars.” She sighed resting her head against his shoulder. Feeling curious he asked, “What do you love about them?” She took her head off from his shoulder to look him in the eyes and he watched as her eyes gleamed a little when he asked her that particular question. She let out a soft sigh and ran her hand through her hair and said," I believe in the stars. Some days the clouds cover them over and you can’t see a thing. They’re a rare sight which makes them so much more precious. I don’t know. I guess the stars have always comforted me. Getting lost in their beauty helped me get through some of my hardest times. It makes me forget. It makes all the pain that I’ve been through mean nothing to me. I feel free. I don’t think that we really die but we become the stars up there. I promise you that I'm going to be the brightest star up there and I’ll be here for you when you need me. The stars are what keep me going. They make me scared to let go cause they've always been there for me when I needed them. Is it really fair for me to go when they'll still be here?"

fatim_fx · Teenager
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16 Chs

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Renée could feel someone hovering over her as she slept. She was scared to open her eyes and waited for the unknown figure to move away but the decision was made for her as she felt something wet dropped on her head.

She jumped up in surprise at the coldness but she got up too quickly, forgetting what had happened to her the day before. She moaned and clutched her stomach, the pain still raw.

The breath caught in her throat and she fisted her hands when she saw the culprit guilty for spilling awakening her from her sleep.

It was Rocky. And he looked completely out of it as he swayed from side to side. He was drunk.

She felt anger rise within her at his actions and at the fact that nothing had changed. The only thing that had changed was that she no longer had to look after him.

"What do you want from me? Haven't you done more than enough?" She rasped.

She was tired and cold. She was shivering even more now since he'd purposefully spilled his beer into her hair.

"Nothing." He chuckled, " I just wanted to see the damage that had been done and I must say that you need some concealer to hide those bruises." He smirked and took a long drink.

She could see the dark bags under his eyes and he had a fresh bruise forming on his cheek slightly wondering what had happened to him.

If it wasn't for these circumstances then she would never have allowed him to talk to her like that. He was hurt and he was lashing out on her.

She couldn't blame him; she deserved it.

She didn't respond to his taunts and reached over to grab her suitcase.

She should have left sooner but he grabbed her wrist, pushing her fragile frame to the ground.

She cried out as she landed on a particularly sensitive spot on her lower abdomen.

She tried to scramble away as she watched him throw his beer bottle onto the ground. Shards of glass went flying and she flinched. It was like the glass bottle was her.

He looked crazy and she decided that she'd already been beaten enough in the past 9 hours.

Before she could move any further, her breath hitched as a cold blade was pressed against her cheek. He was breathing heavily and she didn't dare make a sound.

"You were my everything but now you don't mean a thing to me. You've ruined everything. You've ruined me. I could accept that I couldn't make you love me too but I can't accept the fact that you betrayed me. That you forgot about the boy that loved you."

She could feel a black cloud hovering over her, she could tell that she was about to pass out again from the fear. She felt her break into two again at his words. She underestimated how her actions had affected him. She could also feel her hate for him getting even stronger. She knew that it was unlikely that Dante would have lived for any longer but it angered her to know that Dante might still be here if it hadn't been for Rocky.

"I should kill you right now. You're no good to anyone." He says, pressing the side of the blade harder.

Out of nowhere, she begins to giggle, and then her laughs shake through her body as his words registered in her mind.

"Do your worst." She responds, chuckling slightly and his frown deepens.

She knew Rocky too well to know that his anger wouldn't last long. He may be the mafia leader's son but that didn't necessarily dictate who he was.

She might have lost everything she'd ever known in the past 9 hours but she laughed now because Rocky would never kill her.

He would do what was right in the end.

His eyes darkened at the thought of a challenge and he applied more pressure onto the blade for a few seconds, looking her dead in the eyes. For a few moments she felt that perhaps he would go through with his threat but as she stared back at him, he began to back down. He couldn't hurt her.

He loved her too much to do such a thing.

He dropped the glass shard looking at anything but her.

She sighed and dusted herself off a little knowing that they could never be the same again. Too much damage had been done and she knew she was to blame for it.

She picked up her suitcases and then turned to find Rocky still not facing her.

"Rocky." She bravely said. She was feeling a little wary of him all of a sudden.

He turned to face her, his face drained of color.

She takes a deep breath and contemplates whether it will do any good but decides to say it anyway, " I am sorry that it ended this way. I know you'll find someone one day who'll be able to love you more than I ever could. I never meant to hurt you." She says, her voice full of regret. " I couldn't force myself to love you. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it. I wanted to love you because I knew how you felt about me. I wanted to love you because of all the pressure my father was putting on me. But I got so tired that I couldn't feel anything anymore. I—I tried so hard. I'll never be able to forgive myself for doing this to you." Soft tears were rolling down her cheeks and she closed her eyes, silently wishing that they were in an alternative reality. A reality where she hadn't broken him.

She felt his strong arms wrap around her shaking figure and she held onto him tightly. She had no idea how she would be able to recover from this.

He had been by her side for so long that she couldn't imagine him not being around.

She'd lost Rocky but she'd also lost Dante too.

She had no one to fall back on. She had no one to pick her up when she'd fall. She had no one.

They unwrapped themselves from each other and she placed a light kiss on his bruised cheek.

She stared confused as she saw the tears well in his eyes.

"You'll forget all about me. Just you wait and see," She stroked his bruised cheek with her thumb gently and he held onto her hand, squeezing it softly.

" I shall never forget you, Renée Rivers." He said solemnly. He took her hand and placed it onto his heart.

She didn't know how to react to his actions but she soon understood that he was saying that she would forever be in his heart. Her fist was left in the air when he walks away leaving her all alone.

She let out a deep breath she wasn't aware she was holding and with a strong clutch on her suitcase, she wheels it walking inside the station. She might be leaving him behind but she wouldn't forget him. She wouldn't forget any of it.

The train station's clock reads 5:49 am and it was slightly busy; just how she liked it.

Keeping her head down, she walked through the station until she finds herself in the toilets. She rushed into a cubicle and locked the door, clicking open one of her suitcases to quickly look over what had been packed.

She found some stacks of money encased in a rubber band and a few of her books along with her clothes, some shoes

Painfully slowly, she unbuttoned her She chose an oversized hoodie and a pair of leggings to stay comfortable and warm for the train ride and to disguise the bruises littering her skin. She looked at them in distaste and she could still feel the finger marks on her neck from when one of the guards was forced to hold her back from running after Dante.

She was about to cry when she saw them but forced herself not to. She'd cried more than enough today. She had to move on and leave them in the past.

She slipped her coat back on and trainers before clicking her suitcase shut. She stepped out of the cubicle and washed her hands quickly.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror and slightly gasped. She had dark bags under her eyes and she could see the finger marks imprinted onto her skin. She didn't like the touch. She didn't like the fact that her father had left his mark on her.

But it was her eyes that scared her the most. She could swear that if someone looked into them, they would be able to see just how hurt she was. She looked broken.

Strangling a cry, she dried her hands quickly and then walked out of the toilets. She couldn't stand looking at herself for a minute longer.

She took out two twenty pound notes and bought a one-way ticket to Leeds. There was no way she was going to return to London.

She sat at the platform, nibbling at a ham & cheese sandwich that she had bought from the cafe. Her train wasn't due until 7 am so she had a good 15-minute wait. After finishing off her sandwich, she took out her phone from her pocket.

She had avoided looking at it until now and she could see hundreds of notifications from her friends and unknown numbers. She jogged her knee up and down which a bad habit she had developed when nervous. She wasn't able to read all the messages but from the ones she had stumbled across, they were all foul naming her all sorts of horrible words. She couldn't cry though. It was only expected that this would happen so she let out a sigh and slipped her phone back into her pocket.

She wondered how her grandmother was going to react when she would appear at her front door, battered and bruised. And not to mention the fact that she was pregnant.

If she pushed her away like her parents, she would have nowhere to go and that would surely break her. She had her own morals and she wouldn't be happy about her being pregnant but hopefully, her grandma would be more understanding. Hope was the only thing keeping her going right now.

She stood up from her seat, her legs shaky, as the train came into view. She stepped aside to allow people to step off before stepping onto the train herself and making herself comfortable at the back of the train.

She switched off her phone and found herself pulling out one of her favorite books, Gone.

She immersed herself in the plot and was grateful for the distraction from everything else that was wrong in her life. For a few minutes, everything seemed fake as she sympathized and laughed and cried with the characters. It was almost as if she could connect with them. She could feel everything they could. She'd read this book over and over again but this time it meant something to her.

She was pretty sure that the other passengers were looking at her funny because it wouldn't make sense that the battered and bruised girl would be laughing at a book of fictional characters. She smiled a little at that thought and returned the book into her suitcase.

She could tell that she was getting close to Leeds because it was getting less grey and she could see more greenery.

She'd been there a few times before but only on Christmases when Pa was still alive. She missed more than ever now because she knew that he wouldn't be there this time. It had been so long since she'd come here. All the family conflict had resulted in her father banning them from visiting their grandparents. Both Mum and Nana had argued and negotiated with Dad for a long time for him to change his mind. Unfortunately, what Dad says goes and that was one battle that none of them could win.

Renée had a new sense of freedom now because for once in her life, her father didn't have control over her. And she was going to use her freedom to pay a well overdue visit to Nana and Pa's dog, Bruce. That thought alone made her feel lighter.

Stuck in thought, it took her a few seconds to process that the train has stopped and she looked up to find the train empty. She grabbed her stuff and quickly hopped off the train. She'd remembered the journey being a lot longer but was pleased that she had made it.

After a little walking in and out of crowds, she found herself outside the train station and hailed a cab to Nana's house. Somehow the route had been engraved into her head. As she got closer and closer to Nana and Bruce she tried her best to think positively but it was impossible to shake off the nerves.

On instinct, she stroked the little bump on her stomach. She was still unsure if she'd made the right decision to keep her child. Would it be fair that her child would never see their father? What would she tell them if they asked?

No amount of worrying could change the future.

She paid the taxi driver and left him a little tip before sliding out from the cab and shutting the door behind her. She felt it speed off and she exhaled as she took in the sight of Nana's little white house and it looked as beautiful as ever.

The old oak tree was still there and she noted that Nana still tended to her flower and vegetable patch.

She felt all the air being pushed out from her as she went fell landing on her butt and dropping her bags. She could feel something warm and wet on her face and she laughed and stroked Bruce's fur. She felt elated that he had remembered her after all this time.

"Good boy, Bruce." She grinned, stroking his fur once more. It seemed like even old age was affecting Bruce but he still had that special twinkle in his eyes. As she continued to pat and praise Bruce she was disturbed as a voice cut through her previous actions,

"Renée, my child. Is it really you?"

Her eyes traveled to her Nana's and she could feel the tears in the corner of her eye. She had missed her so much and rushed from her place on the ground to hug her tightly and she returned the gesture. Renée left a gap between them and opened her mouth to explain but the tears overcame her and she began sobbing like she was a small child once more.

Nana supported her weakened frame and carried her bags for her, leading her into the cozy living room. Renée felt slightly embarrassed that she'd been able to control her emotions for ages and the moment she saw Nana she had broken down.

Bruce sat at her feet and she wiped away the tears, feeling comfort in the familiarity of Nana's home. She thanked her grandma quietly as she handed her an ice pack that she pressed against her eye, wincing slightly.

As she continued to press at her eye she felt Nana's presence beside her along with a cup of tea, some painkillers, and a large helping of apple pie. She could have cried at how caring Nana was being.

She then felt her shoulder being squeezed and she looked into Nana's eyes who smiled slightly before running her frail fingers through her hair, getting rid of the tangles within it.

"What on earth happened to you, Renée?" She murmured.

Renée sighed as she knew that her arrival wouldn't happen without questions being asked. She removed the ice pack from her eye and avoided Nana's gaze and she told her everything.

She told her about her what happened at her sweet 16 party and how she found out she was pregnant with Dante's child. She told her about Rocky and how her father had reacted to her pregnancy and unfaithfulness. She told her about how only a few hours ago, Rocky had tried to kill her for what she had done to him and their relationship. She told her everything until the words had run out and the tears had dried.

After she finished, she looked away from Nana's gaze and knew what she was probably ashamed of her behavior.

Rather, she is drawn into a hug and she feels Nana shaking slightly.

She was crying for her.

"No, no. Nana, why are you crying?" She questioned quietly.

"I can't believe your father could have done this to you. He's my son. This wasn't how I and your grandpa raised him. How could he be so merciless?" She despaired. "You'll stay here with me and I'll look after you and the baby, I promise. I won't leave you." She cried grabbing her hand in a tight clasp.

Renée hugged her once more and placed a kiss on her cheek, feeling grateful to have her.

In the past day, she had experienced so much pain that most people wouldn't experience in a lifetime.

She just hoped that she wouldn't hurt someone the way that her father had hurt her. The pain was too much for one person to bear alone.

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