Depression

Mason awoke to the harsh sunlight hitting his sensitive eyes. He groaned putting an arm over his eyes at the brightness.

He immediately frowned as that fact registered in his mind and he looked around his messy room in a daze.

Weird, I never open the curtains.

He sat up, the sleep still in his eyes and looked around his room and frowned once more at the bright red panties that had been thrown onto the carpet alongside his own boxers. His memory was struggling to recall last nights events though he had a pretty good idea of what had happened.

He quickly threw the covers off of him, still naked, and stalked off to the bathroom. He had a quick hot shower relieving the tension in his muscles and then brushed his teeth all the while wondering who he had brought home last night.

After his shower, he put on a pair of joggers and began scrolling through the texts he had received last night. Most of them were from Jeremiah and Harry asking where he was last night.

As he was in the process of replying, the smell of bacon and eggs filled his nose and his mouth watered slightly. That alerted him that Jeremiah and Harry most definitely were not in the apartment. Cooking wasn't either of their strong points.

With that thought lingering on his mind, he pocketed his phone and quietly padded his way to the kitchen to get a glimpse of the intruder before he attacked. He stared in confusion as he watched a girl cooking up a storm on the hob. The main thing that caught his attention was the fact that she was wearing his clothes and not her own. Who was she and what was she doing here?

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He spat.

She jumped at his harsh tone and turned to face him looking all flustered. She quickly hid her surprise and a wide smile made its way into her face,

" Good morning to you too, grumpy."

She shook her head playfully at him and returned to crisping the bacon to perfection.

"I don't even know who you are." He stated.

"I forgot what a comedian you are," She teased.

"No." He took a few steps closer to her and crossed his arms over his chest. "I genuinely have no idea who the fuck you are."

She frowned at his words and switched the cooker off swiftly before grabbing some toast and filling up her own plate.

Mason watched in slight annoyance and shock as she walked past him and poured a cup of his coffee for herself. She made herself comfortable on one of the stools and began eating, not paying any attention to him whatsoever.

Mason scoffed in disbelief and humour and racked his brains to think of the right way he could approach this situation. He gave up trying to think after a few moments and rolled his eyes as he watched her eat.

"Why are you still here?" He asked, " I told you that I don't know who you are yet you're sat here as if you own this place. I get that we had sex last night but I don't get why you're still here."

"You could've at least thanked me for making breakfast." She said exasperated. " And my name's Rachel, if you must know."

"That's sweet of you but I didn't ask you to do that." His anger was rising quickly and the fact that she wasn't making a move to leave any time soon was only annoying him further.

" I can't believe you've already forgotten my name." She sounded slightly annoyed at the fact that he'd failed to remember her.

Though he didn't care in the slightest.

He would have been appreciative of her efforts if he actually cared about her. Most girls would have left the moment they had woken up.

There were unwritten rules for a one night stand but Rachel clearly didn't bother to learn them. She then pointed to the plate she had made for him.

Giving up a little, he muttered a "thanks" under his breath and they began to eat.

She tried making small talk but he wasn't in the mood for it. He just wanted her to leave. All the alcohol that he'd consumed the night before had left his memory slightly clouded. However as he glanced at her a little more he was able to place her.

She was one of the girls who spent their nights at the bar on a regular. Mason, Jeremiah and Harry had recently become regulars too and the girls couldn't keep away. He wasn't being cocky, it was just the truth and even though he brought a different girl home every other day, it didn't mean he was happy. All of his encounters didn't mean anything to him. He was slightly ashamed to say that all those girls were distracting him of his pain. He didn't want to admit to himself how broken Amanda had left him. He shouldn't still be hurting.

He looked back at Rachel who had gotten up from her seat to wash her plate and sighed through his nose. Last night had been fun but that didn't mean she had to hang about like a bad smell.

He pushed his plate away, suddenly not in the mood to eat anymore. She reached over to take his plate but he stopped her by saying,

"Thank you for the breakfast but I still need you to leave honey,"

Her eyes widened in shock and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively saying,

"Why? We've only started having fun, Mase."

"I won't tell you twice." He pointed a finger at her and he watched her defences come down a little. "Last night was a one off. I don't make any exceptions and I don't intend to go near you ever again. You're nothing special." He said harshly.

She balled her fists up and she wouldn't meet his gaze and he heard soft sniffles as she carried his plate away regardless. She was probably crying and he couldn't care less.

He got up from the table and leaned against the counter. He was running out of patience with her.

What the hell was she crying about anyways?

"You don't mean that, Mason. I know you felt what I felt last night. I didn't tell you but last night was my first time but I trusted you and I don't even know why." She said, her voice shaking.

He stayed rooted to his spot and felt laughter prick his throat. He cleared it because laughing at her would only cause the waterworks to continue.

She approached him and slipped her hand into his and biting her lip she says, " I think—I think I've fallen for you." A small smile was adorned on her lips and she was blushing slightly.

He pushed her hand away from his and she looked hurt. He was finding it really hard to not laugh in her face.

"I'm afraid to say that you've fallen alone then." He stated calmly. She looked close to crying again and he puts a hair behind her ear and moves closer to her, his tone hard as he said,

"You chose the wrong guy to take your virginity baby. Guys like me aren't capable of love. It was just sex; nothing more, nothing less. I'd do yourself a favour and forget any idea of us ever being a thing because it won't fucking happen. Now piss off and get the fuck out of my flat."

She was crying even harder but he could see the obvious fear in her eyes at his words.

He dropped his hand from her hair and she moved hurriedly away from him. He threw her discarded clothes at her and watched her grab her phone and purse before slamming the door on her way out to signal her exit.

He opened the door and shouted, "You can keep my hoodie by the way!"

He shuts the door feeling instantly relived.

Good riddance.

He then began laughing to himself as her words replayed in his mind and it was getting funnier each time. How could she confuse lust for love?

His laughter eventually died down and he made himself comfortable on the sofa.

Instinctively, he turned on the TV to escape from his thoughts. He thought too much meaning that his memories and monsters from the past could plague him at any moment. It was crazy how he could go from hysterical laughter to being on the verge of slipping back into deep depression. Loneliness was something that he had become accustomed to recently. Sure, he had Jeremiah & Harry but they didn't understand what he was going through. They could never understand the demons that taunted him day and night. No one could save him from them. He had given up trying to fight them and he could feel them dragging him away day by day. He feared what would happen to him if he continued to let them win.

The past month had been challenging for him. It made him realise that he couldn't trust anyone and he came to the conclusion that maybe love wasn't for him. He couldn't love anyone else again.

Despite everything, he was grateful that she had come into his life. He know knew that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Amanda had come along when he needed her and it stung to know that she didn't need him the way that he needed her.

He and Amanda had been meant to be a moment and just like Rachel, he had fallen alone. He'd fallen over the edge thinking that she'd stay by his side when she hadn't fallen too. He was now submerged in his sea of pain and he was no longer trying to stay on the surface. He was drowning.

The worse thing was that he didn't care. He didn't call out for someone to help him, to be saved.

Being catapulted out of his thoughts he looked down at his phone and saw Harry's name flashing up on his screen.

He picked it up and said, "Hey."

"Where the hell were you last night bro? We were looking for you after we left you at the bar and then we heard from the bartender that you picked up some bird, as per usual." Harry didn't even bother to return the greeting.

"Well you just answered your own question, didn't you?" Mason said, rolling his eyes at Harry's stupidity. "Besides why are you making such a big deal out of this? You don't have to babysit me."

"I'm making a big deal out of this because you've changed. Ever since we got here you've been acting differently. We hardly see you and when we do you're at the bar. There's a different girl in the apartment every day. So excuse me for being concerned about you but you're our best friend even though you're being a pretty shit one right now."

Mason felt guilt weigh down on his shoulders. He didn't think that his behaviour would affect their friendship like this but he was doing this to move on. At least that's what he told himself.

Mason was at loss for words and Harry picked that up quickly when the line was silent. He heard him sigh with frustration and he uttered out,

"Me and J are at the gym in case you were wondering where we are. I just called to warn you."

"Warn me?"

"Yeah." He sighed a little. " I heard from some of the other guys that Amanda's getting transferred here. She didn't even get the grades to come here but you know what money can do. Jeremiah thought that it was best for us to keep it to ourselves but I thought that it was right for me to tell you before term starts so that her being here wouldn't throw you off. I know that she broke your heart even if you deny it but maybe her hurting you gives you the chance to focus on yourself for once."

Mason's heart had stopped once he heard her name come out of Harry's mouth. So much for a fresh start.

"I appreciate you telling me." He breathed out. He was trying to lower his pacing heartbeat. He could feel that he was on the verge of having a panic attack. " I'll talk to you later." He ended the call quickly placing a hand on his heart.

He tugged at his hair a little and gritted his teeth. Amanda was the last person he wanted to see and he was certain she would start her stupid mind games again. He wouldn't let her get to him though. She'd probably coaxed her parents into paying the principal so that she could have a chance with Harry.

He had made a new start here, even if he had become notorious for sleeping around. He was okay with that.

He just hoped that he wouldn't get sucked back in by her.

His heart had already had been broken enough.

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